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These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/26/2008 7:25:45 PM   
GadaTowers


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline 		Ouch.

Give it a minute. 


So, these five lemmings walk into a bar.  Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. 

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer.  Bartender replies, for you, no charge. 

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.   They both get shit faced and the giraffe even passes out on the bar floor.  Guy starts to walk out when the bartender says "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there"  Guys says "It's a giraffe, not a lion" 

Bar jokes + Puns are some of the best things in the world. 


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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/26/2008 7:33:19 PM   
patwi


Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		Sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Sorry pal, we don't serve food here."

(in reply to GadaTowers)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/26/2008 7:56:55 PM   
bondagelover1950


Posts: 122
Joined: 8/10/2008
Status: offline 		Guy walks into a bar and asks:

"You serve women in here?"

"Sure."

"Great! Give me one to go."

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if she pleases you then run her down, bind and gag her and then carry her off

(in reply to patwi)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/26/2008 7:57:55 PM   
GadaTowers


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline 		*snerks* Those are great

Okay, so this guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables tied around his neck.  Bartender says "I'll serve you, just don't start anything" 

(in reply to bondagelover1950)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/26/2008 11:54:15 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Puns and bar jokes, eh?

Three strings walk into a bar. They find a quiet table in the corner, and one of them walks up to the bar to get some brew.

"Three beers!" says the string.

"Hey, aren't you a string?" asks the bartender.

"Well, um, yes..." answers the string.

"I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here," the bartender replies.

The string walks back to share the bad news. "Wait, give me a shot at it!" says the second string.

The second string casually works its way to the bar, slowly, mingling, smoozing, blending in. "Oh, barkeep," says the string. "Three beers, please."

The bartender turns to the string. "Hey---aren't you a string?"

"Well...." admits the string, "Yes....yes I am...."

"Look, I'm sorry," explains the bartender, "but we just don't serve strings here."

The dejected string makes its way back to the corner to admit defeat. But the third string throws down its money and says, "I bet I can get us some brew!" And with that, the string pulls out little tuffs of fluff all over.

Sort of floating over directly to the bar, the fluffed up string looks the bartender right in the eye and places its order, "Three beers!"

The bartender looks. "Hey, aren't you a string too?" he asks.

"Nope!" answers the string. "I'm a frayed knot...."

(in reply to GadaTowers)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/27/2008 12:38:15 AM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Two condoms are walking past a gay bar.

One looks at the other and says
“Hey, wanna go inside and get shit-faced?”

(in reply to Musicmystery)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/27/2008 7:45:21 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		My worst geeky/pun joke:
 
Two Oxygen atoms are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says "I just lost an electron!"
The other replies, "Are you sure?"
To which the first one answers, "Yes. I'm Positive!"

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(in reply to MadAxeman)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/27/2008 7:00:48 PM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

(in reply to hejira92)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/27/2008 9:17:26 PM   
HandSolo


Posts: 323
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline 		A Buddhist walks into a pizza shop. He says "make me one with everything."

A dog limps menacingly into a bar, wearing a black cowboy hat, a sixgun, and a heavily bandaged foot. The bartender asks "what do you want?" The dog replies "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"


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I plan on leaving this world the way I came in: naked, screaming and by accident.

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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/28/2008 1:41:50 PM   
PrincePlatypus


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/24/2008
From: Iowa
Status: offline 		This one's long, but horribly geeky. I loves it.

A bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve bears here." Bear says, "Well, I've had a long day, and I need some booze. Now. I'm several times your size, and there's not much you can do to stop me." Bartender says, "Well, we still don't serve bears here." The bear then proceeds to destroy the counter. Bear says, "Well how about now?" Bartender says, "We still don't serve bears here." At this, a large biker woman starts laughing at the bear, then goes back to smoking. The bear walks over to her, and eats her alive. He walks back to the bartender and says, "Look, you're next if I don't get my booze!" Bartender says, "Even if I served bears, I don't serve drug addicts, either." Bear says, "I don't do any drugs." Bartender says, "Yeah? Well what about that barbitchyouate?"

(in reply to HandSolo)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/28/2008 2:02:02 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*groan*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/28/2008 3:56:24 PM   
ChainGoddess


Posts: 731
Joined: 9/27/2008
From: Ireland
Status: offline 		It's probably all the Aussie chardonnay I've consumed , but I am lmao here. 

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/29/2008 4:17:09 PM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		The Buddhist notices that he's been short changed.  "My friend," says the hot-dog vendor, "change comes from within."

(in reply to ChainGoddess)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/29/2008 8:59:09 PM   
MarksFantasyGirl


Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		I guy walks into a bar... he falls down...
Another guy walks into a bar... he falls down...
The third guy ducks...




4 blondes walk into a bar.. You'da thought one of the woulda seen it...

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AKA Resident Flirt
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Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to HypnoticDan)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/29/2008 9:07:12 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		A guy walks into a pet friendly bar and slips over on a dog turd.
A few minutes later another man comes in and slips on the same turd.
The first guy says
'I just did that'
And the second guy punches him in the face.

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/29/2008 11:15:55 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		This guy walks into a bar. The bartender is the only other person in there. The guy is drinking his beer and he hears this sexy voice say "Nice Tie". He looks around, asks the bartender if he had said something. Bartender says nope. He has another sip of beer. "I love the way you style your hair". The guy looks around again. No one else is in the bar. He shrugs his shoulders, and drinks another swallow. "Have you lost some weight? You're lookin' good!!" The guy asks the bartender, did you hear that? The bartender, looks at him and says, "It's the peanuts, they're complimentary."

(in reply to MadAxeman)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/30/2008 1:36:36 AM   
FaerieQueene


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

My worst geeky/pun joke:
 
Two Oxygen atoms are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says "I just lost an electron!"
The other replies, "Are you sure?"
To which the first one answers, "Yes. I'm Positive!"




That totally made my night.

(in reply to hejira92)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/30/2008 1:54:07 AM   
tigerseye


Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		2 blonds and a brunette walk into a bar....

the brunette ducks


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~rose~


(in reply to FaerieQueene)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/30/2008 2:41:02 AM   
SOS


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		Did you hear the one about the agnostic Dyslexic? Sat around all day wondering if there really was a dog?


(in reply to GadaTowers)
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RE: These two guys walk into a bar... - 9/30/2008 4:17:12 AM   
Dominatist


Posts: 87
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		Didn't fit this OP

< Message edited by Dominatist -- 9/30/2008 4:18:12 AM >

(in reply to SOS)
Profile   Post #: 20
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