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Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 4:42:29 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Ok this situation is baffling me and i really don't know what  advice to give the slave involved in this situation. So i'm asking you kind folks of cm what you would do.
Here goes.
 
A load of cm mails exchanged between a slave and master and then they move to msn. They decide they are really into each other and want to meet up. In the meantime they both agree to stop looking for others and both indicate this on their profiles. Everything is cool, their kinks, their ideas on the lifestyle match and they get on well.
 
Then the master changes his profile and no longer indicates he is not looking. Instant red flag to the slave who has been hurt before in smilar situations. She has told the master about these situations. She reacts badly admittedly and accuses him of still looking. He goes mad and says he wants nothing to do with her if she is going to react like that. She apologises repeatedly and eventually he agrees to talk about the situation with her.
 
First though he ignores her for twenty four hours. She sees this as he is punishing her for over reacting to his profile change. His first words to her are to ask her when she can go visit him. She replies and he states that he thinks it will be best to see how they get on in person. Fair enough she thinks.
 
She then makes attempts to hold conversation in the meantime with him but most of the time he just ignores her or talks to her like she is crap. In the end she says she knows she made a mistake but he cant keep on punishing her. He replies that he isnt punishing her, he doesnt want her. So she asks for clarification of why if he doesnt want her he wants her to go down to see him. His response is that he wants to see if she is the slave she claims to be.
 
From this she assumes that he plans for her to go down, use her and send her home, nothing more. He goes mad again when she asks if this is the case. As far as i can tell it just turned into bedlam from there. She couldnt say anything right and he appeared to be twisting everything she said.
 
My advice was of course run, run for the hills, but she is really into this guy and honestly believes it can be worked out.
Is she right?
Am i being too hasty suggesting she cut her losses right now?


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:06:23 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		Once again, I say there is an easy way to find out whether or not the guy is still looking. And from there you can sort of infer his attitude towards the relationship.

However, the kind folks of CM don't really like this method of finding things out


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:12:09 AM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		Based on  what you posted, i would have to agree with your assessment that this is a bad situation for her and she should, indeed, "run for the hills".

This situation has all the earmarkings of someone attempting to "force" submission.  Genuine submission cannot be  forced and any dominant worth his/her "salt", as it were, knows this well.  Unfortunately, all you can do is advise as best you can and hope that she listens and be there for moral support even if she doesn't.

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires





< Message edited by housemouse61 -- 10/22/2008 5:19:46 AM >

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:12:54 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I agree however i wouldn't suggest she go down this road.
Her issue at the moment is proving to him she is a real slave and that he should give her the opportunity to prove herself.
My issue with this is that he has punished her for for her originalmistake but continues to do so. He seems to almost be holding a grudge and that cant be healthy hence my run for the hills girl advice.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:14:58 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		run. she deserves much more.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:15:34 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He sounds more domineering than a Dom. He is angry she caught him trying to play around and now he wants to make her feel like shit for it. Lots of big red flags here, I would advise her to run not walk to the nearest exit on this one.

~Lashra


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:16:09 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Smacks forehead oh the drama...  My advice she's a big girl and prolly can handle it all by her lonesome.  Feels like Im back in high school.

BadOne


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:16:47 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		that sounds way too confusing.
if he's ignoring her and saying he doesn't want her, why should she waste gas money and go see him? unless he's saying it as some misguided attempt to make her need to please go hyperactive =p but if that's what he's doing, that's sending way too many mixed signals. and if he's saying that, her conclusion is potentially valid -- she could go see him, he could entice her into doing stuff with him to "prove" her gnarly slaveishness, and then say "oh wow, you just didn't do good enough, still don't want you, bye bye." there is something to be said about stepping out in good faith, but you can't offer yourself up to be used (or well... you can, but you know what i'm saying =p) either.

i dunno... if it were me, i'd run away.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:17:07 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Making the jump to the assumption that things would work out and that he decides to keep her, I would think his inconsistent behavior, uncaring attitude,  and contradictions would be the precedent that the relationship would be based upon.  If she were to get involved with him, I think he would continue to display the same characteristics he is showing her now.   I personally would run for the hills.  I've dealt with enough potentials that I've learned to recognize and reject those who aren't good for me early on, and move on with my life without giving them any further thought.  But she may have to find out the hard way that this guy isn't right for her.  My general rule of thumb is that if the relationship (at whatever point) is consistantly painful, you're with the wrong person. 


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:18:47 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		 He replies that he isnt punishing her, he doesnt want her.       She's not listening to what he is saying.                                                                                          So she asks for clarification of why if he doesnt want her he wants her to go down to see him. His response is that he wants to see if she is the slave she claims to be.
 translation>  be quiet, you are bugging me and I don't know how to handle this the proper way, so be a good sub and treat me like I own you so you will obey and I can make you hush.


imo
lengthy "Silence", in a long-distance relationship, is not appropriate as a punishment.  Communication is hard enough in LDR, if re-direction is needed then even  MORE communication is necessary.

From your scenario it doesn't seem like she is his submissive, they are still in the getting to know one another stage>  and she could see this as a real headsUP to his basic character and ability to make himself understood and trusted as a dominant in a ds relationship..  
 
