RE: I want I want I want (Full Version)

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Slavelary -> RE: I want I want I want (10/16/2008 6:34:40 PM)

About the only negatives on my profile is usually just certain kinds of music.  Sorry, I just don't like country, for example.  I did have a vanilla relationship with someone who liked it, but I personally can't stand it and all its macho, inflated 'patriotic' glory (and when the women sing it's usually extremely depressing anyways...)

Anyhow I should've beefed up my profile a bit to sell myself a little bit more, but obviously I'm in a relationship already so I'm not really looking for anybody else at the moment...



yourMissTress -> RE: I want I want I want (10/16/2008 6:36:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

You aren't the first one to say this... it's been said a lot of times... and you know what??? I have NEVER gotten one!!! Not in all the years I've been on this site!! I have one question... What the hell is wrong with me???? Ok... maybe more then one question... Am I NOT special enough or worthy enough??? No, I don't WANT a cock shot... I hate them... But damnit... I feel so left out here!!!

~~pouts in a most dominant way...

Jewel


Aww, sweetie, don't feel left out.  Tell you what, even though I know you said you don't want one, I will forward you the next one I get.

Really, I'm counting on Murphy's Law here, because between your post and mine we should be guaranteeing that I won't get one for a long time and you will get a ton in the next couple days.



stella41b -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 3:27:31 AM)

I see exactly what you mean.

I'm all for freedom of personal expression in profiles and even journals, but... it does appear that 'I want I want I want' and 'do me' is very much in fashion.

I think Faery made an excellent point earlier (or in another thread) - sorry, I was woken up unexpectedly about 10 minutes ago - but I can make the same point. I'm alone and will probably remain so because I'm transgendered.

No shortage of people when it comes to cleaning someone's house, a one night stand or even kinky sex, no shortage of those prepared to provide online support or friendship, but I always appear to be thousands of miles away from anyone prepared to take this further and attempt to develop any sort of meaningful relationship with me.

Leaving the computer and going off into the community to munches hasn't helped either until I started a munch.

I don't have a laundry list of wants. I gave up on that ages ago. My profile is about me, who I am and what I do, what I've done. First base is friendship, acceptance, understanding and emotional support... Basically if you're prepared to put up with me and give it a go you're in.. these expectations are pretty low I know, but once we reach this stage and I get to know someone who I might be sharing this with then I can think about having other needs and wants. I've spent a lot of time in the past giving and providing, without expecting anything in return (apart from the above), now I want something back (again, just the above for now) and well... it doesn't seem anybody is interested.

I do get traffic in my Inbox fairly regularly, but it's either about them, they haven't read my profile or both, and I'm sorry but I'm not prepared to lower my standards and expectations or reduce them to zero again. Not that it worries me or I spend much time worrying about it, I have an interesting life, I have friends, and... I'm patient. Maybe one day.

But I'm sticking to my strategy, in that first there has to be someone, a person, some sort of basic relationship, and we move on from there. I'm not a jar of coffee on a supermarket shelf or an item listed on e-Bay that fits both a laundry list of wants and a preconceived notion of a relationship.

I'm just me.



juliaoceania -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 6:05:54 AM)

quote:

Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.


No, I do not find it exactly a turn off. When I was looking I did not browse profiles, I only looked at those who contacted me first. If someone had a large list of "requirements" I read through it. Most of the time this let me know how unsuitable I was for them and it made me wonder why they emailed me.

One of the things my Daddy says is so true.... "Spending all your time trying to get people interested in who you are is a waste of time. It is far more productive to take an interest in them. The most interesting people are interested in others." It is true.

Now I have to say that even though this is true it is good to be in touch with what we want and need in a relationship even though it is not perhaps desirable to pronounce it. On my original profile I talked about who I was, what I had to offer, and what my expectations in a relationship were. The profile Sinergy responded to made it abundantly clear that while I am submissive that I will only be treated as a valued person. It made it abundantly clear I sought a long term relationship. I desired someone that would be able to make me laugh. I got email from dominant sorts that did not like the "tone" of my profile... I did not care.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 6:25:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

So, to make this a relavent thread: Does anyone else find a laundry list of what you will or wont be or do to be an instant turn off? If I see this in a profile, I shy away immediately.

DV


i have a pre-set laundry list of things i'll absolutely will, not and never ever do but my not's outweighs heavily the do's. i don't care if dominants find me stubborn and unsubmissive because i refuse to add more of my not's/never's to do side.  i take it as a sign that we're not compatible.



