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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 2:04:27 PM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre

I think I'm submissive but I have so many expectations of a man. I find that if I'm with a man I respect who is intelligent, controlled, composed and dignified, my submissive traits come out. I live for him and want to do everything under the sun to make him happy. But my expectations seem so high. I can't stand crudity and want to be appreciated and cared about before sex ever comes into the equation. My problem is that unless I have all these things, I can't fall in love, I do not feel submissive and devoted and I can't allow the relationship to go any further. I've been told by a local Dom that I'm a natural submissive. I'm not sure what that is. I'm not in this community at all. I think all the rules and ceremonies and such are just too cliche and game-based to feel real.

What does this make me? Do I have a place and can I find someone that is right for me? I'm definately a Daddy's girl.
 
What should I do? I feel so lost.


Settle in, get to know people here, and take your time.  There is no reason you have to settle for less just because you are submissive.  When I came here a number of Doms told me I was not a real submissive, or that I had too much attitude to be a submissive.  I hung around, went to some local munches, got to know people in the community and found there was nothing wrong with me having some expectations.  Nothing wrong with expecting to be treated decently and refusing to bow down to self-proclaimed dominants who acted crudely toward me.  I discovered that there were some Dominants who *wanted* a sub with a positive self image.  In fact, a good number that would not consider a sub who would be willing to kneel to anyone.

For me, it didn't take very long.  I discovered that one of the Dommes who had been helping me learn here was taking an interest in me in other ways.  She wanted a sub who was respectful, but still capable of independant thought.  I had to be obedient, but still challenge her mind to keep her interested.  I am now living with her in a 24/7 D/s relationship.  She has not forced me to do anything.  By allowing me to simply be who I am comfortable as my submissiveness has come out on its own.  I take care of her needs, clean, cook, and all of the things people would expect of a good subbie.  I feel very relaxed here, and feeling I want to keep doing more to please her.  No one would ever be able to force me to serve them, but she easily seduces me to surrender whatever she wants of me.



_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)


(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 2:23:35 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Good to know my spidey sense still functions accurately.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 2:37:45 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Nihilus Zero said: 
Time is better spent in sincerity than games.
and made some other reeeeally astute observations earlier in the thread. 
NZ, you've got good spidey sense! 
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 10/28/2008 2:38:55 PM >

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 2:44:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
1. How did the issue of weight ever enter? What does it have to do with Darklustre's submissiveness? Did I miss the memo that only a certain BMI is allowed to indulge in BDSM? Gosh, obviously most of the people at munches or private parties will not be allowed to take part in that case...

Let's see, taking these one at a time... It entered into the discussion as a part of antipode's post. It was further carried on by darklustre in her response to antipode. Did that clarify things for you? Next, it has nothing to do with her submissiveness as my own response pointed out. Reading comprehension for the win, eh? It does, however, have to do with both her original question AND her response to antipode. Finally, you'd have to check your own inbox regarding lost memos. I never got that one either. Happily, that line of reasoning was entirely your own so I'll let you sort it out.

quote:

Weight can be an issue, but personally a partner who is only interested in my figure would be a bit too shallow for me, sorry, but my boobs come with brain, it does cancel out quite a lot of guys who might be interested in me. But let's be honest, BDSM - conservatively speaking 1 woman for every 10 guys, unless you qualify as the next male top model unreasonable demands for submissive or dominant Barbie might end up in a lot of frustration...

Once again, taking this one at a time.... I'm glad we agree that weight can be an issue. I do believe that was all antipode was saying. I can attest for a fact it's all I was thinking. The rest of this, much like above, is really your own flight of fancy so you'll need to answer your own questions. I can absolutely tell you that I am no Brad Pitt (see profile for confirmation of that) and I would absolutely consider anyone who saw physical attractiveness as their only or even primary qualifier for a life mate wouldn't be a suitable pick for me.

quote:

2. Why is she a petulant child?

I could be wrong, but I think this is the one actual question in your diatribe. Her response to antipode registered that way to me. Specifically, the baseless accusations she made against him in response to what I perceived as a fairly delicate attempt at addressing one angle of the the problem of finding someone who is right for her. Granted, it is only one angle on it, but it's a valid angle all the same and I thought he attacked it relatively sensitively -- unlike her response.

I agree with the rest of your post so no need to quote it or comment on it.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 3:13:09 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre
I think all the rules and ceremonies and such are just too cliche and game-based to feel real.


