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After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 7:58:45 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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OK...I've tried to word this 20 different ways now and they all seem wrong. How do you get your dominant to stop putting glasses of liquid on wood furniture (resulting in white rings), dropping their clothes wherever they take them off, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, using a different drinking glass for every glass of water they consume, tracking mud on the carpet, leaving the seat up, setting down the remote(or their glasses or the car keys) wherever they might be, leaving the ice cream on the counter, drinking out of the milk carton, etc., etc., etc.......but you get the idea. NO, my dominant does not do all of these things....thank God! Those little things that drive women nuts that wouldn't get a second thought in a bachelor pad.

Tonight, my sweet Sir did one of those things. I picked up a sweaty glass of water off the china hutch to reveal a large white ring. Ugh! Immediately I said "Sir, you can't leave glasses on the wood". As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized just how "naggy" they sounded. Now it's not the first time he's done that....and it's not the first time I've said it. There have been a number of times. I guess it's just one of those things that just doesn't dawn on him. Thankfully, he always puts the seat down so it all works out.

Seriously though, has anyone figured out a way to get these little annoying things across without sounding like the nagging, unsubmissive, bitch from hell? If there is a secret trick I'd sure like to know.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:01:12 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

what??? no issues with leaving the toilet seat up???

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Post #: 2

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:04:06 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Nope... But at my house it's okay if I'm a bitch. I wish you luck with that one!

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:06:45 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

instead of waiting until he DOES it, have a sit down with him. Let him know (respectfully, of course..LOL) that these little things really bug you.. and point out the thing about the sweaty glasses leaving marks on the wood. If you can give him reasons WHY these things bug you (i.e. the marks on the wood) rather than just because it annoys you, even better.

just my .02

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
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Post #: 4

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:07:08 PM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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How about "Sir, I would really appreciate it if you worked on not leaving the glasses on the wood" or forming it in a question?

To me, this comes down to a communication issue where presentation is being given more importance than the point of the message. The point of that message being that as dominants, we kind of have to be aware of the fact that we are going to have quirks and little habits that annoy the fuck out of our gender counterparts and need to be mindful of those things for the sake of smooth sailing.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:08:57 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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quote:

that annoy the fuck out of our gender counterparts

like leaving an empty milk carton in the fridge?

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I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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Post #: 6

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:09:49 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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Get their Mothers to teach them at home before they go out into the world then you won't have to teach him yourself. Of course many Mothers let males get away with this type of lazy behavior because "boys will be boys" <eyes roll>.

Tell him how shitty the furniture is going to look and how much it will cost to replace. Tell him someone might fall over those clothes on the floor and hurt themselves (my ex did this and I broke him of it by throwing his clothes in the garbage. When he noticed he was running out of clothes I told him he'd find them at the local dump. That solved that). Tracking mud on the carpet means spending money to have the carpet cleaned etc etc. Tell him how much its going to cost and usually if you hit a sloppy lazy male in the wallet enough times it will start to make sense to him.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:11:08 PM

beargonewild

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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The carton isn't empty if there's still a mouthful in it!

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Post #: 8

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:12:49 PM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
Tell him how shitty the furniture is going to look and how much it will cost to replace. Tell him someone might fall over those clothes on the floor and hurt themselves (my ex did this and I broke him of it by throwing his clothes in the garbage. When he noticed he was running out of clothes I told him he'd find them at the local dump. That solved that). Tracking mud on the carpet means spending money to have the carpet cleaned etc etc. Tell him how much its going to cost and usually if you hit a sloppy lazy male in the wallet enough times it will start to make sense to him.

Lashra, I am SURE that those methods would be effective. But really, as a dominant woman, how impressed would you be with a submissive that threw all your clothes out? LOL

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 10/5/2008 8:13:13 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 9

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:12:50 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Oh dear, erin, I don't know what to say... Oh wait, I do...

Being the leader of the relationship, whether D or M, M or F, does not mean that you don't have to respect the other person, get to be a slob, or don't have to be a responsible adult.

If using a coaster, or setting a glass on something other than the wood furniture is something that you don't like, you have the right to tell him about it, ask him why he does it, explain to him that you don't want your furniture ruined, and ask that he respect that. If you have a conversation with him when it's not immediate, it may make more of an impact.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:15:32 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

The carton isn't empty if there's still a mouthful in it!

does any hair ever get into the carton from the beard?

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 11

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:19:18 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Get their Mothers to teach them at home before they go out into the world then you won't have to teach him yourself. Of course many Mothers let males get away with this type of lazy behavior because "boys will be boys" <eyes roll>.

