shivermetimbers
Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AStudyInScarlet technically two people who identify as switches but are really subs switching off to please their partner. i think we'd both rather be subs all the time. i end up having to be on top almost all the time. he calls me mistress even though i don't feel like one. Deanna and I are both subs. However, we are both extremely capable of topping each other to satisfy our masochistic/submissively sexual needs. But I don't view my submission from strictly a sexual standpoint, rather from a service standpoint, and it works great for us. We have also agreed that if there is something we would like to try that the other can't provide or doesn't have experience in, we will seek out a dominant who would be willing to work with us for whatever may be needed. When we play, she has at times called me "Sir" and I really got off on that. Had it made me feel odd, I would have told her so. I don't call her Mistress, ma'am, etc. but if I were to use such a term, she would let me know how she felt about it. That's just simple communication, so if it bothers you for him to call you Mistress, then let him know. Otherwise, even though you may not feel like one, if it's okay with you then let him call you Mistress, it makes his time enjoyable. As far as you usually being the one topping, if you are feeling your needs aren't being met, then again, say so to him. I think two people who love each other before the sex happens should have no problem talking about the sexual component of the relationship. That's the only way you two are going to find a happy medium. That's what Deanna and I discussed long before we even met, as we found we were so compatible outside of BDSM, we had to ensure that if we were to take the step to a relationship, we needed to know how we each were going to have our submissively sexual needs cared for. I'm not suggesting that you should talk about letting others top you, rather considering it as an option. And as far as "who tops who and when", that is just a dynamic that has to work out, and again, you have to talk things over. For us, whoever picked up the whip first is the one in charge, we don't battle over it. We also have agreed that anytime one of us wants something, we just do it, and the other must comply. Keep in mind we talked about this for two months before we even met in person, and it has worked beautifully. We know each others turn ons, limits, reluctancies, and skills. We both know that we will never engage in something to please the other if we don't have the skill, e.g. one throwing a single tail at the other. Neither of us know how to handle one, so we wouldn't even attempt it. So long story short, if you can't talk about your needs being met, then your basic relationship needs an upgrade in communication skills. So yes, it is possible for two subs to have a relationship, just like two dominants or two switches can have a relationship. And as in any relationship, you have to have the basic communication skills before you can travel down any sexual road, vanilla or BDSM. Best of luck to you, and hoping you have a long, healthy, relationship together.
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I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day. If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm
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