RE: Thoughts on Rape Play?

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WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:19:18 AM)
quote: ....(clipped for brevity)....Female fantasy Women engage in sexual fantasies about rape or coercion with apparent frequency. In one study of college-age women, over half had engaged in such fantasies. Some claim that force fantasies in women are a way of handling sexual guilt -- of expressing sexual desire without responsibility -- but others claim that rape fantasies are simply a variation within a normal range of approaches to female sexuality. [3] (Source: Wikipedia) Hi GirlGenuis, I'm not sure where the animosity comes from, and part of me wants to just hug you because I wonder if your anger isn't somewhat misplaced. As for Rover, given his eloquence, intelligence and rational mind, I'd certainly want him (out of just about any male on these boards) speaking for me. Besides, he's old as dirt and probably speaks with experience because he's likely seen and done it all or at least read about it on these boards and elsewhere. (Just teasing Rover, honest!) (HUGS) WinD

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:22:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GirlGenius TO ROVER, JOHN, BLGIRL, ANGELA- I am deeply dissapointed that you feel you can speak for, "most" or "70%" of women, where you have decided based on whatever personal experience you have that, that a rape fantasy is that common. I haven't decided anything. It's the product of research by mental health professionals. quote: who the H** do you think you are? I think myself capable of reading and understanding material that is readily available from reliable professional sources on the internet. I even think you capable as well, if you should choose to do so. quote: You don't get to prescribe what you think the world thinks. Since it is scientifically impossible to have been with 70% of ALL WOMEN, you don't really get the right to say what they want. Perhaps you're unfamiliar with scientific statistical analysis. You may benefit from a bit of research. quote: Rape fantasies are in my experience rare. I'm sure the medical professonals will bow to your superior experience and data. quote: I hate that you said these things. It bothers me that you think you know so much, when clearly what you are saying is 100% impossible to prove. I know enough to read and to rely upon professional sources. The same cannot be said for you. quote: Please think about the statements you have made and wonder why a woman like me would be totally 100% in disagreement with you. Yes, it is quite a wonder. quote: I find your comments wrong, irresponsible, and ignorant and even possibly, subversive and hurtful to people. It's not surprising that you would think so, as your opinion is based upon ignorance. John

ncprincess -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:26:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GirlGenius quote: ORIGINAL: Rover I believe that rape fantasies constitute the most common sexual fantasy amongst all women. I'm just curious, but can you prove this flagrantly unprovable statement? AND you're a man, so how is it you think you can make this statement? Did I say, "I believe that castration fantasies constitute the most common sexual fantasy amongst ALL men".. our sexual fantasies are great, but when you feel you can make such an egregiously irresposonsible statement for "all women", that's where you set off the like of women like me. You don't get to speak for women. Here we go....He said he "believes"...commonly known as an opinion. Your opinion differs. No need to attack his. That's the joys of the world....everyone has their own opinions.

CalifChick -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:27:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ....(clipped for brevity)....Female fantasy Women engage in sexual fantasies about rape or coercion with apparent frequency. Hi GirlGenuis, I'm not sure where the animosity comes from, and part of me wants to just hug you because I wonder if your anger isn't somewhat misplaced. (HUGS) WinD Agreed... your anger does seem misplaced, and I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you. I've never known Rover to just pull numbers out of his ass for kicks. Uhhh, so to speak. There are plenty of bullshit artists lurking about, but Rover isn't one of them. Cali

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:30:06 AM)
Girl Genius, First of all, welcome to CM. For the other statements you have made out of anger, I will take the liberty of addressing, although I was not named in your post. quote: I hate that you said these things. It bothers me that you think you know so much, when clearly what you are saying is 100% impossible to prove. Actually yes, it is easy to prove. It is called scientific research or data. quote: You don't get to prescribe what you think the world thinks. Since it is scientifically impossible to have been with 70% of ALL WOMEN, you don't really get the right to say what they want. Yes they do have the right to say what they want to. Just as you have the right to comment on what they say. quote: Rape fantasies are in my experience rare. That's great! And if the world evolved around you, then we would have the answer to whether this is true, without question. But since the rest of the world has their own experiences, no doubt they would dispute the quote above. quote: I find your comments wrong, irresponsible, and ignorant and even possibly, subversive and hurtful to people. What people? The only person here who is outraged is you. Now, there may be more who post later to this thread, but for now, the only one I see who has taken their comments so personally is you. This forum is open to all people, and they come in droves. There are all types of folks who post here. You may or may not like the things they say, but if you plan on surviving the boards, you may consider growing thicker skin and not taking things that are said so personally. I understand about triggers and such, but your comments are out of line. To answer your question: Who the H*** do they think they are? They are people who have their own opinions and enjoy sharing them. Kind of what these boards are for. Have a nice day.

