RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone

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RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 8:23:37 AM

agirl

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There's a distinct difference in my relationship between being loved and being owned. I AM owned and that's tangible, recognised and operational. Whether I regard myself as 'loved' by him would come down to the things that make me 'feel' loved. He's certainly never said that he loves me.

While being owned is obvious and has concrete aspects that we both accept, being loved does not.

For me, being loved is something 'I' feel, not a declaration from the other person.

I could interpret his concern, care and responsibility of me as love, and it might tick MY 'being loved' boxes but that doesn't mean HE loves me.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 21

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 9:13:12 AM

bound4more

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quote:

Do you distinguish between belonging to someone vs being loved by someone and/or someone belonging to you vs loving someone?
Davan

There is a difference - yes, for me. Love inspires me to a deeper depth of devotion than I'd have without it. It also gives me the ability to accept and embrace what I may perceive as Master's less than dominant traits. Basically I can bottom without love and even serve to a degree without love, but the fact remains that I don't feel the same deep driving force to push past my own limitations, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically, when I don't love. I have more of an attitude of "whatever" when love isn't in the picture. I don't feel that deep sense of belonging without love. The relationship feels tenuous because for me, I'd always be hoping to meet the One I loved and who loved me. Fortunately, I have both, so I don't have the need to figure out which is which - I belong to the One I love and who loves me.

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Post #: 22

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 10:03:47 AM

akisha

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I do not belong to everyone that loves me, and not all those I love belong to me.

but;

I must love the one i belong to and be loved by them.

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(in reply to bound4more)

Post #: 23

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 12:59:03 PM

littletia

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From: Vancouver BC
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I love to be loved! Dominated over too but defintly prefer to be loved!

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 24

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 4:03:41 PM

kallisto

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For me, I can't be owned without being loved and loving the Dom that owns me. However in saying that, I do understand that does not have to be the way it is with everyone.

(in reply to littletia)

Post #: 25

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 4:54:19 PM

tweedydaddy

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They are nothing like the same thing. I have had subbie girls who I could not stand when they were out of character. Didn't put either of us off.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 26

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 5:11:29 PM

mc1234

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A question for those who need love to be owned. It's kinda like the chicken 'n the egg argument. Which comes first? Does the feeling of being owned lead to love for you? Do you love someone and then it leads to ownership? But that doesn't sound right ...

When starting out in a relationship, even though both are open to falling in love, there are no guarantees. I can see myself in a relationship where I feel owned, with all the accompanying feelings and emotions, but where love doesn't come into play. Or it takes a while for it to evolve into love, with the ownership.

Has anyone found themselves in a situation where they were owned but not in love nor loved and decided to change their course based upon the lack of love? Or vice versa, of course.

See, I want both and I think I will thrive with both (having never had both, this is a hunch). It's just that it takes time within the relationship to even know if love is going to exist between us. And then a decision has to be made, possibly a very difficult decision - can you be owned without love.

I dunno - all of this seems like such a leap of faith sometimes. But then again, maybe that's the whole point ...

< Message edited by mc1234 -- 10/23/2008 5:12:24 PM >

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 27

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 5:44:32 PM

lronitulstahp

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i can definately seperate the two. i don't think i've ever had both fully. But it sounds like it would be the most amazing relationship dynamic ever.

~wishful slut
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhTjnzlcIeI&feature=related

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(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 28

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/23/2008 7:17:51 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234
A question for those who need love to be owned. It's kinda like the chicken 'n the egg argument. Which comes first? Does the feeling of being owned lead to love for you? Do you love someone and then it leads to ownership? But that doesn't sound right ...

We loved first. That led to ownership. Even now that I've already been exposed to D/s, I cannot even begin to imagine why I'd want to dominate some woman I didn't love. Nor can I imagine wanting a woman submitting to me who didn't love me. It would be love that build the trust, rapport, and respect which in turn became the foundation for M/s. Even if I built the chain in the other direction, I'd want a primary love relationship anyway and wouldn't it be way more rewarding to just have her be my slave? My wife would answer similarly. We have a love dynamic that our authority transfer is enhancing, not an authority dynamic that love is enhancing.

quote:

I dunno - all of this seems like such a leap of faith sometimes. But then again, maybe that's the whole point ...

You know I like to say that love is no place for the faint of heart. Either push all your chips in or step away from the table.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 29

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 4:50:54 AM

CatdeMedici

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I haven't read anyone elses responses, but I have given this alot of thought since it was first posted yesterday morning.

At this time in My life, it is more important to Me to have someone belong to Me--( I don't feel a burning need to belong to someone, nor do I feel the burning need to love or be loved)--needless to say in order for that dynamic to work, there has to be some mutuality--but I find that love tends to get in the way of dealing with the hard issues, maintaining the control required and enabling the submissive to grow in themselves and in the dynamic. There are those who would say that the devotion to a submissive is a kind of love--I'm not that smart to argue for or against---I speak only from Me and My perspective--initally I see it as very cut and dried, belonging, eventually who knows, but love is not the start nor the end game that I seek.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 30

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 2:37:42 PM

agirl

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I respect M, admire him and trust him and those are the reasons I asked him to own me. I've 'loved' people without those things but I wouldn't want them to own me.

