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Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 5:12:31 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Do most Dommes require your subs to stop speaking to all other women? 

I talk to a LOT of men over on the PM's side.  The vast majority of them are not what I consider to be 'my' boys and we don't even pretend to have a D/s relationship.   They are just guys that I enjoy talking to on a more friendly basis.  We talk about our families, tv & movies, new toys... this and that.  Nothing big.  Nothing really sexual.   I don't make demands on them.

For some strange reason, many of them ask me advise on how to attract another Domme and what to do in given situations.  (I have no idea how I became 'Dear Abby' around here!  I sure don't pretend to know everything.)  The only advise that I can give anyone is based on what I personally would enjoy and I always tell them that every woman is different so my suggestions may or may not work for someone else.

The next thing I know, I get those curt little "I found a Domme!  I'm so happy to be collared!  But she says I can't talk to you anymore."   WTF?  I've gotten the "Goodbye and thanks for all the fish" more than once.  Several have actually deleted their accounts... then sent me email telling me that the new Domme demanded their password and was checking to see if they were still talking to other women.  I normally tell them if they aren't supposed to be talking to me anymore, then they are not allowed to Email me either.  The last thing I want to do is step on another Domme's toes.

Are these super Jealous Dommes for real?  Do you Ladies - the ones of you who post here frequently are the ones I trust more than most others - require your boys to cut ALL communications with other women?  Even if those ladies are just friends?



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the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 5:29:33 AM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		I too have talked with submissive men on the other side for long periods of time, and then out of the blue, they found "the one" and have to cut off all contact with any friends.  I usually isn't too horribly long before I hear from them again and things didn't work out.

Personally, I don't feel that it's very realistic to demand that a person not talk with others..... especially once they've become friends.  I am a pretty open and gregarious person, have many friends of different quirks, and would never dream of just cutting contact with any of them so I can't justify making anyone else do that either.

If I'm doing a scene with high protocol that's one thing, but it isn't my style in real life.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 6:18:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Hell, no, in fact I've always encouraged my slaves and subs and trainees to get into the community more and talk to more people, even play with more people.

If I'm a great match for them, none of that will threaten what we have.

If I'm a not a great match for them, I care enough about everyone I've trained or owned to want what is best for them and I empower them to discover that.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 6:31:38 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		My Master's rule for me talking to other Doms is that it is fine as long as they don't make me uncomfortable.  He knows I will never cross any lines with them but keep conversations intellectual and not for wank fodder.  He trusts me to deport myself like a lady with others.  To me it also shows his confidence in himself - he is not afraid that a stray email will break our bond.  Maybe the real problem for these Dommes is a lack of that confidence.

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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 6:37:15 AM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		I don't know about others, but my beloved hubbypet is allowed to speak to anyone he chooses. I trust him 101% if I was worried about him talking to another dominant on line, I would think I needed to re-evaluate my relationship with him.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 7:17:42 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I'm with TammyJo.  I encourage them to maintain contacts, but they often choose not to or to delete their profiles.  If it's someone I'm seriously considering, I might ask that they put a note that they are in discussions, but I've only cared enough about someone once to ask him to do this.  I find that if subs don't maintain contact with other people, they often get too needy, because then most of their focus is on me.  I need someone who can function by himself.

But, yes, the point is duly noted that subs who engage with a domina like this are often back on the market in a matter of days or weeks.  I think both sides are to blame for perpetuating what is, ultimately, an unworkable fantasy.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 8:04:56 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I can see both sides of the coin. A few times now I've been opened minded about it and got screwed. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm poly and there are soooo many out there that don't really understand that.
 
One sub I was talking to, and had come for long weekends, offered to delete the phone numbers of the other dominants he talked to as friends. I told him not to do that, I wasn't asking him to give up all of his friends!! The following week, just before he was due to come back for another visit and after we had done the shopping and gotten the stuff he liked to snack on and drink... things like that, I get this email from him. All of the sudden he didn't think it was gonna work out and came up with all these things that bothered him and none of us could figure out where he got this list of stuff until he told us that he had been talking to this dominant friend of his and he was going to pursue a relationship with them instead.
 
Then another male sub comes along. When he was here he was totally devoted to being here, but when he went home his friends (dominants that he played with on a regular basis) told him constantly that this wasn't what he needed and on and on... please note that I am still single.
 
Then the most recent occurance. An s-type comes for a visit, a full week. Everything is great, everything is wonderful! She goes home, ties up all her loose ends, gets rid of all of her furniture, apartment and all. In the mean time, we go shopping. Bought a new bed for her, new clothes, a dresser and other stuff she may need. And grocery shopping to get the favorite snacks and drinks.. you know the drill by now... right? Anyway... she gets here, all is good, some rocky points but we talked long and hard before hand about working through those rocky spots and that was ok. Of course friends want to keep in touch and we say well hell yeah... we don't want to ruin any friendships!!! And for a few days (three maybe?) a "friend" calls several times, this is a friend that she used to play with on a regular basis but it was just as friends... suddenly she is convinced that this isn't working out... here for 6 whole days! And now they are in a relationship.
 
