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RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 7:25:59 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

In my experience as a relationship counselor, the people that take their anger out on the wife outnumber the women that are kind about it.


I do not understand the level of anger or hate that would cause someone to bring that sort of emotional torment into another's life.  Scary.

It goes beyond that.

One wife had it "carved" into her car and the car windows smashed.

There's a lot of anger when you've found out you've been lied to and some people don't know how to deal with it. So, rather than directing the anger to the person responsible, they direct it at the spose.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 8:00:20 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		 
You need to ask yourself this, is it fair to you for him to lie to two individuals.  Don't forget, some states will allow the partner who was cheated on to sue the cheator for financial gain.
My answer is no. 
I was cheated on in my marriage, and it hurts.  It is a pain that will never go away.
 
Regards, MissSCD
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyb4u

I am deeply in love with my Master,who I found out after 18 months together is married..Is it fair to be part of an affair?

(in reply to sexyb4u)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 10:46:20 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

In my experience as a relationship counselor, the people that take their anger out on the wife outnumber the women that are kind about it.


I do not understand the level of anger or hate that would cause someone to bring that sort of emotional torment into another's life. Scary.

It goes beyond that.

One wife had it "carved" into her car and the car windows smashed.

There's a lot of anger when you've found out you've been lied to and some people don't know how to deal with it. So, rather than directing the anger to the person responsible, they direct it at the spose.

Really?
This really makes no sense to me, since the wife had no part in the matter/affair. Why would she logically become a focus of hostility on the part of the "other woman"?
I might imagine the reverse: the wife reacting with anger towards the other woman when it might be better directed at her philandering spouse.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 10:54:24 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Do not call him a Master again. He would not have lied if he was one. A Master looks out for what is best for his Slave. He is looking out for himself by not being honest.

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 11:55:48 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenWheels

But you are also "submitting" to his wife, who has far more rights than you, especially if there are kids, and I guarantee holds the cards.



I am to say, but, I don't get this.... what?
 
I agree with bebeuu I would want to know, but I am sure there could be much suspicion on her part already. 
 
A man who "loves women" does not settle for just one, he goes for what his fleshly carnal nature demands he goes after...and no I am not speaking of "real" love, but lust.
 
If he is just a cheating lying bastard who "loves" (lusts after women and wants his small head in each ones throat) women, I dont see this as poly either. 

(in reply to HelenWheels)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 6:23:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

In my experience as a relationship counselor, the people that take their anger out on the wife outnumber the women that are kind about it.


I do not understand the level of anger or hate that would cause someone to bring that sort of emotional torment into another's life. Scary.

It goes beyond that.

One wife had it "carved" into her car and the car windows smashed.

There's a lot of anger when you've found out you've been lied to and some people don't know how to deal with it. So, rather than directing the anger to the person responsible, they direct it at the spose.

Really?
This really makes no sense to me, since the wife had no part in the matter/affair. Why would she logically become a focus of hostility on the part of the "other woman"?
I might imagine the reverse: the wife reacting with anger towards the other woman when it might be better directed at her philandering spouse.
Anger isn't always rational, especially from someone that just had the emotional rug yanked out from under them. There's also resentment of "If it wasn't for her, we'd be together".

It's a case of I'm hurting and I'm going to get even. And, if the goal is to destroy his marriage, then making it as messy as possible makes that possibility higher.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 6:37:50 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		No, not for any of you. I can't decide who is the biggest fool in there...If he can't be trusted and can't make realtionhips workandcan't be honest, hang on, I know........

(in reply to sexyb4u)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Married and lied - 10/27/2008 8:56:56 PM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

I say gather up as much evidence of you and he as you can find and send it to the wife, then tell him to fuck off and move on.


Gotta love them vindictive bitchs.

BadOne


I'm suprised nobody has posted ideas about drugging him with a date rape drug, getting him nice and tied up, writing "Mistress Bitch Boy" in red lipstick on his head and chest.  Other insulting thing with his appearence.  Complete with a dildo gag in is his mouth and posting it all over the internet.   Mmmmm....   But that would be way to evil.  

