RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES???

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CaringandReal -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 5:38:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial quote: ORIGINAL: Level Some new folks are treated worse than they should be. Some get what they deserve [:D] And there is some truth in the "it's a no win situation" regarding either starting new threads, or reviving old ones. My advice, if you want to start a new one, do so, and ignore anyone telling you to "search", more than likely, you'll get some decent answers. Reviving an old thread, ehhh, you're more likely to get a bad response. Maybe so, my point is, people will and have a right to revive old threads. This brings up a question: I've seen, in the past, Mods criticize posters for bumping old threads; is there anything in the TOS about this? I personally don't care either way; all that matters to me, is that something be interesting. Old or new. Bumping old threads repeatedly and regularly is a well-known trolling technique used by some people in some places just to be irritating and draw attention to themselves...or to somebody they hate (in that situation they only bump the hated one's threads, especially the threads they think makes their enemy look bad). There's a possibility of hate bumping, or irritation bumping (just to stir people up). But that's a fairly obvious pattern. It's usually just one person, bumping many threads all at once to fill the thread lists with confusing clutter. That may be why you've seen mod commentary about this. Maybe they see a pattern (a new name but a repeating IP) in some of the bumps?

CaringandReal -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 5:55:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal By the way, I agree with you about the looose-loose situation: "Go read the old threads! Don't start a new thread! But don't you DARE post in an older thread!" You can't win... Actually, nope, haven't seen that personally. I see people told that if you post in an old thread, have a reason to do so, and state the reason. Don't grab the paddles and shock it to life just to say "I totally agree" (which is somewhere in the guidelines at the top of one of the sections). Does anyone get slammed for saying, "I've read about ten threads on this, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it, so I'd like to ask this...", or "I know this thread is old, but the topic came up recently in conversation, so I'd like to ask if... "? I haven't seen anyone get slammed for that. The person who resurrected it this time (and it wasn't 4 months old, it was a year and a half old that had first gotten resurrected for that "i totally agree" thing) actually had a slightly different question. If she had worded it a bit differently, it might have been noticed more. I think one person saw it. Her question was about someone not responding after trading a series of emails while the original post was about someone not responding to an initial email. Cali When people are new to a forum and don't know the "unspoken" rules, they don't realize any of these things. They say or do confusing things, but not out of any intention of ill will, but the reason it's a lose-lose situation is because regular posters treat such an individual as a villian doing these things intentionally to annoy them and go for the bloody snark attack, rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt, like asking them in a polite way why they restarted the thread, even better, asking them to clarify their point. (or if they can't say anything nice... JUST NOT RESPONDING TO THE FOOKING THREAD. ) Just because this one particular reviver in this specific one thread doesn't meet the general "lose-lose" pattern that was so accurately descirbed doesn't mean it never happens, by the way. ;) It does exist, sadly, in spades. And I agree wholeheartedly that it happens all too often. Tolerance and empathy for someone new and starting out gets thrown to the ditches in favor of "Look I can count forum coup by running over this newbie trying to make a first post." This is a social environement, not a library or school or Google and people come here to socialize. And certain regular posters seem to take a very ugly delight in thwarting a newcomer's attempt to socialize, to get to know others here, to run them off, shame or humiliate them, before they even have a chance to say hello.

sexyred1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 6:14:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal By the way, I agree with you about the looose-loose situation: "Go read the old threads! Don't start a new thread! But don't you DARE post in an older thread!" You can't win... When people are new to a forum and don't know the "unspoken" rules, they don't realize any of these things. They say or do confusing things, but not out of any intention of ill will, but the reason it's a lose-lose situation is because regular posters treat such an individual as a villian doing these things intentionally to annoy them and go for the bloody snark attack, rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt, like asking them in a polite way why they restarted the thread, even better, asking them to clarify their point. (or if they can't say anything nice... JUST NOT RESPONDING TO THE FOOKING THREAD. ) Just because this one particular reviver in this specific one thread doesn't meet the general "lose-lose" pattern that was so accurately descirbed doesn't mean it never happens, by the way. ;) It does exist, sadly, in spades. And I agree wholeheartedly that it happens all too often. Tolerance and empathy for someone new and starting out gets thrown to the ditches in favor of "Look I can count forum coup by running over this newbie trying to make a first post." This is a social environement, not a library or school or Google and people come here to socialize. And certain regular posters seem to take a very ugly delight in thwarting a newcomer's attempt to socialize, to get to know others here, to run them off, shame or humiliate them, before they even have a chance to say hello. Villains? Bloody shark attack? Ugly delight? Shame, humilation? Were you teased in school alot? Were you attacked as a newbie? Overly dramatic, much? 0 NZ points.

