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RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/26/2008 8:38:39 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stilllearning98

Oh windchymes, i think you are correct, I think this is my time to get even...let him get naked and start the fucking in the hotel room and then it is me who is in control, in control to pick up his and her clothes and walk out the door...now who will be laughing...

He doesn't sound like he is worth stooping to that level of uncivility. My recomendation would be to just walk away clean and realize that you are better then him and learn from the experiance. Be a little more selective on your future choices and filtering process. :-)

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 41

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/26/2008 9:07:52 PM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Sounds like he wanted justification for fucking another and decided to also put all of the guilt and blame on you. He's an ass. I'd tell him to fuck off.

i concur. cripes.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 42

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/26/2008 9:13:04 PM

StayOfExecution

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline

I'm with the others. Dump the swine.

_____________________________

I'm not the gambling kind. And you look like a risk.

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 43

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/26/2008 9:17:28 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

I like the idea of stealing his clothes...

But, don't let it get to that point. Tell him as soon as you can that you have done nothing to be punished for, and you can't call a liar "Master", and cut your losses.

Yes, it's very easy for all of us to tell you to walk away from a relationship, but it won't kill you - you may feel lonely and empty for a while - it will not last forever, and you will be stronger.

(in reply to StayOfExecution)

Post #: 44

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/26/2008 9:34:01 PM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stilllearning98

I think this is my time to get even...let him get naked and start the fucking in the hotel room and then it is me who is in control, in control to pick up his and her clothes and walk out the door...now who will be laughing...

Well antipode called it, you picked him. Go ahead, do that. Then you'll both be guilty of having led the other to expect one thing, and delivered something different.

K.

< Message edited by Kirata -- 10/26/2008 9:35:07 PM >

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 45

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/27/2008 11:01:08 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Don't blame everything on the master guy - you picked him, you're there because you wanted to be. You've clearly picked someone who has no respect for you - so you need to take this as a positive, and use it as an incentive for you to go out and find a dom who will help you grow, and be fair to you.

In general, I concur with others that the "rule setting" is a ridiculous way of domming, or mastering - in my opinion just as stupid as insisting on being called "Sir" or "Master". I tend to think that men who do that stuff, who read their sub's email, what have you, are intrinsically insecure males devoid of creativity - the telling thing is that they all do exactly the same stuff. I am a controller too, but to let you do detail reports of your day - what would I get out of that? How do these types even have time for that?

Enough of a rant, get out of there, I hope you have learned what the danger signals are that you need to look out for. And remember: he broke the rules by planning to bang another chick, so the rules (all of them) no longer apply, that is always the deal. You are free.

I agree with all that, and particularly with the first sentence.
Take personal responsibility for what you do and where you're at and it will empower you to make clearer decisions in the future.
Edited to say: Upon a moment's reflection, I'm not sure I can say he "has no respect for you". Though it does sound bad, I certainly don't know him that well. This might just be his ham-headed way of trying to get a little fantasy that he's always wanted (or whatever) to happen. You might be able to remind him of the conditions that you agreed upon and that would be that.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 10/27/2008 11:08:15 AM >

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 46

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/27/2008 11:13:18 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

I like the idea of stealing his clothes...

I don't. Just cut the bullshit.
Don't fuck with anybody and don't let anybody fuck with you is a simple enough rule to keep and it will help keep your life simple.

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 47

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/27/2008 1:07:04 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Feeling empty without a relationship is no reason to stay in a poor one. Greedy Top and lots of other folks said lots of very valuable things. Taking care of yourself (And, you cited some issues of which you are aware) should be first and foremost and it seems as if rather than supporting you and helping you grow, your 'Master' is feeding your insecurities. Better alone than abused. Seriously!
Davan

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 48

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/27/2008 2:12:11 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stilllearning98

I am posting this to gather the opinion of a Master. I am an owned slave in a 2 year LDR who has made a mistake and misunderstood a rule that was given to me by my Master.

My punishment will be that I will have to watch my Master be intimate with another woman. This is something that Master has promised would never happen as this is a HUGE insecurity for me [...].

Is this is a fair punishment that I should just suck up and accept for my wrong doing or is this the point where I have to weigh that this is deliberate meanness and something that my Master has now lied about to me as he said this would never happen.

My personal advice to consider:

Slavery + Is this fair? = Confusion

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 49

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/27/2008 4:53:22 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Sir has made a couple mistakes and has apologize for them. That is another reason why I trust him. I do not get into abusive men. Had that in my late teens and early 20's and swore off that. Hopefully you will think about not going to visit him. You have been give some great advice throughout this thread, and sounds like you are listening.

Best wishes to you
oceanwynds

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

Post #: 50

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/28/2008 1:41:24 PM

djaleksandr

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I didn't post it, but I had a vision of her playing along with his fantasy, and when his ass was in the air screwing the woman, to shoot rubber bands at it, or throw a pissed off tomcat on him, or shove a toilet plunger up his ass and walk out, lol.

