Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: What does "training" mean to you?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: What does "training" mean to you? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 5:48:32 PM   
VonneCat


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/15/2008
Status: offline 		I think that a good Dom needs to know how to listen to his sub and know what she needs and doesn't need emotionally. I also belive that there ought to be a certification process for people to practice as Dom's. Safty and Health regulations, ect.

< Message edited by VonneCat -- 10/26/2008 5:51:45 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 6:10:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
I think that a good Dom needs to know how to listen to his sub and know what she needs and doesn't need emotionally. I also belive that there ought to be a certification process for people to practice as Dom's. Safty and Health regulations, ect.

Why not subs?  Why shouldn't they know safety and other regulations?  What about a dom who never engages in kinky play?

If a dom lacks good listening skills, should his slave help train him?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to VonneCat)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 6:54:33 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		In my view training is the process of educating someone not only in what a behavior should be, but to actively engage in that behavior successfully.  For example...
Education tells us how to cook a steak, the steps involved, the ingredients to use, they types of meat to choose from.
Training is the process of learning to apply that knowledge in the actual behavior of cooking a steak, practicing it until we can actually cook it correctly.

Everyone needs training throughout our lives... whether that be "potty" training as young children, training in how to drive a car as teenagers, combat training should we join the military, job training for various professions and careers... and of course training in kinks and fetishes.  I'm of the view that both dominants and submissives need training.  Being dominant is one thing, knowing how to effectively dominate someone in a 24/7 relationship is a whole other animal and I believe most dominants could use with both education and training in this area... which is unfortunately in short supply.  Much the same could be said for submissives, in addition to all the various fetishes, kinks and other behaviors a dominant might desire or require... which might even include how to cook a good steak. 

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
Closure on training (well, for now) - 10/26/2008 7:37:30 PM   
MasterKeeps


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, agreed, much training is highly individualized. A, um, remote trainer could never presume to know what training might benefit a specific couple. At the same time there are universal skills that a dominant may not be in a position to teach--"cooking," was mentioned. Massage is another, learning to better understand the gender in question and to anticipate h/er desires is important. How many of us can balance a checkbook? Formal food service can be quite impressive when a submissive is called on to entertain the dom's guests. Beyond this I think that a certain degree of behavior modification may be called for: learning to be patient, to enjoy adversity and hardship, reading aloud to the Dom's children. Casting off the sexual component of training may be premature. How many submissives have attended a class on fellatio? Generally speaking, we always have some room for improvement in nearly everything we do, no?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Closure on training (well, for now) - 10/26/2008 7:50:55 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		People need training on reading aloud to kids? Really?
Who would teach me to anticipate his needs better than he will? Does anyone else know what those needs are? For that matter, who on earth is going to tell me what he wants in a blow job better than he is?

(in reply to MasterKeeps)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Closure on training (well, for now) - 10/26/2008 8:20:54 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		hi MasterKeeps
hello everyone

i was thinking the same thing as you, MasterKeep.  massage, cooking classes (lots of men like different foods... i learned italian with my last live in), serving formally.

you could even go into dance.. lap dances, erotic dancing, strip teases.  hostessing.. never know when that may be handy.. and its not as easy as it sounds, heck, setting a formal table can be a nightmare!  some women dont know how to clean... and i do mean a thorough cleaning.. yes.. it can be tweaked to the man's desire, but, how much less tweaking there would be if you knew how to do it professionally!

laundry.,. gesh.. its not a given that every woman knows how to iron correctly!  high protocol and what to do in a lifestyle setting... for me, that would be daunting to learn!  learning to play games.. chess... backgammon.. poker.. lol... why not?  how about taking care of toys... even someone mentioned boots.. good choice.

and what if your Master/Sir/Daddy/ect decided you should go there to be trained?  why does it always fall to the man to train us?  why cant we take it upon ourselves to learn something interesting or fascinating to surprise him with?

ah, the possibilities

tazzy

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 8:29:24 PM   
VonneCat


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
I think that a good Dom needs to know how to listen to his sub and know what she needs and doesn't need emotionally. I also belive that there ought to be a certification process for people to practice as Dom's. Safty and Health regulations, ect.

Why not subs?  Why shouldn't they know safety and other regulations?  What about a dom who never engages in kinky play?
Sure, why not. I mean just because I didn't sugest it doesn't mean its not a great idea. A Dom who never engages in kinky play should still be aware of the rules if he is going to be in the community. Speaking as a Dom, I never ment to disinclude subs in what I was saying. Its just that I see some of what goes on, and I think some level of standarized accountabilty ought to be around for people like me. Obviously Subs should be educated too, please don't inturpret my comment as anything but what it was, a nod toward the need for a more extensive look at the "Risk Aware" side of Risk Aware Concentual Kink.
quote:

If a dom lacks good listening skills, should his slave help train him?


I'm biased. If a Dom lacks good listening skills, why should he get to keep a slave? A Dom who can't meet the needs of his slave won't get to stay a Dom for very long. But thats my opinion, and I get to keep it.


< Message edited by VonneCat -- 10/26/2008 8:36:07 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 9:22:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
I'm biased. If a Dom lacks good listening skills, why should he get to keep a slave? A Dom who can't meet the needs of his slave won't get to stay a Dom for very long. But thats my opinion, and I get to keep it.

