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RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 12:28:23 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		i dont have long here, so ive skipped reading everyone - i just wanted to say this..., (sex with the dog!!!?????)  no that wasnt what i wanted to say, but damn girl!

ok, - when a D asks you to do things that are in direct conflict with your situation it shows a lack of consideration, respect and it brings into question his reliability as a leader.  when that happens the dynamic starts to fail and you begin to question yourself and your submission to him.  thats allowed, infact its totally understandable.

it isnt you thats in question here, you are clearly doing your best to submit to a guy who has apparently shown very little respect or regard for you, your parents or your dog, for that matter, poor mutt! (and by the way, isnt there a law against that!)

i wouldnt just question my submission to this guy, id question the sustainability of a relationship with him.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 12:41:14 PM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

~FR~
Am i being paranoid or do the firsttime poster who mention beastiality and bloody anal violations strike anyone else as false?


Especially when she has no profile.

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 12:47:37 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

i dont have long here, so ive skipped reading everyone - i just wanted to say this..., (sex with the dog!!!?????)  no that wasnt what i wanted to say, but damn girl!

ok, - when a D asks you to do things that are in direct conflict with your situation it shows a lack of consideration, respect and it brings into question his reliability as a leader.  when that happens the dynamic starts to fail and you begin to question yourself and your submission to him.  thats allowed, infact its totally understandable.

it isnt you thats in question here, you are clearly doing your best to submit to a guy who has apparently shown very little respect or regard for you, your parents or your dog, for that matter, poor mutt! (and by the way, isnt there a law against that!)

i wouldnt just question my submission to this guy, id question the sustainability of a relationship with him.


LOL....jeez lally...youre makin me laugh so hard im hurting myself....im not complaining....just sayin.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 12:50:10 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

~FR~
Am i being paranoid or do the firsttime poster who mention beastiality and bloody anal violations strike anyone else as false?


Especially when she has no profile.


She's for real.

You may have missed the part where she confirmed her identity and where we apologized for presuming she was a fake. It's on page 1.




_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 12:54:33 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		hands persephonee a diaper and some tissues.... 

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 1:30:54 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

hands persephonee a diaper and some tissues.... 


i did NOT mention incontinence, lally...betta watchit!!

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 2:17:33 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyfollower

I guess I have this fantasy that the right Dom will welcome my questions and confessions of fear or reticence and take pleasure in being able to comfort and assure me so that I can eagerly honor his request. Someone who will expect me to just trust and obey but doesn't lose patience with me when I struggle to obey in an area where trust hasn't been earned yet.

Then again, he has lied to me, broken promises, and let me down more times than I can count. So maybe he really just isn't the right Dom.


You know what you want, and you know he's not it.  That's why you're struggling.  My advice is to move on and continue your search.
 
As an aside, I find it entirely hypocritical to criticize her dominant's lack of respect and sensitivity and then "eewww gross" at her fetish-related activities.  It's childish and judgmental.  *shakes head*  I keep thinking this is an adult site for people with fetishes, not a vanilla site where "kinky" means sex with the lights on, but maybe I'm mistaken.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to happyfollower)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 2:45:40 PM   
littlemisssnarf


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: happyfollower

I guess I have this fantasy that the right Dom will welcome my questions and confessions of fear or reticence and take pleasure in being able to comfort and assure me so that I can eagerly honor his request. Someone who will expect me to just trust and obey but doesn't lose patience with me when I struggle to obey in an area where trust hasn't been earned yet.

Then again, he has lied to me, broken promises, and let me down more times than I can count. So maybe he really just isn't the right Dom.


You know what you want, and you know he's not it.  That's why you're struggling.  My advice is to move on and continue your search.
 
As an aside, I find it entirely hypocritical to criticize her dominant's lack of respect and sensitivity and then "eewww gross" at her fetish-related activities.  It's childish and judgmental.  *shakes head*  I keep thinking this is an adult site for people with fetishes, not a vanilla site where "kinky" means sex with the lights on, but maybe I'm mistaken.


Red i am not stalking you - promise!!

but ditto yet again!

_____________________________

let the sun shine on your soul and smile...

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 2:46:14 PM   
happyfollower


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, thanks for the responses. Reading through the last half gave me an "oh Duh" moment. The biggest issue I should be dealing with is not whether or not I am really a submissive, and not if I'm with the right Dom, but why I'm with him at all. I swear I'm smart enough to know that even in vanilla relationships, lies and betrayal are unacceptable. But it's harder to make excuses for those things when it's staring back at you on a computer screen.

I've known since the big lies started coming out that we probably weren't right for each other, but we're still entangled and I've been trying to keep him happy until he returns one of my most valuable possessions. And a part of me wanted his stories to be reconcilable and his excuses valid, because I really did care about him and didn't want to just be some fool that played no real role of lasting significance in his life. But y'all are right. My RL friends are right. He doesn't respect me.

So- "oh Duh! Regardless of whether I'm really a submissive, he's not the right Dominant for me." Thanks for helping me get there. I still have questions about who and what I am. But I am realizing more now that my current situation isn't the best test of that.

And the reason I don't have a profile set up is I'm not sure at this point what I'd put in it. I'm not sure how to best describe my tendencies and what I'm looking for. But I do like reading the boards and learning and contemplating.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 2:56:09 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

You know what you want, and you know he's not it.  That's why you're struggling.  My advice is to move on and continue your search.
 


Ok, I'm aware this was meant for the OP but, I just had a    moment.  Thanks.

