Noah
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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Abuse, my dear, comes in many forms - one of them being disregarding YOUR feelings. As a health care professional, my advice is to run, run, don't walk away - and never look back.
My advice, dear, would be to run away from any "health care professional" who would diagnose and prescribe (prescribing drastic action at that) based on no more information than was presented here.
Someone else said: "If it scares you, don't let him do it. Period. "
What the fuck? What if the edge that comes with a bit of fear is a very positive thing for this woman? What if she is only now and in this way learning that this is true for her? What if her partner has picked up on this and is nurturing it? He presumably has more knowledge and a better feel for where she is at in a given moment that the raft of Concerned Pundits posting doomsday responses here.
Must we rule out the possibility that in his own possibly ham-fisted way he is guiding things in a direction which has a lot of positive potential for his partner and himself? Yeah, it is easy to suspect that he's getting a bit ahead of himself but does that warrant anyone's decision to declare this guy an ABUSER with no more evidence, and to insist that two people abandon each other and everything thay have put into a relationship which has obviously made some degree of progress?
"JUST GIVE UP. QUIT. THROW IT ALL AWAY (based on some ill-informed stranger's knee-jerk reaction.)" Yeah, if only more of us would take this approach to new experiences in our relationships just imagine how many problems could be avoided.
And the people with the "no means no" stuff are boggling me too. Do you know, or do I know what sort of terms this couple operates under?
Having one's "No" over-ruled is central to a whole swath of kink dynamics. No absolutely does not always mean no. Sometimes it means: "Yes, please; more and harder." Sometimes it means: "I'd rather not but you;re the boss." And someties it just means categorically NO.
If no necesarily in all situations meant no then there would have been no (and I do mean no) reason for that anonymous pioneer of kink to have invented the safeword.
Here's an open question: is there any submissive here in whose relationship being over-ruled after declining the opportunity for some anal sex is a perfectly in-bounds expression of your submission to your partner?
I mean if your own personal dominant has no choice but to operate under rules which prevent him from ever doing anything you don't particularly care for, that's cool. Go with it if that is what submission means to you and him. Thrive. No sarcasm intended. That's great for you two.
For some submissives submision actually entails sometimes doing something the other person wants even though you may not care to at the time. Like having intercourse even when it is a bit tender down there. Even rough, manual intercourse.
Maybe screaming in agony isn't your deal. That's fine. For you it might indeed always signal Abuse In Progress. For some D's and s's screams of agony are icing on the cake. For others those screams are pretty much the whole point.
It isn't completely clear to me where the original poster is going to end up on this spectrum of preferences. She seems to be trying to feel her way along. I wouldn't be surprised if she decides that screams of agony aresoemthing she wants to avoid. I wouldn't be surprised either, though, if next week she finds herself fantasizing about and desiring more of jst that sort of thing.
Because I don't know her.
And neither do you.
In the opening post a couple of paragraphs describe one participant's impression of an event as it strikes her at the moment she's chosen to write about it. None of us know her or her background. None of us know her partner nor have we heard one word from his side of the story.
Some of us have asked questions which reveal the understanding of the need for more information before declaring one or both parties criminal and/or pathological and calling for an immediate end to what may, for all we know, be a fruitful relationship in which this woman (and perhaps her partner) are finding fulfillment and growth.
Maybe that is not the case. We just don't have very much to go on.
Few thngs are more commonplace in my own experience of kink than a noob having a novel experience and not quite knowing what to make of it. His or her own innate reaction may be all cluttered up with cultural expectations or other confusions. Sometimes, after thinking it over or talking it over with the partner or others this person might recognize that the event was really uncool for them. Other times the person might realize that as confusing as it was at the time it absolutely rocked, maybe opened a new door of pleasurable experience and self-understanding.
I'm glad the original poster brought her uncertainty here. I'm glad that some risks we explained to her. I'm also glad that some people responded out of something beyond their own limits and fears.
For my part I'd like to point out the risk in running away from every danger and challenge in life and particularly in relationships.
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RE: What was my master doing to me?! - 
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