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scottishdove -> RE: Feeling quite ignorant (9/29/2008 11:43:03 AM)
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leigh, i really emphasize with what you went through.
i had similar feelings and situations as i first tried online.
you are probably in 'sub frenzy' (do a search, lots of info in this forum and on the internet about it), as a new submissive, and feeling a LOT of push from your submissive feelings and sex drive to find a Dom.. this can lead to some unwise decisions, which MANY of us newbies make..
it was unwise to plan to go to a hotel after meeting.. that is kind of a step best left to further meetings, not the first. though you were prudent enough to ask for personal info, which means he can't avoid responsibility if something unfortunate happens. this is undoubtably why he backed out.. as many suggested, married man.. couldn't give you that information without you finding out, most likely why he faded out. so, you ended up protecting yourself well.. even though it feels instead like you were rejected. in fact.. it is wise and prudent actions on your part which did the job they were supposed to do.
so give yourself a pat on the back for taking care of yourself under a lot of emotional pressure, in a new and uncertain situation you haven't had to deal with before.
as for giving more clear information after upon questioning.. that is also normal. it is very difficult to completely and accurately outline a complex situation the first time you bring it up. i appreciated all your additional comments and info that more completely fleshed out the situation.
Also, please realize that the Collarme community contains a certain percentage of Doms and submissives with sadistic streaks. Newbies are easy targets for them here to practise a little psychological sadism, primarily by making disparaging, humiliating and disapproving comments picking apart your posts rather than honestly asking questions to find a better way to give you sincere feedback on your quesitons.
Look upon this sadistic attention as like getting whistles and cat calls when walking past a construction site... vulgar, uncalled for, undignified and offensive. but also a bit flattering. . they noticed you were female and attractive. Here.. take it as the sadists seeing you as attractive fresh submissive meat, and take it with a sense of humor.
i was very very very fortunate with my first meeting with a Dom. All the other Dom's had scared me off with something i felt uncomfortable with, or faded away for similar reasons as yours did. Henry was the first Dom that i felt truly comfortable meeting, and i could tell that he was a very sincere, honest and straightforward person. I had a great first experience, and we were together for a few days a week for 6 months. unfortunately, we realized we couldn't go forward to a Master/slave relationship because of the age difference and some incompatibility that emerged over the time we spend together, but i never questioned his genuiness or his loving heart for one second.
I hope you feel encouraged to continue your search, and give yourself the value to realize you deserve a wonderful Dom that has character and treats you as a gentleman would. Please don't settle for a 'hookup'.. no matter the pressure you feel under.
Better is out there. I am struggling to meet someone again who wants to be a Master.. and I know it is hard. Your instincts will tell you when you have started communicating with someone trustworthy and good... and they won't have any problem giving you the informaiton you need to feel safe, as your communication unfolds.
scottish dove
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