Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant

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Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 5:55:23 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
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I've been attending a lot of local BDSM events these past couple of months from munches to demos and more. I've had the pleasure of meeting many wonderful people from all over the New England area which has been great. However, I'm shocked about how much gossip and drama there is. It's like I'm back in high school. These are grown adults we're talking about here. Most are over 30 years old. I would have thought that this childish behavior would disappear over time. I guess I was wrong.. Everyone seems to have slept with or played with everyone else, everybody is connected in some way....and everyone talks about it. I'm afraid to get involved with anyone because what goes on in my relationship will eventually become public knowledge.

Now, because I'm new to the local scene and I'm associating with some people more than others, I'm being judged on who I spend time with. I feel like I'm on The Price is Right or something. "No! Choose that box! That's the wrong one! Choose the one over there!" I'm running around a stage in front of an audience trying to decide who's ok to be around and who isn't. I really don't care what people think and I'll spend time with whoever I want but I'm sick of being one of the topics of discussion in this months gossip group. I'm sick of being on this stage. What I do is my business so please exit the theater....or should I leave the stage (being the local scene)?

I don't know who to trust anymore. They say that going to events like these and talking to people is the best way to decide who's safe and who isn't but nobody appears to be safe to be around from what I've heard. I've been hit on by so many people that I don't know if they're giving me advice for my own good or if they have alterior motives.

Is it like this everywhere?

< Message edited by subsnow -- 10/19/2008 6:13:33 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:00:15 AM

lusciouslips19

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Find a different munch. If you dont like your group dont go. There are many ways to meet people in the community.

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(in reply to subsnow)

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RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:02:59 AM

Cyis75

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
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Unfortunately I think that's the case within any group of loosely knit people. Cliches are going to happen and others will make assumptions based on those you interact with. I've seen that in both the community back in the San Francisco Bay Area I was a part of and seeing that here in Atlanta. Fortunately for me I don't tend to fall into cliches and I actually try to move between people regardless of which group they're a part of. That and the fact I don't let my opinion of myself be based on what others believe. I also don't put much into gossip and those that gossip. Someone that hears something and comes to me to find out the truth is going to garner much more respect from me than someone that hears something and just passes it on. When I become aware of that then I just adjust accordingly how I treat them and move on with my life.

(in reply to subsnow)

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RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:06:58 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Find a different munch. If you dont like your group dont go. There are many ways to meet people in the community.

I've been to several different munches and events. Everyone in the area attends everything so the gossip is everywhere.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 4

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:35:57 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Find a different munch. If you dont like your group dont go. There are many ways to meet people in the community.

I've been to several different munches and events. Everyone in the area attends everything so the gossip is everywhere.

Well I guess the decision is yours. Whether you want to figure out a way to deal with it or stop dealing with the local scene. I personally would try to gravitate to the more mature people. I also wouldnt give a rats ass what people said about me nor care about the gossip or reputation i may get.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/19/2008 6:36:41 AM >

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 5

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:45:43 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
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Lushy is right. Find another group. Fortunately, in my local group, it is the indiscreet who are shunned.

_____________________________

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" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 6

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 6:56:50 AM

CruelDesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
<snipped>
Is it like this everywhere?

From my experiances. Yes. Just be careful who you associate with. Pick and choose wisely.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 7

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:01:25 AM

tweedydaddy

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I don't know if you need to go to a different munch or seek help with this paranoia.
You read way too much into things and expect too much from people, give them a chance. The BDSM scene is not a self help group. People are here looking for fun.
This is all about pleasure you know.

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 8

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:04:10 AM

lusciouslips19

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Well the OP is quite young. i find that as people get older they dont care so much what people say behind their backs. SO maybe in time this wont be so big of a problem.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 9

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:15:50 AM

subsnow

Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy

I don't know if you need to go to a different munch or seek help with this paranoia.
You read way too much into things and expect too much from people, give them a chance. The BDSM scene is not a self help group. People are here looking for fun.
This is all about pleasure you know.

I don't understand where you're getting the idea that I'm paranoid or that I'm treating the BDSM scene like a self help group. I just figured that people would be more mature when it comes to gossip as they got older. I'm not giving up on these people. I'm still giving them a chance. I guess you could say I'm learning the facts of life.

quote:

Well the OP is quite young. i find that as people get older they dont care so much what people say behind their backs. SO maybe in time this wont be so big of a problem.

I don't care what people think. I do, however, care about whether or not someone is safe to be around and trustworthy enough to talk to.

