Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: I want I want I want


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: I want I want I want Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:29:53 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I want I want I want


quote:

  
-He who desires to possess everything must learn to be content with nothing-



(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:41:59 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I've just looked at my profile.  I can't decide if it's a disguised shopping list or not.

I do find the "I want a girl who I will do X, Y and Z to, think you're good enough, apply to me" style profiles tend to make me giggle, cringe, and then write a nice polite reply to the memo they've sent me.  I don't even entertain the possibility of a conversation most of the time, unless the memo they sent was interesting (I tend to reply to memos blind, and only look at the profile after a couple of messages).

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 10:44:57 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan


I do find the "I want a girl who I will do X, Y and Z to, think you're good enough, apply to me"


I do find them some how "weird" too. But on the otherside..those profiles can hardly be misunderstood.
Some people like that. Looking at my profile...or my older profiles..you have to read between the lines..to know what I say.
And still guess..what I say...lol

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 10/16/2008 10:45:20 AM >

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 11:22:14 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		  I like it when a master has a clear idea of what he's looking for. I try not to be too specific in my needs - mainly because for most stuff, it really doesn't matter to me - but a master writing his own "laundry list" helps paint me a picture of what he's seeking in a slave.

Compatibility is always an issue, and it feels much better from the start for the dom or master to be the one outlining the relationship he's seeking and for me to see if I can and want to get involved. It'll be about what he wants anyhow, so I might as well start with a good idea of what that is.

   YMMV...

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 11:23:05 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I think the lists I am referring to are not the way things are presented, but more WHAT is.
I want someone to tie me up for x hours a day
I want someone to take me with a strapon
I want someone to tell me what to wear and how to wear it
A list of how someone wants to be dominated.

Or for dominants, a list of what they will be doing to someone, regardless of who that someone is.

Knowing what you want is a good thing. But knowing what you are going to do, or have done to you, regardless of the other person involved is a bit too far on the fantasy side for me. Especially when people consider it non-negotiable.

DV



I never list what I actually want in the forms of BDSM for the simple reason that people home in on that list and then write saying 'yeah I want all that too'. I would rather they told me and if it turns out to be the same thing, which it recently has, then we can start getting somewhere.


Totally agree about the non-negotiable bolloks. At the end of the day, like it or not, this is a consensual act and why the hell am I going to do something for a guy that is 'non-negotiable' if it turns me off him to the extent that I would walk?

Being both dominant and submissive (which I don't portray on this profile) I understand what it is like to have a needy and over precious submissive. I also know what it is like to have an amazing and compromising submissive that works equally hard at making all of this work and in her I very much see my own submission.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 11:40:33 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

I have noticed one thing that is pretty common. A vast majority of the profiles I have read so far are laundry lists of wants. Male and Female, Dominant and submissive... it is all about them. They make little to no mention of what they offer a potential partner, whether or not they have lives outside of their kink or interest, or even what they want in a relationship.
...
So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.

DV



Yes, and no.  If the list is solely what they will and won't do without any possibility for growth, then yes it's an instant turn off.  But, that doesn't mean that the person can't better explain themselves through email.  Profiles are hard to write, sometimes people just don't know how to put down their thoughts in a cognitive manner without prompts or questions.

If the lists explain that this is what they have done and would like to or not experience again, then no, not an instant turn off because I see them as getting to know themselves better and experimenting. 




_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 11:44:40 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
*fast reply*

This is a really good topic, thanks to the OP for starting it.

I think it is harder to write a profile here than it is a vanilla site, and it is hard enough to write one of those.  Accepted "wisdom" on vanilla sites is that you don't put a lot of what you *don't* want in your profile so as not to seem negative.  I think it is good to let people know here though, if they really like "X" and you run screaming from the room at the very thought of "X" then maybe you might not be a good match.

I personally love profiles that are long and tell a lot about a person, but I never know what about me would be interesting for a man to know (well, I DO know, but I don't want to put a laundry list of sexual proclivities out there).  For me those checklists are more suited for someone I am actually considering scening with, and even then not to take the place of actual conversation.

I cmailed with someone for months before ever seeing a picture, because I loved his profile so much - the last thing I cared about was what he looked like.  But some people do not want to read all that.  I was told I was annoying last night for only putting vanilla interests and limits in my profile - well, I just don't think everyone who reads this site needs to know that much about me.  I guess searching sucks, and if you find someone you can have more fun with it, and put whatever you want out there.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 11:56:31 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		I understand having some requirements.
At my age, I've determined that I want certain things that are kind of esoteric, and if I can't have them, then let's just be friends.

It all depends on what those wants are, of course.