funnelgag -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 6:33:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal This is a social environement, not a library or school or Google and people come here to socialize. And certain regular posters seem to take a very ugly delight in thwarting a newcomer's attempt to socialize, to get to know others here, to run them off, shame or humiliate them, before they even have a chance to say hello. well said. And of course, in trying to hide their own viciousness (and pretend that their behavior is normal), the usual bullies will try and insist that it is YOU who is out-of-step (i.e. you are weak, sensitive, over-dramatic, etc).

Luckbunny -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 6:52:41 AM)
quote: A sub/slave's 'duty' is first and foremost 'to serve', this includes, but is definitely not limited to, responding when a Master/Mistress say's something to them...even if the response is in the 'negative' No sorry. A sub/slave's duty is to serve ~their~ masters, not any and every person that comes around calling themselves dominant. You might want to rethink how you view submissives, because if they pick up on that, they definitely -won't- reply to you. Please keep in mind that they're people too, and that means that they, just like you, owe a stranger absolutely nothing.

RedMagic1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:08:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Overly dramatic, much? 0 NZ points. Oh come on, sexyred. The very existence of "NZ points" is proof of the cliquish nature of message boards. Back when he first started handing them out, he gave me 100 (mostly due to a post I made he thought was worth 80), but I never acknowledged receipt of them, and he hasn't awarded me any for a long time. (I prefer it that way, in case anyone is interested.) It's a way of demonstrating status within a particular group, by playing a particular social game. I didn't play the game, so I stopped getting points. (Again, I prefer it that way -- for the same reason I don't have friends on my profile. I want my words to be judged on their own, and by me alone, not by who I happen to be buddies with.) To people uncomfortable about expressing themselves, these social circles can seem imposing. It helps to remember that this is JUST THE INTERNET. This relates directly to the OP as well. Not enough responses, or not enough polite responses? Don't sweat it too much. This is only online. It's not as though someone you know in real life just blew you off.

sexyred1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:14:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Overly dramatic, much? 0 NZ points. Oh come on, sexyred. The very existence of "NZ points" is proof of the cliquish nature of message boards. Back when he first started handing them out, he gave me 100 (mostly due to a post I made he thought was worth 80), but I never acknowledged receipt of them, and he hasn't awarded me any for a long time. (I prefer it that way, in case anyone is interested.) It's a way of demonstrating status within a particular group, by playing a particular social game. I didn't play the game, so I stopped getting points. (Again, I prefer it that way -- for the same reason I don't have friends on my profile. I want my words to be judged on their own, and by me alone, not by who I happen to be buddies with.) To people uncomfortable about expressing themselves, these social circles can seem imposing. It helps to remember that this is JUST THE INTERNET. This relates directly to the OP as well. Not enough responses, or not enough polite responses? Don't sweat it too much. This is only online. It's not as though someone you know in real life just blew you off. Hey Red, wtf? LOL I was replying to the dramatic post above me calling people villains, vicious, bloodthirsty sharks for daring to express any views other than coddling newbies. I was being facetious about the NZ points...I mean, come on Red, you have known my posts for a long time, do you HONESTLY think I give a crap about a point system? Dude??? I am sorry you missed my point to the poster above; there seems to be a mass outbreak of people thinking regular posters are big meanies, instead of having free speech, which is the hallmark of internet message boards. I meant what I said, the dramatic posturing of being "so offended" is laughable.

kittinSol -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:16:51 AM)
20 KS points.

sexyred1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:16:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: funnelgag quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal This is a social environement, not a library or school or Google and people come here to socialize. And certain regular posters seem to take a very ugly delight in thwarting a newcomer's attempt to socialize, to get to know others here, to run them off, shame or humiliate them, before they even have a chance to say hello. well said. And of course, in trying to hide their own viciousness (and pretend that their behavior is normal), the usual bullies will try and insist that it is YOU who is out-of-step (i.e. you are weak, sensitive, over-dramatic, etc). And I will say it again, to you, for emphasis: GET OVER IT, IT IS THE INTERNET.

