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CreativeDominant -> RE: For those who attack or bully on here (10/24/2008 7:27:46 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: unbroken33
I've been lurking for quite a while, and got to watch quite a few people specifically attacked and their threads derailed. I've also gotten to watch quite a few people run out of here. Some attacks were so brutal, it was almost as if the victims had somehow wronged the attackers. Having been the victim myself a couple times, I knew that assumption was untrue, so I'm baffled. Even more baffling, this sort of behavior isn't nearly as prevalent in other forums.
I know not everyone is like that--I have actually met some folks from here, and all of them were wonderful people. Most actually thought the same of me--if you were wondering why I haven't let cm, that's why. So, for the longest time I began cataloging those who initiate the type of behavior to see if they do the same in all the other forums they're on. It's quite easy to do, really. But again, I was stumped as there's no real pattern there. One thing I did notice is that some seemed to run in cliques, but only on here. That may indicate a couple ring leaders here, which is why that kind of behavior is not as prevalent other places.
It seems like an easy fix, really... But I doubt it's that simple once a culture is embedded. If you take out the ring leaders, the followers go, then the followers friends, the whole board splits. It's a scary thing, but at this point the people who have been run out over the course of the past couple years probably outnumber those who did the attacking.
So, I give up. Why do you do it?
Is this just an outlet for negative emotions?
Do you actually know or think you personally know some of the folks you openly attack?
Do you genuinely dislike or feel hatred toward those you attack, especially those you don't personally know?
Well, everything after 'why do you do it' is just trying to make sense of it, so I turn it over the bullies and predators [8|]
So you've been offended? Tough...life IS offensive. The post reminds me a bit of a memo that went out from a principal of an elementary school in Greeley instructing parents what they SHOULD think about when they pick out a costume for their um for Halloween...the first instruction was for the parent to consider whether or not the costume might offend some person or group due to racial identity (do you know the original Native Americans did not wear leather or war paint?), culture (for some people, the fact that they have a heritage of being wanderers might make a hobo costume insulting), gender (boys should not dress as girls or vice-versa if the intention is to appear funny), personal appearance (too many "princess" costumes play up the idea of only white girls being beautiful), mental status (the Hannibal Lecter costume shows insensitivity to the issue of mental illness). What a crock...and if I think that is a crock for kids, imagine what I think of treating adults who are coming to a forum that emphasizes and celebrates what most people in society consider to be...whether we like it or not and no matter how that varies for us...the "edge" of sexuality and perverse kinkiness and expecting to be treated with kid gloves.
As Rover noted, these are people who have found it within themselves to humiliate, beat, rape their partners and despite those of us here who prefer to have love involved, there are those that don't in their D/s dynamic. The fact that those who do not love their partners can do those same things...torture and use their partners...proves that those things do not always come from a place of love and Kumbaya but rather from a darker place within. Should it be surprising then that, in a "culture" that allows for a wider variance of sexual/physical/intimate/emotional expression, there are going to come about instances where someone disagrees with another?
Yes, I have seen the attacks become personal. That is wrong. I have also seen people take exception and cry "bully" or "personal" attack when in reality, when you looked at the posts objectively, what was being attacked was a particular mindset or behavior. Telling someone that they are acting like an idiot is not the same as telling someone that they ARE an idiot. Telling someone that they are being hypocritical is not the same thing as telling someone that they are two-faced. Holding up a mirror of past posts to someone to show what their beliefs have wrought is making them face the consequences of their actions rather than once again allowing them to come in and whine about how bad they have it.
If you want group hugs, go to therapy. If you do not wish to be attacked, be attentive as to whether or not you have postured. And finally, be aware that with this many people on the boards, you are NOT going to find 100 percent sympathy, agreement OR disagreement.
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