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Padriag -> RE: Ever think about these questions? (12/15/2005 4:27:44 AM)
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I understand the intent of purpose of the list hun, but there are some questions on here I would never answer from a prospective submissive. Not only that, if I got this list from a submissive I'd likely pass on her. Reason being, some of the questions sound a bit like a gold digger. I'll explain in my remarks below.
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ORIGINAL: candystripper
One of my girlfriends and i put together a list of questions to send to Doms and Masters who contacted us. i have lost the orginial but here is a reasonable facsimile, in part, based on my memory:
1. Do You have a JOB? What is it? What income bracket are You in? How long have You had this job/worked for this employer?
Yes I have a job, I'm a decorative painter primarily. I also do home improvement and general maintenance (though I've mostly phased out of the general maintenance except for a few friends and family). What I won't answer are my income bracket or how much money I make. The bills are paid, I live a middle class lifestyle and I can afford to go out every now an then. When as woman asks for more specific financial information than that, I start to wonder at her motives. The fact that I'm willing to take her out to eat, pick up the bill, where I take her, etc. ought to say plenty about my financial status.
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2. Who lives with You? If You are living in Your parents' home, please explain why.
Fair question. I'm staying at my parents temporarily while arranging to relocate to another state. I also own half their house, so technically its also my house. While here I've been working on improving the property so they can sell it at a profit in about a year and buy a smaller place which will leave them a nest egg in the bank. In short, I'm doing what I can to take care of my parents while improving my own situation at the same time.
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3. Are You behind on Your child support? How much is the arreage?
Never been married and no kids, but I can understand asking this. Nobody wants a deadbeat. I'd ask a submissive the same thing if they have kids.
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4. Is there a warrant out for Your arrest?
Nope... never been caught [;)]
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5. What is Your criminal history? If You pled out, what was the original charge?
Don't have one, and you can't prove it [;)] Seriously, I can understand the questions but I see two problems with it. Unless you have enough info to run a criminal background check then you won't really know. And even if someone does have a criminal record that doesn't mean they're a bad person. I don't have a criminal record... however I did run with the Hell's Angels for six years and there is no record of that anywhere. Most people who know me think I'm a pretty good person anyway. I knew a lot of people back then who did have criminal records... long ones... and some of those people were my best friends, people I literally trusted with my life. Criminal records will only tell you a little about a person, but if you don't take the time to get to know them, enough to judge their character, then you aren't really being fair.
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6. Has anyone ever taken a restraining order out against You?
Nope
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7. Are You in this country legally?
Yup... and two other countries too! Do I get bonus points for that? And then there are all those russian, romanian, phillipino, etc. slave girls I see from time to time and you just gotta ask, "do you have a valid VISA?"
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8. What is Your credit score?
Another question I won't answer. Its just not the sort of thing I am going to tell a date or a submissive. Get to know me well enough you can probably guess at it. But other than that, its not something people need to know about me.
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9. Please outline Your plans for retirement, including Your finanacial plans.
I have plans, but its not something I will discuss because again, that starts hinting at my actual financial worth and I don't care to discuss that. Plus, to be honest it starts sounding like the relationship is more about number crunching than personal attraction. This is the problem with it, it leaves a dom wondering if the lass is interested in me or my bank account. Don't need any Anna Nicole's in my life, ya know.
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10. What is Your target date for retirement?
Age 45, which is in 7 years. I have a plan to get there. Until someone gets to know me real well, that's all they need to know.
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11. Do You plan to relocate after You retire? Where?
Already relocating in the Spring, wouldn't mind moving back to Ireland one day but that may never happen.
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12. Have You ever had a relationship with a submissive or slave in real life? Why did it end? Have You ever been 24/7 with a woman? Why did it end?
Yes. She died. You'll pardon me if I don't care to discuss it further. Its a good question to ask though, especially if you prefer someone with experience. But to be fair, there are plenty of people with no experience who will do fine. A lass who has never had such a relationship is not going to be written off by me just because she has no experience, though it is nice to know so I have an idea what I will be dealing with.
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13. If divorced, what is the county in which Your decree was handed down and the case number of Your divorce action?