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 8:05:51 AM)

my profile is quite large compared to most, but despite its size it lists very little of what i'm looking for at all.  because what i'm looking for is abstract and currently very faceless, i can only describe an abstract woman, but while most people read my profile and believe i mention next to nothing of what i'm looking for, i feel like i've described exactly what i'm looking for and even lamented on not finding it.

i however do not mind the laundry lists even though that is in no way how my profile ended up, i like to see what people are interested in, being one of the things that makes them tick, and what i can expect from; it that tells you plenty about them from a certain point of view. 

i do like it more when their lists are however elaborated even slightly though.

where seeing the word 'leashes' doesn't do anything for me, as it's not a kink, fetish, or even a real interest of mine; seeing 'i like to my partner in a leash and tug or play with it while we're doing things such as watching movies together just to remind him it's still on' however, that brings some interest in them out of me.  maybe it's just because i have more to get out of it, or because i can take one scenario and related it to my own experiences. such as i remember pleasant things in the past like being at the movies with a date, and almost forgetting you're holding hands because you're so entranced and 'into the movie'.  then one of you rubs the others hand with one of your fingers showing a small gesture of affection and there's that moment where you suddenly and almost surprisingly remember where you are, and realizing it you look at each other and for a few seconds and just smile before turning your attention back to the movie.

things like that sound nearly blissful to me, but if i just saw someone say 'i like holding hands' or in a list, it would be just like the deal with 'leashes', and i wouldn't think much or take much out of it other than the obvious.

i do like seeing the lists for some reason, but it's not the most effective form of communication to just jumble things all together like that. 



sailorfrank -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 12:21:51 PM)

    Think putting your wants down is better than putting your wonts down.   As it is "your" profile and you "want" to find what you like.

Dont change for others be patient for what you want and it will come to you!



Duckiemine -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 1:16:41 PM)

I personally am slightly turned off by the "I want I want....." things in some profiles...



Missokyst -> RE: I want I want I want (10/17/2008 10:59:32 PM)

I think I have a lot of negatives in my profile.  But.. I like it that way.  I really cannot think seriously of seeking anything from online.  I am not interested in online relationships, or long distance, and moving.. just is not going to happen. 
Because a buddy of mine mentioned it, I did put in a list of kink which was never listed before, just in case.  But I hold no real wish to find someone.
I would say a good 50% of the people here are not seriously seeking. So why not be up front with what they want?  It is about getting what we need afterall.
Kyst



JustDarkness -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 12:16:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I would say a good 50% of the people here are not seriously seeking.


they are propably seeking...just something different then you....



BlackPhx -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 5:54:42 AM)

While I want lists are not something that I would respond to for a job..I will admit I prefer having a clear cut idea of the other persons needs and whether they will fit in with my own BEFORE I contact them. I want the person to be a pain slut means people who hate or don't want  the pain need not apply. I want some one who can relocate, means I don't want a LDR or cyber only relationship. These things will happen before you are considered, means exactly that, you along with us will go through this , that and the other thing to make sure that all of us know what we are getting into.

Could Blackphx and I write a less demanding profile? Heck yes..I could craft one that made slavery look like a walk in the park and all about the needs of the slave. But that would draw a flock of people looking for someone to pay lip service to BDSM in exchange for sitting home eating Bonbons while BP and I worked. That is not what we are about, do, or intend and we are upfront and honest about that. People who are interested in developing something more than a superficial relationship tend to read the whole profile, the journals and comment on them before checking to see if the person also posts to the forum where they can get a sense of who they are dealing with. It is slower than say shotgunning hellos to every profile that matches your wants and seeing itf someone responds back. We have met some wonderful people on here using that method and i suspect that eventuially we will meet the slave we are seeking either here, or elsewhere using the clear cut profile instead of the gingerbread house.

poenkitten



silkenfire -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 9:19:14 AM)

I've only read about the first two pages and not the patience right now to look at all the rest but:

I had one requirement on my profile on here -- good grammar when writing me. That's it. However, on other versions of the profile and profiles on other sites there were a couple other addendums:

I was looking for a long term relationship and no interest in short term play partners. (I think that's a reasonable one, when it's true, as it definitely changes your supposed viewers)
I also stated that I was not interested in moving terribly far from the upper south region of the US. (also, I think something worth stating, since I'm not going to be interested in someone from, say, California, unless they are intending to move out here).
The third item was generally the issue of children. I brought them up early in every conversation, when it was not in my profile -- my intent to be a mother at some point, because if the viewer was not interested in *ever* having children (I wasn't specifying must happen in x number of years) then it would not be a good match and I don't think that I would give up the idea of future motherhood for a relationship -- at this point anyways.

