|
theobserver -> RE: Obama's beloved Auntie Zietuni (11/2/2008 9:01:58 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: TheHeretic
This question of how much obligation we have to our family and extended family is going to draw a lot of different answers. Some will be the answers of the tested, some will be holier than thou hypotheticals. I doubt any minds will be swayed on this.
As I was raised, we help out in a crisis, but the day-to-day is not our problem. Leaving $100 in the basket of a coffeemaker is strictly optional, and so is giving the ___'s some decent clothes at Christmas.
That is true and what I was pointing out is where's the line in obligation?
A couple years back, I helped out one of my uncles who was going through a hard time. He had been laid off from a very good job some years back and was relegated to work a very low wage job to get by. However the bills mounted and they were forced to file bankruptcy in the midst of that his wife started cheating, ran out on him (with his kids) and left him in tremendous debt.
Since his wife was gone and they lived off of two incomes, he could not afford to live in his apartment any longer, so I offered to let him stay at my place rent free/utility free/ until he got on his feet again. I even let him have his own room.
I was in a position to do that at the time, but with the understanding that he would save his money and actively seek out an affordable place for himself, so that in several months he could move. Did he do that? No. In addition before he moved in I asked him if he would do things like run take me to the grocery store when needed, due to my anxieties (and fact I wasn't driving at the time). At first he was fine with that, but after a month, he was complaining.
However, when I bought food for the home it was for everyone and I never stated that he couldn't eat with us and so on. I would even treat him to dinner out from time to time. I really empathized with him and wanted to see him get on his feet.
However I started to notice things that really began to bother me. One, as I stated, he was not actively bothering to look for a place
All he would do was come home from work and talk to his young girlfriend on the cell phone for hours. Then, he started making plans to go on vacations with some of the people he worked with. He worked for an airline so could get standby flights for free to where ever. I thought, now wait, who goes on vacation (even for a weekend) broke? So I knew that he was not saving his money.
Then at one point he went out to see his wife and kids in the State they moved to and he comes back, with some crazy suggestion to me that it might be a good idea to let his wife and kids move in, since things weren't working out for her and she wanted to come back. WTF!!!
My own financial situation started to change and my bills grew and do you know this man never offered me a dime. Finally I came out and said, listen, how is your apartment hunting going? He said, well he still hadn't found an affordable place. I said, well do you think you will have one before Christmas, because things are getting tight around here and I'll have to ask you for some help if you continue to stay. Well he didn't like that, shortly later, I asked him if he could help on the utitlity bill. He gave me 70 dollars.
That's all I ever got from him and he finally did move out but our relationship was never the same. He was really offish to me from then on and we use to be close.
So basically, that's only one story I have about 'helping' family.
I'm all for helping family, but only when I can and how I can. However when I hit hard times my 'family' is nowhere to be seen.
|
|
|
|
