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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 6:11:21 PM

Darklustre

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

So sorry if I made it seem like I was looking looking down on another person's viewpoint. I should have said "In my own opinion..."

Please don't be offended by what I said. I didn't mean to insult anyone. When I called submission a gift, I meant if you were giving only one person a part of yourself that no one else has, it is somehow more sacred. Like giving everyone you know an M&M, but giving one special person a Hershey's Kiss. I guess I should have clarified that better. Thank you for your thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

Many do not see how submitting to someone is gifting them with something precious.

There is nothing wrong with being 'fiesty and opinionated, not to mention assertive' nor is there anything wrong with those that are the opposite. Very little of me could be classified as assertive, yet the fact that I do tend to bow to most assembled mean that I've cheapened myself.

Concerning your OP, IMO you are over thinking the whole thing. Simply be yourself, take your time. You've only been on this website a few days but want immediately something that takes time and effort.

(in reply to camille65)

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 6:15:44 PM

Darklustre

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

Thank you so much for sharing this view. This is more in line with what I've always had in mind for myself and I was starting to despair by some of the reactions I had encountered here. I appreciate very much what you had to say. It's given me a bit of hope back.

Please feel free to PM me. You're someone I'd like to call Friend.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darklustre

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Let me say what, hopefully, others think - while there are people out there who are into BBWs, losing weight may well improve your chances, and enlarge your fan club. I myself draw the line at anyone that is clearly on the way to destroying their supporting joints, and not fitting in a regulation airline seat. This isn't out of disgust or disapproval, that's just too much maintenance for me, and it is an illness that can be treated. To variegate that, I've been married to an anorexic, and I've had a bulimic sub - same thing applies there, I'll consider if you accept treatment.

What a ridiculous thing to say. You don't know me and you don't know anything about me. Wouldn't it be better to ask why I am "overweight" than to make such an ignorant assumption? Not all women are overweight because of the choices they're making in food- i.e. quantity, quality, etc. Some women have hormonal imbalances or endocrine disorders, which you obviously don't take into account while passing commentary on their physiques. And could it possibly occur to you to inquire whether I've been losing weight? Again, you know nothing about me and your post stunned me by its blatant ignorance and audacity. If you personally don't prefer BBWs, that's your choice, but as for my responses, I go through two to four pages of e-mails per day because there are so many people out there that see past a meaningless number and see me as the incredibly beautiful and sexy woman that I am.

Most people don't mind some extra weight when it comes with the amazing breasts that I have. Feel welcome to take a look at my profile pics. In any event, I suggest you ask some questions before being so presumptuous and making such a damn fool out of yourself...

*NOTE TO ALL READERS: Do you see why I'm confused about my submissiveness now?
*ggls

perfectly logical to SNAP a stranger who is being arrogant and disrespectful. You are not his submissive. Just because you are submissive to a special dominant does not mean you need to be submissive to everyone. Matter of fact, My Dominant would expect that Dominant to speak to me with respect and My dominant would expect me to put a jerk in check.

< Message edited by Darklustre -- 10/29/2008 6:27:18 PM >

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 6:24:06 PM

Darklustre

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

Thank you, Girls! Your views and your willingness to share your views is making me proud again to be a Sub!

Just to clarify, I think the problem here is he has been PMing me for my acceptance, and when he voiced these views and got a firm rejection from me, he thought it would somehow hurt me to post these views here and make it seem like nobody here would want me anyway. But I'm happy to report the e-mails haven't stopped. In fact, there's more than ever!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Amen to that, somebody who doesn't quite qualify as an adonis jumps on a sub with OT unsolicited avdice and the sub gets branded as "spoilt child" - call me a cynic but who's in the situation of "might consider?" What's helpful about dragging in an issue that wasn't even a issue? Some might actually think of the fox and the grapes that are far too sour...

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 10:57:41 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I'm gonna get this out there before any more of what I suspect is empty parading goes on....

From the bit that I've been on the fora, I do have a general impression that antipode's commentaries are perhaps not always the most polished, however the instance of what I think is actually a poor grammatical choice of words appears to be what everyone is jumping on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Let me say what, hopefully, others think - while there are people out there who are into BBWs, losing weight may well improve your chances, and enlarge your fan club. I myself draw the line at anyone that is clearly on the way to destroying their supporting joints, and not fitting in a regulation airline seat. This isn't out of disgust or disapproval, that's just too much maintenance for me, and it is an illness that can be treated. To variegate that, I've been married to an anorexic, and I've had a bulimic sub - same thing applies there, I'll consider if you accept treatment.

The bold portion I outlined in his quote above is what is getting everyone bent out of shape because (it seems to me, though I could be wrong) the implication of his use of the word "you" is being misapplied to the OP rather than to a hypothetical sub he would be entertaining. It's a BIG difference.

It makes no logical sense that he would be referring to the OP because the very sentence in which he uses the word "you" references potentially anorexic and/or bulimic individuals, which the OP is not. Clearly, if you're arguing that he's making a negative comment about fat people you've failed to see this crucial point.

Read back over what I highlighted in bold and it becomes clearly apparent that he made a semantic mistake by choosing the word "you" (directed at a hypothetical person, not the OP) instead of using the word "they". Switch the words and you get an entirely different feel.

