RE: Feeling quite ignorant

RE: Feeling quite ignorant (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

RumpusParable -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 12:31:46 PM)
Ahhh. The closest we have to what that sounds like is our "serial monogamists" in adults (not to be confused with our culture members who are just plain monogamously oriented). Interesting, for sure. shifting into reverse from the digression In any case, what got us talking on this is rather a different situation... they've not met yet and this was all over a meeting on a trip's layover. I admit to bad reading as at first I didn't catch that this was all over a meeting on a trip's few-hour layover, even if scheduled for the purpose. Now that I have, it just magnifies to what I said, in my opinion. They'd not met yet, she wasn't even traveling specifically to meet him, had no reason (but a desire) for his personal info, and "flipped out" when she didn't get it -when she didn't even ask until (if I'm understanding, maybe I've the times wrong) after she made the plans. I'd run like hell. And have. I've a close online/phone friend who I've been speaking to daily for about a year now. We've spent hours a day chatting by text, email and phone almost every day and plan to meet when it can be arranged, hopefully soon. I like him very, very much online and on the phone. But, that doesn't an in-person real-life liking make. Nor does it entitle me to a bunch of his personal info regardless of if I feel okay to give mine (we've exchanged some, and not other) unless it's relevant to where we're meeting or for my safety. Generally people don't like to give out a lot of private info to someone they've not met in person yet, I know I don't... sometimes there is an exception, but for the most part. So what we have is someone wanting personal info given online from someone they've not met yet so that they can meet them somewhere they don't need that info for safety, aren't traveling to meet them, and flipping out when they don't get it within a few days. Now, to leigh, I'm not trying to be unpleasant towards you in any of this. It's not my intention to get on you, rather to give you the outside/otherside of this. You've not even met this person yet and you're proceeding as though you already have an established trust and relationship started... and then a flip out -on any subject, for any reason- is a bad sign to anyone interacting with you or considering it. I'm not saying you didn't have reason to feel that there might be a chance for a relationship to develop, that he didn't seem great/ideal and you two didn't seem to hit if off great with great possibilities! I'm saying that none of those things had actually happened yet. You had possibilities, not meatlife realities. You both could be wonderful, honest with each other, hit if off great online and on voicechat, have every good intention... and meet and have zip. Or even find that you actually can't stand to sit across from one another. Next time, slow down and realize you're talking to a stranger... maybe a stranger with great possibilities, but a stranger until you get to know them irl for a while. And that flipping out -even in a decade long meatlife relationship- isn't really something acceptable ever in an adult. Being angry, disappointed, and other emotions all are, but you're still responsible to handle those emotions like a controlled, mature adult. -Unless you meant something much different by "flipping out" than what it usually means in my experience, which I do grant you may be using the slang differently. Take your time.

blacksword404 -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 12:36:54 PM)
Well he might have smelled the scent of crazy on you. You are browsing his page to see when he was last on on. He is online talking to somebody else and you blow up on him. A little jealousy. It could be innocent or you could be one of those women who if you tell them your going home they show up to make sure your home.He has never met you so how can he know? Personal info is personal. And if i had a situation like the one he had in the past i would be reluctant to give out my info too.

MadRabbit -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 4:31:09 PM)
Instead of running you through the grinder over whatever choices and mistakes you made, I decided to say "Hey, your not perfect". Your not the first person on planet Earth to invest too much energy into the beginnings of a relationship that was not solid and then overreact when things start to go a little off course.

leighdesire -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 4:45:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Instead of running you through the grinder over whatever choices and mistakes you made, I decided to say "Hey, your not perfect". Your not the first person on planet Earth to invest too much energy into the beginnings of a relationship that was not solid and then overreact when things start to go a little off course. Thanks for your kind words. This has been a really bad day and I just want it to be over with so I can begin anew tomorrow. I read your profile and will take you up on your offer...so, what is your name all about?

