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myotherself -> RE: What has made your eyes roll today? (12/29/2008 11:10:55 AM)
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Some random 'dom' sent me this today...
I have no idea why. I'm not a novice, and I haven't asked for advice...
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This is some info I sent to a novice at her request. You may find it interesting. Go to fetlife.com for more opportunities. Good Luck. -S
First, OK try to read SM101 or The New Bottoming Book for the sub and The New Topping Book for the DOM. They are very important primers esp. about safety processes. There are a lot of crazy's in BDSM who are in only for themselves. The are at least abusive and frequently dangerous.
Second, pleasure/pain, i.e., erotic domination/submission is the reason behind BDSM activities. Occasionally, service only and no sex is negotiated. To each their own. BDSM is a CONSENSUAL pleasure/pain. Some want pleasure only and some pleasure/pain only when required and some (masochist) was pain all the time.....for some the more the better. Pleasure/pain can be physical....spanking, nipple, clamps, etc or mental...corner time, eye restrictions, humiliation. Bondage is physical that cause mental pleasure. BUT is ALWAYS Pleasure to both participants .....otherwise it is not consensual. It is is ultimately fun....it is not BDSM. BDSM is NOT about abuse...physical or mental. SSC (safe, sane, consensual) is the only way you should play until you really get to know your partner very well. RACK (Risk Aware, Consensual Kink) allows the other a free hand since you are aware of the risk. The question is: Do you really want to risk your life?
Third, you always negotiate your interactions....what is going to be done ......what is NOT going to done, etc. Please precise and detail. Know your hard limits....for example no needle or knife play or scat or water sports.....your Hard LIMITS can never be violated. Also you have safe words to stop whatever is happening cold.....dead stop......no if, and or buts...
Fourth,the differences between the following levels of play are noted below. The lower level has the attributes of the level(s) above:
a) TOP/bottom: it is about the physical body.....pleasure/pain sensations. The TOP provides the bottom with pleasure/pain within negotiated parameters.;
b) DOM/submissive is about the physical and mental bodies..specifically pleasure/pain sensations and total power exchange. The DOM/DOMME is in complete control of the sub during the scene and the submissive submits to sensations the DOM and sub have negotiated.;
c) Master/slave is beyond DOM/sub since it is supposed to be 24/7. It is about physical, mental and spiritual bodies....and involves pleasure/pain sensations, power exchange and subconscious urges. Many slaves can't remember when they weren't submissive and wanted to submit completely. The relationship is like those above and contracts for periods of time are signed by two equal people.;
d) finally there is Owner/slave.....an extreme Master/slave relationship that is without any limits or whatever is negotiated.
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