  It sucks that she has invested herself so much into this and is now being treated with dis-regard this way.  I can understand her hurt & "need" to make it right.  But that has to be DESIRED by both parties for her efforts to not be wasted, imo.  
She needs to listen to his words and not proceed in the hopes of making it into something that it isn't desired by him.
IF he wants it, he will pursue her. 
I don't think I would tell her to "run"  but I would definately suggest she take the "step back and wait and see what REALLY is there" stance.  And in the meanwhile > explore her other opportunities as well> HE IS.


 

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:19:19 AM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		This is really simple:

Things were great while they were exchanging messages on CM. When they started chatting,  something was said that changed his opinion of her. So .. instead of just telling her that .. he removed the line in his profile that said he was no longer looking .. because after all .. he is still looking.

He offered to meet her possibly because he does want to see if maybe his first reaction was wrong and they might get along in person. However, it does sound to me that he has figured out what buttons to push, how to get her to react in a negative way, so he can walk away knowing "it was all her fault".

She may never know what she said to cause him to lose interest, unless he grows a pair and tells her.



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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:19:27 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Smacks forehead oh the drama...  My advice she's a big girl and prolly can handle it all by her lonesome.  Feels like Im back in high school.

BadOne



Actually she asked me to post something here. She doesnt feel able to handle this by herself right now, her confidence has been knocked.
 
If you can't say anything constructive please don't say anything at all.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:24:07 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		-They discuss being exclusive but he posts a profile and is still searching
-He blows his stack when she questions him about the profile
-He ignores her and/or treats her like shit
-He states he does not want her
-She feels if she goes to him he will use/abuse her and toss her away
-He refuses to discuss her feelings

What else does she need to realize this guy is an ass?


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:26:42 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Smacks forehead oh the drama...  My advice she's a big girl and prolly can handle it all by her lonesome.  Feels like Im back in high school.

BadOne



Actually she asked me to post something here. She doesnt feel able to handle this by herself right now, her confidence has been knocked.
 
If you can't say anything constructive please don't say anything at all.


Oh boy more high school stuff .  I asked my friend to jump off a bridge.... what is your point? 

You want constructiove sure I will give it to you.  She already told you  " she can't handle it"  Well Im thinking Maybe ...just maybe she should take her own advice and not do anything.  Play time is over back to class now.

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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:27:46 AM   
xXLithiumXx


Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline 		From what Ive read, and from the way it reads, he is a child playing a mans game. She seems to be seriously intrested and wants something more than a game. So while they may be compatible in all other ways and realms, on that one they are not. In the long run the potential for harm is much greater than the potential for good. I agree that your acertation that he wants to use her and then send her on her way is probably the most accurate thought. I also think that she shouldnt have to prove if she is real or the slave she claims to be to any one. She is what she is. Period. She doesnt know who he has talked to before or since they have been talking, and in short some one that could have been around before her may have popped back up to make him go insane.

Fact is, its early in the realationship, and I use that term losely, and if hes losing his grip now, what will happen further down the road?

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:31:03 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

This is really simple:

Things were great while they were exchanging messages on CM. When they started chatting,  something was said that changed his opinion of her. So .. instead of just telling her that .. he removed the line in his profile that said he was no longer looking .. because after all .. he is still looking.

He offered to meet her possibly because he does want to see if maybe his first reaction was wrong and they might get along in person. However, it does sound to me that he has figured out what buttons to push, how to get her to react in a negative way, so he can walk away knowing "it was all her fault".

She may never know what she said to cause him to lose interest, unless he grows a pair and tells her.




This sounds dead-on.

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marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:32:09 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

-They discuss being exclusive but he posts a profile and is still searching
-He blows his stack when she questions him about the profile
-He ignores her and/or treats her like shit
-He states he does not want her
-She feels if she goes to him he will use/abuse her and toss her away
-He refuses to discuss her feelings

What else does she need to realize this guy is an ass?



SERIOUSLY.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:36:16 AM   
shyhuzzy


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline 		She needs to pay attention to all the red flags going on, and send him packing.  No person needs the behavior he is giving, plain and simple.  Yes, we get hurt when we end relationships but if she continues with him she will only be hurt further.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:42:46 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Her issue at the moment is proving to him she is a real slave and that he should give her the opportunity to prove herself.


She has nothing to PROVE to this douchebag. If he plays these kinds of games online, what kind is he going to play once she meets him? my advice to her would be the same as yours - after i told her the only thing needing proving here is how much of a pud he is - and that's clearly already been done.

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RE: Lengthy punishment and treating like crap - 10/22/2008 5:50:29 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I usually avoid these threads like the plague.  For some reason, I'm responding.  Must be some out of body experience for me.
 
My observations:
 
1.  He has already said that he doesn't want her.  How much more explicit does he have to be for her to believe him?
 
2.  Some people are obsessed with wishful thinking, and the certainty that they can make someone (or themselves) change if only given the chance.  Good luck with that.
 
3.  People only give lip service to "compatibility".  When confronted with incompatibility they refuse to accept it.
 
4.  People claim not to want drama in their lives.  Yet, when confronted with drama galore, they dive right in.
 
5.  People delude themselves into thinking that there is always a way to get what they want. 
 
6.  I read this type of thread and I'm dumber for it.
 
John

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