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RE: I want I want I want - 10/18/2008 8:33:51 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

quote:

So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.


I'm one of those whose profile contains a list of things that I want (e.g., not married, certain age, etc.). For those who read my profile, they know exactly what I'm looking for. For those who don't read, their e-mails usually get deleted if they don't meet my basic criteria.

As far as saying, "I want you to do this," or "I expect you to do that" -- that is definitely a turn-off to me.

A listing of what they're looking for is fine. A list that reads like an edict from the king is not.



_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: I want I want I want - 10/18/2008 9:57:29 PM   
pridedenied


Posts: 83
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		The name of this thread reminds me of a quote from the movie Hook;
I want. I want. I want. Me. Me. Me. Mine. Mine. Mine. Now. Now. Now.
I can totally see where you're coming from though some profiles are move selfish than others. I mostly see good ones... unless I read those of the crazies who cmail me.


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Everything I did in live that was worthwhile...
I caught hell for.

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 6:49:16 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

But the question is... do YOU personally find it appealing? I dont say anyone can or cant do it, nor that they should or shouldnt. I do, however think that they would have far more success with other methods. And I find it a huge turn off from the get go.

I think some do find it appealing.  Over the last few months I've been pondering some of the things people seem to find appealing.  Not surprisingly there appears to be quite a bit of diversity in what people find attractive.

For example, I've noticed some do find very arrogant and demanding profiles to be appealing.
I noticed that recently when I very deliberately became very aggressive in a discussion, I got a LOT more hits on my profile... and despite it being mostly blank, I got a lot of inquiries from submissives.
When I had a more "balanced" profile, one which clearly communicated who I am, what I seek and what I offer... that got far less attention.

What appears to be a pattern to me, is that what you say matters less than how you say it.  People like it when you strongly distinguish yourself.  Even being strongly negative will get a more positive response than being "mildly in the middle".  It also seems that there is quite a diversity of opinion on just what is negative... what is unbearable arrogance to some, for example, is strength of character to others.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 7:02:51 AM   
shewhoserves


Posts: 110
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		i want..... i want.....i want    CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I'd Be Far More Interested If You Were Buying Me Drinks

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 10:36:41 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I think some do find it appealing. Over the last few months I've been pondering some of the things people seem to find appealing. Not surprisingly there appears to be quite a bit of diversity in what people find attractive.

For example, I've noticed some do find very arrogant and demanding profiles to be appealing.
I noticed that recently when I very deliberately became very aggressive in a discussion, I got a LOT more hits on my profile... and despite it being mostly blank, I got a lot of inquiries from submissives.
When I had a more "balanced" profile, one which clearly communicated who I am, what I seek and what I offer... that got far less attention.

What appears to be a pattern to me, is that what you say matters less than how you say it. People like it when you strongly distinguish yourself. Even being strongly negative will get a more positive response than being "mildly in the middle". It also seems that there is quite a diversity of opinion on just what is negative... what is unbearable arrogance to some, for example, is strength of character to others.

What is that about, anyway?
I think you raise some interesting points.
Sometimes people are more impressed by style than content.

I recall a time when I had to do a lot of business over the phone. I discovered that I got a lot more results when I used a deeper and more resonant voice than my average, everyday speaking voice. I would be saying the same things, just changing the way it sounded.


(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 10:48:00 AM   
momandaughter


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline 		I do probably 60% of  my business over the phone, usually trying to get money out of people, and I've found that voice makes a big difference.
I'm lucky enough to have a voice which is fairly deep in pitch but soft in volume, a "bedroom voice", I've been told.  I also have a Euaropean accent, which I can lose
when I wish...  but I find that, especially dealing with ladies, it pays to let my accent out to play


At a slight tangent, "I want" can be useful, if phrased politley...  it's a concise and conveneient way to get across your interests and your limits, but there are right and wrong ways to do so.
Something which I do like to see is "I expect...."....  not as in "I expect you to...", but, rather "I expect to be required to...". It indicates an understanding of what may be...  wel, expected :-) 

< Message edited by momandaughter -- 10/19/2008 10:51:07 AM >

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 1:27:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Ok,  I just went and looked.  That's not that unusual for Me.  I'm literally the person who for six months on this site said that I would write a profile later. 

