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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
You can submit mentally over a period of time and still have your guard up!hmmmmmmmmm

CP

I absolutely agree with this. Full disclosure and transparency does not occur instantly, and depending on what history someone is carrying, the process can vary, time-wise.

In my current situation, there is a man I am seeing, who I felt a chemistry with very early on in our conversations. But I came to the table fully guarded, or so I thought. Through the course of conversation the guard is very slowly coming down. I am submitting to him to a degree, and we have been physical to a degree, but the physical did not come until I was comfortable enough with where the mental was. I'd say what we are experiencing now is a rather "mild" form of D/s (mild being a totally subjective term) and it is what I am comfortable with, currently. Over time this may change - to less mild or to not at all. This is going to be a process for me, rather than a jump-right-in-with-both-feet.

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 Well I agree that it can be difficult to handle a "my way or the highway"type, but good on you for it all working out. 

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP

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ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I do it backwards.  It's much easier for me to submit physically than mentally.  I may let someone use my body, but my mind and heart are guarded.  I can obey "kneel" without a qualm but stutter and delay and deflect when asked "what are you thinking?"  Probing my thoughts and feelings is more invasive than probing my vagina.  Physical submission doesn't mean anything until they've breached the wall around my heart and unlocked the closet in my mind.

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ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I do it backwards.  It's much easier for me to submit physically than mentally.  I may let someone use my body, but my mind and heart are guarded.  I can obey "kneel" without a qualm but stutter and delay and deflect when asked "what are you thinking?"  Probing my thoughts and feelings is more invasive than probing my vagina.  Physical submission doesn't mean anything until they've breached the wall around my heart and unlocked the closet in my mind.

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ORIGINAL: catize

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 Well I agree that it can be difficult to handle a "my way or the highway"type, but good on you for it all working out. 

You may have misunderstood me here.  I was the one with the 'do me my way' attitude.  It wasn't necessarily *wrong* but that attitude changed once I understood the mental aspects of submission. 
[/quote

catize, I surely did get it wrong; but I then would query how did the "D" handle it?

CP

(in reply to catize)

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ORIGINAL: kallisto

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP

Hmm .. a thinking question.    Physical submission is easy to do, if I could separtate my mind from it.  But that's the hard part for me.   I can't submit physically without mentally submitting.    I don't think there is a particular action that I can associate with.  But there is a point in the relationship where when I begin to submit mentally, then the physical submission will follow.   That point being when I've opened myself up to Him and He's accepted me and I'm comfortable with that.  I trust Him.   When there is a mental and emotional stability with Him.   When my mind and body ache together to submit.  

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

kallisto,

Another thoughtful response, thanks for your input. Yours appears to be the greatest incidence of mental first and then physical but at what point or trigger if there is one that you "oh God" and just let go of reservations. Trust is time of course but time can continue forever /////// well maybe just a long time.

CP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

 Well I agree that it can be difficult to handle a "my way or the highway"type, but good on you for it all working out. 

You may have misunderstood me here.  I was the one with the 'do me my way' attitude.  It wasn't necessarily *wrong* but that attitude changed once I understood the mental aspects of submission. 
[/quote

catize, I surely did get it wrong; but I then would query how did the "D" handle it?

CP

I was fortunate to meet two men who are still in my life.  Both R. and S. saw potential and they were patient with me. In the early days of our respective relationships, R. said I was a ‘scardy sub’ and S. said I was ‘acting’ submissive.  I recognized the truth in their remarks and they allowed me to figure out what I needed to do to change.  It did indeed work out rather well for us all !
(edited for font size, I think I need new glasses!)

< Message edited by catize -- 10/7/2008 7:14:02 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CelticPrince)

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

NV,

Now that is what I call a fully comprehensive thought on the subject.

CP

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ORIGINAL: littleone35

In my case Master had his mental collar in place before we ever moved to physical.  True we only met face ro face for 3 days before we moved to physical but each link of my mental collar was formed as we talked on the phone for 2 months.  When we moved to physical it was just a natural progression of things for us.  Now almost 3 years later i have my physical collar and his mental collar is stronger than ever.

Matt's littleone

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ORIGINAL: peppermint

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Throughout the many posts that I have read over the years, there is more of a recognition of the importance of the mental aspect of submission before the physical interaction; which I personally applaud
Now the question to be seriously pondered prior to a response; at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

CP

pepper,

and it keeps on going like the energizer bunny.

CP

I have to admit that we did things the opposite way.  We met at an event where we were all having fun trying new physical things....like needles, sutures, and single tails.  Heck I was a newbie and having a great time.  Only later, months later when we met again did the relationship take on a mental aspect. 

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ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

For me, it was a physical act that finally dropped me mentally into a submissive state - that of Her biting my neck.  Looking back, I can see that she was exerting dominance the whole time, but I just could not drop into my place.  The physical act did the trick for my mind.  

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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at what point or action does your mentality tell you that it is time to move to physical submission?

it is an immediate inclination...it actually takes mental effort NOT to immediately move to physical submission.

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ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

Sometimes, there's never a connection.  I'm a bit of a masochist, so I'll bottom just to scratch that itch.  If I begin a relationship with someone who is perceptive enough and wiley enough to get through to me...well....the physical submission finally becomes an outward manifestation of what's going on inside.  If he's tricky enough, I never even see it coming.  One day, he'll do something to me that I said I hated (not a hard limit, mind you), and I'll take it in stride.  Later, I'll think to myself...damn it!  Now, he's got me!  *lol*  Then, my fantasies become a bit extreme because I want the outside to show how deeply I feel things on the inside.