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The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 7:29:26 PM   
CelticPrince


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 Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 8:01:36 PM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP

I don't need a point in time for my  'submission' to kick in. My being submissive is not linked to either mental or physical aspects;....it simply IS.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 8:24:10 PM   
sub4hire


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For me it is when trust entered the equation.  Because when that happened it was ok to let my guard down.  I knew I was not going to be  hurt mentally or physically.



(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 8:25:44 PM   
catize


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Apparently, I did it backward.  I was initially drawn by the physical. I suppose one could argue that as a masochistic bottom I was submitting, but there was a huge element of “if you don’t do it my way, go away.”  I would, (again arguably), ‘submit’ while running a dialog in my head:  ‘more, not so hard, gee, when is he gonna get to my favorite instrument, my arms are tired, what if he hits too hard, not hard enough, I want, I need….” 
When I learned to stop anticipating what was to come, when I learned to silence the internal dialog, I then made the leap to acceptance of the moment as he desired it.  When it became more than sensation play and expanded to all aspects of the relationship, it became internalized which made it more meaningful to me. (as well as more meaningful to the dominant).

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 8:56:14 PM   
chamberqueen


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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I think that physical submission is easier to give in the beginning than mental - at least it was for me.  I could play the role but expected it to drop at the end of the session.  As we became more involved and the trust grew I found that I didn't WANT to drop it.  

The mental and physical most often go hand in and, whether it is dressing specially for someone or allowing them to use your body as they please.  Many focus on the mental because it can be so much more difficult than the physical, yet has many similarities no matter what the physical practices within the relationship are.  I am not a masochist - one of my closest friends is - yet what we have in common is that urge to be pleasing to our Masters.    The types of sessions that we have are extremely different, but the emotions that we feel are amazingly alike.  I'm glad that the boards so often deal with the mental aspects because new people should understand that a lot of mixed emotions can come into a BDSM relationship. 


_____________________________



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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/6/2008 10:33:14 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
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move to physical?  hummm ... i believe it's attraction that takes me there, not simply physical attraction but that feeling that shakes the bones saying "you my girl are totally transparent to this person".  problem then is keeping that mind set.  every little red flag in the beginning pulls self protective thoughts back into your head reducing the ability mentally to submit, hence reducing the physical to some fraction or more of the physical.  as things progress we all know that bumps happen, bumps can be similar to red flags in my mind, and bumps can, and often do have the same results as those younger flags.  i fear that many may see that pull back physically as manipulation of some sort when in actuality it is not.  eeeeeks, but then again your question wasnt in keeping things physical was it! 
sorry... no intent to side rail your thread! 

hugs!   

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 3:30:30 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP


Mist,

well many do have triggers but your so spontaneous! thanks for sharing.

CP
I don't need a point in time for my  'submission' to kick in. My being submissive is not linked to either mental or physical aspects;....it simply IS.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 3:34:54 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

For me it is when trust entered the equation.  Because when that happened it was ok to let my guard down.  I knew I was not going to be  hurt mentally or physically.





4hire,

An interesting point, if I read it correctly. You can submit mentally over a period of time and still have your guard up!hmmmmmmmmm

CP

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 3:38:53 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Apparently, I did it backward.  I was initially drawn by the physical. I suppose one could argue that as a masochistic bottom I was submitting, but there was a huge element of “if you don’t do it my way, go away.”  I would, (again arguably), ‘submit’ while running a dialog in my head:  ‘more, not so hard, gee, when is he gonna get to my favorite instrument, my arms are tired, what if he hits too hard, not hard enough, I want, I need….” 
When I learned to stop anticipating what was to come, when I learned to silence the internal dialog, I then made the leap to acceptance of the moment as he desired it.  When it became more than sensation play and expanded to all aspects of the relationship, it became internalized which made it more meaningful to me. (as well as more meaningful to the dominant).


catize,

Well I agree that it can be difficult to handle a "my way or the highway"type, but good on you for it all working out.

CP

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 3:46:43 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I think that physical submission is easier to give in the beginning than mental - at least it was for me.  I could play the role but expected it to drop at the end of the session.  As we became more involved and the trust grew I found that I didn't WANT to drop it.  

The mental and physical most often go hand in and, whether it is dressing specially for someone or allowing them to use your body as they please.  Many focus on the mental because it can be so much more difficult than the physical, yet has many similarities no matter what the physical practices within the relationship are.  I am not a masochist - one of my closest friends is - yet what we have in common is that urge to be pleasing to our Masters.    The types of sessions that we have are extremely different, but the emotions that we feel are amazingly alike.  I'm glad that the boards so often deal with the mental aspects because new people should understand that a lot of mixed emotions can come into a BDSM relationship. 



queen,

Well put, as it is true that the two canoccur together, just that I have found that to be somewhat rare / thanks for your thoughts.