< Message edited by subsnow -- 10/19/2008 7:18:14 AM >

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 10

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:19:52 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

I read this thread today oh boy
About a female sub who went to a munch
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
At my own photograph
They blew their minds on BDSM
They didn't know the high school thing was strange
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd played with each other before
Nobody was really sure if the girl was from other munch

I saw a thread today oh boy
The moderators had just won the war
A crowd of posters had gone away
But I just had to look
Having read the OP
I'd love to tell you all.........

Woke up, got out of bed
Checked the responses to my thread
Found my way to the kitchen and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Caught the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
After someone spoke I logged in again
Aaahhhh...
Aaaahhhhh....

I browsed profiles today oh boy
Four thousand doms in Blackburn Lancashire
And though the doms were rather old
Just had to count them all
How they know how many doms have profiles on Collarme in all
I'd love to tell you all.....

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(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 11

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:33:52 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

hahahahahahahahaha
Never could be any other way
Never could be any other way
Never could be any other way
Never could be any other way

(with previous post) inspired by The Beatles 'A Day In The Life'

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(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 12

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:35:58 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

However, I'm shocked about how much gossip and drama there is.

Everyone seems to have slept with or played with everyone else, everybody is connected in some way....and everyone talks about it.
What I do is my business so please exit the theater....or should I leave the stage (being the local scene)?
Is it like this everywhere?

Uh yeah. The scene is far from perfect and varies greatly, yours sound pretty bad but on some level, that is what you are going to find.

While I think having spent time in the scene is a good thing for most people, what you describe is why many leave. The scene, on some level, tends to self select for the above because people like yourself, come in, absorb a bit, sometimes find a partner, and RUN away from the scene.

Now to some extent "sleeping around" happens in any sort of group, they just don't tend to be open about it, and cliques and drama happen as well. Also, it depends on the culture of the particular group, I am lucky in that the local group I attend is run by a monogamous married couple and the culture there very much celebrates relationships and there is very little pressure to be poly. Sadly, many groups are exactly the opposite.

That said, like most of life, take the good, leave the bad, and enjoy yourself.

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 13

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:45:06 AM

desertdancer

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Hehe Stella, are you sure you only had ONE cuppa?

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* Shimmy Shimmy *

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Post #: 14

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:49:28 AM

zakkan

Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

I feel like I'm on The Price is Right or something. "No! Choose that box! That's the wrong one! Choose the one over there!"

*Imagines The Price is Right with Doms as contestants and subs as items up for bid........

"What's the next item up for bids?"

"Its.... A MALE SLAVE! From Asub, this male slave, weighing 170 pounds and standing at 6 feet, complete with ball gag and leather finish! From Asub! This great prize can be yours if the price is right!"

"One dollar."

< Message edited by zakkan -- 10/19/2008 7:58:32 AM >

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Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 15

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:50:57 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*snort*

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Post #: 16

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 7:57:36 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow

I feel like I'm on The Price is Right or something. "No! Choose that box! That's the wrong one! Choose the one over there!"

*Imagines The Price is Right with Doms as contestants and subs as items up for bid........

"What's the next item up for bids?"

"Its.... A MALE SLAVE! This male slave, weighing 170 pounds and standing at 6 feet, complete with ball gag and leather finish, can be yours if the price is right!"

"One dollar."

One dollar?! With this economy, make that .75 cents.

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to zakkan)

Post #: 17

RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 8:05:40 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

I'm shocked about how much gossip and drama there is.

I too was quite shocked by how much gossip and drama went on in my local community. I was even more shocked to find out it spread between different communities to the point that wherever i went i was hearing tales of she did this and he said that wherever i went. From Leeds (my local munch) to chesterfield, York, BBS and various events in Manchester.
Nowadays i just listen, ooh and ah in the right places and hope the latest gossip ain't about me

I really don't think it's that big a deal anymore to be honest. There is gossip and drama everywhere you go. Take here for example, about a year back there was a big crew (mostly diff from now) that posted mainly in random stupidity that was always gossip mongering and causing drama. And yep i'll admit i was a part of it.

Wherever you go there is gossip and drama.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 8:08:56 AM

miss8understood

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/11/2008
From: nc
Status: offline

i think it goes on wherever you are. what i did when i became exhausted from the gossip and drama was to start to attend smaller parties with people i liked and trusted. i could be myself and i actually enjoyed the time. attending the smaller parties sprinkled with the larger public ones was a better balance for me. to the op, you'll find your sweet spot eventually.

~m8u

< Message edited by miss8understood -- 10/19/2008 8:09:24 AM >

(in reply to desertdancer)

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RE: Frustrated About the Local Scene - A Rant - 10/19/2008 8:12:05 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Not only are we judged by the company we keep, but even more concerningly, our friends shape who we are as people in an active fashion. So if you look around a given "scene" and decide that you'd just as soon not be like those people, my advice is to find different people.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to subsnow)

Post #: 20

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