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RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 7:28:56 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing that, I am sorry you went through it.
I know these tales are awful but i think sometimes we get complacent and forget that bad things do happen.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 7:32:31 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceNeeded
First Meet is in a PUBLIC Place, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Sorry but there is no hard and fast rule about it.

Echoing this.


Put me in the club with these girls.  I trust my gut, I don't do safecalls, I always have cash and a debit card with enough money to get a hotel if I needed to, if I'm traveling away from home I have a map (the old days - LOL!) or mapquest printouts of the area, and a list of handy phone numbers.  Doesn't matter if I'm traveling on pleasure or on business, I always have those things.

If someone local wants to meet quickly (and they're not involved in our local group), I'll do a coffee meet.  Otherwise, not so much.

After being betrayed by someone who I had been seeing (in person) for a long time, I see no reason to put mechanisms in place that give a false sense of security.  I need to rely on my gut, my intuition, my observances, and not a phone call to protect me.


Cali


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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 7:35:11 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Thank you for sharing that, I am sorry you went through it.
I know these tales are awful but i think sometimes we get complacent and forget that bad things do happen.


Bad things do happen, but they are rare, and most of my experiences have been very good ones.  I hesitate to even share that atrocity which wasn't BDSM in my mind, because I don't want to get a reputation for being an alarmist. Not to mention, I don't like too make many confessions of being an idot -  


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 7:38:44 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Thank you for sharing that, I am sorry you went through it.
I know these tales are awful but i think sometimes we get complacent and forget that bad things do happen.


Bad things do happen, but they are rare, and most of my experiences have been very good ones.  I hesitate to even share that atrocity which wasn't BDSM in my mind, because I don't want to get a reputation for being an alarmist. Not to mention, I don't like too make many confessions of being an idot -  




I don't think you were an idiot at all. It appeared to me you had put precautions in place, safe call etc.
I've been unlucky and had two or three bad experiences but i agree they are probably rare.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 8:20:42 AM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		This is why I like first meets at hotels. You are already there.

Perhaps you should start having your first meets at the ER.



(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 9:41:49 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

This is why I like first meets at hotels. You are already there.

Perhaps you should start having your first meets at the ER.





Hmmm, I wonder if I will ever look at the ER in the same way again....So much to work with, so little insurance coverage..(sighs)

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 1:45:05 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
quote:

ORIGINAL: ServiceNeeded
First Meet is in a PUBLIC Place, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Sorry but there is no hard and fast rule about it.

Echoing this.


Put me in the club with these girls.  I trust my gut, I don't do safecalls, I always have cash and a debit card with enough money to get a hotel if I needed to, if I'm traveling away from home I have a map (the old days - LOL!) or mapquest printouts of the area, and a list of handy phone numbers.  Doesn't matter if I'm traveling on pleasure or on business, I always have those things.

If someone local wants to meet quickly (and they're not involved in our local group), I'll do a coffee meet.  Otherwise, not so much.

After being betrayed by someone who I had been seeing (in person) for a long time, I see no reason to put mechanisms in place that give a false sense of security.  I need to rely on my gut, my intuition, my observances, and not a phone call to protect me.


Cali



I usually sit in this camp also ... I keep myself safe with a series of measures ... a safe call does not keep me safe, but it would alert others to my danger if there was any. Personally I think of a safe call as the dead body call .... and I think of it as less of a last resort .. but more the beginning of an investigation.When I went out to stay with DV .. I had several people acting as safe call for me, both inside and outside of the states ... I knew full well that nothing any of them could do would protect me I DV actually had killed and eaten me and I hadn't made the call ... (it would have been musing however to watch CharlotteS murder him with her own shoes) ... The safe calls were there to make sure that if the worst had happened .. people knew where I had been and who I had been with ... if nothing else it would save time for the poor police trying to piece together my personal life from my computer *shudders* poor things would be traumatised.

Personally I think Missturbation was daft as a brush to do what she did (being party to other information she hasn't shared here) .. and will be handing her her own ass back in a bucket the next time I see her. However she is right in saying that a safe call will not have been enough in this instance .. it wouldn't ... but a little more planning and few more precautionary measures might have been. Certainly what would have helped would have been engaging her brain.

