Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship?

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Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 8:23:15 PM

AStudyInScarlet

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/20/2008
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technically two people who identify as switches but are really subs switching off to please their partner. i think we'd both rather be subs all the time. i end up having to be on top almost all the time. he calls me mistress even though i don't feel like one.

Post #: 1

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 8:32:04 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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It isn't right for him to force you into a role you aren't comfortable in. It isn't right for you to accept this.

Two subs can have a good relationship, each seeking to please the other and doing service topping for the other. But that requires that you both agree to this upfront.

If you don't want to be his mistress, then don't. When he guilts you into doing this, tell him to stop. When he calls you mistress, tell him to stop. Find someone who makes you happy and tell him that if he really wanted to please a woman he wouldn't go out of his way to make her miserable.

Why are you letting him do this to you?

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

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RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 8:38:16 PM

AStudyInScarlet

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Joined: 10/20/2008
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we had a very happy relationship before the sex. we're so much alike. maybe too much...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 8:45:07 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
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A sexual relationship that works except for the sex doesn't work, in my experience. Unless you're willing to find a Dominant to please the both of you, it sounds like neither of you is getting what you want. Stay friends, but say goodbye.

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 8:52:35 PM

AStudyInScarlet

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/20/2008
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is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love?

(in reply to ExKat)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 9:56:42 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet

is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love?

No, it's not and I doubt that anyone here would tell you otherwise. But I see your choice as either a) staying, and remaining unhappy, then losing both the relationship and the friendship or b) acknowledging that much as you love one another, the love would be better served as a friendship.

I have done both options and I can tell you that option A led to the death of a long term relationship wherein we both ended up greatly disliking each other and option B led to a painful time of questioning, but ended up leaving me with a better sense of self and a great friend.

Edited to note: the very thing that caused the issue between my friend and me was the sex. We were fine before sex got involved, then it got all weird and stupid. Once we took sex out of the equation, our friendship only deepened.

< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 10/21/2008 9:59:06 PM >

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 9:57:22 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet

is it that easy to simply say goodbye if you're in love?

No it's not, but then again relationships tend not to be easy!

You both need to sit down and discuss this. You're not happy, and if you don't talk then it'll only get worse and you'll both become very unhappy and may even start hating each other.

Maybe you both need to find a dominant to satisfy that part of your relationship, and save the 'nilla loving for each other.

But ultimately, if you can't find a solution that will work for you both then the relationship won't work. So would you rather split sooner with the chance of remaining friends, or wait until you can't stand the sight of each other? Start communicating and start sorting this out.

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 11:32:05 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him?

Master Fire

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/21/2008 11:38:27 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
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Some good posts in this thread so far. I'd listen to them and think about it.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 2:58:35 AM

LFAFanatic

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/2/2008
Status: offline

tell him "Ok! since I'M THE BOSS, you have to have to Dom ME!" PERIOD

(in reply to NormalOutside)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 3:04:00 AM

LFAFanatic

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/2/2008
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you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex!....thats common! he got what HE wanted! if you would like to get HIM back....try a Chastity Device! make him depend on YOU to get what it is he desires! just leave him alone and let his penis argue with him! he will come back and you just might be happy again!

(in reply to LFAFanatic)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 3:28:21 AM

LFAFanatic

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/2/2008
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also if i was you, i would suduce him into submission and say things like "dont you want to make Mistress happy?" "How far are you willing to go to serve your Mistress?" "aint I the one YOU want to make happy?" answer his questions, WITH QUESTIONS! dont back down until YOU get what YOU want! YOUR the Mistress right?

(in reply to LFAFanatic)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 4:59:33 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

yeah but if she does that, she's not really getting domination, is she? she doesn't want to be Mistress and if she has to con him into doing it by becoming Mistress, i can't imagine that would be all that satisfactory. and then of course, he'd probably appear here or somewhere else with the same post. =p
all i can say is that i agree with myotherself that you really should talk about it with him, if you're in love with him and can't break it off, and see if you can't come to some sort of a workable solution. there may be a Dom/me out there looking for a pair of subs, or you could discuss the possibility of each finding your own. and the idea of breaking it off (if it comes to that) while you're still friends instead of waiting until you've made each other physically ill is a good idea, too. If you're having to play a role you're not comfortable with "almost all the time" that's not particularly fair, and lack of fairness can quickly breed resentment, and resentment can turn into a whole host of other things...

(in reply to LFAFanatic)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 6:07:16 AM

temptressofsouls

Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline

I personally couldnt do it-i tried once, because I really cared about the person, but I ended up basically getting "mental mono" until I ended it. Drained all my energy and shot my nerves, Never again.

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 6:32:07 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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Are you involved in your local BDSM community... would participating in your local dungeon be a way for each of you to get your needs met by having "play partners" who could fulfill those needs?

(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 7:22:29 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Yea, I agree with angelikaJ. If you are in Love, then is there any desire to trying a vanilla relationship and going outside for play and BDSM?

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Post #: 16

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 8:04:20 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him?

Master Fire

Brilliant, stellar, absolutely stellar.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 10:42:04 AM

AStudyInScarlet

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LFAFanatic

you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex!

clarification: we had an established relationship before we started having sex

(in reply to LFAFanatic)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 10:50:10 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet

quote:

ORIGINAL: LFAFanatic

you say you had a happy relationship BEFORE the sex!

clarification: we had an established relationship before we started having sex

You had an estblished good working friendship. Yes it's a relationship but it wasn't a sexual relationship.

You can love your friends but that doesn't mean you can be lovers. Considering you already said that sex has made a good relationship bad, maybe you should concentrate on remaining great friends and finding partners with someone else.

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(in reply to AStudyInScarlet)

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RE: Is it possible for two subs to have a relationship? - 10/22/2008 11:05:54 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

My gut says to say this, so I will. Are you in love with him or are you in love with the idea of a relationship with him?

Master Fire

gotta agree with this. I was in a brief illadvised relationship with another sub, he was great we got on really well could talk for ages, but like you the expectation wa that I would take the Dominant role, one I dont reel comfy with anyways and certainly not with him. Though we carried it on for a while it was obvious we were just kidding yourself, I dont think that it could be consideredlove because there was never a time with him that i felt i could totally be myself. Thats kinda what I think love is.

It sucked breaking up, and it wasnt a very nice break up either I felt i was loosing a really good friend. My advise is dont let it get to that stage dont let the bitterness build up. It is not decreasing value becoming friends, sometimes i think we can confuse people who would be fantastic friends to us as potential lovers due to some rush to be in a relaitonship an other factors. Sometimes you are meant to be friends.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 20

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