I find this statement incredibly funny after reading this part of another one of your posts:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre
What do you recommend in the way of finding someone? Should I be challenging at first, to see what kind of reaction a person has?


What you are asking is essentially which game you should play.  You either like to play games or you don't...  Why not just be yourself? 

As a note, I wouldn't put much stock in the pages of emails that you are receiving here.  From your joined date, you are new to the site and most new female profiles receive pages and pages of emails.  It isn't a reflection of how desirable the person is or is not, just a reflection of being "fresh meat".

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 4:48:02 PM   
Darklustre


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline 		WOW Lady Constanze! Awesome words and thank you. I think a lot of subs are glad to hear that. I've been PMed a lot by women who don't feel its appropriate to share their own opinion and I feel very sad for that belief. I can't see that submissives should EVER be submissive to all. If they do that, how is it giving something precious to their One? I would rather be feisty and opinionated, not to mention assertive, to EVERYONE, and let that special person bring out my true nature, than to bow to all assembled and cheapen the gift!


Just a thought....As you stated, I am trying to find my way.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:22:28 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Many do not see how submitting to someone is gifting them with something precious.

There is nothing wrong with being 'fiesty and opinionated, not to mention assertive' nor is there anything wrong with those that are the opposite. Very little of me could be classified as assertive, yet the fact that I do tend to bow to most assembled mean that I've cheapened myself.

Concerning your OP, IMO you are over thinking the whole thing. Simply be yourself, take your time. You've only been on this website a few days but want immediately something that takes time and effort.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:26:31 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Waves to the OP.  Why do you expect a bunch of strangers to know if your submissive or not?  I did resist to ask this obvious questions.  But I just had to .

BadOne




Many enter into their submission feeling shaky about it. They come here confused. yes strangers but strangers that she thinks just may have more knowledge than her? You would begrudge her information?

Many of us entered into this thinking," I am submissive, but a bad submissive". It took quite a bit of convincing to actually believe the Dominants I dealt with that I am a good submissive. To be submissive you don't have to be the proverbial doormat, To be a good submissive you must communicate and tell your opinion. That way a dominant can understand and learn you. As a good submissive you have to have high standards because you do not want to damage your future doms valuable possession. High quality dominants want a high quality submissive with a mind and a person who values herself.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:33:13 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I think its especially hard when there are preconcieved ideas of what 'submission' is all about. It may seem like there are fast and hard rules, it can be difficult to see where you (generic 'you') fit into it all. Thats where websites like this can be valuable and where questions can be asked.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:36:56 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Let me say what, hopefully, others think - while there are people out there who are into BBWs, losing weight may well improve your chances, and enlarge your fan club. I myself draw the line at anyone that is clearly on the way to destroying their supporting joints, and not fitting in a regulation airline seat. This isn't out of disgust or disapproval, that's just too much maintenance for me, and it is an illness that can be treated. To variegate that, I've been married to an anorexic, and I've had a bulimic sub - same thing applies there, I'll consider if you accept treatment.


What a ridiculous thing to say. You don't know me and you don't know anything about me. Wouldn't it be better to ask why I am "overweight" than to make such an ignorant assumption? Not all women are overweight because of the choices they're making in food- i.e. quantity, quality, etc. Some women have hormonal imbalances or endocrine disorders, which you obviously don't take into account while passing commentary on their physiques. And could it possibly occur to you to inquire whether I've been losing weight? Again, you know nothing about me and your post stunned me by its blatant ignorance and audacity. If you personally don't prefer BBWs, that's your choice, but as for my responses, I go through two to four pages of e-mails per day because there are so many people out there that see past a meaningless number and see me as the incredibly beautiful and sexy woman that I am.

Most people don't mind some extra weight when it comes with the amazing breasts that I have. Feel welcome to take a look at my profile pics. In any event, I suggest you ask some questions before being so presumptuous and making such a damn fool out of yourself...

*NOTE TO ALL READERS: Do you see why I'm confused about my submissiveness now?
*ggls



perfectly logical to SNAP a stranger who is being arrogant and disrespectful. You are not his submissive. Just because you are submissive to a special dominant does not mean you need to be submissive to everyone. Matter of fact, My Dominant would expect that Dominant to speak to me with respect and My dominant would expect me to put a jerk in check.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:42:40 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Let me say what, hopefully, others think - while there are people out there who are into BBWs, losing weight may well improve your chances, and enlarge your fan club. I myself draw the line at anyone that is clearly on the way to destroying their supporting joints, and not fitting in a regulation airline seat. This isn't out of disgust or disapproval, that's just too much maintenance for me, and it is an illness that can be treated. To variegate that, I've been married to an anorexic, and I've had a bulimic sub - same thing applies there, I'll consider if you accept treatment.