But it was only a vision

Bahahaha!

_____________________________

'is simplicity best, or simply the easiest?
the narrowest path is always the holiest.
so walk on barefoot for me,
suffer some misery,
if you want my love.'
[ depechemode judas ]

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 51

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/28/2008 3:39:47 PM

subiet

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

My punishment will be that I will have to watch my Master be intimate with another woman. This is something that Master has promised would never happen as this is a HUGE insecurity for me as I was cheated on in my vanilla marriage and so I have huge insecurities about this.

Him knowing this is a "Hugh" insecurity for you and he "promised" I think this is not only unfair but dishonorable. Everyone is right it is just an excuse...sounds like you deserve better...take care

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 52

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/28/2008 7:28:35 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He didn't explain to you ahead of time what he meant. He is using his lack of clear communication as an excuse to break your hard limits.

If this is a hard limit for you, one that you would end a relationship over then do yourself a favor and end the relationship before hand.

I'm sorry, but he's manufacturing this excuse because he doesn't want to live up to his word. He also doesn't want to tell you the truth, that he never meant to keep this promise. Not being able to get his permission ahead of time to pick up young family from daycare, or meeting your sister on her coffee break or whatever you did with your family is hardly sufficiently heinious a crime to deserve a 'punishment' so over the top.

Wish him good luck with his new girl and go on about your way. You deserve better than this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 53

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/28/2008 8:38:59 PM

stilllearning98

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline

Thanks DesFIP...

The ironic thing is the thing I did wrong was tell him I was reading on the couch, sitting on the patio, taking a shower, etc...it has absolutely nothing to do with disobeying him by leaving the house. I recevied permission everytime I left the house and so the issue was what i was doing in the house with only my parents home...

You are right, this is just because i blew up and I believe doesnt know how to admit he was wrong.

thanks...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 54

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 5:57:26 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

FR

So you are whinging and moaning that this guy has taken a punishment and has stepped outside the boundries of what you deem acceptable and instead of simply saying okay here are the choices we have and being an adult about it, you decide to punish HIM but not only him but the innocent bystander who simply has choosen to be a part of this scene by not only taking HIS clothes but hers as if she is doing something wrong.

I have read all your posts on this thread and not one of them indicates if you have talked to him, if you have indicated to him what you are thinking wth regard to his punishment, but instead you are going behind his back and whining on a public message board all your resentment and anger based on the whole relationship and the punishment hasn't even OCCURED. Did it ever occur to you that communicating this to HIM may help both of you? Nahh its easier to whine to a public message board who will tell you to leave the guy and he is all wrong and justify your resentment of a relationship they know nothing about.

Seems to me, you and this guy are made for each other. You aren't innocent in this whole thing if this is how you handle it, and it seems you are just as guilty about not communicating as you are accusing him to be, seems to me what you want to do is worse than what he is because you want to humiliate someone who simply has agreed to be a part of a scene you pretend to agree with so you can humilate them both. Yeah that makes you the better person in this.

Revenge including an innocent party makes you psycho in my eyes, his decision on punishment may have been illadvised or on many levels wrong based on his previous agreements, but revenge including a third party who doesn't deserve your or his BS -- just shakes my head, that's who i feel sorry for.

Oh wait, noo let's blame her for your relationship woes too, so she deserves it just as he does.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/29/2008 6:10:40 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 55

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 8:56:30 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

The revenge is ill-advised, I agree.
But I respectfully disagree with barelyanangel regarding the op's "whining". This is a message board, and many people come here for help and advice.
Just because some guy has a fantasy about being with two women, and sets his slave up to fail, and uses his fantasy as "punishment" for her "failure" doesn't mean she should go along with it.
Surprisingly, there are many who use this lifestyle to take advantage of gullible people, and, when you're new and uninformed, you may find this as acceptable. Or at least not know to question it.
I guess I'd be whining too, if the person I trusted as a Master proved himself to be less than someone I could entrust my all to.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 56

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 9:45:51 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Christina, go back and read what i said, i have not advocated what he has done nor did i tell her to accept it. I told her to open her mouth to him and well TALK to him and explain her thoughts and understandings and her feelings - which i have yet to see her actually say she has and what his response to same was.

To me, its whining, when a slave comes online with a sob poor me story and then starts jumping on the bandwagon with STRANGERS of bashing her Master and in this case revenge that includes an innocent party, that's when i raise a skeptical eyebrow at the poor me syndrome and motive for posting the one-sided story. And even if his intent was a negative thing, to me she is no worse than she claims him to be. So everyone's happy, people have told her to leave him that he is scum that he is lower than a pimple on a fleas butt on a worm in the ground, she feels vindicated to the point she even wants revenge on him and would without worry include someone else by deceiving them both into believing she agrees to watch them only to humiliate them. Yeah she sounds like a peach towards this guy as he does to her lol.

