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RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 4:23:10 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I have not read all the replies due to being tired, I would say ' hey I have a life too you know, I cant sit by the computer all day waiting for your email'.

Its wrong for someone to think like that. People need some more commen sense.

A submissive's life does not instantly stop, commitments must still be met,bills must still be paid. Time with family members must be met.


(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 4:27:32 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It blows my mind the number of women who grow up and want their own real life Ken to play to 'dom' to their Barbie ... yes it is entirely appropiate for a dominant to set the rules...if you want to call the shots of a relationship become the dominant...if not, then submit... it really is that black and white.


Perfectly stated.

quote:

Aww cmon. I want it ALL! ;)


Ahhhhhh, to be able to live such a fantasy.....

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 4:46:52 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		The double standard is because the dom sets the rules for the sub. That is fundamental to D/s as others have said. The sub wants to and is expected to follow his rules. The major aspect of trust we all talk about is that both must know that his rules will be followed. She will not feel satisfied if she thinks she can break his rules.

For instance, what if a master has a core rule that his sub not talk to other doms about certain things and she breaks it? She has broken the fundamental basis of the relationship and the trust is seriously weakened or destroyed entirely. It is not only the act of disobeying her master, but she has damaged what the relationship is based upon.

If the dom does something “wrong” he has not broken the fundamental D/s basis of the relationship.


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RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 5:33:10 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I've read these posts with interest and this seems to be a continuation of the Expectations thread. However I'm not so sure you're argument works in an unequal relationship. For example, let's use parent and child. If the parent instructs the child to be home at 9pm, it's 9 pm, not 9:01. However if the parent says I'll pick you up at 9pm and doesn't arrive till 9:15, there are no consequences. Now certainly the sub has the right to expect polite and even an effort to be made to meet the expectation. But I must disagree, the expectations for behavior in an unequal relationship are different.

Respectfully,

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Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 5:54:17 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		i believe to be a submissive to this person, you should submit to his will.

But even when youve found the right one, like this one clearly is not, there will be times, when the last thing you need right now is to do......................................for your Sir. Touch titties, thats submission.

I couldnt quite hack it myself. not all the time. I just cant do that. So we changed what we had, to fit us. We have our D/s, but the ''book says" response, is always
if in doubt, submit. Takes a lotta trust. Not a first meeting mantra.

(in reply to fldrkhorse)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 6:28:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse
However if the parent says I'll pick you up at 9pm and doesn't arrive till 9:15, there are no consequences.

There's ALWAYS consequences. No the child isn't going to punish the parent- but now the parent maybe has lost a bit of trust that they will be on time. The child has lost a good example of sticking to one's agreements and being mindful of time and won't consider it as important the next time.

That's just one possibility- perhaps there was a huge accident and it was just something that happened. In that case, it's doubtful the child would have been punished for being late (if there was some accident that prevented the child from getting there on time).

But there's ALWAYS consequences.

(in reply to fldrkhorse)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 7:31:21 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		i couldn't agree more with your posts. It's just on the same page with my own views of Dominance and submission. Understanding that not everyone lives out this lifestyle in the same way, i can only speak for myself (have to be pc on this forum or all hell breaks loose) i would never dream of expecting my Master to have to follow the same rules He sets upon me - i am His, He is not mine - He owns me, it's not the other way around. It's not about being fair or equal, we are not equals. i was equal with my ex husband, hence the word ex. If we would start playing it fair then when He gives me a canning or whipping i'd give Him one back, if He spanks me i spank Him back, if i dress Him then He dresses me too - um, no - it doesn't work that way, if it did, i wouldn't consider our relationship a TPE D/s - it would be no different than my prior marriage (SHUDDERS)


(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 7:52:40 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree strongly. I don't believe that there is any point in our lives that we can say that we've learned all that there is to learn, and that "nobody can teach me anything because I is all growed up now". The individuals who still believe that once they've graduated secondary school they're done learning will find that they still have a lot to learn about life. No pun intended.

I also disagree with the idea that a submissive individual should be able to walk into a realtionship and be expected to know everything about how to handle hirself in that relationship without some instruction in what the rules and preferences are for -this- situation. Every new relationship requires teaching. In a partnership/relationship of equals, it is a -mutual- training. In a D/s relationship, it is more unbalanced, in that the dominant individual retains his or her preferences, and the submissive individual learns what those preferences are (and whether xhe is capable of learning, practicing and yielding to those preferences).