marieToo -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 4:58:30 PM)
I'm in the minority on this one. I don't blame you for getting pissed. I would have done the same thing considering the circumstances leading up to your 'flipping out". He was talking hot and heavy to you, for two months for hours at a time, and you were both talking about meeting rt. When you were finally able to meet him and asked him for some basic info, he cooled off for some reason, and instead of telling you the truth (whatever that truth may have been) he ignored you. Then when you finally cornered him online, instead of dealing with the issue directly, he blew you off again, giving you a lame excuse that he was busy talking with friends; another effort to circumvent dealing with the issue. When you put it to him that you were pissed or whatever, you fed right into his hands and gave him a reason to end it. This way, he never had to tell you the real reason why he was unwilling to meet and unwilling to give you basic info after having talked for months about this very thing. My guess? Married man just looking to get his rocks off online. No, you didn't overreact. You put him in a position where it was do or die time, and he died. Be happy you are done with him.

leighdesire -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:08:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo I'm in the minority on this one. I don't blame you for getting pissed. I would have done the same thing considering the circumstances leading up to your 'flipping out". He was talking hot and heavy to you, for two months for hours at a time, and you were both talking about meeting rt. When you were finally able to meet him and asked him for some basic info, he cooled off for some reason, and instead of telling you the truth (whatever that truth may have been) he ignored you. Then when you finally cornered him online, instead of dealing with the issue directly, he blew you off again, giving you a lame excuse that he was busy talking with friends; another effort to circumvent dealing with the issue. When you put it to him that you were pissed or whatever, you fed right into his hands and gave him a reason to end it. This way, he never had to tell you the real reason why he was unwilling to meet and unwilling to give you basic info after having talked for months about this very thing. My guess? Married man just looking to get his rocks off online. No, you didn't overreact. You put him in a position where it was do or die time, and he died. Be happy you are done with him. The possibility of him being married was a thought that crossed my mind today after I chilled for a while. After some of the things he said to me in our many conversations, summarily dismissing me came rather easily to him. Guess I'll never know. Oh well...live and learn. Thanks for understanding my reaction, marie.

hopelessfool -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:09:32 PM)
Am I the only one that knows meeting in public really isnt "safe" I mean what was it in the paper last week 1 in 5 who are abducted are abducted in plain broad daylight because no one else around cares enought to go hey what are you doing. You wernt wrong for asking for personal info, the fact he didnt give it to you is bs, the only reason you hide who you are is if you have something to hide. Why else hide it. I mean honestly... there are 36 people in my state alone that have the exact same name as me. I mean first middle and last 2 of them I went to elementry school with.. Why go through hell keeping your First and last name secret if theres most likely 40 other people with the same name? Sorry for the crap you had to deal with Op it happens, I agree with marie its probably a married man who got Gahed when real life was brought up. You were how ever wrong with yelling at him for it. Next time deal with it more maturely. Ask and get answered respectfully.. the who the what the when the where the why. when you have them answered either move on or deal with them. Just remember, you cant get honesty if you dont give a way for a person to be honest. Your blowing up made it less likely for him to explain the why.

marieToo -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:18:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leighdesire quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop maybe it's just me, but I didnt see his reluctance to fork over personal info prior to the first meet as a red flag. The op didnt say if she had given him HER info. I've met quite a few people with nothing more than their names.. if there's no chemistry with someone, then they have no need to know anymore about me than that. And if indeed the guy HAD had problems because of shared info (not entirely out of the realm of possibility), then I think he was just being prudent. Actually, I had given him a good deal of info about me. He has my cell, home phone and work phone numbers, as well as my home address. Since we were meeting face-to-face, I read several threads here addressing personal safety when meeting a Dom/Master for the first time and thought most of the advice was worthy of consideration and use. If he had your home phone number and your number is published, then he had your name for all intents and purposes, and your work number at that. Plus you had spoken on the phone for a couple of months, so he can be rest assured you were not a man. I've never understood the big secrecy with giving your name to someone you're about to meet. I wouldn't give my full name right away, but after a couple of months of talking daily for hours at a time, and reaching a point of a rt meet, I have no problem giving my name, and asking for theirs. Heck, if I don't feel safe enough to give my name, I shouldn't feel safe enough to be in their presence.

