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ORIGINAL: bluexaura

this is copied and pasted from another board i'm on and they recommeneded i go to a place like this. it's pretty much just a situation that i'm trying to deal with while maintaining my everyday life, and has also taught me a lot about myself. thanks for reading.

"probobly gonna be really long and rambly and fucked up, buuut...

when i was in middle school, boys always made fun of me for being ugly, so i guess, because of that, i've always kinda been intimidated by guys my age (20 now) ... and, i guess because of a combination of those self-esteem issues and just... general cynicism as far as love and relationships, i'm pretty "liberal" with my body - i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose.

through those encounters, i learned that i'm really submissive. like, to the point where my ex-boyfriend asked me to try being more dominant in bed and i just couldn't, i was so not into it. i've had guys spank me, pull my hair, choke me, bite me, hold my head down during oral sex (though one of my friends said she thought guys only did that because they didn't think the girl was doing it right - shit!), etc and i LOVE it. also, maybe because of the issues i have with guys my age, i only really get turned on by older guys, like 30s, 40s, though 6/8 of the guys i've slept with were only a few years older than me.

but a recent encounter just kinda... i guess showed me something i kinda didn't want to see. i was fucking this guy i work with, mark. (he's married. i know how wrong that is, i know i shouldn't have done it and i'm not going to do that again, not with him or anyone else, though it's gonna be so hard to break it off with him) another guy from our work, brian, was at his house while this was happening, to watch out for mark's wife. while brian was there, mark was demanding that i walk around naked, fondling me in front of brian, etc. mark and i are having sex and he tells me to tell brian that i'm okay with him watching us fuck, which i wasn't, but mark starts yelling at me, while he's fucking me, to tell brian it's okay. i say it is, brian and i start having sex with me ontop and mark's standing right in front of us. he asks me if he can hit me and i was kinda taken aback but i said okay. he just kinda smacked me lightly across my face and said pretends like he was joking "oh, why would you want me to do that to you?" or something

okay, so that all happened, shit went around my work (courtesy of mark, who then told me that he had no idea how the rumors started, and i found out from someone else that he was the one saying shit but honestly cannot call him on it - part of it's fear and part of it is honestly not wanting to lose his attention, i think) and i know that i cannot keep doing this, though i still want to but i won't. i shouldn't have in the first place, but i can't do anything about that now.
it's almost like... mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that

so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control and i can't really talk about this with ANYONE i'm close with irl so i guess i just needed to get it out"

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mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that

so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control

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ORIGINAL: bluexaura
i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose.

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ORIGINAL: laura2161

.... Quite a few people crave to be degraded and humiliated. It is their kink. Their turn on. If that's what gets you off then go for it.

It's not the fact that your turn-ons arent safe, it is the fact that you are having office affairs with men who cant/wont keep their mouths shut, and honestly honey there are plenty of men out there that can fulfill your kinks and desires, so I would strongly suggest staying away from the office guys. You could end up losing your job if word gets back to your boss.

As a side note, there also is nothing wrong with having three way sex if thats what you want, again just be smarter in your choices.

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Jeptha:

The paradox is that you can find partners that really are concerned with your well-being and capable of watching out for you, and yet really get off on humiliation scenes with you.