RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice?

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/17/2008 11:45:44 AM

ilovepink

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loves being a well taken cared of spoiled princess!!!!

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/17/2008 11:46:02 AM

MasterTslave

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It is nice that you are nice and care for your sub/slave. You can be a push over, that isn't great,but being nice and asking if this is what they are ok with is just fine. Maybe try sitting down with your sub/slave and come up with guidelines for what you and sub are ok with and likes/dislikes. This will make being a Dom easier for you (maybe), you will know when to go, stop and their limits. My Master is very kind (strict and punishments are great), but very kind just the same.

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/18/2008 6:11:38 PM

KatsKandee

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I think it depends. There's a thin line between 'nice' and 'pushover'...as long as you balance the two and keep the roles clear I think I'd be ok with it. For me I expect to be treated well, but firmly...if the latter doesn't happen I think I'd begin to lose respect for my Dom which would be the beginning of the end for me.

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/19/2008 7:16:42 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatsKandee

For me I expect to be treated well, but firmly...

This is why it's important for all parties to set their stall out from day 1: perceptions of "nice", "firm" and "treated well" will vary according to an individual's values. "This is how it is; take it or leave it" and enforce the rules where necessary.

Furthermore, being nice and being firm aren't mutually exclusive; sometimes you have to be firm to be nice. Adopting the eating out example, is it really in someone's best interests to expect others to pay for her meals? It's certainly not for any woman who wants to spend time with me. For clarification, I tend to pay more often than not, but where I think she expects this service, i.e. it's on her terms rather than mine, then I'm going to take the opportunity to point out that I'm not her personal bank with the mission of pandering to her culinary whims. This is where values come into play of course; I can't abide women who expect men to pay for them, and it smacks of manipulation: "I'll let you have the gentleman tag based on my idea of that which I believe constitutes a gentleman". Well, no thanks. Moreover, I particularly don't like anyone arriving at assumptions on what I'm going to do with my hard earned wedge.

In sum, I place far more value on that such as love, friendship and loyalty, than I do material pursuits, so I would say lavishing someone with material gifts is being far too nice; whereas developing the aforementioned characteristics is part and parcel of a solid relationship.

I remain not entirely sure of what the OP means by "too nice".

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/19/2008 9:24:41 AM

lronitulstahp

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He's a Benevolent Dictactor...and i adore it!!!!

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/19/2008 10:16:37 AM

XaviersXian

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From: Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Well, it's highly debatable what exactly my wife and I are. I self-identify as Master/slave however so we'll go with that.

My wife and I practice an almost pure authority transfer dynamic - some would call it boring. By that, what I mean is that neither of us has any elaborate fantasy layers which get laid on top of the core dynamic. There is no hierarchy... no master/slavey stuff... She doesn't need me to be domly in any particular way. She doesn't even care if I assert control or not. All she cares about really is not having to make all the decisions and being pleasing to me. Accordingly, I could only be too nice to her if I was doing it at my expense.

greetings to all,

I seriously thought that my Master and myself were the only ones who operated their dynamic like this. I am glad to see that we're not alone!

well wishes,

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/22/2008 10:55:51 AM

ladyacquiesce

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Depends what you mean by nice? If being aware of his subs needs and her thoughts then I suppose he could be too nice, but I dont see this as a weakness, I see this as a relationship, where 2 people get what the need from each other.We both have a role and what we decide to do with them is our business, there are no set rules! and if you think there is, you are most likely just playing a game.Again this is my opinion. I do everything possible for my Master, domestically, sexualy and spiritualy and he in return guides me and cherishes my submission, we both make mistakes, that is what is so wonderful about the lifestyle, the learning! if you say you know it all, perhaps you dont know anything at all. LIVE and LOve and LEARN :) thats what i think its all about. I love a firm stronge smart man, but also love on that isnt afraid to show feelings, that does not make him weak or too nice.

~ladyacquiesce~

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RE: Can a Master/Dom be too nice? - 10/22/2008 1:56:55 PM

FlamingRedhead

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From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Adopting the eating out example, is it really in someone's best interests to expect others to pay for her meals? It's certainly not for any woman who wants to spend time with me.

It's quite obvious that we seem to have differing opinions as to what constitutes etiquette. First of all, I never said I expected to be paid for. I said I expected him to act like a gentleman. In the South, this includes but is not limited to opening doors (cars, et al), walking on the outside (street side), not answering a cell phone or at the very least asking to be excused and, yes, even paying for the first date. When I'm asked out, I don't assume that the man doing the asking is a gentleman, so I bring my own money just in case. The man I was referring to would never LET me pay for anything, not even a year later, though I tried (but not too often as it really did seem to be a sore point).

It's nothing more than proper etiquette for the asker to pay. If I ask a friend to have lunch with me, I assume that I'm paying for us both. However, I never assume that they will do the same. I have some who insist on going dutch, even if I invited them. It just depends on the relationship.

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