AAkasha -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/6/2008 11:25:26 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer As a very brief aside to you, Aakasha, as well some of those you're mainly engaged with here: I'm really quite staggered by some of the fine minds on these forums. This discussion in particular I find absolutely fascinating. Hell, I'm learning a lot. That's it, interruption over, please carry on. [:)] Thanks. I have had a long, long time to think about these things, and also have really struggled with some of the philosophy of my own desires and what works and does not work for me. I've also been posting on newsgroups for a very long time, and welcome anyone who is interested to use deja.com to search for my posts, as early as 1996, in alt.sex.femdom and soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm - just use my name [email protected], or for the older posts, [email protected]. You'll find that I have been asking many of the same questions and have virtually "matured" (from age 29 to 39 now) through these discussions over the years. It's a lot of reading material - but some good threads back then... For example, from July 1, 1999: I am sure men more women will tell you the same thing -- that easily more than half, if not 3/4 of these men can be elimated from the competition you talk of. A big batch you can get rid of right away because they are already married and just looking for extramarital fantasy. I think there is a serious lack of *quality* men in the S&M arena (on the net especially), so if you are a quality man, you should feel lucky - because you will stand out like a diamond in a pile of mud. What makes a quality man? Of course women have varying requirements, but I would speculate that these types of things are fairly general, yet sorely lacking in many net-SM types: 1. First, are you single, or not going behind a woman's back to fulfill your fantasies? ie, are you cheating? 2. Are you educated? If you aren't booksmart or college educated, are you at least bright and possess good wit? 3. Do you have any experience with women? If you are 21 and the answer is no, that's one thing. If you are 40 and have never had a real relationship with a woman, you may have some challenges ahead of you -- understanding and relating to women is a skill. 4. Are you attractive? Yes, that is a requirement for most women. No, it doesn't mean you need to be a model, but do you have a sense of style? Do you make sure that you look good? Are you staying healthy? Do you work hard on having a nice appearance, good hygeine? 5. Do you have good social skills? Are you a communicator (women tend to like that,and on the the net, especially, you are doomed if you don't possess the skills)? Can you be engaging? 6. Are you interesting? Do you have hobbies, outside interests besides S&M magazines and computers? 7. How are your social circles outside of the PC? If you are a hermit with a PC, you have a bigger challenge. 8. Do you have a job and a future? You don't have to be rich, but women tend to get turned off by men who aren't at least upwardly mobile (unless all their other skills shine so bright that it is easy to overlook), employable, etc. Do you have ambition? 9. Most importantly, can you distinguish fantasy from reality? Do you know how to respect a woman for her kink, but not objectify her? No matter how bad you want it, can you be patient enough to get to know the lady first, and the (sub/domme) second? Or are you rushing right to the payoff, and it shows? If you take these basic criteria, I challenge that 75% of the kinky people in personals or responding to personals can be eliminated immediately. You have your guys looking to cheat, you have your totally uneducated batch, you have your lazy one-liners, you have your "living in a fantasy" guy, you have your older guy who obviously lives alone in a little apartment and has never even kissed a girl on the lips and he's 42 but just reads a lot of kinky magazines. You have your "Masters" who read about S&M and thought, "Hey, what a way to get free blow jobs without having to even romance a chick! COOL!" and you have your socially challenged meek men who flock to S&M because they fear rejection and having to work in a relationship so much that they hope some dominant Goddess will come sweep them onto their knees and then they never have to make another choice in life again. Trust me. The competition isn't that tough out there. The challenge, though, is to 1) make it through the NOISE that is the ton of useless messages ouf there and to 2) compete with vanilla men, who more often possess these skills that women seek and are more readily available for the picking. I believe ANY kinky man who has those traits above and is reasonably successful with vanilla women but wants a kinky partner would be an extremely hot commodity. Akasha
|
|
|
|