I can definately see the other side of the coin. Would I restrict who they talk to? Probably not... maybe deep down I'm a masochist myself, who knows? But I can honestly understand why some do it and I won't sit here and say I'll always be so open minded. But for now I'm ok with it.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 8:10:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not allowed to respond to obvious come ons. But nonsexual conversations are fine. The difference is that I can draw a healthy line for myself, and I do recognize when someone says "your dom is a fake", I know that their next email will be to the effect of they are the only true one out there. And I stop talking to them when they run him down because a true friend, which doesn't include online only who have never met him, is going to be much more direct in their concerns.



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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 8:24:27 AM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		Ms. Scarlett you have "become" Dear Abby because of your responses to various questions and statements you have made here on Collarme.  That's simple.

I get to talk to anyone I want and discuss what I want.  However, that is as far as it goes.  I do like to get others opinions.  It helps me form and re-evaluate my position on some issues. 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 8:26:52 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I admitted to Milady initially that "I am a forum slut." and she was fine with it and even encouraged my getting involved and participating.  I have been careful to keep her informed about what contacts I receive and the sort of conversations we are all  having here - it is fun to talk about.

Of course, we are also poly, so that can create a sort of different mindset on additional contacts outside of the relationship.


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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 8:56:20 AM   
rookey


Posts: 100
Status: offline 		Jealously strikes me as a pretty odd attitude to have in a relationship.  As jealously is an absence of trust. 

I mean isn't any kind of relationship built upon some level of trust?  If so, if you don't trust someone, how can you have a relationship with them?  To be jealous is to be distrustful and if you don't trust someone why bother having a relationship with them?

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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 9:05:11 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I wouldn't dream of blocking my submissive's contact with others, regardless of gender.  Isn't that kind of thing a warning sign of an abuser?



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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 10:00:00 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I always see it as a sign of insecurity really. If a relationship is solid then it should be able to handle either partner having friends. Vanilla, submissive, dominant, whatever; it all boils down to if you trust the person or not.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 10:06:51 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

I always see it as a sign of insecurity really. If a relationship is solid then it should be able to handle either partner having friends. Vanilla, submissive, dominant, whatever; it all boils down to if you trust the person or not.


See, that's always been my way of thinking about... and honestly, if a person wants to call themselves your friend they should be supportive of your desire to build that new relationship. I'm not the jealous type, I do honestly believe that what's meant to be will be, but damnit all... let's give each other a fighting chance huh?
 
Ok, bad day at the ok corral... lol To much retrospection.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Usako)
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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 11:02:04 AM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		Unless someone's cloned me without my knowledge, there isn't another domme out there who can do what I do. He can talk to them all at once if he likes!

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RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 11:12:11 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		It doesn't bother me in the least if one of our servants (male or female) is talking to another dominant individual, as long as it is understood by everyone that the s-types -instructions- come from us and only us.

The only time I'd have an issue is if the d-type on the other end of the keyboard started second-guessing our methods and rules, or ordered our s-type to do something and not to tell us, and then it would be -specific-... contact with -that person- would be cut off, but not -every- other d-type our servant conversed with.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 11:14:57 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		No I do not mind if he talks to other Dominants and it is because I am secure in my relationship with him.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 11:31:01 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ive never isolated a partner.. I can not say I have never been envious .. jealous.. I dont think so.. I think that there are alot of people out there who have no respect for the lifestyle.. I WOULD NEVER knowlingly solicit another's submissive/slave/bottom/servant what have you...I find that kind of behvaior most occurs among those who are players not people who are serious about praticing the art.. reputation is everything and that would not look good in my community.

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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 12:37:31 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think Mistress would ever say "You can't talk to this person" unless she thought it would be detrimental to my well being in some way. She trusts me enough not to stay true to her. I mean, I still talk with my ex who's now one of my best friends.

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Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Jelous Dommes - 10/10/2008 12:45:02 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		i expect my Owner to be jealous/possessive of me; after all i am precious and worth being covetous over.  That said, commands like "You are not to be talking to other women or dommes anymore."  would get a response along the lines of "Would you like to reiterate that, or should i get the door?".

Big shock i know, but i am an incorrigible flirt and tease and my friends have always been women.  These are things i make clear up front in any relationship, and i won't change certain things about who i am for any woman.  If she is not able to accept this, she is not the one for me.

Now, i'm not unreasonable; i will allow certain restrictions (and i purposely use the word 'allow' as opposed to 'accept'; as any preliminary conditions and concessions i make are my life, and are made before it becomes my life for You) because i accept that i will be a reflection of my owner and in any serious relationship, certain types of contact and conduct must certainly be restricted.  So, i will certainly not be in contact with dominant women without my owner's permission and knowledge.  i also will not flirt with every pretty woman at a lifestyle event, or any place where my owner is present and/or our relationship is a known entity.  Also, as far as physically intimate contact with women; or periods of time alone with any women will, of course be within her rights to control/limit or eliminate if only for the appearance of impropriety.

For these concessions, i will expect a level of trust that i will make the right decision in my dealings with women; and i will accept that if i abuse the trust, any or all of these freedoms can be eliminated for as long as my owner deems necessary.

So no, if the worst were to happen and something seperated Ma'am from myself; i would not disappear from my friends lives or contact with them without good reason if a new owner came into my life.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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