So...please; those of you jumping on the bandwagon of an insulted poster who was never actually insulted...try curbing the animosity. The OP asked a question that begged for advice as to how to widen the breadth of her potentially available suitor-base. As leadership527 aptly put it, antipode actually tried to address an issue which he thought might lead to an answer. It was not an affront to fat people. It was not a suggestion he's "considering" her.

Blame him for a grammatical mistake, if you will...but then go back and admonish everyone else (including yourself, if applicable) if they(/you) got trigger happy shooting down that 'bad guy beating up new sub girl'.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/29/2008 11:01:56 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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Post #: 64

RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/29/2008 11:14:36 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Oh leadership, dohhhh thanks for stating the obvious, irony is not the land where the Ironians live, you know...

Stating the obvious is a tautology, not irony. That I have to say this, however...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

So to sum it up, antipode threw something completely irrelevant into the discussion and because she deigned to answer it it all of a sudden became relevant, interesting... Well, whatever makes you happy, dear....

OP asks, and I quote: "Do I have a place and can I find someone that is right for me?" Antipode replies with a suggestion that may widen her options. How is that "irrelevant"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I'm sorry if I don't really see your answer as relevant or bow to you, but maybe I just don't feel that you got much of a point?

Do you always make mention of an "irrelevant" dominance concerning yourself and other people online when it hasn't been brought into question?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As for you agreeing or disagreeing, that is of course your choice, if I need to comment or quote, that is my choice and I can't recall that I asked your permission or that I in fact need it...

And again with the needing to assert some phantom webfora dominance. Discussions can happen without things being misinterpreted as affronts to one's dominance. Really.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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Post #: 65

RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/30/2008 1:42:49 PM

Darklustre

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

Nihilus...Thank you for your well-thought out views on this matter. Your thoughts on the semantics are very astute and insightful, but I think in view of the fact that he had already been emailing me directly and receieved a firm rejection, his attempt here was anything but helpful. He took my rejection and came right here to post the same views on a thread that wasn't asking anything more than, "I think I am submissive but what category do I fit in?" Like others have said, I wasn't asking how to get more attention, as it is, I'm am regretfully forced to block many amazing people from emailing me simply because I cannot keep up with all my email now! I've gotten nothing but appreciation for my appearance and physique by the community here and it seemed like he posted more for retribution than to submit a helpful post.

I think that most of the people who are arguing the point have picked up on the fact that he seems to be presuming so much. Not only does his presume to know me and my particular "problem" (which he doesn't name other than to say I'm overweight) but he also seems to be presuming to speak for all assembled when he says, "Let me say what, hopefully, others think -" I would personally think that the "others" he's referring to would be offended that he presumes to tell them what they should be thinking! Do most Doms like to be told what preferences they should have by other men? Perhaps Leadership thinks so since my assertiveness seems to brand me as "spoiled" and "petulant", but I wouldn't presume to say so. I wouldn't allow another person to presume to think or speak for me and as a potential submissive, and I'm shocked that "Doms" are content to allow someone to do so.

< Message edited by Darklustre -- 10/30/2008 1:58:13 PM >

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 10/30/2008 3:24:56 PM

brantgurga

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/19/2008
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At Darklustre's request, I took a look at this thread. With antipode's comments, I think the thread got sidetracked a bit and made it moreso about body size or whatever. I pass no judgment on his comment, but it did seem to hurt Darklustre, but has Darklustre's original question been addressed? I think it has. My own answer to those original questions are that there are none for me to give, only some for Darklustre to find. Even if Darklustre were my submissive or slave or whatever your favorite terminology, I still wouldn't answer that question for her. It is only finding those answers in her own thoughts, discussions and principles that she can grow from it, learning about herself and others. And that growth is what I like to see in anybody no matter if master, mistress, slave, submissive, or something else. I can only encourage her to do what she has done, seek possibilities and conversation about it. Masters don't have the answer to everything, and I will be one to admit it.
Keep conversing Darklustre.

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 11/1/2008 3:10:09 PM

Darklustre

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

This thread seems pretty well closed to me. I just wanted to end this by thanking all you amazing people who told me exactly what I needed to hear. You've helped me develope my thoughts on the matter and I finally believe I can encorporate my personality with my sexuality. I always perceived a great rift that none of you seem to share. I can't tell you how much your words and advice have meant to me!
You helped me find myself!
I like what I see!

Yours...

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RE: I think I'm submissive but... - 11/1/2008 5:25:10 PM

Sallamanda

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline

I have read this thread with great interest, I have had a lot of the same conflicts mentioned by Darklustre.

I am extremely inexperienced in bdsm however I am interested and most definitely submit to the right person. I have trouble with doms who are into protocols right from an initial meeting as to me you should get to know each other first, then see where things head - the submission/dominance will grow naturally, rather than if it is forced initially as in 'you will greet me as Sir', for example.

I need to do more research and have started here on the forums, which has been most helpful.

I do think I have been a little brattish when talking to some dominants on here, however from reading this thread I have realised that is mostly from nerves, a little fear and insecurity plus a need to ensure others realise I will not be pushed around - I will submit, but it is my choice.

So, thankyou Darklustre for raising a very interesting issue and to everyone who has contributed.

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