Just call up his mommy and daddy and tell on him for being a bad bad boy!  This dude needs to be punished.  Perhaps his mommy and Daddy never spanked him or showed him the proper love and attention, if they did, it might have been the wrong kind of love.  hahaha...

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Married and lied - 11/2/2008 7:04:12 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Never withold anything from your sub. If you are married, hooked up etc. make it clear to your sub. I have always told my subs and it has always worked out. Wives and girlfriends are another story!!!! 

(in reply to Elenaconfined)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Married and lied - 11/2/2008 4:04:22 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bebeuu

I apparently am in the minority here...but if I was his wife...I would WANT to know that he has been betraying me. This happened to me when I was in my first marriage. My husband would deliberately get into arguments with me...accuse me of all kinds of things...and leave me for hours at a time. No matter how much I tried to be the wife that he wanted...there was always something that made him mad...and make him so mad he would have to go and "cool off" for a while. It wasn't all the time...and it wasn't just one thing...and I never knew what would set him off...and turn him from being the loving husband I adored... to the cruel person who would put me down...and then leave. One day...I caught him red handed with the "other woman"...and it ALL made sense. Apparently there were others around us who had been knowing he was cheating on me...but didn't say anything because they didn't want to hurt me. It would have saved me months of anguish...of doubting myself...of beating myself up for making him storm off...if someone would have just come and told me the truth. If this man is cheating on his wife...then his wife is already hurt. Let her know the truth...and then she can decide if she wants to stay...or leave his sorry behind and find someone who is truly worthy of her *smiles*.


i would want to know too - IF someone who knew me told me. i most certainly wouldn't want some strange woman calling me with that kind of news. How can a total stranger even think of shitting on the wife's head? i don't believe any good could come of the mistress outing the cheating bastard. i don't see how she could exact her revenge on the husband - it would be exacting it on the wife.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to bebeuu)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Married and lied - 11/2/2008 4:21:26 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask his wife. If she's fine with it, then yes.

But next time think about why you can't call his house, ever come over for the weekend, he isn't available to share holidays or vacations with you. Because all those things you ignored were there in the beginning and you could have learned the truth from the beginning just by asking.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Elenaconfined)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Married and lied - 11/3/2008 11:08:35 PM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well "fair"  is in af'fair' . . . anyway.  Affairs happen all the time.  Life is not fair, ever.  You just need to decide if the relationships is right for you.  

(in reply to sexyb4u)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Married and lied - 11/4/2008 1:47:15 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyb4u

I am deeply in love with my Master,who I found out after 18 months together is married..Is it fair to be part of an affair?


Whoa.
 
IMO,  a discussion about ethically relating to people in committed relationships should  not the first order of busniess here. 
 
What about remaining in a relationship you were induce to enter under  false pretenses?  *I* find lying -- about anything -- a deal-breaker.   

I urge you to *pause and reflect* before you deicde what to do in the face of the severity of the lie this guy told you.  You noticed, i  hope, that he has doubtless also lied to his wife about you? 
 
Chances are you 'fell deeply in love' with this guy befoe you discovered he lied.  Take a long. hard look -- is he really the man you thought he was?

Do you still trust him?  Do you still see him as a Dom?
 
I know I would not.
 
candystripper 

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/4/2008 1:51:16 AM >

(in reply to sexyb4u)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Married and lied - 11/4/2008 3:35:36 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyb4u

I am deeply in love with my Master,who I found out after 18 months together is married..Is it fair to be part of an affair?



I shall allow other to take the moral high ground and only say thus. Breing parft of a duel relationship based on lies is the start of a slippery path leading to misery and hurt for others as well as yourself. Now if you happen to be a tough cookie and are enjoying the relationship lies notwithstanding, and you have your finger on the pulse and are prepared to bail at a moments notice, then go for it and enjoy. I just wonder if the enjoyment is worth it in the long run taking into account such actions ca n deave permenant dammage to the psychi.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sexyb4u)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Married and lied - 11/4/2008 4:50:16 AM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		It is not fair!  Unless the other is in the process of divorce, get away.  People like that make me sick. 

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 75
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