If the list is long, but seems general, and leaves some room for interpretation and personal style and creativity, then ok.
If it's long and seems to just want to re-create the exact relationship the person just left, or is just looking, in effect, to plug part A into socket B, multiplied ten times, then maybe not.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 12:13:38 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		If someone wants to declare himself the King of the potato people on his or her profile, isn't that their business? It's their profile.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 12:24:23 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		i kinda look at profiles like window dressing, if they say something that attracts me i'll look inside and see what's there.  it might be a few "i want"s that gets me interested, maybe a few "i don't want"s and possibly a few "i'd like to have"s.  all depends on what's said.  never really looked at my profile from your point of view tho, maybe i should.  might be time to revise a few things.
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 12:42:36 PM   
MrHarsh


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		As someone with a laundry list of wants profile, i can say that I get much more success with it than with the bland and generic profiles I was using before.

I find that a whole lot of profiles somehow manage to say a whole lot of nothing.  My eyes glaze over before I get to the end.  There's nothing there that grabs me.  Worse still, they all seem to contain the same collection of meaningless phrases.

If you want to get people to respond to your profile, you need to have something there that catches people's attention - some kind of hook that grabs them.  I find that the list of wants is very attention getting to somebody who wants the same thing.  That is much better than having someone stop reading the profile half-way through and having them move on.

My profile is about drawing in the specific type of person I want.  If someone reads my profile and doesn't like it, then I probably wouldn't have been interested in that person anyway!  I certainly don't take offense if somebody dislikes my profile.

Likewise, if a profile offends you, simply move on.  That person is not for you.  Perhaps somebody else is.

(in reply to PanthersMom)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 12:46:19 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		FR I find kink-centric profiles in general a turn off, I write messgaes to profiles that seem to show some amount of insight or make me laugh. Something that has clearly taken some time to write. ANyone can write a list of what they want its boring and says very little about the person, there is a checlist for that. However my biggest pet peeve is actually people calling out 'scammers' or 'fakes' or claiming that no one on the site is genuine and they are 'loosing faith' i think they are really dull and are attepting to get interest through sympathy, not something I am personally attracted to

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 1:09:14 PM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		i don't perv profiles that often as i'm collared and quite comfy, cozy as such.  But, i do have a possible, psychological theory about the "laundry listing" affect.  When one first sets up a profile on many of these BDSM/dating sites the webmaster of these sites offer a long list of likes/dislikes that one can check off and, sometimes, even rate their experience with or how much they like/dislike this, that or the other thing.  Perhaps, by the web designers' using this type of format they have inadvertently set some up for a "laundry list" mentality, as it were.  Just a thought.  No doubt a very silly one.  But you never know. 

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 1:30:24 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

If someone wants to declare himself the King of the potato people on his or her profile, isn't that their business? It's their profile.


Now that made me laugh

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 1:37:28 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

If someone wants to declare himself the King of the potato people on his or her profile, isn't that their business? It's their profile.


Sure, but if they are looking for a partner they may limit themselves to those who wish to be the Queen of the potato people.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 1:42:26 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

If someone wants to declare himself the King of the potato people on his or her profile, isn't that their business? It's their profile.


Sure, but if they are looking for a partner they may limit themselves to those who wish to be the Queen of the potato people.



Propably that is what they want..else they wouldn't put the list up

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 1:59:24 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine

quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

If someone wants to declare himself the King of the potato people on his or her profile, isn't that their business? It's their profile.


Sure, but if they are looking for a partner they may limit themselves to those who wish to be the Queen of the potato people.



I believe her name is Maris Piper.  Third aisle in.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 3:12:16 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  I prefer the 'I want, I want, I wants' to the "I DON'T want, I DON'T want, don't even think about contacting me if...". At least the "I wants" are still somewhat optimistic! But, yes, it is discouraging to find a profile for someone, read 2,000 words about what they're looking for, and still not know anything about them.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 3:30:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't see it as a turnoff at all. I see someone who is confident and knowledgeable in what they want, desire and need in their life. Why waste time getting to know someone who doesn't fit the bill?

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I want I want I want - 10/16/2008 4:42:58 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		My observation is that there are a great number of male service tops who respond positively to a submissive listing his/her wants.
My profile has been blank for some time because I’m not really looking.  But in the past, what I would write reflected my learning curve and changed as I grew in understanding.    
We all put ourselves out there the best way we know. 
But no matter what is in a profile, it’s gonna piss somebody off, turn them off, whatever.  It is impossible to write one that is perfect for everyone else.
A gazillion negative responses are meaningless.  If it only works once we can say ‘mission accomplished’.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: I want I want I want Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.093