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Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 9:51:03 AM

missturbation

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I was thinking today about physical masochists who are not in relationships, or in relationships where there physical masochistic needs cannot always be met.
I did a search but all i could come up with were threads which talked about self harm in a negative way, or self harm in a negative way which had been channelled into healthier purusits, such as tats and piercings.
I know some people have casual 'play' partners who can meet their needs when their main partner is absent for whatever reason, but what about those who don't?
From what i have found by searching it appears that self masochism is looked upon as unhealthy! Is it really? Is there really that much difference between your partner for example using a pin wheel on you and using one on yourself?

So my questions are do you equate a physical masochist who self harms as the same as a stereo typical self harmer?
Can self masochism be healthy?
If so why / If not why?
Anyone any experience of self masochism, not stereo typical self harm?

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 9:59:46 AM

myotherself

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Interesting question!

As a complete pain slut myself who was single for a long time, I did try self-masochism but I found it to be totally unfulfilling. I miss the energy I get from a real sadist - the thrill just isn't there. Instead I went out and found play partners to fill the gap until I found Master.

I guess it boils down to what kind of masochist you are. There are those who get off on any kind of pain (stubbed toe = orgasm) and those like me who get off on being the plaything of a sadist. How you get the pain has to play a part in how you process and enjoy the pain.

But this has got me thinking....and I'm looking forward to reading other people's replies!

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 10:10:30 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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I have a masochistic streak, and I need and having craving for pain fixes every so often. But only certain types of pain in certain places. There are some types of pain I totally hate and can't stand at all.

This is slightly different compared to pain that occurs with rough and wild sex. That's a bit of another animal. However there are moments when I need pain fix, it's a sort of Reset button for me.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 10:20:17 AM

RainydayNE

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the only thing like that that i did from a neutral stance would be, if there was some condition causing the ouches, i'd sit with it and "think about it" rather than taking pain meds or remedying it. =p the other self-harming things were coming from some place completely different, and i don't necessarily think they count.
but i definitely like it more now being his "scratching post" though =p such an amazingly different charge this way

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 10:27:59 AM

kyraofMists

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Whether an activity is healthy or not for someone really depends on their motivation for engaging in the activity. It doesn't matter whether it is a masochist hurting themselves or if they find someone else to hurt them. Why they engage in the activity will point to whether it is healthy or not.

*edited to add, that one of the best ways that I would cause myself pain and get an endorphine release is by exercising. It was something that was good for my body, gave me a little mental pick me up and had the added bonus of making me hurt. If I had become obsessive about it, then I would have seen it as an unhealthy activity.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 10/27/2008 10:38:31 AM >

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 10:38:58 AM

RumpusParable

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In my opinion, as with many things... heck, with most EVERYTHING... it depends on the why's and how's of it. That self-harm and indulging in masochism by oneself are very much two different things -that can be overlapped, but are not inherently connected.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 11:45:13 AM

IvyMorgan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Whether an activity is healthy or not for someone really depends on their motivation for engaging in the activity. It doesn't matter whether it is a masochist hurting themselves or if they find someone else to hurt them. Why they engage in the activity will point to whether it is healthy or not.[snip]
Knight's Kyra

Exactly what she said.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 11:57:26 AM

CreativeDominant

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I was thinking today about physical masochists who are not in relationships, or in relationships where there physical masochistic needs cannot always be met.
I did a search but all i could come up with were threads which talked about self harm in a negative way, or self harm in a negative way which had been channelled into healthier purusits, such as tats and piercings.
I know some people have casual 'play' partners who can meet their needs when their main partner is absent for whatever reason, but what about those who don't?
From what i have found by searching it appears that self masochism is looked upon as unhealthy! Is it really? Is there really that much difference between your partner for example using a pin wheel on you and using one on yourself?

So my questions are do you equate a physical masochist who self harms as the same as a stereo typical self harmer?
Can self masochism be healthy?
If so why / If not why?
Anyone any experience of self masochism, not stereo typical self harm?

Like kyra and others, my questions would center around your motivation to hurt yourself. Self-masochism in the form of exercise, as noted, is not only healthy but has the benefit of causing pain. Causing pain to one's self to get that endorphin release can be healthy IF: it doesn't become a way to avoid becoming involved with someone, if checking your own "internal" gauge of "how much can I stand to hurt myself before I call a safeword on myself" as a way to check your pain tolerance doesn't become an ever-increasing challenge, if it isn't used as a deceptive way of covering up feelings of "I deserve to be hurt because I am worthless".

(in reply to missturbation)

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 12:12:47 PM

FRSguy

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Unhealthy,
What happens when you get bored with yourself and the thrill is gone? Do you just go into something bigger, riskier more painful?
How do you know your not just fooling yourself saying something is healthy and you have a healthy attitude towards it when in reality you could be justifing self destructive behavior and what not. I think you really need another person to create and maintain a ballance because there is a tendency for people to go overboard on shit when they do it by themselves... kind of like drinking or any other self indulgent thing shit gets out of hand way to easy.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 9

RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 12:13:06 PM

moonvine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I know some people have casual 'play' partners who can meet their needs when their main partner is absent for whatever reason, but what about those who don't?
From what i have found by searching it appears that self masochism is looked upon as unhealthy! Is it really? Is there really that much difference between your partner for example using a pin wheel on you and using one on yourself?

