Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (Full Version)

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missturbation -> Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 11:53:50 AM)

I use due diligence every day in my job. I have to show that i have taken steps to prevent certain things happening and have usually prevented them. For example serving a minor alcohol. I keep a book which within is noted every refusal of service. It is dated, timed, a description of the person and a reason stated for refusal. IF i ever served a minor and got taken to court for it i could show this book as defence. It would show that it was not a usual that a minor would be served on my premises and that more than likely it was just an error in deciding the age of said minor served. There are many, many more examples of where i use due diligence but i won't go into them.
 
So it is quite surprising to me to discover that i do not show such diligence in my private life. By this i mean the attempt to try to prevent things going wrong, following procedure. And that if they do go wrong i have a back up plan to protect me, the refusals book in the case of my job.
 
We talk about first meets all the time and the safe way to do it. Most here myself included have said they rely on gut instinct and just go for it. Then there are other who set up safe calls and more. Each to their own, all good. However i found out two days ago that it doesn't matter how many safe calls you set up, who you give the address you are going to etc etc, sometimes it just isnt enough!
 
This is more a cautionary tale than anything, a warning not to be complacent and think you are perfectly safe because you've put some half assed safety aspects in place.
 
I set up a safe call, gave a name and address to my safe call and off i went to Brighton. A pretty harsh argument later and a very upset me storming off in heels with a suitcase down a flight of stairs resulted in me on my ass with an ankle i could not walk on. I found myself alone in a street i did not know, in a place i did not know barely able to walk. It was a six hour train journey with 4 changes on the way to home and it was late afternoon. I needed somewhere to stay and a way to get there. Very luckily when i rang Soft in floods of tears it just happened she was familiar with the place i was and twenty minutes later she was back on the phone to me with a booking for a hotel and a cab on the way. Soft was not my safe call by the way, my safe call would not have been able to do a thing.
 
As it turned out i was ok, i had a hotel room for the night and i managed to hobble my way home the next day, heels, suitcase and all. However it could have been so much different!
 
Just a cautionary tale really that safe calls and leaving of addresses and phone numbers and names etc isn't always enough. As an aisde i am now laid up in bed, best place for me lol with a chipped ankle bone and bad sprain.




colouredin -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 11:59:24 AM)

Ohh that sucks, hope you are ok.

Im pretty safe myself, i never do first meets in a plae i dont know, btu then I have done second meets in new towns and there have been some hairy situations for me too. Probably pretty good advice is to take numbers of local taxi services and stuff (i remember walking around alone after a BBB with no clue how to get back to my hotel and no clue of taxi ranks or anything)




missturbation -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:07:26 PM)

I've always been an advocate of following my gut but i think in future i might just take taxi numbers and possible hotels if i decided to go that kind of distance again.
 
Im absolutely fine, can brush it off as a bad experience. I did have the thought though that if i was a newbie it would probably have scarred me for life.




candystripper -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:08:27 PM)

Well, missturbation, had it been a simple case of traveling on business was there anything you'd have done differently?  Would you change your practices now?
 
I used to travel extensively on business, and sometimes to well-known crime-ridden areas.  My employer always pressed me very hard to keep expenses to a minimum but there were things I insisted on, such as staying in a hotel and not a motel, where the door to the room opens onto the parking lot. 
 
I spent a little time before each trip getting my bearings, as I was usually forced to drive a rental car and have terrible navigation skills.  Nonetheless I often got lost and would spend however long I needed to to arrive somewhere I thought looked safe to stop and ask directions.
 
I was never injured as badly as you were when traveling, but I did once get in a car accident and have whiplash, etc.  It was virtually impossible for me to manage my suitacses and other baggage etc. afterwards and when I arrived home I thought 'how stupid of me...I should have fed ex'd everything'.
 
No amount of preparation will protect you for all harm, but once you leave your known universe you are at greater risk....and I'm glad you arrived home safely, misstubation.
 
candystripper  [sm=pole.gif]




Lockit -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:11:35 PM)

I am glad you had the help of soft and are somewhat okay.  You really never can tell what someone will turn out to be like and just about everything has some risk to it.  Don't beat yourself up if you are. We all have been in situations that could have turned sour and things turned out far differently!

