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RE: Bait and switch - 10/6/2008 7:29:51 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What happens when one person in a relationship changes, and the other doesn't? 


The relationship dissolves sooner or later, usually in a fairly ugly manner, because most people don't have the emotional and communication skills to handle such an incendiary problem very well.

quote:

What happens when one person hides their real identity?  What happens when someone is kinky at heart, but goes into that vanilla relationship anyway? 


See above. In many such cases I'm familiar with, people fail to understand how important kink is to them. They think they're so much in love that this minor (!!??) difference doesn't matter; or they figure that they're really not all that kinky anyway, so wotthehell; or they're desperate; and so they convince themselves that they can do without it. Invariably, time proves them wrong.

quote:

I'm not saying these things are necessarily done by intention or design.  While that might be true for some, it isn't for all.  In this past week, when I've had more time for these message boards, I have seen a lot of it.  I've wondered why this theme seems to come up over and over.

I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed it.


Yes, I've noticed it often. I counsel against it when I get a chance. People just don't listen. Can't blame them, I guess, but it's maddening and saddening to watch.



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Bait and switch - 10/6/2008 8:34:16 PM   
subexploring


Posts: 103
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

It's why I'm skeptical of the people that demand they have all those years of experience... do you really have experience.. or do you just perv out a lot?



LOL. Well put. That's precisely why I don't claim "years of experience". I've played a lot, and perved out a lot, but submitting on a deep level? No, haven't truly done it. I want to do it, deeply, that's all I can claim. And what's more, I'm looking forward to the experience of sharing that level of submission for the first time with the right woman. I wouldn't *want* to have years of experience with the wrong people. 

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 6:08:59 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Bottom line is that change happens. The question is how do you deal with it.

(in reply to subexploring)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 9:00:21 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Bottom line is that change happens. The question is how do you deal with it.


Good point Dnomyar!  Life is a constant state of change.  Nothing ever stays the same.  It's how we learn to deal with those changes that makes all the difference in the world in the quality of our lives.
 
 - pixel
 
 Lady Pact's bleaux
 under consideration by each other
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 9:09:52 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I've noticed, several times, that some of the "submissive" men that I've spoken to over the last few months have changed their profiles to Dominant.

In chatting with two of them about it, they fully admitted they thought they'd get more female traffic and they would sort out later who was what.  I actually suggested both of them at least list themselves as switches.  Neither of them has done that.

I'd say at least 6 of the men I've talked to over the last few months have done that.  Its a bait and switch game as far as I'm concerned.

oh and.. *grin* hi you...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 11:53:53 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Lady Pact,
This is slave kevin here. i think im going to go along to my first munch in Dublin in a few weeks. the scene is only in its infancy here which is fortunate for a number of reasons. i mean  i think your right i am a little green, pardon the pun on my nationality, and i need to educate myself about what its about before deciding to throw myself head first into full submission to anyone. also the munch in Dublin does not allow SM play or so i m being told and the Women tops here are generally a little less extreme, read sadistic than the US and UK dominas. i think the only reason for that is that the scene particularly in the States has been well developed for a long time now whereas in Dublin its still a bit secluded, regarded as a little bizarre and not really as widespread as it with you guys.  but in a way thats fortunate because while fantasy wise i would be up for a whipping from any Female Dominant, i think in real life terms, it would be a big step and not something i would be totally comfortable, it s better that i talk to people normally and get a feel for how people interact in the scene. that way i  will get a bit more experience which will only benefit me. but any experience even chatting or typing laughs on these board s is good , it helps to break down the barriers and i learn so much from people every day here
thanks
kevin

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 8:58:33 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

I've read a lot of threads about folks whose partner has decided after the relationship was established that they weren't kinky after all.  I've also received dozens of emails from men who want to explore their kinky side but their vanilla wife 'just won't understand'.

Possibly I'm being a bit harsh but if you're kinky, you know it, IMO.  I knew when I was 14 (started having sex at 13 - yes I was a baby, I know) that there was something missing.  I couldn't name what it was and that made searching for it even harder.  It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I could put a name to what I wanted and it took until my early 30's for me to find a place large enough to express and explores those 'nameless' things.  Along the way I could have gotten married, had a family and been in complete love with my 'vanilla' husband, but I would have always known that there was 'something' missing.

Likewise, if you are just playing at BDSM, you know that too.

I just don't buy the idea that you didn't know you were vanilla or kinky.  You may not have recognized it, or you may not have known what to call it, but I'll bet you knew 'something' wasn't quite right.

Just my opinion, your mileage may vary.

Wickad

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Bait and switch - 10/7/2008 9:21:14 PM   
faithbunny


Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

I just don't buy the idea that you didn't know you were vanilla or kinky.  You may not have recognized it, or you may not have known what to call it, but I'll bet you knew 'something' wasn't quite right.



I don't think I ever thought I was particularly kinky until I met my beloved. I had worked out that I was a particularly sexual person, I had figured out that I was bisexual, but I've always been a person who loves her options and I didn't think it was anything more than that.

When I started dating Impulse, he told me that I had a mix of kinks and fetishes that would make most men jealous of him. That felt like the biggest compliment in the world--I'd never thought I was all that unusual, sexually.

We were together for about a year before he told me that he was a dom and I was his sub. So I suppose that qualifies as bait and switch. I thought I'd just signed up for a boyfriend. But he saw something in me that I didn't know was there, and I loved him more than I had ever loved any man, and if that's what he wanted, I was going to try my damndest to give it to him... and, as it turned out, he was right: this role comes naturally to me, and I am more fulfilled in giving myself to him than I have ever been at any other time in my life.

Change isn't so bad. ; )

~faith

(in reply to Wickad)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Bait and switch - 10/8/2008 5:25:41 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I've noticed, several times, that some of the "submissive" men that I've spoken to over the last few months have changed their profiles to Dominant.

In chatting with two of them about it, they fully admitted they thought they'd get more female traffic and they would sort out later who was what.


THAT could be the reason I get so many 'Dominant Males' begging me to mistreat them.  I always thought that was the craziest thing.  Glad to know the 'truth' of the matter. 


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 49
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