I am one of the ones who doesn't, and I just go without.

I might not be exactly what you are talking about though, I am a masochist, but I crave it in the context of BDSM only. There needs to be power exchange for pain to "work" for me and I can't exchange power with myself or have a BDSM relationship with myself.

Some things I'd think would be hard to do, for example caning yourself, I'd think it would be awkward and you wouldn't be able to get any force behind the blows, but I have short arms, so maybe that is just a personal issue. I have tried spanking myself years ago in a fit of desperation, but it just doesn't do anything for me.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 12:40:02 PM

IvyMorgan

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I'm remembering the scene in The Secretary where she tries to do just that

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 1:18:29 PM

softness

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I work with a lot of teen girls who cut because they want to hurt themselves (I work with a lot that need release as well but I pass their cases on elsewhere - hardly being the best person to guide them) the girls that cut to hurt are punishing themselves, hurting themselves because they think they deserve. The are what I consider true self harmers because they are actively seeking to damage and cause harm to their bodies. I make a choice not to work with people who "self harm" for physical emotional or psychological release because that is *exactly* what I do when I engage in sado-masoschistic play. It would be like being lecturing against the evils of drugs and then going home and doing a line of charlie off the kitchen counter. There is a world of difference between self harm and what Missturbation is talking about ... just as there is between an abusive home and a D/s one

Self masochism is as risky and dangerous as when someone else does it you.. and has similar if not identical risks and dangers to what can happen inside a relationship. Now obviously there are health and safety issues of not having another pair of hands available .. I think everyone can accept that its as stupid and dangerous as all the other stupid dangerous stuff we do in the comfort of our own homes.

I will admit that occassionally I cause myself pain in order to intensify the physical release I get from masturbation; nothing serious, particularly dangerous or even remotely harmful. I am not doing it with negative reasons or out of control emotions, my aim is not to harm or damage myself. Therefore I think it is as healthy/unhealthy as my reasons for engaging in sado-masochistic play .... and lets face it .. the law in the UK says that I must be criminally insane or somesuch to be consenting to that.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 1:20:58 PM

persephonee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

.... Is there really that much difference between your partner for example using a pin wheel on you and using one on yourself?

To me there is. To me its masturbation vs. sex.

perse.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 1:36:37 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Whether it is healthy or unhealthy, I'm not really qualified to say. I do tend to think that coping mechanisms are just that, coping mechanisms. Which is how I tend to see self-harming in most all of its various aspects.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 10/27/2008 1:37:39 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 1:43:46 PM

ProlificNeeds

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I think for the pointed reason there is no element of control, no stopping point. When I engage in S&M, I trust in my top to be that control point, that good judgement. For myself, if I tried to self-harm, that would be gone, when endorphines rush I am NOT in my right mind, and don't want to be, that would ruin the high.
More often than not though, self-harming doesn't do anything for me anyway. It's the energy of the sadist that makes the pain enjoyable instead of annoying.

(in reply to persephonee)

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 1:57:18 PM

IvyMorgan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

I work with a lot of teen girls who cut because they want to hurt themselves (I work with a lot that need release as well but I pass their cases on elsewhere - hardly being the best person to guide them) the girls that cut to hurt are punishing themselves, hurting themselves because they think they deserve. The are what I consider true self harmers because they are actively seeking to damage and cause harm to their bodies. I make a choice not to work with people who "self harm" for physical emotional or psychological release because that is *exactly* what I do when I engage in sado-masoschistic play. It would be like being lecturing against the evils of drugs and then going home and doing a line of charlie off the kitchen counter. There is a world of difference between self harm and what Missturbation is talking about ... just as there is between an abusive home and a D/s one.

I am surrounded by people who mostly self harm because they see themselves as bad. They have a hard time understanding my need for pain as an emotional release/stabiliser. They have no concept of my finding being hit be rubber tubing/piping erotic/arousing.

As someone who still experiences SH urges, I am cautious when I play, even with myself, because anything can be used to harm me, it all depends on what my head is doing at the time and my motivations.

The *only* to date, completely safe thing, is rope bondage, which I find calming and meditative.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 2:18:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's not about the action. It's about the intent, motivation, security, whether it helps a person become more fulfilled, more centered, more functional in life in general.

Just like sex with another person isn't necessarily good or bad, neither is masturbation.

Kinky pain play with another person isn't necessarily good or bad, neither is self-play.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 2:20:19 PM

NihilusZero

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Motivation and intention differentiate them.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 3:09:44 PM

kiwisub12

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All i know is, is that before i found my Sir i used to run in to things quite frequently, and had the bruises to prove it.
Now, not so much.

so does that count as self harm - and no, it wasn't very satisfying.

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RE: Self masochism, unhealthy or healthy? - 10/27/2008 3:12:06 PM

SimplyMichael

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There are some really vile and disgusting things some women do. Any woman who would be sick enough that when she is alone and in the dark to put clothespins on her cunt and clit, clamp them down on her tongue and nipples, who would rape her ass with a dildo, shove an inflatible ball gag into her mouth and god knows what other fucked up obscene stuff just for foreplay is exactly the sort I that drives me insane with lust.

I am going to have to add all that to my application form because any woman who wouldn't, well why bother?

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