Tell him how shitty the furniture is going to look and how much it will cost to replace. Tell him someone might fall over those clothes on the floor and hurt themselves (my ex did this and I broke him of it by throwing his clothes in the garbage. When he noticed he was running out of clothes I told him he'd find them at the local dump. That solved that). Tracking mud on the carpet means spending money to have the carpet cleaned etc etc. Tell him how much its going to cost and usually if you hit a sloppy lazy male in the wallet enough times it will start to make sense to him.

Good luck,
~Lashra

If you make a woman wear mismatched colors to the party, the next event she will probably be a lot quicker to pick some out instead of making you late via the inability to make a decision on a skirt.

When all the money that gets wasted on guest towels that never get used and just collect dust on the towel rack starts to come out of her manicure money instead of your wallet, the house probably will be a lot more open and less cluttered with pointless superficial bullshit.

Don't even get me started on shopping and credit cards...

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 12

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:23:16 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
If using a coaster, or setting a glass on something other than the wood furniture is something that you don't like, you have the right to tell him about it, ask him why he does it, explain to him that you don't want your furniture ruined, and ask that he respect that. If you have a conversation with him when it's not immediate, it may make more of an impact.

I know you're right....but that immediate thing just sort of pops right out. After I did it I felt really awful. Especially when he said "but I DID use a coaster!" Sure enough, I looked and he had used one of the dark marble coasters that we have. The problem was that it was a full glass of ice water....and he had forgotten all about it. I found it hours later so of course there was a river of condensation. I'm going to put those coasters up and get some that either have a lip or are absorbent because I really don't think I have the heart for "Coasters 101". He's not a slob honestly and in most ways he's really, really careful about stuff....and in some things he is even pickier than I am. I don't know....maybe it's just stuff that it seems that most women do automatically and it's frustrating that men seem to need reminders on stuff.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 13

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:27:35 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

there are coasters made of ?sandstone? that tend to wick and absorb moisture...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:28:05 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I find that an "O nooo!" in a sad voice, while rubbing helplessly at the ring when he's in the room usually helps.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 15

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:34:42 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Get their Mothers to teach them at home before they go out into the world then you won't have to teach him yourself. Of course many Mothers let males get away with this type of lazy behavior because "boys will be boys" <eyes roll>.

Tell him how shitty the furniture is going to look and how much it will cost to replace. Tell him someone might fall over those clothes on the floor and hurt themselves (my ex did this and I broke him of it by throwing his clothes in the garbage. When he noticed he was running out of clothes I told him he'd find them at the local dump. That solved that). Tracking mud on the carpet means spending money to have the carpet cleaned etc etc. Tell him how much its going to cost and usually if you hit a sloppy lazy male in the wallet enough times it will start to make sense to him.

Good luck,
~Lashra

If you make a woman wear mismatched colors to the party, the next event she will probably be a lot quicker to pick some out instead of making you late via the inability to make a decision on a skirt.

When all the money that gets wasted on guest towels that never get used and just collect dust on the towel rack starts to come out of her manicure money instead of your wallet, the house probably will be a lot more open and less cluttered with pointless superficial bullshit.

Don't even get me started on shopping and credit cards...

Go right ahead hun because none of that applies to this woman, now there are others that I know it would and some men I can think of.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 16

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:36:51 PM

bluepanda

Posts: 328
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

there are coasters made of ?sandstone? that tend to wick and absorb moisture...

Yup. I've got a set. They work terrific. Cork bottoms so they don't scratch the finish, and in 15 hot, muggy summers, they've never once let me down. Even when i was living in that humidor called Hawaii.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 17

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:40:29 PM

girlivy

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps if he came home to find every piece of wood to place something on was covered plastic, or something else to protect the wood. that might get your point across :)
*thinks of sticking to grandmothers couch*

_____________________________

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OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
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(in reply to bluepanda)

Post #: 18

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:42:24 PM

MadAxeman

Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline

How about 'If I didn't have to deal with this stuff, I could spend more time on you'

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Post #: 19

RE: After 30 years I still don't know how....please HELP! - 10/5/2008 8:43:22 PM

JumpingJax

Posts: 155
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It sounds like you have a good Dom that is at least trying. So I have a suggestion for you that might help. Why not do these things for him? But in a way that you are sure he notices.

Next time he has a cup with no coaster. Make sure you get him a coaster as soon as possible. Respond with a "I got you a coaster for your drink so that it wouldn't damage your furniture". Something like this - shows that you did it, (so you served), then also informed him what he should have done, then gave him the reason why it needs to be done.

Hopefully after you do this a few times - He will make the extra effort to make sure he does what needs to be done. I believe this system would work for anything or any where that a Dom might could benefit from a little coaching.

(in reply to bluepanda)

Post #: 20

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