WhiplashSmile2
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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quote:
"If you love me, you will hurt me"... "I trust you, please trust me that you are not causing me any great or real harm"... The pain you inflict is indeed an expression of your love for me.
I banged out these connected thoughts at the end of my OP. These thoughts are interconnected to one another. Be these thoughts one would think to themself or share with their partner.
I personally do question if one is truely masochistic or not when the issue of Love factors into things. This however is something that I can not judge another person upon.
I am just aware of issues that keep coming up on the message boards.
It's OK to hurt those that you love at times. It does not make you a bad person, it's not a shameful thing. Not if the person you are hurting wants, needs, and craves it. Hell, it's not even a bad thing to explore if you or your partner are into the notion of trying it.
At times though, I think many people are caught up in their orientations without having actually done much hands on BDSM. Even in D/s relationships there is light and moderate switch play of some form that occurs. Just many people keep quiet about it. Stuff that really does not effect orientation nor the relationship dynamics at much.
Actually dare I express this, there are things people have posted that well, are switchy when it comes to their D/s relationship dynamics if one wants to get technical about it even. Not everybody is in DOM or submissive mode 24/7 all year long and there are various challenges that test the D/s relationship itself.
D/s and S&M and Topping/Bottoming have these larger then life expectations that many people place high up on some fucking Pedastal. It faulters and fails. People holding on tightly to these larger then life expections afraid, that if they don't. they will somehow be less submissive, less Dom/me or whatever else. Less Sadist, Less Masochistic, Less then perfect from being close to the god like status of having a D/s relationship.
There's a number of Doms (male and female) that enjoy pain, hell there are even a number of submissives with sadistic streaks as well. Just not everybody feels comfortable in expressing and sharing these things out in the public. Me, I don't give a fuck if somebody knows about my masochistic streak. Sure, I relate to the world of S&M a little differently because I'm both SadoMaso. Perhaps I just have that Switchy View of S&M. It does give me a sense of things from two sides of coin though.
First time, I had somebody ever inflict pain upon my back. Goes way back to when I was 13 at the time. Think watching all those Zorro movies got to my brain. If memory serves me right, Zorro himself got whipped. Wow, that Guy was a man that could take the fucking pain. Mmmmmm... How much pain can I take? Geee... I wonder! We had an old whip out in the shed, left over from the rural western NY living days. Got to playing with it, as I had been doing on/off over the years. Tried it out on myself some. Over the shoulder hooks to my back. Mmmmmm.. interesting! Hey, kewl.. this feels kind of awesome. Wow...
Girl next door comes over. I'm showing her this... that it does not rip chunks of skin and flesh out, but wow.. I want to feel somebody do it do me. Can't get the full effect using it upon myself. She was reluctant at first. Did not want to hurt me badly. I reassured her that we'd take it slow and build up. I wanted to discover my own limits. Trust me! Those were part of my words I said to her. I'll tell you how hard to hit me. I'll be in control of it, trust me. Do you trust me? OK, first couple of blows.. Ok.. a little harder. A pause, she was double thinking things some. I spoke her name out loud firmly, then said Do you still trust me? She said yes, then I said do it again harder, I can take a lot more. Trust me. After about 10 wacks, she felt more comfortable and confident that she was not causing me great harm. She already had played with the whip before, we used to snap it around and do role playing some as kids. At times we had accidently hit one another with it. However, this was the first time doing it intentionally this day.
Anyways, worked things up slowly and until I found the stinging sensation at hitting around my limit at the time. Then she paused again, I asked what was wrong. She said it was because of my back. What about my back? It was turning red and had marks all over it. So I went to the mirror and checked it out. It's OK, I've had sunburns worse then this. Making a joke out of it. In fact both her and I had had sunburns way worse then that before.
What suprise me next, was that she wanted me to do it to her next. She wanted to know what it felt like too. So she took off her shirt and turned around faced the wall, put her hands on the wall.. and spread and bent for me. Now, the shoe was on the other foot. So much for me just testing my own limits. Seeing how much of it I could take like a man. Time to wack the girl with the whip. Instant hard-on is all I can say. So I started slowly like and worked up. Stopping and asking questions if she could take more or not. If it was too much for her all she had to do was say "time out". Anyways, worked her back up pretty nice and red with marks as well. She was loving it to death! Next thing coming out her mouth was would I do this to her ass. Think I about came in my pants hearing her say this to me. Sure!! So she unzipped her pants pulled them down.. then wedged her panties between the cheeks of her ass for me. WOW... hot damn... So I ended up working her ass over with the whip.. the beautiful red, pink marks coming to life. Hearing the sounds come from her. The moans from the stinging sensation of pain. Her and I had a no Sex rule between us. She was protecting her virginity. Anyways, I told her how fucking horny I was, and that I wanted to jack off and cum all over her ass. She was kewl with that!! She pullled up her jeans after I was done. Said she needed to get back home but would see me later. Later on that evening she came over and we were joking around about everything that happened... and she confessed about having went home and layed in bed masterbating herself to death afterwards. LOL... I had done the same thing too!! Ironically I had taken the whip itself and wrapped it around my balls and cock while I was jacking off.
