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How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:27:42 PM

whiskeyxladyx

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/19/2008
From: Cleveland
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I'm not sure, but being new to this...I'm learning as much as I can, and as far as I know, I still have the power as a Sub to choose who I want to be my Master. I have had many offerings already...I don't know what to do!

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:29:26 PM

Rover

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It's really not all that complicated. It's called compatibility. But first you have to know what you want/need to know what you're compatible with.

Good luck!

John

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:31:32 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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Take your time to get to know somebody before you submit to them.   You need to know what and who you are getting involved with and vice versa.

A BDSM or lifestyle relationship is a relationship. The basics of relationships still apply to this world as it does the Vanilla world.   This is the reality of it.

You need to find a Master with a similar mindset as you. It's important to pick somebody you can become a reflection of...

Again, I stress you need to get to know somebody and vice versa.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:32:54 PM

stella41b

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"Eeny meeny miney mo...."

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:34:48 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
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Apply everything you learned in the Vanilla Dating world, and keep in mind the end goal is to form a D/s relationship. One that fits both your and your masters needs, wants, wishes and desires.

Even though it's D/s it's still a two way street, one with common interests involved.

Too many people have this strange notion that it's somehow different when it comes to BDSM, then they end up in some short lived crappy relationship with a bad taste in their mouth, then reality sets in. That the Basics are the exact same as it is with Vanilla dating and starting any relationship with anybody else.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 2:56:28 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Take your time, be friends first, and develop trust. This isn't a race, you get no prize for shortcuts

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:05:37 PM

teensub

Posts: 135
Joined: 7/18/2007
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when i first joined this sites i had lots and lots of offers, spoke to lots and lots of people. But i eventually came across my now, master, his words just struck a chord with me from the first line. When i read that message i knew i had to know more and have him and now happy to say we have just celebrated our first year together

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:05:55 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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You could always invite them all over, get naked, oil yourself down and then toss yourself into the middle of the room. The one who can catch and pin you - gets to keep you? Or what Rover said. That was good advise too.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:15:37 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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You won't take the advice we give you in any case. You will be back a few months later lamenting that you did things you knew you shouldn't do because you were so caught up in the moment and thought you had to as a submissive. Right now you are amazed at all the Doms interested in you and the high is starting to affect your thinking as evidenced by your post.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:23:28 PM

DarkQc

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: Montreal, Canada
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As others have said, take your time. Get to know the other person, let them really get to know you and most importantly make sure you really know yourself. Make sure you like the other person and the two of you have compatible needs. under no circumstances should you feel compelled to rush into anything, if the situation is right it will still be there tomorrow or next week.

Lastly I would suggest talking to as many people as is reasonably possible. This is so when you make your choice it will be from a large pool and not just a couple of potential masters.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:41:20 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
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Others have said it, but I'll say it again - go slow. Get to know the person. Be honest about how compatible you are with someone. Remember not to settle with someone you're not happy with - the wrong master IS worse than no master at all, believe me, I've been there, as have others.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:51:52 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I had to stop and think about the flippancy of my answer.

Thinking back on the choices I made, it really isn't all that easy to 'choose' a Master. Some will say, if it feels wrong - stay away him/her! But, sometimes the angst we feel is internal, and has nothing to do with an instinctual response to the other person. Sometimes we get all warm and fuzzy over the concept and what the person is 'selling' and wind up with buyers remorse when we realize that we bought more than we could umm...swallow.

Here's the thing. Whether or not you jump in with both feet, or ease yourself in slowly starting with the tip of your big toe, few of us, if any, on this sight knows YOU or the people you are communicating with who express an interest in you. So, it is pretty easy to be flippant BUT, for all our joking and teasing there are little gems of truth in what was said. Don't try and swallow the gems whole. Take what you can use, leave the rest. And, if at all possible, just have fun and enjoy the moment you are in.

P.S. Is it just me or was there an entirely odd theme rising up in my post......maybe I'm developing an oral fxation!

WinD

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:54:03 PM

RCdc

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Choosing a 'master' is just like anyother relationship choice. You find someone compatable. Work out what you want, what you are willing to compromise on and don't settle. Best thoughts.

the.dark.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 3:58:33 PM

moonvine

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I make rotten Dom choices, so I would say the only advice I have is don't jump at the first one, or if you are getting that many offers, the first 100.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 4:02:26 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Hey WhiskeyLady, if you know any Dominants local to Michigan, and aren't interested in them- send them my way

WinD
All oiled up, no one to play with!

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 6:16:54 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
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From: Nashville, TN
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How do you choose a boyfriend? a friend?

What kind of relationship are you looking for? M/s? D/s? are you looking for love, romance, friendship, companionship?

Whatever it is, who fits it the best for you? How well do you know them? Do they live close enough to you to have whatever relationship it is you want? Are you looking for online? phone? real time?

Oh dear, that's enough for now...let me know when you get done with those.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 6:53:29 PM

ExKat

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I advise to you make sure that you and the potential dom are D/s compatible first. If you're into hardcore bloodplay and breathplay, and he is into aromatherapy and some light spankings, you're probably not compatible. If your dream vacation is a weekend in the mountains with some light scarf bondage, and his is taking you into the inner-city and finding a dozen men to screw you, again, non-compatible.

Once you're sure you're not going to clash completely in the bedroom, forget about that stuff. Focus on building a relationship, and make sure this is a guy you actually want to date. Sure, the married jerk screwing around on his wife with lots of money to buy you toys might seem like a good playmate, but in a year, are you really still going to want to be there? A real BDSM relationship seems to be much more about doing vanilla stuff together than playing. So, while the playing is way more exciting, and much quicker to seduce you to the wrong guy, it's a relatively little percentage of the time you'll be spending together, and rather easier to find someone compatible in (in my experience).

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 7:10:40 PM

Usako

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I still find it amusing that so many people think because it's BDSM it's really so much different or special than a normal relationship. From what I've seen, most BDSM relationships are more vanilla than people will admit. There are just different titles, symbols and roles, etc, etc.

How does one find a good BDSM partner? The same way they'd find a regular partner. First know what you want. Long term? Short term? Just play and/or sex? Just the dynamics but no romance? Then find someone who fits what you want. Give it a test drive, see how it works then take it from there.

Finding a master is no different then finding a normal man. You look in the right place, find someone you click with and be happy. The dynamic is just different, that's all. The sex may be different. The roles might be different. Blah blah blah.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 8:28:55 PM

whiskeyxladyx

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Pardon me, but I don't think you know me well enough to make assumptions about me.

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RE: How to choose the right Master... - 10/20/2008 8:41:37 PM

yourMissTress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whiskeyxladyx

Pardon me, but I don't think you know me well enough to make assumptions about me.

Of all the advice given and questions asked you ignore all that pick this reply, get mad, and leave?

I can't think of a nice way to ask if he hit a nerve, so I will just walk away from this one.

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