Yes, there is some negativity in My profile.   That fact relates directly to the issue of I don't want to waste anyone's time.  The pretty general stuff.  No, I don't want to chat with you if I don't know you.  No, there's really not much point to telling Me you love the same activities I do if you're not local.  No, I'm not interested in you if our kinks don't match.  It may sound negative, but it also makes it clear about those areas that I'm not willing to go.

If I were writing My profile to specifically be searching for something or someone, it might be done differently.  Actually, My profile here and My bio are completely different.  When people read the bio, I'm most likely trying to make it as appealing as possible to sell an event or demo of some kind.  That really isn't the point of My profile here, as it wasn't constructed to have the same effect.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to momandaughter)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 2:05:45 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

What is that about, anyway?
I think you raise some interesting points.
Sometimes people are more impressed by style than content.

According to most books on influence and psychology that I've read its because most people make deciscions based more on emotion than on logic.  For example, a friend recently pointed out something about most TV commercials... at their core they are either about fear or envy.  They either make you feel fear about what might happen if you don't have their "product" or they attempt to make you feel envious of those who do have thier "product."  While writing this I just saw an Army recruiting commercial... it implied the army instills qualities employers like, that veterans have an easier time getting good jobs.... envy.

To relate this to D/s profiles here... it seems that same emotional mechanism is very much at work.  Aggression... on an emotional level... is equated with dominance by many.  Its also equated to security by some I've observed.  Being logical or rational comes across as being "cold" and "unromantic".  This comes up in discussions about meeting someone online.

Consider the case of a prospective slave meeting a potential owner.  Now we talk a lot about slaves being "owned" as "property" and the implications of that.  Not to start a debate over it, keeping that basis in mind... it does make sense for an "owner" to "interview" a potential slave to see what their qualifications are.  However, in practice doing so typically raises objections from would be "slaves" as being too detached, emotionless, etc.  Oddly, they may well claim they don't want a romantic relationship... yet when you remove that "romantic" element, they object.  What they do want is emotion... they want to feel dominated, they want to feel an emotional connection, they base their choices on what they feel.

I've seen the same principles at work in the responses to my profile photos as well.  The main photo of me in a duster in the woods with a large knife strapped to my leg and a kind of cocky expression on my face is by far the most popular picture and often draws comments.  Others of me in a three piece tailored suit, or one of me in one of my favorite sweaters smiling rarely draw comments and when placed as a primary photo draw far fewer hits.  Why?  Because apparently the imagery in that first photo evokes an emotional response... many have commented I look "dangerous" in it... and that's appealing to many apparently.  That element of "danger" and implied excitement is apparently more appealing than most other factors, including security or stability.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 2:57:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair
They just have a list of demands what any potential partner MUST take into consideration before even as much as contacting them.
These are the same people, by and large, who then rant about either that lack of interest and worthy partners on here, pr the number of fakes who arent interested in jumping through all their hoops from day one without getting to know them.

Well I tend to agree it's not the best way to put a profile out there and present yourself, especially if you're actively seeking quality attention.

But, stated or not, we all should have a laundry list of things that are ok or not ok.  Whether you do casually and passively by it by sifting through a few responses to an ad you put out and decide "This one, not these others" or actively saying "No smokers, don't even try to email" it's the same deal.

Style and tact make the difference, but the process is the same and should always be respected.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: I want I want I want - 10/19/2008 3:10:07 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shewhoserves

i want..... i want.....i want    CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


good idea! 
PM

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That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to shewhoserves)
Profile   Post #: 70
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