EbonyWood -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:18:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol 20 KS points. Elitist tart.

sexyred1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:19:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol 20 KS points. See? Now those are points I am seeking. KS points have a much higher cash in value.

RedMagic1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:20:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 See? Now those are points I am seeking. KS points have a much higher cash in value. I might accept some KS points too... if I could redeem them at a future date.[;)]

RCdc -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:28:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 The very existence of "NZ points" is proof of the cliquish nature of message boards. I agree with your observation, but really the use of the word 'clique' is a bit distasteful to me. Not that I haven't used it in the past in the way back, I did - I tend to look at myself at that point in time as being pretty immature about it (note the 'I' - I am not referencing anyone else but it was my opinion of my own behaviour at a certain point in time (edit to put in a disclaimer and spelling errors bah!). But then I read something Merc (Mercnbeth) said once and I have used it ever since. Cliques are just a group of friends that don't include you was the general gist. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a friendship circle. There is NZ's points, or fluffys points, or the subbiemafia. So what? Using the word clique is just a way of saying 'I'm not in that group' and from my observation, usually used with a touch of bitterness. (Not stating that is related to you specifically - just a general observation - damn these disclaimers[;)]). quote: Back when he first started handing them out, he gave me 100 (mostly due to a post I made he thought was worth 80), but I never acknowledged receipt of them, and he hasn't awarded me any for a long time. (I prefer it that way, in case anyone is interested.) It's a way of demonstrating status within a particular group, by playing a particular social game. I didn't play the game, so I stopped getting points. (Again, I prefer it that way -- for the same reason I don't have friends on my profile. I want my words to be judged on their own, and by me alone, not by who I happen to be buddies with.) Oh, I wouldn't worry... he's been lapse with the points recently, not just with you... [;)] But seriously, again the points are no different to a person saying 'I agree' or 'great post'. Whether you have friends on your profile or not, people will judge you by who you agree with or what you say on the forums. People are observant enough for that when they hang around even for a short time period. They see whom has bothered to meet who, and who agrees or disagrees with who... so avoiding having links to friends doesn't stop that. We have friends on our list because we aren't ashamed of these people we call friends and if people do want to judge us on the networks we belong to, then sobeit. Sometimes the network grows - sometimes it shrinks - And if they judge us negatively or do not have good things to say but we(in a generic sense) are ultimately happy and content - then does that really matter in the whole spectrum of things? the.dark.

kittinSol -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:33:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EbonyWood quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol 20 KS points. Elitist tart. 2 points.

RedMagic1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:41:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc Sometimes the network grows - sometimes it shrinks - And if they judge us negatively or do not have good things to say but we(in a generic sense) are ultimately happy and content - then does that really matter in the whole spectrum of things? Only if a person's spectrum is overfocused on online interaction. Fortunately, mine is not, despite how much I enjoy this place. Again, I think this relates directly to the OP. Emails to strangers ought to be less emotionally freighted than saying hi to someone who is standing right in front of you. If I had been unsuccessful in online dating, I would have turned off the computer and tried something else. It's not as though the person on the other end of your internet connection is the grantor or destroyer of your future happiness.