CP

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 3:50:24 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

move to physical?  hummm ... i believe it's attraction that takes me there, not simply physical attraction but that feeling that shakes the bones saying "you my girl are totally transparent to this person".  problem then is keeping that mind set.  every little red flag in the beginning pulls self protective thoughts back into your head reducing the ability mentally to submit, hence reducing the physical to some fraction or more of the physical.  as things progress we all know that bumps happen, bumps can be similar to red flags in my mind, and bumps can, and often do have the same results as those younger flags.  i fear that many may see that pull back physically as manipulation of some sort when in actuality it is not.  eeeeeks, but then again your question wasnt in keeping things physical was it! 
sorry... no intent to side rail your thread! 

hugs!

Quivver,

grins,

Relax I never look at things as a thread theft, just a meander. You do make a good point re the bumbs v red flags.

CP  

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 6:12:17 AM   
girlivy


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Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline
at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

i feel a constant  "awareness" for physical submission, not only when the opportunity for a scene arises.
In the physical sense, submission comes in many forms, and may or may not have sexual connotations.
It is at times harder than others to keep the desire for physical submission "at bay",I do my best,  as it is so much a part of me everywhere I go.
So as far as to what point does my body succumb to the desires of physical submission, there is not one really, it has more to do with the environment and the people at any given time.

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 6:41:25 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?


For me, at least, "physical" d/s is relatively trivial.  The physical acts of submission were the easiest for my wife and I in many ways.  It is the fact that she will let me play around in her thoughts, emotions, and worldview that is invasive to say the least.  In my head, the relative levels of trust and respect and submission are much much higher for serious mental d/s than they are for the physical aspects.

That being said, I don't think there is a simple answer to your question.  For starters, you haven't specified what, exactly, you mean when you say "physical submission".  Are we talking taking a beating here or is this sex of some sort?  Really though, isn't this going to be highly situational?  The same old advice, start small, expand outwards carefully.  Use your skills as a dominant to read your sub and know when "the time is right".  Really, what else can be said?  This is going to be one of the few cases where I actually agree that every relationship is unique.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 7:24:41 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
You can submit mentally over a period of time and still have your guard up!hmmmmmmmmm

CP


I absolutely agree with this. Full disclosure and transparency does not occur instantly, and depending on what history someone is carrying, the process can vary, time-wise.

In my current situation, there is a man I am seeing, who I felt a chemistry with very early on in our conversations. But I came to the table fully guarded, or so I thought. Through the course of conversation the guard is very slowly coming down. I am submitting to him to a degree, and we have been physical to a degree, but the physical did not come until I was comfortable enough with where the mental was. I'd say what we are experiencing now is a rather "mild" form of D/s (mild being a totally subjective term) and it is what I am comfortable with, currently. Over time this may change - to less mild or to not at all. This is going to be a process for me, rather than a jump-right-in-with-both-feet.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 7:54:14 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP


I have to admit that we did things the opposite way.  We met at an event where we were all having fun trying new physical things....like needles, sutures, and single tails.  Heck I was a newbie and having a great time.  Only later, months later when we met again did the relationship take on a mental aspect. 

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 8:12:01 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
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In my case Master had his mental collar in place before we ever moved to physical.  True we only met face ro face for 3 days before we moved to physical but each link of my mental collar was formed as we talked on the phone for 2 months.  When we moved to physical it was just a natural progression of things for us.  Now almost 3 years later i have my physical collar and his mental collar is stronger than ever.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 8:28:54 AM   
OttersSwim


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Joined: 9/1/2008
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For me, it was a physical act that finally dropped me mentally into a submissive state - that of Her biting my neck.  Looking back, I can see that she was exerting dominance the whole time, but I just could not drop into my place.  The physical act did the trick for my mind.  

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 9:57:58 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?


it is an immediate inclination...it actually takes mental effort NOT to immediately move to physical submission.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 10:21:31 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy

at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

i feel a constant  "awareness" for physical submission, not only when the opportunity for a scene arises.
In the physical sense, submission comes in many forms, and may or may not have sexual connotations.
It is at times harder than others to keep the desire for physical submission "at bay",I do my best,  as it is so much a part of me everywhere I go.
So as far as to what point does my body succumb to the desires of physical submission, there is not one really, it has more to do with the environment and the people at any given time.


girlivy,

Well the best part of your situation is predictability and that is a big advantage. Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to girlivy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The link tween mental and physical submission - 10/7/2008 10:27:18 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?


For me, at least, "physical" d/s is relatively trivial.  The physical acts of submission were the easiest for my wife and I in many ways.  It is the fact that she will let me play around in her thoughts, emotions, and worldview that is invasive to say the least.  In my head, the relative levels of trust and respect and submission are much much higher for serious mental d/s than they are for the physical aspects.

That being said, I don't think there is a simple answer to your question.  For starters, you haven't specified what, exactly, you mean when you say "physical submission".  Are we talking taking a beating here or is this sex of some sort?  Really though, isn't this going to be highly situational?  The same old advice, start small, expand outwards carefully.  Use your skills as a dominant to read your sub and know when "the time is right".  Really, what else can be said?  This is going to be one of the few cases where I actually agree that every relationship is unique.


leadership,

Look carefully, there was only mention of submission. If your prone to just throwing D/s F/D and S/M into one pot then your point may be valid, but I address only the submission of a submissive. It is my thought that the sub will know prior to the "D".

CP 

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 20
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