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Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:02:28 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		This post is kind of like me talking out loud, it's not really meant to illicit a response, get advice or seek validation. However, I thought maybe someone, somewhere out there might relate and since I don't have health insurance, writing is my own form of therapy.

I'm technically new to CollarMe. I made a profile a couple of months back and although I got quite a few responses and inquiries, it didn't seem right.

I set these rules for myself, I said, "okay I will not contact anyone first," of course that's not a very unique stand to take on this website (or any social leaning website). However, that evening I had browsed several profiles and ignorant to how the site works, I didn't realize that my peeks would be seen by the owners of said profiles - how embarrasing. In any case, by the next day, a couple of people had left messages in my inbox. I read through them and responded to all that seemed reasonably coherent.

The first, was from a person,  immediately wanted to exchange messenger info. Right away, from my previous online follies I knew that was a warning sign, but I decided to take a chance anyway. Well, this individual became agitated that I would not share a photo with him. The irony was that, I had uploaded a photo to the site, it just had not been approved yet. One thing that makes me very uncomfortable is when I feel someone is trying to push me into doing something I am not willing to do of my own accord.

Of course, in the end, my final refusal to give him what he wanted, ended with him becoming belligerent and claiming he was going to block me. I was a little amused if not shocked at his sudden Jekyll and Hyde outburst, but overall, I was relieved. As I said to him, if it seems too good to be true ... it usually is.

I almost abandoned the site with a vow never to return, but then I received another message and the sender seemed very intriguing. So I stayed.

Moving on, I had a few more brief correspondences with various people but it all seemed off and disjointed. Everything was a mind game or audition of some sort and I got the feeling real sincerety was lacking. I guess maybe most people are as lost as I am, but two blind people fumbling around in the dark is not very useful.

So as the days grew on. while I was getting more excited by the prospect of making some kind of connection, I was also feeling a bit apprehensive. That's when I took a chance and sent a first email to two people whose profiles really reached out to me. I admire people that can express themselves through writing in a way that draws you in and helps you see a bit of what they see. Of course it could all be bullshit, but it's still fun to read.

Anyway out of these two individuals, I thought I had found people that I could really talk to and learn a lot from. However, the first, although intelligent, seemed to have some issues that were very disconcerting and the second, well, I really liked and discovered we had some surprising things in common. However, what I have come to accept is that, connections that are instantaneous are more than likely fleeting.

So after that, with the many exhausting inbox inquiries that seemed more of the same, I just deleted the account, made a new one and took leave from the site.

The other day, that need for a connection came back. It was just a small feeling and now, although I really really didn't want to, I logged into this new account and said to myself, "Well this time, just be honest," who can it really hurt?

I have no idea what I'm doing and I could attempt to explain why I'm here but it would be so vague and self indulgent, that it really would be a waste to convey it. Does there have to be a reason why I'm here? I was asked that question many times before and my conclusion is, no.

I may not have a real reason for being curious about BDSM, but I do know what I want. I just want to talk, without the theater. I just want to find one interesting and genuine person to chat about anything and everything with. I could've gone to some other website (and I have) but it's really all the same.

My cynical side says there is no belief in building real connections and friendships anymore. Maybe that's why I keep coming back, to anywhere I think I might luck up and find one.

So that's like my little confessional.

< Message edited by theobserver -- 10/28/2008 8:05:06 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:16:07 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Building a fortress only to hope you'll find a capable climber who can ephemerally intoxicate you (it's not just these connections that are fleeting...they all are, inevitably) sounds like an exercise in intentional passive aggressive futility. What are you seeking salvation from? The nihilistic mundanity? There are gems on these fora...spend some time poking around and meeting people here.  It is much more effective than hoping someone magically becomes so inspired by your profile that they'll rush off to write you (when they may just have the same non-initiating "rule" you've been playing by).

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/28/2008 8:17:40 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to theobserver)
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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:19:24 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I feel like I've been an observer here for a long long time. 
From that observing I have learned so much, but not always what one may thing you'd learn here. 
I've grown in a personal sense, learned more about me through conversations such as the one you mention above and by involving myself in threads here in the boards.  There is no hard fast rule that I'm aware of that says to be here or any of the other such sites that says you must be a, b or c.  It's life any way you look at it, and with that said it's all in what you make of it. 

welcome to the boards........... 


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:48:01 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		That's good advice, thanks for sharing, but you didn't have to. I wasn't clear in my OP that, I did, eventually break that silly rule, because I realized I was just crippling myself by doing that.

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:50:56 PM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not pessimistic by any means, I'm just like most other people, I suppose; I have my moments where I'm unsure and I start to question things. If that makes any sense to you.

Thanks for the welcome.

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 8:56:51 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		This site, like so much else in life - reflects what you put into it.  Enjoy your look around. 

Hopefully it will inspire you to jump in! 