We are all shaped, somewhat, by our experiences -- but we are not static -- at any point in our lives, we are capable of changing and adapting. That is what it means to -be- human and adaptable. Being unable to adapt is one of the marks of mental illness -- a pattern that has been put down cannot be changed, even if it is in the best interests of the individual involved to make that change. Adaptability is one of the things that has allowed humanity to survive through such profound changes in the ways that we live and in the world around us -- and one thing that adaptability requires is the capacity to continually learn (implying that there is someone or something teaching). Therefore, we are our cumulative experiences, but we are able to reshape ourselves, given sufficient direction and guidance, into what it takes for us to thrive in a given situation.

Lady Zephyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: DublinSwitch

Personally I don't like the teacher analogy at all. How can an adult expect that another adult will 'teach' them this that and the other? I thought that was what we all went through childhood to do. Course you can learn from other people, experiences etc all through your life, but expecting to be 'taught' by one mighty Godlike dom figure is a bit of a stretch.

I don't think of 'submissives' as needing to be taught anything. They are not some sort of blank canvas for me to mold into what I want. If someone does expect this teaching from another person then I personally think they seeking some form of escape from there own responsibilities for there own actions and / or thoughts 'its a big nasty world but I am only a submissive and some Dom will tell me how to get through it'.



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"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
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(in reply to DublinSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 8:07:55 AM   
addcted2it


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80

"What rules apply to the sub do not necessarily apply to the Dom, and if you don't like it or want to argue about it, are you "submissive"?

Am I wrong in thinking that this should not be true?



This subject has certainly been bantered about in community for years. I can only say this, when a dominant and a submissive are in the early stages of a relationship...or simply meeting for the first time...it would seem to me that there is no submission implied, but only that the two are exploring the possibilities. Therefore, and to my way of thinking, it would be very presumptuous of a dominant to expect anything more than courtesy. A submissive or slave doesn't belong to someone -- anyone -- automatically. It takes time to develop trust within a relationship, so if a dominant tries to impose his or her will before there is the mutual understanding that a relationship does ideed exist, I would run for the hills.


addicted2it

_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 8:48:26 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80
I have no problem with someone setting the rules. I expect that. But I consider myself submissive, not slave. Am I wrong to think I should have some input? I understand that there has to be actual submission involved here. But in the instance of the Dom I was talking about, I just got the impression of "lazy". Maybe I was just offended at some things he said so I was giving him an unreasonably hard time. But if a Dom tries to negate himself out of any rules or expectations, that just doesn't sit right with me. A Dom accepts responsibilities when they take on a sub........... don't they? Assuming that is agreed to beforehand, yada yada yada. I'm talking about a relationship where the Dom is there to teach the sub, and to help them grow. Not just a casual play relationship.



I said rules... expectations are an entirely different thing altogether....

You spoke in your original post of holding the dom to a higher standard than yourself...he set his standard, he showed manners and was telling you up front this is how his life is and this is the terms on which you can communicate with him. Instead of respecting him for honestly conveying those thoughts, he's been villified for doing exactly what he should do as a dominant...be upfront, give guidelines for behaviour, set rules for interaction so the sub well knows where his or her position stands and what is required of them in a given situation, he is giving boundaries in which a sub can readily show obedience because they well know in advance what is expected of them...

Okay so it can be a little frightening...here he is saying email me promptly, but there is no guarantees from him that you will get the same in return... will you have to wait 24 hours or 24 days for a reply... where is his share of responsibility here... can you be upset if you don't hear from him for extended periods... in an instance like this, where lack of contact and/or lack of control over contact is a concern, just ask, will you be able to speak with him daily or does he not think daily contact or regular contact to be important. It can be hard to feel like you are giving up one's heart and soul to someone who in a thoughtless moment could crush it. Unfortunately, even if you did hold him to a 'rule' there are no guarantees he will abide by it; you can certainly hold it as a personal expectation of having a relationship, with anyone, that daily or regular contact has to be part of the bargain...and if this has been clearly communicated, then whether in the vanilla world or this one, and was agreed or decided the best course of action, and it doesn't happen, then by all means be upset and angry at their thoughtlessness... reconsider their ability to be a dominant, to anyone, let alone you...

Keep in mind too, someone may suggest prompt reply to emails, as a way of testing a sub... how honest are they about serving? submitting? Is it just a game? Setting little tasks like this can be incredibly helpful in seperating the chaff from the hay so to speak. For example, for no ryhmye or reason, I'll message a sub and ask that he finds out how many litres of water it would take to fill 74.32 cubic metres... how readily he completes this task, and without questioning why I requested such a task, and just does it, is a fairly good indication this boy is wanting to please, wanting to be trained, wanting to serve, wanting to win my favour and is willing to trust my judgement and find out the information I request. The reason why I wanted the info is mute, the fact he willingly found it is the clincher.