Ahh nice double standard there- if a slave is untrained, well she just needs working on from the benevolent dom.  If a dom is untrained, well he doesn't deserve to be with anyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to VonneCat)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 9:35:22 PM   
VonneCat


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/15/2008
Status: offline 		I am pretty sure that thats not how I described it. I don't think that a sub needs more training. I mentioned earlier that my view on training is that it ought to be educational. "Training" is either educational or a misnomer for playing. As far as a Dom who refuses to take the time to listen to his sub, thats not something that I think is learned. You either choose to pay attention to your sub, or you are selfish and only listen to your own needs. There is nothing double standard about it. Being a Dom or a sub is an apptitude. How well it is expressed can be developed, but there is no excuse for not choosing to listen the needs of your partner. If there is something unclear about this, please let me know. What your missing in this is a third element. Practice. If there is something that can be developed, it is developed by practicing the life style. Is there something about my remarks that are personally upsetting to you??? If so please PM me. I'd be happy to discuss that with you elsewhere.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 9:39:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
As far as a Dom who refuses to take the time to listen to his sub, thats not something that I think is learned.

Then your thinking is wrong.

Trust me, none of this is personal.  But you state all this stuff about how much you support training a sub, and then I bring up one instance of training a skill in a dom and you claim he is simply not worth having a partner.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to VonneCat)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Closure on training (well, for now) - 10/26/2008 9:51:44 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 --"cooking," was mentioned. Massage is another, 

There are plenty of reasonably priced classes that teach these basic skills in the community.  
Books are our friends!  I learned foot massage from a book—it’s not rocket science!. 


quote:

  learning to better understand the gender in question

Over reaching a bit here, I believe. 

quote:

  How many of us can balance a checkbook?

And definitely under reaching here! 
 
quote:

  learning to be patient, to enjoy adversity and hardship, 

I believe a smidgen of introspection would enable pretty much anyone to learn patience; and I’m not sure why anyone should learn to enjoy hardship.   I believe most folks have endured adversity and have learned from it.

quote:

 reading aloud to the Dom's children.

WTF???

quote:

  How many submissives have attended a class on fellatio?


Fellatio 101 may be a great fantasy but I’m thinkin’ you’d have more ~cough~ teachers than students---or were you keeping that one for yourself? 

< Message edited by catize -- 10/26/2008 9:53:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to MasterKeeps)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 10:40:01 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I just responded on this thread with my opinion on this

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2232557



That's pretty much how I feel about training. Training not on a specific task, but training of the mind. I suppose it can be both, but I pretty much instantly think of emotional and thought training first.



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 10:45:47 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
As far as a Dom who refuses to take the time to listen to his sub, thats not something that I think is learned. You either choose to pay attention to your sub, or you are selfish and only listen to your own needs.


I disagree. Listening is a skill, and one that can be learned, if someone is willing. They teach those skills in management classes all over the country, and it works.

quote:


Being a Dom or a sub is an apptitude. How well it is expressed can be developed, but there is no excuse for not choosing to listen the needs of your partner.


It is an excuse if listening is an aptitude one has not fully developed yet. Skills can be taught, learned, developed and practiced.

Not that you're doing this, but I think a lot of people see the terms of "training" only in how it relates to the submissive. For many dominants, the idea of being the recipient of training seems too undomly for them.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to VonneCat)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/26/2008 11:02:01 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		You can train me to serve tea, you can train me in various dining or serving protocols from various lands and time periods... you can train me how to ride a horse, make a basket, or shoot a gun. Never once found someone who could train me in being myself.

Closest you could come would be a skills-workshop with neat skills to learn for serving others. The rest is in your head.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 10/26/2008 11:03:06 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 12:03:54 AM   
WannaSPOON


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonneCat
The term training, should apply to Doms with novice subs who are introducing their partner to the lifestyle. I really don't think that it should last much longer than teaching that person the tools of the trade. (IE: this is a ball gag, it goes in your mouth, ect) Training ought to be genuinely educational. Training some one to do what you like in a consistant manner can only happen after that stage, and IMHO is really just scene play.

So doms never need training in behavior or thought processes?

So you think that training my partner to become someone who reviews the positive as well as the negative aspects of a situation, to feel confident in asserting himself and to say no when necessary, to stop his guilt before it consumes and paralyzes him and stop taking on the burdens of the world has nothing to do with "training"?

Nope, sorry. Not at all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 2:34:26 AM   
VonneCat


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/15/2008
Status: offline 		k I'm wrong. w/e

(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 3:32:37 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		TO the OP:
you might want to introduce yourself to the search button in the upper right hand corner.  This topic has been discussed ad nauseum.  

good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MasterKeeps)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 3:36:33 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen


.  I had to laugh when a sub I was training told me how much she loves to tell people to "scat" and I explained the other meaning behind it. 



Hey that's a great idea!  Teach subs to appreciate jazz... THAT would be worthwhile.
heh.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 6:40:22 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So doms never need training in behavior or thought processes?



i personally know of one who could have benefitted from that LOL.  He's no longer in my life.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What does "training" mean to you? - 10/27/2008 7:12:07 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

"training" to me is all about role adoption and behavior modification. Teaching mine to make me a drink the way I like it is "discussion", not training. In this view, not all subs/doms require training and yes, it applies equally to doms as to subs.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to natasha66)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: What does "training" mean to you? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109