RCdc -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 9:58:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Only if a person's spectrum is overfocused on online interaction. Fortunately, mine is not, despite how much I enjoy this place. I'd have to disagree. I don't believe it matters one iota - whether it's online or offline. I don't even fool myself into believing that what I might say or write to a person in a private mail, is going to be influential one way or another. BUT if it is and I gain a new friend whom I will one day meet or speak to offline then it's a win/win situation for me. That is what networking is about... opening our lives to new experiences and possibilities that would be harder without networking. quote: Again, I think this relates directly to the OP. Emails to strangers ought to be less emotionally freighted than saying hi to someone who is standing right in front of you. But why? Rejection is still rejection, regardless of the medium used, as is all the points and tacklesmoochies in the world. Just because something isn't tangible, doesn't make it less or more sentient (if that makes any sense). quote: If I had been unsuccessful in online dating, I would have turned off the computer and tried something else. It's not as though the person on the other end of your internet connection is the grantor or destroyer of your future happiness. They aren't - that is true - but experience does shape the path that the grantor or destroyer (ie yourself) takes. People discount online relationships or experiences (and I am not including cyber in this) when the reality is, it that it is yet another tool and a means of communication and it's pretty naive IMO to in one hand, say we are all responsible for ourselves , get over it in one breath and go on in another thread to give solid, sound advice without accepting that our words may have an impact on how someone might feel - given any number of unknown things going on that we aren't aware of. What we are not aware of - yeah sure - we can't take it all on our shoulders because that would be way ott... but we could consider that our negative dig or suggestion might just be the tipping point for an individual. That's our responsibility as well... no matter how we try and justify that it's not. the.dark.

sexyred1 -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 10:01:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Only if a person's spectrum is overfocused on online interaction. Fortunately, mine is not, despite how much I enjoy this place. I'd have to disagree. I don't believe it matters one iota - whether it's online or offline. I don't even fool myself into believing that what I might say or write to a person in a private mail, is going to be influential one way or another. BUT if it is and I gain a new friend whom I will one day meet or speak to offline then it's a win/win situation for me. That is what networking is about... opening our lives to new experiences and possibilities that would be harder without networking. quote: Again, I think this relates directly to the OP. Emails to strangers ought to be less emotionally freighted than saying hi to someone who is standing right in front of you. But why? Rejection is still rejection, regardless of the medium used, as is all the points and tacklesmoochies in the world. Just because something isn't tangible, doesn't make it less or more sentient (if that makes any sense). quote: If I had been unsuccessful in online dating, I would have turned off the computer and tried something else. It's not as though the person on the other end of your internet connection is the grantor or destroyer of your future happiness. They aren't - that is true - but experience does shape the path that the grantor or destroyer (ie yourself) takes. People discount online relationships or experiences (and I am not including cyber in this) when the reality is, it that it is yet another tool and a means of communication and it's pretty naive IMO to in one hand, say we are all responsible for ourselves , get over it in one breath and go on in another thread to give solid, sound advice without accepting that our words may have an impact on how someone might feel - given any number of unknown things going on that we aren't aware of. What we are not aware of - yeah sure - we can't take it all on our shoulders because that would be way ott... but we could consider that our negative dig or suggestion might just be the tipping point for an individual. That's our responsibility as well... no matter how we try and justify that it's not. the.dark. .dark, I forgot how eloquent you are; you made some good points here. can I give you a virtual hug? :)

CalifChick -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 10:02:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal When people are new to a forum and don't know the "unspoken" rules, they don't realize any of these things. They say or do confusing things, but not out of any intention of ill will... When people are new to a forum... unless you woke out of a coma as recently as YESTERDAY, the internet is not that new to you (generic "you"). If you (can I stop saying "generic" now?) are so foolhardy as to step into a forum for the very first time being on ANY forum, and don't take some time to look around and get the lay of the land, well, it will be a quick lesson learned. I would find it difficult to believe that the very first time someone ventures into a forum on the internet, it ends up being this one (not that this forum is any different than any other forum I've seen). Do you walk into a library for the very first time (over the age of reason) and start hollering, or do you observe what other people are doing? Do you march into a restaurant and just sit down somewhere, or do you look around to see what the expected behavior is... what other people are doing, is there a sign that says "seat yourself" or "please wait to be seated", is it an upscale restaurant where you would expect there to be a host, etc. I consider it pretty foolhardy to venture into ANYTHING new and forge ahead with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears going LA LA LA LA LA. Cali

xxblushesxx -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 10:04:05 AM)
[sm=lalala.gif]

RCdc -> RE: WHY NO POLITE RESPONSES??? (2/1/2010 10:06:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 .dark, I forgot how eloquent you are; you made some good points here. can I give you a virtual hug? :) I never turn down a hug - virual or otherwise...![;)] I don't turn down points either - but I am an attentionwhore like that...[:D] the.dark.

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