I know you'd like to think in terms of "I am a sub, not a slave" ... just so you are aware... I personally see no difference ... both are people submitting to another person's will and nature... and in time and in a trusting relationship where a person feels safe, secure, loved and appreciated they will do anything for the person they love and that loves them (within (your) reason ... thats kind of where the sanity part comes into safe, sane and consensual) ... you're still enslaving yourself to another person's will.

If you (generic you btw) aren't wanting to have a d/s relationship, where yes there always will be a double standard, then consider the notion you just like good hard sm kink bondage sexual experiences ... and nothing wrong in that... it just makes you bedroom bottom kinky, rather than submissive. I've said here and elsewhere, I don't equate sexual dominance with being dominant or sexual compliance with being submissive ... so if people are seeking a sexual kink fix and think that claiming submission or dominance is the key to getting that then please think about ... claiming submission or domiance will get you just that... somone looking for a submissive or a dominant. Increasingly the lines have become blurred and there is the train of thought wanting to be used as a sex slave or rodgered with a strap on makes for a 'submissive'... it doesn't... it makes for horny sex and little else. For sure the experience can be magical and amazing and mindblowing and make for an incredibly intimate moment where one feels indebted or treasured or special having shared it with someone they like and trust...but in terms of domiance and submission, outside a scene based relationship only, it is my will they submit too and I sure as hell will not be held to any rules ... part of what a sub/slave seeks is guidance, leading, encouragement, someone to help them see the way (in life, in themselves), these are all part of what a sub/slave seeks from a relationship...the ability to be that for a person is the higher standard expected of doms... the ability to lead, control and exert authority... security, boundaries, safety and love.

Sorry SW this is bit of a soapbox issue for me lately, 'cuse the rant, its not at you personally but anyone reading this in general who might be holding similar thoughts of controlling their submission and holding it for ransom on their terms ...



_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 9:03:32 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Thanks Sweet ...

Servingwench... after reading your profile and where you mentioned looking for a mentor, something just came to mind.. a well known hairdresser in Australia would frequently mentor up and coming hairdressers ... part of his mentoring process was that they had to pretty much sign their lives over to him for the whole two years of his mentorship... in those two years his apprentices were forbidden from having a relationship, he had to meet with their parents and family members before he'd consider taking them on, and they had to commit to a number of other things, such as living where he designated, going to a gym, taking such and such courses etc ..pretty much, been mentored by him meant you handed your life to him on a platter and trusted him to mold it into something of substance... hence the wanting mentoring, the desire to grow within one's chosen path...

My philosphies pretty similar, not always to that extreme, but if someone seeks to be trained, or to be mentored, then there is a reason for it, that been they see me as someone who has the skill and ability to do that for them... it is one of the reasons I baulk heavily at someone who might claim "oh yes I've 'trained' under Mistress Jasmyn" when in reality I may have spoken to them twice on the internet, or seen them once at a play party and had a mini session... like the hairdresser above... to train, to mentor... the person being trained and mentored becomes an extension of self... and they must be willing to trust in themselves that by chosing me and wanting me to be that dom, to be that mentor, was indeed a wise choice... I set the rules and it is up to them to obey... if any rules are for me.. they are ones I set for myself...

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 12/9/2005 9:06:37 AM >

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to sweetwhisper)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 9:15:17 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DublinSwitch

Personally I don't like the teacher analogy at all. How can an adult expect that another adult will 'teach' them this that and the other? I thought that was what we all went through childhood to do. Course you can learn from other people, experiences etc all through your life, but expecting to be 'taught' by one mighty Godlike dom figure is a bit of a stretch.

I don't think of 'submissives' as needing to be taught anything. They are not some sort of blank canvas for me to mold into what I want. If someone does expect this teaching from another person then I personally think they seeking some form of escape from there own responsibilities for there own actions and / or thoughts 'its a big nasty world but I am only a submissive and some Dom will tell me how to get through it'.

Frankly if a sub did nothing but what a dom told them would this not be boring as hell? Where is the room for debate, fun, conversations and all the other bits that go into making a relationship interesting?

I think that some submissives feel that this is the sort of relationship that they are seeking, however part of me says that a dominant that demands this relationship is nothing short of being a control freak. To want to control someone 'completely' is not a natural way of thinking to me, and I find it quite abhorrent, historical figures with this deep need for controlling others were rather nasty individuals.

And as for Mistress Jasmines quote '"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.' THAT I just don't bloody understand at all. Is it some sort of zennism or something? And who made submission an 'art'? Why the hell would anyone submit to ayone else if they have given up the 'desire' to do so? Or is it just too deep and meaningful for me, like trying to understand God - maybe one needs 'faith'.

