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I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:24:59 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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I am home and bored today, and so I have been flipping through profiles and reading a few here and there.
I have noticed one thing that is pretty common. A vast majority of the profiles I have read so far are laundry lists of wants. Male and Female, Dominant and submissive... it is all about them. They make little to no mention of what they offer a potential partner, whether or not they have lives outside of their kink or interest, or even what they want in a relationship.
They just have a list of demands what any potential partner MUST take into consideration before even as much as contacting them.
These are the same people, by and large, who then rant about either that lack of interest and worthy partners on here, pr the number of fakes who arent interested in jumping through all their hoops from day one without getting to know them.

Maybe, if everyone out there coming to the boards to ask how to write their profile gave it some thought,theyd get a but better return.
It isnt all about what you want, whether you are Dominant or submissive, until you are in a relationship with someone else. Your profile is trying to get attention and make yourself sound appealing... and laundry lists of dos and donts dont tend to do that. If you have the same requirements for everyone no matter who, they they are obviously not personal. You are looking for someone to plug into a role, not someone to get to know and grow with. Any Tom, Dick or Mary who is willing to jump through your hoops gets a shot, regardless of their actual compatibility with you.

Just an observation by someone up way too early in the day for no good reason.

So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

Post #: 1

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:31:09 AM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
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Hey - it's a free country - uhm, I think. Anyway - my 2 cents are people have the right to say anything they want on their profile and those seeking a partner(s) can decide whether a particular profile appeals to them or not. I don't really concern myself with what others are doing or not doing. I honestly don't think it's my call.

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to VampiresLair)

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RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:32:29 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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But the question is... do YOU personally find it appealing? I dont say anyone can or cant do it, nor that they should or shouldnt. I do, however think that they would have far more success with other methods. And I find it a huge turn off from the get go.

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to bound4more)

Post #: 3

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:36:21 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.

DV,
I agree completely. There are way to many people out there demanding this and that, without regard as to who may be reading their profiles. I ask one thing, don't send me cock shots and treat me in the same manner of which you want to be treated. Simple, and yet, I still get cock shots and I still get rude emails, so I question how many people really read profiles. All that work, all those demands, all for nothing, for the most part, (IMO).

Good observation for it being so early in the morning! <g>

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RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:42:35 AM

thetab

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I do, however think that they would have far more success with other methods. And I find it a huge turn off from the get go.

I agree. I tend to run into the same 10 profiles or so that all have a huge list of demands, some of them to the point of being absurd. I've hidden a few of these to keep them from showing up all the time, and I tend to be a bit wary over any profile that does this too much.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 5

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:44:56 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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i want lunch....and now....damn what to get....

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RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:45:42 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

But the question is... do YOU personally find it appealing? I dont say anyone can or cant do it, nor that they should or shouldnt. I do, however think that they would have far more success with other methods. And I find it a huge turn off from the get go.

It all depends on how the "I want" is contextualized.

I want a Dom who is sincere.
I want my Dom to fuck my ass often.

I see one as a reasonable want the other as a selfish want and requirement. As a submissive, I am not gonna make a requirement or demand such as the latter,
but I want a sincere man.
This want is as genuine as a man saying I want a sincere woman.

There is a big difference in context.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 7

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 8:50:42 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

My boy's profile simply said "submissive male seeking to serve and worship a Domme". He contacted me initially, and obviously, I had previously passed his profile due to it's lack of information. It was the communication after the initial contact that made all of the difference, and we've been together almost 3 years now.

You never really know someone based on a written profile. It only presents a snapshot of the person at the moment they wrote it, in my opinion. I found the ones that were negative far less appealing than those that told me what they were seeking and what they enjoyed.

LadyJulieAnn

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 8

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:02:43 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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The people I tend to correspond with have presented a view of themselves that spans vanilla and kink both with more of a focus on the vanilla than kink. They have presented themselves as mature, level-headed individuals not lost in some fantasy world. Whether they did that with bullett points of do's and dont's or in some sort of folksy prose doesn't much matter to me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 9

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:08:16 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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I find it appealing in that i want to know what they like, dislike to see if we are compatible.
It would be nice though if people also listed what they offer.
A merge of the two.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 10

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:14:46 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Oh i want calgon to take me away today. i have nothing to base what these profiles say, since i do not read profiles. My interest lies in the posts. I do agree though with missturbation, a combination would be nice.

oceanwynds

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 11

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:19:39 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

I think the lists I am referring to are not the way things are presented, but more WHAT is.
I want someone to tie me up for x hours a day
I want someone to take me with a strapon
I want someone to tell me what to wear and how to wear it
A list of how someone wants to be dominated.

Or for dominants, a list of what they will be doing to someone, regardless of who that someone is.