It's not like crazies all have a crazy look and personality.  The only thing you can do is be preared for trouble and even that is situational.  I have never really trusted in a safe call.  I mean I will tell people what I am doing and with who and it wouldn't take long if something were to happen to be able to find the person... but that would be a bit too late for me!  I encourage self defense classes of some sort and actually taught my um's moves before they left my home for school even.  Learn to use just about anything as a weapon.  I can use a disposable bic razor like no one else! lol  Knowing the places to hit or attack is a good help too.  I even stash money (not a lot, but enough to get me home) or a debit card or something in different places in case I can't get out with all my stuff. 

I hope you heal quickly!





DesFIP -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:31:30 PM)

If something like that happened and I had my cell phone, I would just call 911. They could identify where I was from the GPS in the phone, get me to the emergency room and when let out of there, the hospital could give me the name of a nearby hotel and a cab company. Same as if I was out of town for any other reason.




SailingBum -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:46:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

As it turned out i was ok, i had a hotel room for the night and i managed to hobble my way home the next day, heels, suitcase and all. However it could have been so much different!
 
Just a cautionary tale really that safe calls and leaving of addresses and phone numbers and names etc isn't always enough. As an aisde i am now laid up in bed, best place for me lol with a chipped ankle bone and bad sprain.


Yea I don't get it you triped and fell in a strange town.  Safe call or not you fell in a new city.  Why do we need to be cautioned about that???  Hell my mother who is in her 70's tripped fell and broke her pelvis 200 miles from home she somehow "managed" without a safe call go figure

BadOne




SteelofUtah -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:49:11 PM)

See this, this exact reason, is why I suggest meeting in a familiar setting to the one with the most to loose.

I will usually go where ever the submissive wants me to go. Because I feel I ama Big Boy and can take care of myself, I also don't feel it would be easy to over power me (Not a sexist thing justa Physical Thing I's is a BIG BOY)

However for them I understand that I am a Daunting Figure. I could easily overpower them and I look like I could even be carrying a gun. I am a Big Teddy Bear but to some people that is a scary thing.

Either way, I don't think that putting yourself so far out there just to meet a potential Dom or sub is the answer.

First Meet, Non Kink. Non Sexual No Physical
Second Meet, Getting to know you , Non Sexual  No Physical
Third Meet, Private moments intament contact play or sexual contact negotiated

Now Three Meets may not seem like a lot of time but if you review the statistics for violent crimes or domestic abuse the Majority is within the first two dates or after years of intament contact. Statistically your odds of being brutalized is less then 8% by the third date.

However that means that of 1000 women 80 are still brutalized or assulted.

I have a Emergency Function on my Phone. MOST PHONES HAVE THIS. If you dial 911 your phone goes into emergency mode. ANY BUTTON YOU PUSH DIALS 911. I have hat on the entire time I am out with ANYONE NEW not just Kinky People. It is a Safety Feature that I find is rather non threatening.

andi has been taught how to disarm an assailant in many different ways and she knows how to use them, She stopps fighting and waits until the attacker is comfortable and that is when she either disarms of strikes and in either situation the guy is hurt even if not much it is enough for her to start screaming FIRE!!!!!! HELP FIRE!! Cause People will ignore Rape but they come running to a fire because the average person believes they can put out a fire few people believe they should get involved in a rape situation.

As for you miss I am sorry you had a bad time but hopefully this will be the LAST time you let something like that happen to you

Steel




missturbation -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:51:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

As it turned out i was ok, i had a hotel room for the night and i managed to hobble my way home the next day, heels, suitcase and all. However it could have been so much different!
 
Just a cautionary tale really that safe calls and leaving of addresses and phone numbers and names etc isn't always enough. As an aisde i am now laid up in bed, best place for me lol with a chipped ankle bone and bad sprain.