All I know, is that I did not know Jack shit about BDSM, the lifestyle or even all these labels and business about orientations way back then. Was not until years later, that I discovered a friend of mine was into "the lifestyle". Her and her friend were amazed by the fact, I was into all these kinky off the wall things, I did not know what the Hell I was. LOL.. another story in itself.
For a number of years, I guess was simply taking the ingorant vanilla approach to all this madness. Not caught up in the labels, orientations and roles and high ass expectations. Having to feel to need to live up some larger then life expectations or code of conduct by Old Guard, Leathers or whatever else.
BDSM, kink, S&M is simply a part of who and what I am. I did not just magically wake up one day and say to myself, I think I'll give this stuff a spin. I started off doing this shit inside of what many people would consider a very Vanilla world, whatever Vanilla really is. Recently I was pretty passionate about things over on the Vanilla D/s thread.
I've never considered myself as officially the member of any BDSM community, not hook line and sinker. I have been selective about my friendships with people involved in the lifestyle, if they were at least rooted in the reality of day to day life. Anybody, I've ever known lived regular day to day lives as functional human beings.
Don't know, at times I feel perhaps too vanilla on the thread, and at times I feel anything but vanilla.
I'm sharing one of my first/early S&M experiences with you guys. Perhaps it might help you understand the path I've traveled down some to this point in time. Even after I discovered the lifestyle and was introduced to all the labels and concepts. Well, I never frankly got very caught up in the labels afterwards. I do tend to think lately in the last year or so, I've been running the risk of doing so at times. To be expected considering the amount of posting and reading I've done on this message board.
I really don't have much shame in expressing I'm a Dom with a Maso streak and few other curve balls that throws people for a bit of a mental loop at times. I've been Master to a slave, done a TPE relationship. Done the Dom couple thing and stuff inbetween. Even Twisted kinky vanilla relationships if you can call it that. I've made my share of mistakes and relationship fuck ups. The kink, the Sex, the actually BDSM has never been too big of an issue for me. I've always known that it takes two people to make this work. It's all the stuff outside of kink, sex and BDSM where issues and problems can occur.
Hell, I wish I could have found a BDSM shut off valve at one time in my life, I tried to become very vanilla. Just did not work... If I try to adhere too much and strictly to all these high expectations or notions many people have about "the lifestyle" that won't really work either.
I learned a long time ago, that a Dom also has to be in control of both his and his submissive partners needs, wants, desires and kinks. That it's a bit of a two way street, and I'm in charge of it all. Sort of like Traffic control director. Meeting my needs and my partners needs at the same time. Just because I'm a DOM does not mean that I have to be selfish, self centered to prove my title or existence in life as a DOM. I don't have to be an asshole about it either. Well, I do have my asshole moments, trust me I do.
I'm now 42 years old, let's see I started off when I was 13 years old talking somebody into inflicting a little pain upon me, and have been doing it ever since. Never where it was or became a big issue or source of conflict between me and anybody I have ever been with, ever!! Perhaps I've just been somehow magically lucky in this department.
I have had my share hesistate and have a bit of an initial mental struggle with inflicting pain, no big deal. You'd think to god, that I forced them into doing something that would have had long lasting deep mental damages. Then again, I was not a hard ass in how I went about it either. Did play upon or manipulate them into inflicting pain upon me, You bettcha I did! Yes, Yes, Yes... without any resentment in the End. None that I'm aware about. Perhaps I should send out surveys to all my Ex's and girls I have ever been with. See if I'm somehow dillusional here. I mean what if I really am? Again, I feel a bit like a two peckered Billy Goat in a Pig Circus on here at times. Kind of like I'm a little out of place. Which does not suprise me anyways, I'm an Odd ball. I admit it.
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RE: If you Love me, you will hurt me. - 
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