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Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:34:11 PM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

Today, I witnessed something that really made me feel humiliated, angry but most of all, hurt. A woman, a fellow submissive, outwardly and very meanly criticized my body while I was engaged in D/s play.. a lady who I had chatted with before..someone who I felt comfortable with. I had become aware that she turned on my cam (accidentally, she claimed), but thought nothing of it, until I read her words on the screen... her opinion of my body told to the entire room, ending with the comment "..it made me want to puke!"
While I mistakenly left myself open to this attck by remaining visible in the Abyss video room, an error that shall NEVER be repeated btw, I am flabbergasted that a woman, a fellow submissive, a lady over the age of 50, would resort to such mean behaviour. It is difficult enough for some of us, particularly us older, 'mature bodied' women, to take the step and submit in public. Learning to express submissiveness and trusting the environment are issues I have been working on. Sadly, I had developed blind trust in the rooms, and in the people who I come there regularly. Another mistake I shall not make! Thankfully there were many wonderful people who came to my aide... and comforted me. A lady who heard me crying while I was telling the Dominant what had happenned, told me there is a woman in that room who 'does this'. Sure enough, when she mentioned her name, it was one and the same. Interestingly enough, this woman NEVER herself appears on cam. It has taken me a few hours to get past the hurt and humiliation I felt and not to let 3 years of hard work on my body image be shattered in a moment by the hypocritical comments of lady who, really, must be pitied! I urge new submissives, or anyone that has anything less than total confidence in her/his body, to ensure you play privately (open a room, select a password, and invite only those people you feel comfortable with, to enter).

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

Post #: 1

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:45:50 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

there's always going to be someone that doesn't like something about us; that's life. to allow it to upset you so much that it devistates you is going a little bit over-board in the 'emotionally reactive' department and a personal demon that you need to get control of before it consumes you...

people aren't always going to be nice. remember that saying, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me' that you heard when you were a kid? it's not something that new submissives need to take to heart as being a 'warning', but something that people should take to heart from childhood on into their adulthood.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 2

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:49:26 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Often, the things that disgust us in others are the things that we are unhappy with or disgusted by in ourselves, or they represent things that we see as our own 'hard limits' that we see someone else participating in, and can't understand how they could bring themselves to do that or show that or be that. Unfortunately, when that reflex hits people, some of them choose to just spew it out and leave their personal garbage sprayed all over other people or situations.

I wouldn't worry too hard about what she has to say. One thing I've learned over the years is that "feeling ducky" and just letting other people's crap slide right off my back has given me the opportunity to continue to enjoy what I enjoy, and let them wallow in their own shit without me feeling 'soiled' by their crap-toss.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 3

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:49:56 PM

knockonmyduir

Posts: 264
Status: offline

hold your head up high, don't let someone elses insecurities become your own....

....i thought it was 'sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me'?

_____________________________

knockonmyduir

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
-Hindu Spiritual

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 4

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:52:13 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

Mean people suck. Sadly there are some in this world who live to hurt others just for the sheer hell of it. It happens. Don't let a few a-holes ruin your life (or even your day). It's not worth the brain cells wasted thinking about it.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 5

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:52:43 PM

MsAuthoritarian

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline

Some people need to put other people down in order to make themselves feel better (about themselves). I doubt this is the first time in your life someone has said something negative about you and I can assure it won't be the last.

While I understand that hurtful things can be hurtful, I also know that hurtful things do not have to be hurtful if you do not allow them to be.

Perhaps you could talk to her in a calm assertive way and simply say...

"I'm sorry you feel the need to put other people down. You must be struggling to find and maintain some sense of self-esteem. I sure hope you resolve your issues enough to realize that putting other people down simple makes you look bad not the person you are putting down".

Good Luck!
MsAuthoritarian

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 6

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:53:31 PM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

While my heart goes out to you, you're on a public website. People can (and do) say whatever the hell they want. If you're playing so that anyone can see you, well then you leave yourself wide open to whatever anyone says. As far as "fellow submissive" goes...that's kind of like 'sister slave". I suppose there may be such things, but I'd leave that kind of trust to someone I knew in real life.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 7

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:56:16 PM

shatteredplaster

Posts: 47
Joined: 10/22/2007
From: NY
Status: offline

Not everyone can be understanding and pleasant. I'm sorry that this "woman" decided to prove that by saying what she did. Understand that most people will saying things like this out of jealousy. You're comfortable with yourself enough to go out on camera...she is not. So she decided to go the childish route.