I suppose that's so you can look it up. You might want to wait a bit before asking these kinds of questions, get to know the person a little first. Otherwise is starts sounding like you're investigating them, which in fact, you are. But you don't want to come across that away... unless you're trying to put a dominant or submissive off.
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14. Does Your income exceed Your outgo? By how much? Do You save in any way? How?
Yes... but again, I won't really answer much about financial questions beyond the following. My bills are paid, I've never paid a bill late in my life, I am not in debt, and I'm picking up the check. Until someone gets to know me real well, that's all they need to know or will know. If they can't deal with that... next.
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However, the list above gives You a taste of what we were trying to do: weed out the criminals, the financially irresponsible; the inexperienced; the abusive men, etc. If a Man were to answer such a questionaire honestly, it would really jump-start a relationship. However, IMO, no such thing is possible; the information must be elicited in convos and You must trust Your instincts. IMO, You must verify factoids He has provided before meeting Him in real life.
i've never used a list; i think it's a bit impersonal and most Doms and Masters would be put off. However, i do try to extract some of this information before i go to Yahoo IM with a Man. A significant number of Men wash out at the email stage for the reasons stated above, in the questionaire, or because it's clear they want a cyber-buddy.
I don't like these kinds of lists either, and you said it yourself, they seem impersonal. For the submissives considering using them, ask yourself this first... how would you react if a dom hit you with such a list right at the beginning? Most submissives I've met would be turned off by it, same thing happens with most dominants. Its not that there aren't good questions in these kinds of lists, its that it seems very impersonal and mechanical... like a "paint by numbers" relationship that lacks emotional content or personal interest. In some ways it can be just as offensive as men being only interested in women with a certain bra size, or women who are only interested in men of a certain cock size... it seems superficial.
However, that's not to say such lists aren't good as suggestions of the kinds of things you ought to find out over time. Even some of the financial information. The trick is not to ask directly, but to learn through observation. Like I said, the kind of resteraunts I would take a lass too, and the fact that I would pick up the check and that I tip generously says something about my financial situation and my character. The fact that my bills are paid, no debt collectors or creditors calling 10 times a day, etc. says something too. These are things you can learn about someone over time. Same thing about them being abusive... watch their behavior, their attitude, how well they control their anger, etc... it says a lot about a persons character. Everyone gets angry, not everyone flies into a rage because someone took their parking space. We all get mad at another person from time to time... not everyone resorts to threats of violence or violence over a spilled drink.
Dominants should ask some of these questions too. Frankly I don't care to take on a submissive who is up to her eyeballs in debt. I had one gal I was talking to who wouldn't answer her phone. Turns out she had creditors calling constantly and wouldn't answer because she was afraid it was them. I stopped calling. I never directly asked what her financial situation was, but just by listening and getting to know her, it came out on its own. But even with debt, you have to stop and ask some questions there too. Where did the debt come from? Someone who got hit with unexpected medical bills can easily be wiped out, even if they were very responsible financially... it happens. Someone may have debt but already be working on their own to get out of debt, that says something about their character too. If submissives write off any potential dominant who has debt, I think they're unnecessarily limiting their choices. On the other hand, I have no debt so... hey, more for me! [:)]
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ORIGINAL: candystripper
i cannot pass judgment on anyone's choices, but i sometimes wonder, when a Dom or Master or Domme asks a submissive or slave to remain at home, unemployed, doing the housekeeping, whether They have taken into consideration that the submissive's or slave's marketability in the work force will atrophy as he/she remains unemployed.
You an I have talked about that and you know better than most what my plans are in that regard. The main point is not whether she keeps her job or not, but whether some thought and planning has been done. As long as there's a roof over your head, food on the table, the bills are paid and some money in the bank, that's doing pretty good (better than many in fact). The one thing I don't plan on is the relationship failing. I do plan for things like something happening to me, medical emergencies, etc. and you know about that as well.
Call me a bit old fashioned but I'm more concerned with how well we get along, whether we can have a conversation, do we have common interests, etc. If that stuff isn't there then the rest just doesn't matter to me. If there isn't a personal connection I could care less what her finances are or her criminal record might be. I think that's another reason why such lists early in getting to know someone are such a turn off.
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