leighdesire -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:21:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool Am I the only one that knows meeting in public really isnt "safe" I mean what was it in the paper last week 1 in 5 who are abducted are abducted in plain broad daylight because no one else around cares enought to go hey what are you doing. You wernt wrong for asking for personal info, the fact he didnt give it to you is bs, the only reason you hide who you are is if you have something to hide. Why else hide it. I mean honestly... there are 36 people in my state alone that have the exact same name as me. I mean first middle and last 2 of them I went to elementry school with.. Why go through hell keeping your First and last name secret if theres most likely 40 other people with the same name? Sorry for the crap you had to deal with Op it happens, I agree with marie its probably a married man who got Gahed when real life was brought up. You were how ever wrong with yelling at him for it. Next time deal with it more maturely. Ask and get answered respectfully.. the who the what the when the where the why. when you have them answered either move on or deal with them. Just remember, you cant get honesty if you dont give a way for a person to be honest. Your blowing up made it less likely for him to explain the why. Good advice. Thanks. You are wise for your young years...

leighdesire -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:23:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo quote: ORIGINAL: leighdesire quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop maybe it's just me, but I didnt see his reluctance to fork over personal info prior to the first meet as a red flag. The op didnt say if she had given him HER info. I've met quite a few people with nothing more than their names.. if there's no chemistry with someone, then they have no need to know anymore about me than that. And if indeed the guy HAD had problems because of shared info (not entirely out of the realm of possibility), then I think he was just being prudent. Actually, I had given him a good deal of info about me. He has my cell, home phone and work phone numbers, as well as my home address. Since we were meeting face-to-face, I read several threads here addressing personal safety when meeting a Dom/Master for the first time and thought most of the advice was worthy of consideration and use. If he had your home phone number and your number is published, then he had your name for all intents and purposes, and your work number at that. Plus you had spoken on the phone for a couple of months, so he can be rest assured you were not a man. I've never understood the big secrecy with giving your name to someone you're about to meet. I wouldn't give my full name right away, but after a couple of months of talking daily for hours at a time, and reaching a point of a rt meet, I have no problem giving my name, and asking for theirs. Heck, if I don't feel safe enough to give my name, I shouldn't feel safe enough to be in their presence. Amen, marie. Amen.

GreedyTop -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:25:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Plus you had spoken on the phone for a couple of months, so he can be rest assured you were not a man. I've never understood the big secrecy with giving your name to someone you're about to meet. I wouldn't give my full name right away, but after a couple of months of talking daily for hours at a time, and reaching a point of a rt meet, I have no problem giving my name, and asking for theirs. Heck, if I don't feel safe enough to give my name, I shouldn't feel safe enough to be in their presence. Marie.. because there are a lot of good con-men/women out there?

GreedyTop -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:30:56 PM)
as I've said.. I've met any number of people with no more info than names.. FIRST names at that. I don't usually give out my fuill info until after the first meet.. sometimes second or third.. until I've gotten a gut check on them. If I meet them the first time, it's because I've gotten no immediate bad reads.. but liek I said..there are plenty of extremely skilled con artists out there. yes, take precautions.. but FFS, they were meeting at AN AIRPORT.. which, as someone pointed out, is fully stocked with security staff, LEOs of all stripes, and chances are, transient military personnel, TSA, etc. - meet, get a gut check.. proceed from there. I stand by my stance that he was not necessarily out of line./

hopelessfool -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:36:19 PM)
Greedy, Just because there ARE people there doesnt mean someone will step in to stop it.. or even SEE it A major airport has 5 million people in it, how hard do you think it is for one person to simply "disappear" in such a setting. You have maybe 50 cops and security guards to go against 5 million or more people, and 4.96 million people going, O.o Not my business..... Safety isnt in numbers any more. If it was children wouldnt be abducted in crowds.....Where there are security guards and people in the military.... eta: saying the Airport is safe is like saying sticking your finger in a light outlet is safe. Ive been through more metal detectors in airports that didnt work then i can count. Even so he doesnt have to go through a metal dector to get to the food court, so he could have ANY number of weapons on him to be able to abduct or other wise harm her... And your still saying its safe? Yeah, Ill take my chances with mr outlet over here.