Seems like a pattern here. Why do you attract those with disorders? I would expect you do deal with and get therapy for why you attract the same type. I would expect you to deal with your issues too, before I'd consider you.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/28/2008 5:43:04 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:46:04 PM   
MasterKeeps


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline 		Submission comes from the heart, and not from the end of a paddle. You are doing fine. Just don't fall for those who haven't a clue. You might want to find a submissive discussion group for guidance and support.

(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 5:48:56 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh leadership, dohhhh thanks for stating the obvious, irony is not the land where the Ironians live, you know...

So to sum it up, antipode threw something completely irrelevant into the discussion and because she deigned to answer it it all of a sudden became relevant, interesting... Well, whatever makes you happy, dear....

As for diatribe, I thought you gave a good one, and jumped on a bandwagon.

I'm sorry if I don't really see your answer as relevant or bow to you, but maybe I just don't feel that you got much of a point?

As for you agreeing or disagreeing, that is of course your choice, if I need to comment or quote, that is my choice and I can't recall that I asked your permission or that I in fact need it...

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 7:18:34 PM   
GothicKisses


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Let me say what, hopefully, others think - while there are people out there who are into BBWs, losing weight may well improve your chances, and enlarge your fan club. I myself draw the line at anyone that is clearly on the way to destroying their supporting joints, and not fitting in a regulation airline seat. This isn't out of disgust or disapproval, that's just too much maintenance for me, and it is an illness that can be treated. To variegate that, I've been married to an anorexic, and I've had a bulimic sub - same thing applies there, I'll consider if you accept treatment.


Wow. What a load of bullshit.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 7:19:37 PM   
curvyslavegirl


Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Wow. What a load of bullshit.
ORIGINAL: GothicKisses


I second that :)

(in reply to GothicKisses)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 7:40:24 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Even more importantly though, whereas I read the tone of antipode's post as that of someone trying hard to discuss a touchy topic sensitively, I read the tone of your post as that of a spoiled, petulant little child who may or may not also be submissive.


I would be more pressed to think that antipode was being sensitive and helpful in his post and not just simply unhelpfully and callously insulting "fat chicks" if someone can explain to me what the weight of the OP has to do with a crisis of her submissive identity.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/28/2008 9:23:10 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like you're a girl who knows what she wants and who understands that submissive doesn't mean you're willing to submit to just anyone; you have standards and taste. Nothin' wrong with that!  Rock on and wishes for joy!  :>
  Davan

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 2:50:37 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Even more importantly though, whereas I read the tone of antipode's post as that of someone trying hard to discuss a touchy topic sensitively, I read the tone of your post as that of a spoiled, petulant little child who may or may not also be submissive.


I would be more pressed to think that antipode was being sensitive and helpful in his post and not just simply unhelpfully and callously insulting "fat chicks" if someone can explain to me what the weight of the OP has to do with a crisis of her submissive identity.


Nothing. Thats the point. It was uncalled for. The OP did NOT say, "I am not attracting enough men, help me attract more." She asked about her being a submissive and seemed to ask how she would know because of a variety of things she interpreted as unsubmissive.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/29/2008 2:51:12 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 2:09:40 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre

What does this make me?



It means you desire that which you value. 'Pretty much standard fayre.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Darklustre)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 4:57:27 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Even more importantly though, whereas I read the tone of antipode's post as that of someone trying hard to discuss a touchy topic sensitively, I read the tone of your post as that of a spoiled, petulant little child who may or may not also be submissive.


I would be more pressed to think that antipode was being sensitive and helpful in his post and not just simply unhelpfully and callously insulting "fat chicks" if someone can explain to me what the weight of the OP has to do with a crisis of her submissive identity.


Nothing. Thats the point. It was uncalled for. The OP did NOT say, "I am not attracting enough men, help me attract more." She asked about her being a submissive and seemed to ask how she would know because of a variety of things she interpreted as unsubmissive.



Amen to that, somebody who doesn't quite qualify as an adonis jumps on a sub with OT unsolicited avdice and the sub gets branded as "spoilt child" - call me a cynic but who's in the situation of "might consider?" What's helpful about dragging in an issue that wasn't even a issue? Some might actually think of the fox and the grapes that are far too sour...

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 60
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