'Love' wasn't required for him to be a fine Master... wanting my good more than he wanted me, was.

agirl

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 31

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 4:37:43 PM

velvetslave

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Joined: 12/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Do you distinguish between belonging to someone vs being loved by someone and/or someone belonging to you vs loving someone?
Davan

Very good question Davan. For myself, i do distinguish between loving and belonging to. i belonged to Him long before i fell in love with Him and even longer before He fell in love with me. i did not need to give or get love in order for me to give myself to Him. However, as those feeling formed and grew they fostered a deeper sense of beloning in me. Not sure if that made any sense at all but it is where my thoughts went.

velvetslave

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 32

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 6:53:55 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Love LKH, her writing does tend to suck you in. I love the way she explores various sides of sexuality without judgement.The question of love vs belonging to someone is interesting and having read the books, I know where it comes from in her world. In ours i am not sure it is quite so well defined. But then defining love is pretty individual as well, so i won't try.

As i first read this thread, i found myself pointing it out to my pet. He read along as well, and soon we were in discussion about our own situation. We are too new to feel "love". It was not difficult to acknowledge that for what we do feel is just as special in it's own way. You see we both are lucky to have very full lives filled with people we love, who love us back. We are happy and not looking for something more, something better, something else. We appreciate what we have at home and treasure it.

And yet in each other we have found that final part that completes the picture. It is like dropping the last piece into a 1000 piece puzzle. Beautiful even without that last piece, but now finally done just right. It's difficult to describe why it works. It just is. It is like nothing else i have felt and i will treasure it as much as the love in my life.

The funny thing is if you had asked me at another time in my life if i needed love in order to get to this place, i would have said without hesitation YES. but that is before i found this. I imagine i will grow to love my pet in many ways, but i can't say i need it to be his Domme.

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(in reply to velvetslave)

Post #: 33

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 7:34:56 PM

SusieBlue

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Joined: 10/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

I do not belong to everyone that loves me, and not all those I love belong to me.

but;

I must love the one i belong to and be loved by them.

That's exactly how I feel about it. I've been in relationships where I felt like I belonged to someone, but the love was questionable and so ultimately it wasn't satisfying to me.

I have to be a dissenter about the LKH books at the moment. Though I love her d/s sex scenes, lately that's all the books are! I rather liked having a good monster crime story mixed in with some kinky fun.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 34

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/24/2008 9:44:56 PM

sweetdoll

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Joined: 4/28/2007
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I believe they can be separate for other people, but to me they are always together - I cannot belong the someone unless there is love involved (which there is, hehe). :) Someone who loves you will do anything they can to protect you, and that mixed with being owned and all that goes along with that... lots of fun and lots of happy feelings.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 35

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/25/2008 8:49:19 AM

hereyesruponyou

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Susie, LKH did get into what practically read as one porn story after another for a bit, but her last book that focuses mainly on Jason is like reading her old stuff. I encourage you to give it a chance

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Post #: 36

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/25/2008 8:52:49 AM

SusieBlue

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I did read the last one, actually, and I like it a lot more especially since Jason is my favorite supporting character. She has a ways to go to return to form, but this was a good start. Having Edward and Olaf return to Anita's life was also promising. I'm hopeful.

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 37

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/25/2008 8:55:43 AM

DavanKael

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Good to know there are so many Laurell K. Hamilton fans out there. Thank you, all, for your thoughts; it seemed such a no-brainer of a thread when the thought gelled while reading the other day. While I am noticing a lot of commonalities, there are also very interesting distinctions as well. Looking forward to the further evolution of the thread!
Davan

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 38

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/25/2008 8:55:51 AM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i can definately seperate the two. i don't think i've ever had both fully. But it sounds like it would be the most amazing relationship dynamic ever.

~wishful slut
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhTjnzlcIeI&feature=related

Well I think Tulips in luuuurve!

Why else would she be posting all of these gag-go utubes today!

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/25/2008 8:56:13 AM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Belonging to Someone vs Being Loved by Someone - 10/25/2008 9:51:59 AM

velvetears

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Do you distinguish between belonging to someone vs being loved by someone and/or someone belonging to you vs loving someone?
Davan

i think when a person loves you it affects their ownership of you. Ownership without love is based purely on service, not feelings or emotions, so being an obedient sub, one who serves well and can adapt to their doms wishes and needs would be very important to that dynamic. If there is no love and the sub serves poorly, she can be easily replaced. If there a strong desire to be owned the sub will be self motivated to serve, not inspired by the love she feels to serve.

In a love based relationship i would think that the relationship was primary and service would be motivated by the feelings generated between the two in love.

So yes i do distinguish between the two - in one i can serve with passion, maybe not perfection, and still be valued for the service i bring to the dom because the foundation is love not ownership. my motivation to please and serve is what will make me strive to be perfect not the fact that if i don't i will be replaced.

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(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 40

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