Knowing what you want is a good thing. But knowing what you are going to do, or have done to you, regardless of the other person involved is a bit too far on the fantasy side for me. Especially when people consider it non-negotiable.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 12

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:21:47 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I went back and read my profile, and just sort of cringed since I do state verbatim "I want"

Now I'm thinking I should maybe change it again, though I rather liked that my fluffy, cuddly profile keeps the spammers and trolls away. Nothing wards them off better than fluff.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 13

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:22:41 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair
Knowing what you want is a good thing. But knowing what you are going to do, or have done to you, regardless of the other person involved is a bit too far on the fantasy side for me. Especially when people consider it non-negotiable.

DV

Maybe they don't want to settle? It's all cool.
The only time it would be off putting to me is if they follow up the list with rants on how there are lots of fakes, or they are annoyed they have not found anoyone compatable in their journals.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 14

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:24:11 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.

DV,
I agree completely. There are way to many people out there demanding this and that, without regard as to who may be reading their profiles. I ask one thing, don't send me cock shots and treat me in the same manner of which you want to be treated. Simple, and yet, I still get cock shots and I still get rude emails, so I question how many people really read profiles. All that work, all those demands, all for nothing, for the most part, (IMO).

Good observation for it being so early in the morning! <g>

You aren't the first one to say this... it's been said a lot of times... and you know what??? I have NEVER gotten one!!! Not in all the years I've been on this site!! I have one question... What the hell is wrong with me???? Ok... maybe more then one question... Am I NOT special enough or worthy enough??? No, I don't WANT a cock shot... I hate them... But damnit... I feel so left out here!!!

~~pouts in a most dominant way...

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 15

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 9:46:53 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Hi, DV----
I think that sometimes thouse 'laundry list' profiles are laziness, sometimes they are lack of creativity, sometimes they evidence what a person's personal style is, sometimes I'm sure it's something else entirely. I don't get irked by them (I do think it's really strange when people leave the text area completely empty) but I also don't become intrigued by them.
I created my profile in an attempt to give people a holistic view of who I am which includes what I seek in a partner theoretically and what I offer a theoretical partner. It's suitable imo, for someone who could be an (Insert type of association I could have with a person) as an introduction. Some people like it, some people don't. I will say that since I omitted my sexual preferences rom the (Lives for, loves, likes, etc.) section, I appear to get more intelligent correspondence (Which I value) and fewer one-liners, boys throwing themselves at my feet in instant submission, etc.
Everyone's got their styles.
Davan

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 16

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:08:53 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

quick off the cuff reply
I like the laundry list. I mean it is static and impersonal but for me I am older and I just dont like playing games with people. I do have a need and roll that I want a woman to play in my life and although many woman could just jump into the slot so to speak there are of course personalities, interests and what not involved .. just because a woman comes with the right parts and has a whole that my peg fits does not mean that she is the one for me it just means that its okay to procede with the rest of it. For me, for instance, I am an insatiable pussy eating addict.... lol. You would be surprised at how many nilla girls in the past have jumped through hoops with friends ect just to get me between there legs... like that is a quality I want to advertise... because I want a girl that will appear as though shes got all the right qualitites just so she can get fucked the way she wants... nope not me. I dont want a woman that would "grow" into something I like. Why bother. Woman falsly advertise all the time just the way men sometimes do in order to get what they think they need my nilla life had been plauged by woman like that and frankly I am fucking sick of it. I want the laundry list. I want it in writing what a woman will and will not do how she thinks and how she feels just so I can hold up to her a year down the road and call her a lieing bitch...LOL. I want the totaly insesitive strait forward facts about a woman and what she is into then I can take a look at who she is as a person as aposed to just winging it. Winging it has caused much waisted time and tons of lost money in my life. If I can clearly define what kind of woman I would love to grow old with then what is wrong with taking a non emotional aproach to letting them through the gate. I want compatibility before I invest emotion and then have to try to make it work in order to retain that investment.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 17

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:15:00 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

And yet these people are getting mail , getting what they want , meeting others .I got spam the other week .. or was that the week before ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I think the lists I am referring to are not the way things are presented, but more WHAT is.
I want someone to tie me up for x hours a day
I want someone to take me with a strapon
I want someone to tell me what to wear and how to wear it
A list of how someone wants to be dominated.

Or for dominants, a list of what they will be doing to someone, regardless of who that someone is.

Knowing what you want is a good thing. But knowing what you are going to do, or have done to you, regardless of the other person involved is a bit too far on the fantasy side for me. Especially when people consider it non-negotiable.

DV

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 18

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:20:25 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

what discusts us, might attract others...

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 19

RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:23:36 AM

scarlethiney

Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline

Your post is your opinion as it should be. I don't find most profiles offensive or aggravating. I think the majority speak for the writer and their interests or desires and wants. So no I don't find a list of wants a turn off. I appreciate the honesty.
I do think a lot of people get frustrated with some of the responses they get hence the laundry list of dos and don'ts.
It is about what we as individuals want. If I'm looking for a relationship then I am considering what I want in a partner and I'm hoping that what I'm looking for resonates with someone out there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having the same requirements for everyone. My list of preferences isn't going to change from person to person. I am not going to put out a profile if I were single and looking that speaks to something I'm not or something I'm not interested in and I don't think that makes me limited in any way.

scarlet

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"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.

see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 20

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