The water's warm and nice in most places with a few things that bite swimming through, but most of us like it that way.  Bity things, stingy things, pinchy things...yea, it's why we're here.  Enjoy!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 11:03:48 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*smiles*

I thought it was a long, rambling, and somehow heart warming sort of a hello. Don't ask me how, exactly, I got "heart warming", but there you go. Oh, and as to reasons, I'm not sure I have a really solid one either. Why don't we both just go with, "it's our nature to read collarme" and leave it at that? *laughs*

Welcome [back]
~Jeff

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/28/2008 11:17:17 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I can tell you why I'm here:  to enjoy the forums.  I originally signed up with the hope I'd meet someone who'd be a match for me. The forums are what keep me here. I've met (some, face to face) a good number of wonderful people here who I can talk to about ANYTHING.  These people have become my touchstones, and even if we havent yet been able to spend time together in the flesh, the connections are no less real and meaningful.

Hang out, play on the boards... soon you'll become one of us... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

*hugs and welcome*


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 1:36:31 AM   
theobserver


Posts: 456
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for the welcome! 

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 2:39:47 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		The Collarme Hymn

All doms cute and domly
All subbies thin and fat
All posters kind and nasty
The Lord God made the lot

Each nerd that uses txtspk
Each sub that's good at vanishing
He made the ones with lumpy bits
He made the doms with stuff that stings

All things sick and perverted
All fetishes great and small
All kinks safe and dangerous
The Lord God made them all

Each painslut and each masochist
Each slave for which you bid
Who made the doms and sadists?
Who made the dommes? He did!

All those kind and cantankerous
Dick shots both great and small
Posters serious and humorous
The Lord God made them all

Amen

inspired by Eric Idle

PS. Welcome to the boards (and don't take all my postings too seriously).

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
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Simply Q

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 3:05:32 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		*sings along* Brava Stella....Brava
~teary tulip

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 3:21:19 AM   
zakkan


Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		We should do a collection of Stella's songs...

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Silence! I keel you!

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 3:29:07 AM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		"All things sick and perverted
All fetishes great and small
All kinks safe and dangerous
The Lord God made them all"

Well, I'm going to get right on embroidering a sampler with that on it!

I am a daughter of the Same.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:03:35 AM   
housemouse61


Posts: 60
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline 		In my opinion there doesn't have to be a reason to be here.  i  just come for the doughnuts, myself. 

Welcome to the party. 

Peace favor and blessed be,

nikki
Property of Cruel Desires

(in reply to theobserver)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:24:39 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		There are doughnuts? 

Damnit!  I knew you people were hiding something from me!  

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:34:37 AM   
PrincessJ77


Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline 		I found the post to be a bit heartwarming as well.  I came here hoping to make a connection.  I found a few men most interesting and had a lot in common with.  One of them turned into a lying conniving two timer.  (I can say with certainty he was flirting outrageously with me while denying any involvement with another woman who was quite committed to him.   Goddess knows how many others he is stringing along.)  As it happens I'm reconciling with my husband, but keep this profile active for the fora.  Sometimes, ya just gotta have that early morning giggle with the coffee.  

_____________________________

Yours respectfully,
PJ,
Capodecima,
Subby Mafia



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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:54:30 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		This is a marvelous post, not whining, not bashing--it simply is what it is--you forthright. I have come and gone, watched from the shadows---walked away and returned--I believe that we all someplace, somehow seek a sense of community-of some kind of connection--here, church, mothers meetings, choir, art work, something.  It does not mean that we "engage or embrace", it may mean we simply are there. This time for Me, I am simply here---I may find someone, and I may not--yet, its like that shot of B12--it keeps that restless side of Me quieted--for now. Welcome and may we hear more words from you as the days progress.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 5:56:15 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theobserver

I have no idea what I'm doing and I could attempt to explain why I'm here but it would be so vague and self indulgent, that it really would be a waste to convey it. Does there have to be a reason why I'm here? I was asked that question many times before and my conclusion is, no.

And you would be wrong.  There is a reason for your behavior, same as there is a reason motivating everyone elses behavior.  You go on in the very next paragraph of your post to elucidate on what your reason for being here is... you're curious and want to learn, but within a very particular circumstance.  There's your reason.  You half ask why you are curious about BDSM and I suspect that's the question that is really troubling you.  You may not be consciously aware of why you are curious, and may not become so until you either you become comfortable enough with to admit it to yourself, or else your desire becomes so strong you can't deny it to yourself any longer.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 6:02:19 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
I am here for my sistas and brothas!

Loves me my Pimp Daddy and the Pimpettes and all my other friends. Thast why I am here.
To give and recieve loving friendship. Its priceless.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Does There Have To Be A Reason? - 10/29/2008 6:22:04 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		And remember, all relationships start by one person making a connection with another, whether through a wink, a hello, or an email.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 20
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