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BLGirl -> RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? (11/2/2008 3:20:18 PM)
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I am a masochist, it is as simple as that. Most any pain will do, although some will do more than others to satiate my need. For instance, child birth, wrought with uncontrollable pain for most, is a beautiful pain to me. I doubt that it hurts me less than others, perhaps more even given my size 5'2", and my biggest was 10 lbs., but I am able to control the pain and make it my own, not something that is simply happening to me. I am one of those rare women that looks forward to and savors the point of crowning.
I think that most of us are speaking of the same thing, just with different terminology, which makes for confusion and at times hard feelings. I know that whether I am having pain inflicted upon me or I am inflicting pain upon myself, I am doing it for a release of some sort. I equate pain with harm, wherever it emanates from. If I am wound tight, so tight that I feel as though I will surely burst if the pressure is not lessened at least a bit, I will often go to Daddy and tell him. He knows that I need him to hurt me, to harm me, and to break the seal on this rage within.
I will agree with another here, that self-harm, be it cutting, burning, etc. is a very controlled thing. Many people who inflict pain/injury/harm upon themselves, are very educated as to the anatomy and physiology of the human body. Keep in mind that these individuals are not attempting suicide, therefore, they only do so much as to release, not cause permanent damage (generally speaking of course). Knowing that you have the propensity to do such things is of great value. I hate to quote G. I. Joe, but "Knowing is Half the Battle!"
I know that I have this need within, I know that it is not going away, therefore I avoid certain situations. Such as washing a knife, for to do so with my bare hands, makes me want to draw the blade across my flesh (often the palm of my hand), thus sending a quiver up and down my spine coming to rest, in my soul. Not an orgasm as such, but not far from either. However, I have to weigh the consequences; what type of work will I be doing with my hands, how deep can I go before serious harm is inflicted, are my little ones home, etc. Because of my knowledge of my innate desires, I am able to control them. I simply choose the healthiest of ways to express and therefore quell the desire.
My impression has always been that piercing, tattooing, scarification, etc. are considered self-mutilation/self-harming, because it is an act of violence against ones self, in spite of the fact that it is being done by another. If I feel the need to draw the knife upon myself, but instead choose to visit a tatto studio, or have a body part pierced; I am dealing with this in not so much a healthy manner, but a socially acceptable one. When I need to release some demon from within; if I am not feeling that I am myself and I therefore pick up a pair of clippers and shave my head, thus feeling lighter and relieved, is it not healthy? Some would say no, others would say yes. The fact is this, I have always carried this insatiable desire to be hurt, but hurt on my terms. If I am masturbating and alternate between the pleasure of my fingers upon my clit and the painful pleasure of the self-inflicted sting of leather upon it, it is pain on my terms, I am in control. It is no different with a partner, they are a tool that I employ to inflict pain upon myself.
In seeking out a partner to do this, we are essentially, harming ourselves.
Of course, this is just my experience and opinion.
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