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 8

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 1:58:33 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

Yet another one of the many perfectly good reasons I don't do what I do before an audience. Why would I let the beautiful intimacy of what Master and I share be critiqued and verbally shat upon by some idiotic loser we don't know? My body (and His) are faaaaar from perfect. But we are perfect FOR each other. To let outside eyes watch only to try to tear that down......utter nonsense. The only people who'll ever be a party to our intimacy is someone who lovingly wishes to be physically involved, not some asshole observer from afar............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 9

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:20:26 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Harsh as it might seem...........If you're free to view, you're up for whatever comes from that. No-one can guarantee that *people are nice*. Most people find that out very early on in life.........like in the playground.

I'd say it was naive to think that ALL responses and comments would be supportive and encouraging. This is the internet and you're opening yourself up in a way that you either need to be prepared for ....or don't do it.

agirl

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 10

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:20:28 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I am sorry to hear you had to experience this. Just know that there are people in this world who feel that by somehow putting someone else it makes them better in their warped heads. I do like this written by MsAuthoritarian: "I'm sorry you feel the need to put other people down. You must be struggling to find and maintain some sense of self-esteem. I sure hope you resolve your issues enough to realize that putting other people down simple makes you look bad not the person you are putting down".

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 11

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:20:43 PM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Yet another one of the many perfectly good reasons I don't do what I do before an audience. Why would I let the beautiful intimacy of what Master and I share be critiqued and verbally shat upon by some idiotic loser we don't know?

luci... it is part of what my Dominant enjoys... the sharing . To all of you who responded, I thank you for your wisedom and kind words.

To Daddyslilone...
You are very right! And hence my name babygurl:( I am very sensitive... although you wouldnt know that about me at first glance as my immediate reaction is to come out scratching like a cat). It has been a lifelong battle for me to be myself, experience my TRUE self.. both good and bad. I am now able to see how I let this person influence what I know to be true in my heart. A relapse of sorts. You are so correct when you say that it is a personal demon. It is! And just when I think I have control over it, it rears its ugly head. I am very much a little girl; a baby. The neediest part of me is ceasing to be pleasurable!!!

I will go on from here... cautious about my activities... less naieve and trusting for sure... However I intend not to let this interfere with the pursuit of self knowledge and acceptance as it relates to my submission. Thanks everyone.

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 12

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:23:15 PM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
Status: offline

Something 50+ year old lady was saying shit like that?! Unless she's that hot granny from those exercise machine commercials, who the fuck is she to be insulting anyone's looks?!
You know what you should do? Extract revenge, of course! Hide a webcam somewhere, film her naked, wrinkled old ass, then speed it up while playing the Benny Hill theme and put the caption "OLD WHORE!" at the bottom.

-Tabris

_____________________________

I don't like hand baskets. Everything's always going to Hell in them.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 13

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:39:55 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I hate to break it you Tabris.....but I don't think you did any favours for the OP...........considering she's likely 50+ and not from a tv exercise commercial either.........LOL

Wrinkly arses at dawn, anyone?

(in reply to TabrisMaceth)

Post #: 14

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:44:28 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides
luci... it is part of what my Dominant enjoys... the sharing . To all of you who responded, I thank you for your wisedom and kind words

Oh, I understand babygurlrides. If Master desired that, we'd do it. It's just that He doesn't and feels the same way I do about it. It was just a rhetorical question, really. If that's what your master wants, I do understand.........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 15

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 2:54:34 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

bgr...im sorry that happened and im sorry that you took offense to it. Mean people do suck. i know you are just venting your feelings of hurt and humiliation...and im sorry that you had to experience that.
i am nekkid in public pretty much every weekend. People who i see every week, and who's names i am still fuzzy on most days see me in all my glory and then they get to listen to me whine thru my scenes. im soooo not a beauty queen. And frankly i would be crushed if anyones opinion of how i looked at my most vulnerable...cuffed to the cross or gawd forbid ass in the air on my favorite bench...if that opinion was spoken aloud and i heard it or heard of it.
But after i wiped away my tears...and all the snot....im soooo not a graceful crier....i would prolly just go smack the bitch in the teeth.
Hows that for a pretty picture?

delicate as a flower

perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 16

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 3:38:49 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I dont get the big deal. You go into a room of strangers <yes ppl you don't know in rl are stangers.> And somebody rips on you. After all "you" are the one that opened yourself up to it. Ummm I can't remember the last time I striped for strangers. Most ppl dont need to be warned about your type of behavior.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 17

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 3:42:37 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Color me confused... she remotely turned on your cam?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 18

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 3:42:46 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

you're kidding right?

this is online, right?

we can't even tell if you're who you say you are... grow a thicker skin...

yeah, I'm a bitch... but get real, ok?

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 19

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 3:46:30 PM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

Somebody remotely flick on her cam.

We'll soon sort out whether her ass is too fat, or she has too wavy triceps, or not.

SergeantMajor MacGuffie

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 20

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