Usako -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:40:50 PM)
When I first meet people it's usually only knowing their first name and their number, they know the same info about me. I'm curious what info you were trying to get from him. Home address? Family history? First grade report cards? You said you spoke on the phone so you already had his number and I'm guessing knew his name. What else did you want? You weren't wasting travel fare to meet the man. You weren't heading to his home. It was an airport meeting and, perhaps a night at a hotel. Honestly, you don't need his life story to meet at an airport. Now for the after hotel stuff, you coul dhave asked for more info in person. But the blow up is weird. He was only chatting on line with friends. Or maybe other women. Who knows, you weren't his gf so he really had no commitment to you. I'm unsure if you two discussed being exclusive until you both figure things out or not so I won't push that fact. But, to blow up like that is weird. But we all do it, we're all human and make mistakes. I don't really blame him for just jumping ship though, as someone said he probably saw the drama that just happened on line and didn't want to get mucked up into it irl. Perhaps he'll cool down and at least let you talk it over, who knows. If not...well life moves on.

RumpusParable -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:46:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool Greedy, Just because there ARE people there doesnt mean someone will step in to stop it.. or even SEE it A major airport has 5 million people in it, how hard do you think it is for one person to simply "disappear" in such a setting. You have maybe 50 cops and security guards to go against 5 million or more people, and 4.96 million people going, O.o Not my business..... Safety isnt in numbers any more. If it was children wouldnt be abducted in crowds.....Where there are security guards and people in the military.... eta: saying the Airport is safe is like saying sticking your finger in a light outlet is safe. Ive been through more metal detectors in airports that didnt work then i can count. Even so he doesnt have to go through a metal dector to get to the food court, so he could have ANY number of weapons on him to be able to abduct or other wise harm her... And your still saying its safe? Yeah, Ill take my chances with mr outlet over here. My GOD, going to the grocery or the mall is DEADLY SERIOUS BUSINESS. What do you DO when another shopper is present? How many armed guards do you walk around with daily? Playfulness aside, you can't really be serious in your responses... do you not see how far out of reality you're reaching? Others have put up some very good, reasonable points for and against the different angles of the OP's situation, but this is getting downright foolish and melodramatic.

JohnWarren -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:50:29 PM)
FIVE MILLION PEOPLE? You are kidding, I hope.

hopelessfool -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:55:29 PM)
I go about my day knowing I can die simply because of another idiot, But it doesnt stop me from taking self defense classes and carrying mace. You want to say he doesnt need to give his name thats your choice. Hers was to have his name before SHE choose to met someone. He didnt agree, does it make him wrong No it makes them different. But it smells a little to much like mackeral for it to sit well with me, Why ask for information if you arent willing to give it in return.... Hmmm...? If People didnt go missing in crowds, if people didnt get abducted at airports, why is it on the news nearly every week? If it isnt an HONEST risk, why would thousands of people end up missing? You might think its stupid, but there isnt safety in numbers, people dont care about other people not honestly, not if it can hurt them, besides what can they really do if there is a crowd in the way. Airports arent safe, if they were there wouldnt be thousands and thousands and thousands of planes stopped every day from flying because this person got on the plane with a lighter, or a taser, or even knives... If they are So safe why is there such a need for "security" My mall doesnt have security, And theyve never had problems, My Giant doesnt have security, they dont have problems... Yet Every night on the news this or that happened at the airport... Yup.. Really safe

MadRabbit -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 5:57:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool If People didnt go missing in crowds, if people didnt get abducted at airports, why is it on the news nearly every week? Probably for the same reason that all the Internet meetings I've been to that didn't result in an abuction weren't on the news

leighdesire -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 6:01:48 PM)
I realize that there are many different viewpoints regarding personal safety as well as varying degrees of comfort. My comfort level is biased; a family member was killed a few years ago because he didn't act on the red flags that were waving. Yes, I know, this is not the norm but it is my reality. And has greatly influenced my perspective as well as the trust I place in people when first meeting.

RumpusParable -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/28/2008 6:02:04 PM)
I'm not going to be responding to you any further, but did not want you to think I was simply being rude and ignoring your response. If I try to engage you any further in the exaggeration and drama you're throwing around I'll end up being very rude to you. For the sake of ending interaction as politely as possible, I'm disengaging right now.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875