I have a sneaking suspicion I was not her safe call exactly because I would have bullied her into putting these things in place.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Trenzadorchat

Suffice it so say the first part was true, meeting arranged, argument etc, she leaves. Before leaving it was made clear she had no reason to leave, she was welcome to stay. He was very insistent that she need not feel she had to leave.

When she did leave and did fall and bust her ankle she didn't call 911 because she called the very guy she had just left, who immediately came down and got her bags and brought her back in to the apartment, where he made her coffee and she stayed a few hours and they talked and laughed a little. He again made it clear more than a half dozen times that she didn't need to go and find a hotel, she could stay and they could spend time together as friends, maybe go shopping the next day and just hang out and see if a friendship could be salvaged.

She was determined to leave, she said she felt silly and hurt. This is perfectly understandable. He let her go but made it very clear that she was to come back to his place if she needed to at all.

This thread is an excuse for sympathy.


don't even get me started with you, you pathetic excuse for a concerned human being ....

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 3:51:19 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So why don't you take your obnoxious ever critical know it all attitude and ram it up your ass. I am sick of seeing your one twue way statements and your better than thou smug crappy insults and opinions.


misst,
i am going to take a good guess and say your ankle hurts a lot ...a whole lot.
i do hope you heal quickly and thanks for sharing your adventure.

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may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 4:19:52 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		~FR~

I agree that safe calls can give one a false sense of security & the only reasons I ever set them up are: 1)  to allay my friends' fears; 2)  so the person I'm meeting will see that I have such a thing in place.  I generally ask the safe call to call me within the 1st 1/2 hour & during that conversation, set up the next one or not.  Twice, I've met someone in my home for play before ever having met them face to face.  Both times it worked out fine, unless the fact that Dom #2 disappeared off the face of the earth after a wonderful night together is considered not fine.    I follow my gut instincts also & did long before I got this heavily into BDSM.  I'm also the teensiest bit crazy when cornered & that tends to come through, causing people who intend to harm me to back off 99.99% of the time.  There was that one time.....but I digress........
The point of this thread, as I'm reading it, is to put forth the message that safe calls & such will not keep you safe.  For that, you have to rely on other things, not the least of which are your own instincts & wits.

I wish you a very speedy recovery, misst & can't even imagine how you will get by not being able to wear heels!!!!!<----yep, that's 5

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Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 4:23:17 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Winsome,
thanks for sharing your story. i have one too, but don't feel like typing it all out right this moment. i agree with the safe call thing, it really is in place for our friends reassurance and to make a trail in case of any real mishaps.
i have flown around the country on several occasions to have a first meet. i did however do my research on the areas that  i was traveling to and had back up plans and always made my own hotel arrangements. i am in the process of arranging a trip to Florida for a first meet. i always find it exciting and lil scary, but i like edge play and have mostly lived my life more on the wild side of things. i wouldn't change it either.
 
may we all find our bliss.    

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may we all find our bliss

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We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 5:31:21 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have always wondered at others insistance that safe calls were something that could somehow save them  from harm; something that has been debated quite fervently  here on the forums. While I don't believe in their use myself, I usually tell new comers to go ahead and use this simply because it puts their own mind at ease to an extent. But seriously, when you think about it...what the hell is a safe call, to a person not within 5 minutes of where you are...what the hell good would something like that do? Is it going to stop you from being killed? Beaten within an inch of your life? Kidnapped for real?

Somehow I doubt it very much.

Rely on your own instincts. If something feels wrong or off; then chances are...it is.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 5:40:26 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The purpose of a safe call is twofold; first to make it clear that if something happens the cops will know who to come after, and therefore to scare somebody away from doing bad things for fear of their own wellbeing and secondly, which is less, so the cops do know where to look for the body.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 5:49:26 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The purpose of a safe call is twofold; first to make it clear that if something happens the cops will know who to come after, and therefore to scare somebody away from doing bad things for fear of their own wellbeing and secondly, which is less, so the cops do know where to look for the body.