Anyways, something of a rambling post, so apologies, but it is wicked early here,

Cheers

DS



It's Jasmyn.


_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


Visit My Website


(in reply to DublinSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 9:34:38 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, but I agree with the OP. I'm a human being. I'm not "A" submissive. I will be submissive to one who I mesh with in all my/our wants & needs.

There are double standards and there are double standards. Personally, I think it's childish as hell to say "You have to answer emails promptly, but I can answer mine whenever I want." It's important to me to be respected as much as I respect myself. Too many wannabe dom's use the BDSM title as their excuse to be a jerk, to feel important, to boost their ego. It's easy to manipulate in this world.

If you WANT that kind of dynamic, then go for it. If it works for both parties, then it's fine. I hope you stick to your guns, servingwench. Hold out for what YOU want, what makes YOU feel like the worthwhile person you are, who wants to give her submissive to someone worthy of it. It takes time, but it's worth it. (Look for mercnbeth's posts. THAT is a good M/s dynamic, at least in my opinion)

In the meantime, before he comes along, spend the time getting to really know the BDSM dynamic and what it's really all about. You should do this on your own. Please do not rely on the education and mentoring of some "Master" that you meet here. There are good ones, yes, but there are a lot of bad ones, too. After you prepare yourself, you'll be better equipped to know tht difference!

chymes

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 9:49:16 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

SHOULD there be a double standard? Is it fair or right for a Dom to expect more from their sub than they expect from themselves?

servingwench89


IMO, there is no submission, nor any dominance, before the collar. i will only submit once, to my One. i show courtesy to Doms and Masters who contact me. i reveal more about myself and try to elicit the same from Them. i have a goal in mind when exchanging emails, in an IM, or on the phone. i am looking for my One. it's exhilirating when a Man seems possibly to be Him; and it's discouraging when He washes out or there is simply no Man i'd consider atm.

In a word, searching sucks.

i do not believe in "online collars"; in appearing at the computer whenever He dictates; of cyber in any way; of journaling and sending my thoughts to Him, etc. While we are at the stage that we have not yet even met in real life, i find these types of requests to be deal-breakers. Meaning, if He requests a thing i mentioned and i have explained how i feel about it, but He contintues to insist, i cut off contact with Him.

i insist on a home phone number (as well as cell) and a picture before i go to Yahoo IM. i am sick to death of married men; and if i'm not attracted to Him, there's no sense pursuing the convos.

Most of the time, i stay in IM a short time and go to phone, but many Men who have had my phone number have also IM'd me. If it's during the day, i am not disturbed, because They are probably at work. However, if They repeatedly IM me in the evening, i break it off. i feel this is a big red flag saying "i'm married". i know some Men may be unfairly tarred with the same brush, but i cannot help that.

i refuse to stay at the phone stage for very long. i want to meet the Man in real life, here, where i live and feel safe. If They seem vague or evasive about planning to meet me, i cut off contact. i'm not saying i don't allow for such things as determining vacation days and trying to find a cheap flight. i mean, when a Man is unwilling to discuss meeting in real life altogether.

One Man i ended contact with later told me He stays at the phone/IM stage for several months before He trusts a woman enough to meet her in real life. i cannot quite grasp what fears a Man would harbor about meeting a woman in a public place? And why such fears, whatever they are, could not be vocalised and addressed?

i have no idea how commonplace it is for Doms and Masters to fear meeting women in real life. i'd like some feedback on that question.

Anyway, this is what i'm doing now to handle my email/possible Doms and Masters. Doubtless it will change as i try to refine the process further to separate the wheat from the chaff.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/9/2005 9:56:42 AM >

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 9:54:32 AM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DublinSwitch

Personally I don't like the teacher analogy at all. How can an adult expect that another adult will 'teach' them this that and the other? I thought that was what we all went through childhood to do. Course you can learn from other people, experiences etc all through your life, but expecting to be 'taught' by one mighty Godlike dom figure is a bit of a stretch.



How can an adult use his or her fingers to type a sentence like that one I bolded up there? Wow.

WOW.

How can I get some traction here without resorting to sarcasm?

As an adult I like to read books written by other adults, novels and otherwise. I figure that if I get through the reading without that adult having taught me this that or the other then one of us has failed. Probly me.

The same goes for movies. And well ... what doesn't it go for?

The same goes for keeping my eyes open at work, looking around, learning from and teaching other adults. Sometimes informally. Sometimes very formally indeed. And sometimes there is no way to mistake it: an adult gets to learn from a Master.

That by you is a bad thing?