And to note, her subject line indicates to me that maybe her Master isn't all that experienced and he could not possibly realize what his statement has wrought because he may not realize how she feels or realize what he has done in declaring this punishment.

You obviously think different, so be it. Hopefully she will leave him and everyone can feel a job well done lol. I always hear -- and now the rest of the story!

angel

PS, yes to me you would be whining if you came to a message board of strangers with a sob story and then allowed people to bad mouth your Master and then jump on the bandwagon of venhemence (sp?) to the point of indicating a scenerio of revenge, instead of working it out offline with well heck lol your Master, where it originated.

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/29/2008 9:56:07 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 57

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 9:58:56 AM

stilllearning98

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline

barelynangel...

i respect your post but you did get it wrong...

i have repeatedly spoken to him about this and the fact that I believe the rules were changed mid stream with no communication...don't be so quick to make assumptions...maybe you should have asked if i spoke with him and i could have communicated that to you...

no, not whining...i am very prepared to take punishment when i have done wrong...i DONT whine, i was merely asking other Masters since I am not a Master and do not have the same mind set...

And, truly i could not do that to him or the third party...i truly love this man and have for many years but will walk away if my needs and respect for me is not given either. Respect goes both ways not just for a Master...

I am not allowing anyone to make my decision for me and have multiple times said that i will wait until the final verdict happens to make my decision and only me making the decision...

My Master is a very loving, wonderful and kind man who has over 15 years experience and was married to his previous slave...Please don't assume that you know him or me...I would have to say that most posts on this subject were coming from a point of how others would deal with the same scenario for them...I make my own decisions, no one other than my Master makes my decisions for me...

Maybe you should have asked questions before assuming you could provide advice...

< Message edited by stilllearning98 -- 10/29/2008 10:03:17 AM >

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 58

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 11:11:14 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

OP

So what did he say? Did he say sorry this is your punishment, there ya go. Accept it or get out? Have you shown him this thread btw? Does he know how you have portrayed him and what you have stated and your acceptance of how people have portrayed him based on your story?

Sorry if my presumption amongst your jumping on the bandwagon allowing people to say such awful things about your Master and the revenge scenerio you were planning out, was inappropriate according to you.    Just like everyone else knows you and your situation and all about you and him lol. You know things you never defended him against like the ones in this thread "... He's an ass. I'd tell him to fuck off. ...Is this really the sort of man you find worthy to be called "master"? ... you need outta there ...He wants to fuck someone else and has grabbed onto an "opportunity". Run away. Run far far away .. agree with those who say he is just making shit up so he can blame you while he does something he knows is going to hurt you very deeply. Dump the asshole ...you're worth ten thousand times more than this tosser - walk away and don't look back. Treat it as a learning experience and promise yourself you'll use this experience to weed out the losers in future. ... No, you really feel empty with a bad master. And he does not deserve to have his title capped. Run away before you invest more time and energy into this. ...He must have been giddy with excitement when he saw the opportunity to twist the situation around into something he could use to justify screwing somebody else. ...given his behavior (which strikes me as emotionally/psychologically abusive) might escalate into physical abuse if she does it face to face. ....Dump the swine"

Your own comments: "i think when we see each other next weekend, i will make the break. ... Point taken. I prefer that I end it before it gets to the point of devastating. ...Oh windchymes, i think you are correct, I think this is my time to get even...let him get naked and start the fucking in the hotel room and then it is me who is in control, in control to pick up his and her clothes and walk out the door...now who will be laughing... You are right, this is just because i blew up and I believe doesnt know how to admit he was wrong."

Now, all of this was taken out of what people have said about your Master and what you have responded, this is the FIRST time you have spoken in defense of him or how great he is etc and hell, i wasn't speaking badly about him.

umm don't you think you should have been saying this to everyone who has bad mouth him because i am not assuming i know either of you, but i am commenting on your actions and acceptance on this thread?

quote:

Please don't assume that you know him or me...

Good luck to you, i hope when you show him this thread, he enjoys your love for him. I am not honestly trying to knock you, i am trying to make you see what you are doing in this thread.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/29/2008 11:17:05 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 59

RE: guidance to a slave from experienced Masters - 10/29/2008 11:56:47 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stilllearning98
My Master is a very loving, wonderful and kind man who has over 15 years experience and was married to his previous slave...Please don't assume that you know him or me...I would have to say that most posts on this subject were coming from a point of how others would deal with the same scenario for them...I make my own decisions, no one other than my Master makes my decisions for me...

Maybe you should have asked questions before assuming you could provide advice...

The fact that you posted this to the one person in this thread who did not say negative things about your master leads me to really question your motive for posting and the veracity of what you have written. I think the readers have been lead down a path to get you the responses that you wanted to hear.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to stilllearning98)

Post #: 60

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