But I viewed those as pretty important/standard things. Never super instructive about "what" I wanted -- seriously, I can't ask my master for the things I should be able to discuss, because I don't "stand up" in that way. No clue why, really.

But I view those items as necessary; if a dominant was not willing to match those criteria, then I didn't want to speak to him.

Now, the laundry list ideas of "this is exactly how our entire relationship will be from beginning to end" are pretty silly. You can't write the whole future of a relationship before it happens, certainly not without knowing who the other party is at the time!



Padriag -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 3:57:45 PM)

My previous profile listed what I offer as well as what I am looking for.  Despite that it seemed most submissive didn't read it.  I've come to the conclusion that regardless of gender an eye catching photo will attract FAR, far more attention than the most thoughtfully and eloquently written profile ever will.

Many people just don't bother to read past the first sentence... if that much.



catize -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 4:41:09 PM)

quote:

 My previous profile listed what I offer as well as what... 


Done!  We have a lot in common, I can just tell!  [8|]



moonvine -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 5:42:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

While I want lists are not something that I would respond to for a job..I will admit I prefer having a clear cut idea of the other persons needs and whether they will fit in with my own BEFORE I contact them. I want the person to be a pain slut means people who hate or don't want  the pain need not apply.


I think the issue with this is that what constitutes a pain slut for one person would be quite benign to another.  I often see things like "EXTREME".  Well, what specifically does "EXTREME" mean to that person?



PanthersMom -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 5:49:57 PM)

i'm talking with a young lady currently who has given me a basic idea of what she wants, to be a slave.  that's nice, but what does slavery mean to her?  what are her expectations, do they mesh with mine?  has she given any thought to the future and how long she might want to commit to this or is this just a phase for her?  the "i wants" are sometimes better than the "i dunnos".  when i'm talking with someone i expect them to realize this isn't just about what they want, but about what we both want, do those wants work out to where we can meet somewhere in the middle?  it's funny how people have an idea in their heads, but when you make them think about it, it's often never more than that, never thought out as to what may happen if the person they approach shows a real interest. 
PM



OneMoreWaste -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 6:34:32 PM)

Am I the only person who's never needed a list to do the laundry? [:-]

Lists of wants or won'ts can go either way- it has a lot to do with the way it's written. You can sound like someone who knows what you want, or you can sound like an overly demanding jerk. Browsing FemDom profiles, I find a lot of "I expect you to be blah blah blah" lists that are accompanied by little or no information about the author- it's like, all you need to know is that I AM FEMDOM, and you probably aren't good enough to be worth reading an email from! Not a big turn-on, personally (especially since I'm always on the Do Not Want list)



daddysliloneds -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 7:22:18 PM)

i guess i'm one of those people whose profile really turns you off then and i'm okay with that fact.  i know what i want/need and am not settling for less.  call me a 'do me sub' even, and i'm still okay with that fact. 

i'm not an iceburg; i am, however, a realist, and as such i know that i personally need to have a good bdsm relationship with someone before i can have an emotionally bound relationship with them. 

what i have to offer, what kind of person that i am, what i enjoy inside/outside of the kink dynamic, etc., is obvious through reading my profile and my forum postings (which they can access through reading that part of my profile).   all they need to know prior to actually contacting me,  can be accessed on or through my profile if they choose to do their homework.  



moonvine -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 7:25:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

My previous profile listed what I offer as well as what I am looking for.  Despite that it seemed most submissive didn't read it.  I've come to the conclusion that regardless of gender an eye catching photo will attract FAR, far more attention than the most thoughtfully and eloquently written profile ever will.

Many people just don't bother to read past the first sentence... if that much.


I rarely look at the pictures, or at least not until after I have read the profiles. .  I read the profiles and consider them much more important than the pictures.   If the profile is interesting I'll read the journal.



PsyVamp -> RE: I want I want I want (10/18/2008 8:04:42 PM)

I will read a profile containing only "wants and needs"... If it is well written and something that I am into,  I might send off a quick note referencing something in their profile and ask them if they can offer what I'm looking for as referenced in My profile.  Unfortunately, since My profile is so long, I think they fall asleep before finishing it, lol.
I did try to communicate in My own profile a brief synopsis of who I am and what I want and what I think I can offer.  Maybe I did a good job, maybe I didn't, but at least there is enough there to be able to start a conversation.

Lady Jag



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