(just goes to show how reading advice for others can be really helpful)

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 3:04:49 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		My suggestion is to seek out a dom who shares the same basic moral code as you do.  There are some people who will say you should obey, no matter, and some who say you should have boundaries etc.  What it all comes down to at the end of the day is YOU having to feel right and feel fulfilled in what you are doing.  

Having difficulty doing something he wanted you to do, is fairly common for various reasons and should be expected in some ds relationships.  But having difficulty obeying because it feels wrong to you in your gut, isn't something that's going to play out as beneficial to you, or to him for that matter. 

None of this means you aren't submissive.  You said yourself  "I have always been  naturally submissive".  That isn't going to go away if the relationship ends.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to happyfollower)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 3:06:25 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happyfollower

Wow, thanks for the responses. Reading through the last half gave me an "oh Duh" moment. The biggest issue I should be dealing with is not whether or not I am really a submissive, and not if I'm with the right Dom, but why I'm with him at all. I swear I'm smart enough to know that even in vanilla relationships, lies and betrayal are unacceptable. But it's harder to make excuses for those things when it's staring back at you on a computer screen.



Good for you.  I just saw this statement after I posted.  Seems you've got a good grip on it.  :)

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to happyfollower)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 7:45:43 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlemisssnarf

Red i am not stalking you - promise!!

but ditto yet again!


Damn!  I thought you were checking out my ass!  *ggls*

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to littlemisssnarf)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 7:48:09 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		You're welcome!
 
Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, especially since my moments of lucidity are few and far between. 

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 8:47:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

As an aside, I find it entirely hypocritical to criticize her dominant's lack of respect and sensitivity and then "eewww gross" at her fetish-related activities.  It's childish and judgmental.  *shakes head*  I keep thinking this is an adult site for people with fetishes, not a vanilla site where "kinky" means sex with the lights on, but maybe I'm mistaken.


I don't think kinky means having sex with those unable to consent, or courting jail for illegal acts. If it does, then I'll happily go back to that vanilla ice cream cone.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/3/2008 8:54:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I used to question my submissiveness.... it ceased being important to me when I realized that it was not the label that mattered to me, it is being happy within my life. I suppose this is one of the reasons I quit posting for a while...

If both you and your significant other are happy... what else matters?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to happyfollower)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/4/2008 12:01:02 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't think kinky means having sex with those unable to consent, or courting jail for illegal acts. If it does, then I'll happily go back to that vanilla ice cream cone.

 
WIITWD is illegal in many places.  For instance, it's illegal to sell sex toys in some places.  Also, the law doesn't always recognize consensual battery and can charge both participants with a crime.  I believe sodomy is still illegal in places.  What about indecent exposure and lewd conduct in the back seat of your car or back row of the movie theater?  The thing is, this is an alternative lifestyle.  We don't all play by the rules society makes regarding morals.
 
Now that this thread has been jacked.....back to our regularly scheduled posting.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/4/2008 6:07:59 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		FR

This is something I was thinking about the other day, Sir was saying that he was responsible for me and I thought no actually wait a minuite I am responsible for me, my actions come from me sure in a power exchange dynamic we transfer to someone else but we choose the person we do that with. Fundementally you wouldnt pick someone who is going to ask you to do things that you ethically disagree with, if you do then you remember that it is your right to leave the situation. Submission may be how we are wired but the bare bones of it is that we enjoy it, sure there will be occasions when we do things we wouldnt choose to but they cant be things that completely go against all our beliefs that is something that should never be compromised. Within my relationship I describe myself as having no limits because I have picked someone who fits me who wouldnt ask me to do something that i thought morally wrong.

To the actual question, I have questioned my submission many times in the past when I was finding out who I am, I think its natural when you come up against loads of people telling you the right way to do things especially if you hero worship someone eventually though if you are smart you will wake up from all that crap and realise you are whatever you think you are, there is no need to second guess everything you do, there isnt a handbook on how to do it right. You do what you are comfortable with you find that power in submission the realisation that there is a choice and you define yourself in whatever way you feel happy with because at the end of the day the only person that you have to answer to is yourself.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/4/2008 6:19:26 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't think kinky means having sex with those unable to consent, or courting jail for illegal acts. If it does, then I'll happily go back to that vanilla ice cream cone.

 
WIITWD is illegal in many places.  For instance, it's illegal to sell sex toys in some places.  Also, the law doesn't always recognize consensual battery and can charge both participants with a crime.  I believe sodomy is still illegal in places.  What about indecent exposure and lewd conduct in the back seat of your car or back row of the movie theater?  The thing is, this is an alternative lifestyle.  We don't all play by the rules society makes regarding morals.
 
Now that this thread has been jacked.....back to our regularly scheduled posting.


just to hijack again... so long as its between consenting adults then sod the law, we're adults and its our business, noone elses..

but a line has to be drawn when consent is absent.  im sure the dog didnt give its consent and im pretty sure her parents didnt give their consent to inadvertantly overhear a phonecall demanding that their daughter give the dog a blow job. (shudder)

in my view there was nil respect for her parents and nil respect for the mutt.

bang out of order.



_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Have you ever questioned your submissiveness? - 10/4/2008 9:42:56 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i don't question my submissiveness, though there are times when i have questioned whether or not i wished to defer to the one i call my dominant at the time, or whether or not i wished to bottom only to him; generally, this only comes up when i feel that i'm being stepped on or taken advantage of because of my submissive tendancies toward them.

(in reply to happyfollower)
Profile   Post #: 40
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