Yea I don't get it you triped and fell in a strange town.  Safe call or not you fell in a new city.  Why do we need to be cautioned about that???  Hell my mother who is in her 70's tripped fell and broke her pelvis 200 miles from home she somehow "managed" without a safe call go figure

BadOne

 
Right a 70 year old woman falling would call an ambulance, a 35 year old falling would not. I could hobble i wasn't going to bother the ambulance service.
Now saying that i had not prepared very well for something like what happened happening and if what i have said prevents someone else being stranded in the middle of nowhere because they obtain a taxi number or a guest house number then to me its all good.
Honestly there are things about this visit i have not mentioned here but believe me i had managed to put myself in a dangerous situation. If this prevents one person from putting themselves in one it is worth it.
So why don't you take your obnoxious ever critical know it all attitude and ram it up your ass. I am sick of seeing your one twue way statements and your better than thou smug crappy insults and opinions.




missturbation -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 12:54:51 PM)

quote:

As for you miss I am sorry you had a bad time but hopefully this will be the LAST time you let something like that happen to you

 
Thank you, i'm fine honestly.
Apart from hobbling and not being able to wear heels [:'(]






agirl -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 1:09:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I've always been an advocate of following my gut but i think in future i might just take taxi numbers and possible hotels if i decided to go that kind of distance again.
 
Im absolutely fine, can brush it off as a bad experience. I did have the thought though that if i was a newbie it would probably have scarred me for life.



I'm not sure what part of the experience you've posted would scar anyone for life or what it has to do with 'newbie's'.

agirl




SailingBum -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 1:11:27 PM)

She didn't realize it was broke until she went to the doc a day later.  She did not call 911. 

BadOne





Rover -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 1:28:43 PM)

Nope, a safecall is not a force shield giving us protection.  It's just part of mitigating risk as much as is reasonably possible.  Just the same as references.  But there's no substitute for going slowly, really getting to know a prospective partner (whether it be for play or a relationship), and not putting the cart before the horse.
 
Wishing you a full and speedy recovery.
 
John




MsAuthoritarian -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 1:34:47 PM)

I sure hope you heal quickly and I am glad you are home safe.
 
~Ms




windchymes -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 1:45:26 PM)

I'm going to recommend the obvious.....wear flats! [;)]




redsorebum -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 3:11:48 PM)

If you don't attack the risks, then they'll attack you.

Edited for spelling




catize -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 5:09:08 PM)

I think your message serves well, Missturbation.  Safe calls can engender a false sense of security.  We can’t anticipate every contingency, and things can go wrong so quickly that we don’t have time to get or make that call. And sometimes a back up plan will fail.
I have an example from a non-D/s situation.  I was on my way home from vacation when my car dropped the transmission.  I was 300 miles from home but I had a cell phone and a roadside service plan.  However, when I called for assistance, the person on the other end of the line refused to call a tow truck for me because I ‘couldn’t identify the substance’ pouring out from beneath my engine.  She refused to let me speak to anyone else.  I hung up and called 911 and they sent out a state trooper who called for the truck.
I’m glad you are okay! 




CruelDesires -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 5:23:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I'm going to recommend the obvious.....wear flats! [;)]


****Buzzzzz**** Wrong answer. Wear what the D asks you to wear. lol. [;)]

C-D




marieToo -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 5:57:08 PM)

I think the lesson here is to check out the area for a nearby hotel, if you're going to be that far from home and without your car. 

I've always relied on my instinct, but I also had my car with me, and knew the area I was in.  I've never used a safe call.  And there was only time that I did something semi-crazy, when I went out to meet a man that I was genuinely spooked by.   In that instance (just in case I didn't come home alive) I wrote down all of his info, name, number, work address etc on several pieces of paper and left each of them in different places in my car and in my home.   He was just as creepy as I thought he would be, but I came home alive, and never saw him again after that.  But that was the one and only exception when I didn't feel safe, but I knew that going into it.

Anyway, I don't think a safe call keeps anyone safe.  If someone is a pyscho, he isn't going to care that you made a phone call right before he strangled you to death.  You have to be able to take the most basic risks, as long as you go about it wisely, or you may as well not get out of bed in the morning.




NuevaVida -> RE: Safe calls etc aren't always enough. (10/31/2008 6:05:23 PM)

I've always contended that safe calls are really to put your friends at peace that you're fine at the time that you call them. Other than that, they have the info on the person you are meeting, so the police have a lead should something happen.

A contingency plan, however, is always good to have. In your case it would be having a list of local hotels and the number to a cab service. When the man I'm currently seeing arranged for me to meet him in Los Angeles, I let my sister (who lives near to there) know in advance so that I could call her to come get me if I needed it.

I'm glad all turned out relatively ok for you.




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