I take lessons sometimes from a mighty, Godlike musician. Who else do you wanna take lessons from?

The teacher analogy is gorgeous (one among many very different useful ways to view the subject.) Adults teach adults. In universities; on construction sites; in gardens; on battlefields.

Your doctor, unless his name is Doogie, was an adult when he or she entered medical school. I don't have a problem with that.

Adults teach and adults learn and the teacher is one of the learners. And that dynamic happens strictly as a result of the enforcement of a double-standard. There are lots of other great ways to learn, sure. But a hard limit on tutelage after age eighteen sounds like a really whack confubulation of the usual age-limit standards around here.

And sure. Sometimes stretching is involved. But most chicks dig that shit.

Now insofar as you're pointing out that it is probably lame to lean too heavily or exclusively on the teacher analogy, I'm with you.

I have a few other ones I like to employ but I have a hunch that if I looked I'd see that they all embody double standards.

I like being polite to the people on the other side of my analogy. It is nice in the way that politeness is nice in any context. In addition, used judiciously it can be an elegant, or brutal, way to hurt someone--who of course then has to say: "Thank you." And I like sometimes to slip out of my manners, and sometimes to slip out of them just as I'm drilling her in hers.

I'm not going to claim that I get no complaints. Then again I never seem to have to reach very far for someone to be polite and/or just awful to. And nobody--nobody--gets better service--or gash--than I do.

(in reply to DublinSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 10:04:13 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How can an adult expect that another adult will 'teach' them this that and the other?

DublinSwitch


quote:

I'm not going to claim that I get no complaints. Then again I never seem to have to reach very far for someone to be polite and/or just awful to. And nobody--nobody--gets better service--or gash--than I do.

Noah


IMO, what DS meant is no adult can inspire a growth in another adult; people need to mature on their own. Yes, reading and other resources are ways for a person to learn, and may inspire a new behavior -- but the person learns and grows from the experience, not the reading.

Noah, i do not understand Your boast. If You are in a fulffilling D/s or M/s relationship, why are You searching? Or were You just relating some past experience?

Sorry to be nosey, LMAO.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/9/2005 10:05:35 AM >

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 10:12:55 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
However, if They repeatedly IM me in the evening, i break it off. i feel this is a big red flag saying "i'm married". i know some Men may be unfairly tarred with the same brush, but i cannot help that.

I think this might be one of the ways you are cutting your feet out from under you. Just because people talk to you mostly in the evenings makes it more likely they are cheating? That doesn't make sense. If they are at home in the evenings, it means that they will likely have LESS opportunity to talk freely.

And the people you talk to during the day obviously don't have jobs that require a lot of dedication or something they are very involved in because they are searching around online. Is that the type of person you want to be with?

I thing your best bet is really just to start going to the local groups near you and get a group of real life friends and support so you can just see how things work.

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 1:19:15 PM   
servingwench80


Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse
However if the parent says I'll pick you up at 9pm and doesn't arrive till 9:15, there are no consequences.

There's ALWAYS consequences. No the child isn't going to punish the parent- but now the parent maybe has lost a bit of trust that they will be on time. The child has lost a good example of sticking to one's agreements and being mindful of time and won't consider it as important the next time.

That's just one possibility- perhaps there was a huge accident and it was just something that happened. In that case, it's doubtful the child would have been punished for being late (if there was some accident that prevented the child from getting there on time).

But there's ALWAYS consequences.


On that, I wholeheartedly agree.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 1:59:53 PM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		I am the dominant and she is the sub, she lets me know what her limits are, we discuss them, and within her limits I make the rules if we enter into a relationship. If not well maybe we are simply better suited to friends. Her opinion is valued, but in the end I make the rules and she follows them. If she thinks a rule of mine is unreasonable she is allowed to respectfully offer her opinion and I will take it under advisement, consider modifying the rule, and let her know what I decide. Once you enter into the relationship with me you have agreed to my having that power and that is that. On the same token if I tell her to do something outside of a standing rule I expect it to be followed. To me it is her responsibility to obey and my responsibility not to abuse my power. I am the dominant I make the rules but that doesn't mean I can be a rude ass about it IMO.

We are talking relationships here where one has power over the other, the level of power depends on the relationship but you are talking a dom and a sub or a master and slave. So of course a double standard is there, if there wasn't the power would be equal and in the case of a D/s M/s relationship that isn't the case.

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(in reply to servingwench80)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Double standard for Doms & subs? - 12/9/2005 2:34:36 PM   
servingwench80


Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


I thing your best bet is really just to start going to the local groups near you and get a group of real life friends and support so you can just see how things work.


So what do you do when your local groups aren't much to speak of?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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