LMAO

To avoid taking this off in direction that I am  sure it was not supposed to go...I am simply going to say that I disagree and leave it at that with a smile

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:00:07 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Please feel free to speak out on this. This thread is all about the safe way to do meets or the safest. All suggestions and opinons are appreciated.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:04:43 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Please feel free to speak out on this. This thread is all about the safe way to do meets or the safest. All suggestions and opinons are appreciated.

Now misst...if I do that; speak out that is lol....this will turn into a huge debate and argument on the pros and cons of safe calls...past threads have always degenerated into bashing threads with no real progression being made. I would love to discuss it rationally, and I am confident that it could be done; but chances are....it would turn nasty quick

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:13:14 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I understand and yes it would make a good discussion if flames and bun fights could be avoided.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:27:25 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I'm a girl scout, I am always prepared...

When I first moved down here to go to grad school I was completely on my own. I did not live with Daddy for the first month I was down here, but roomed with another grad student off campus. I had to navigate getting to and from campus, etc, in the Los Angeles area all on my own without any help whatsoever. I had really no "safe call" other than my Daddy, and he often does not hear the phone if he is taking his pain meds and he cannot drive on them... so I was all on my own.

I am still on my own down here in navigating my own chart and getting around on mass transit because I hate driving. I travel with money for taxis and a hotel. If worse came to worse I may have to stay in one. I have to take three buses to school and work. If I miss a connection on the way home I might be fucked. And talk about wierdos... there are all sorts of them down here.

When I met strangers I covered my ass. I never felt I was "safe". I did not have some imagined sense that nothing could go wrong. I knew there were risks. Life is full of risks. Wearing safety belts does not mean you will not be injured if you have an accident, having safe calls does not prevent you from being hurt if you misjudge either. I wear a seat belt, I travel with information, phone numbers, and money. I have a phone... etc. This does not mean something bad will never happen to me, but it does help me if I have tools if something goes wrong...

Safe calls are a tool... like a cell phone or a credit card or a taxi...

Edited to add... I would think that since Soft knew the area and she was the person you called, perhaps you picked the wrong safe call....

I have safe calls in almost every aspect of my life, meaning people know where I am and what I am doing all the time. I never leave my loved ones in the dark about my activities. I never go places with anyone without people knowing... either my mom, my son, my Daddy or a friend always knows my whereabouts.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/1/2008 6:37:37 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:36:37 PM   
spinninsweetness


Posts: 477
Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
Status: offline 		Firstly, misst, hope you are ok now and the ankles not too bad....

I've been reading this thread debating whether to write out my own cautionary tale, decided against it but.... recently a very good friend of mine went to Belgium for a while. While there we were on MSN and he asked for my address to send a postcard. Now he has been to mine many times, first couple of times I picked him up at the station or bought him from clubs, now he just makes his own way down. Yet he doesnt know my address! This made me think, of all my friends I would use as a safecall none of them know my address. I dont have a land line, just a mobile so my address couldnt be found this way.

So recently I decided to be more careful, I havent met anyon e new in a while but if I do then I will be safer. What I hadnt considered was somethig like a hotel or taxi number, should something like this happen to me. I once met someone new at the BBB, so thats a 2 hour journey away in a city I have never been to, a man I didnt know, a place far enough from the station that had it gone wrong I would have been done for.

Soo.... I think from now on I will be doing more. Adding a hotel number to my phone, with directions from where I am going. A taxi company too. And making sure my safe calls are actually safe, not just calls.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:40:01 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		safe calls are useless.... am i getting the right gist?

personally, yes, your gut should tell you alot.. you should be prepared for whatever.  and i never go anywhere without flats... ya just never know.

but, dammit, if im stupid enough to met up with some idiot who decides i look better dead than alive... i want someone else to have that information.  no, a phone call cant save you, but, it sure gives investigators a time and place to start.

tazzy

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. - 11/1/2008 6:54:54 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
 
People are idiots, in the kitchen and the dungeon.
 
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Hey!! Leave Holly out of this!
I lubs her...

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Profile   Post #: 60
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