Pseudonomic -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:30:25 AM)
GirlGenius, I am a new poster on here but I felt I must take sides with the accused in your posts. No, Rover does not get to "prescribe what the world thinks" but yes, he very well may do some simple research. "...Person reports that 44 percent of men have had fantasies of dominating a partner. Other studies found that 51 percent of women fantasized about being forced to have sex,..." http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-1268.html "A recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that between 31% and 57% of women have rape fantasies, and these fantasies are frequent or preferred in 9% to 17% of women." http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/200805/why-do-women-have-erotic-rape-fantasies "...An inspection of prevalence across decades reveals that studies published in the 1970s show prevalence rates ranging from 36% to 49%; studies from the 1980 s show prevalence rates ranging from 31% to 57%; studies from the 1990s show prevalence rates ranging from 36% to 55%; and the study from the 2000s shows a 34% rate...." http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Women%27s+erotic+rape+fantasies:+an+evaluation+of+theory+and+research.-a0176374283 While Rover's percentage may be off, he is still right in saying that according to scientific research, rape fantasies are a rather common sexual fantasy. Those three examples above are just what I found in five minutes of research. If you would prefer, as I am a psychology student at a major university, I could hit the Stacks and conduct a formal literature review. My prediction would be that I would find rather similar information. You view points are valid, your attacks are not. He/they made a post giving their opinion, and very little harm comes from that. I highly doubt that their comments are subversive or dangerous. The overwhelming majority knows to take what people say with a grain of salt on this forum.

loveandlight87 -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:32:35 AM)
I have lots and lots of 'rape' fantasies. It has probably been the most recurrent one for me since a fairly young age. It was there before my real rape and it was there after my real rape. The 'rape' fantasy is probably, for me at least, been the hardest to actually make a reality. As others have said, it is dicey as all get out. In addition, as others have said, in my fantasy it's with a trusted partner not a stranger.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:38:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pseudonomic GirlGenius, I am a new poster on here but I felt I must take sides with the accused in your posts. No, Rover does not get to "prescribe what the world thinks" but yes, he very well may do some simple research. "...Person reports that 44 percent of men have had fantasies of dominating a partner. Other studies found that 51 percent of women fantasized about being forced to have sex,..." http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-1268.html "A recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that between 31% and 57% of women have rape fantasies, and these fantasies are frequent or preferred in 9% to 17% of women." http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainstorm/200805/why-do-women-have-erotic-rape-fantasies "...An inspection of prevalence across decades reveals that studies published in the 1970s show prevalence rates ranging from 36% to 49%; studies from the 1980 s show prevalence rates ranging from 31% to 57%; studies from the 1990s show prevalence rates ranging from 36% to 55%; and the study from the 2000s shows a 34% rate...." http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Women%27s+erotic+rape+fantasies:+an+evaluation+of+theory+and+research.-a0176374283 While Rover's percentage may be off, he is still right in saying that according to scientific research, rape fantasies are a rather common sexual fantasy. Those three examples above are just what I found in five minutes of research. If you would prefer, as I am a psychology student at a major university, I could hit the Stacks and conduct a formal literature review. My prediction would be that I would find rather similar information. You view points are valid, your attacks are not. He/they made a post giving their opinion, and very little harm comes from that. I highly doubt that their comments are subversive or dangerous. The overwhelming majority knows to take what people say with a grain of salt on this forum. Pseudonomic, Nice post! Welcome to CM, I look forward to reading more of your comments.

Barelily -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:39:32 AM)
Absolutely love it [sm=slurp.gif]

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:46:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pseudonomic While Rover's percentage may be off, he is still right in saying that according to scientific research, rape fantasies are a rather common sexual fantasy. Those three examples above are just what I found in five minutes of research. If you would prefer, as I am a psychology student at a major university, I could hit the Stacks and conduct a formal literature review. My prediction would be that I would find rather similar information. You may wish to do a bit of research yourself. Scroll up to my post. Research what percentage I mentioned. Very easy... no Google search required. I believe your research will prove that I did not mention any percentage. Accepting your apology in advance. John

Venatrix -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:48:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa quote: It's surprising the number of men who have that fantasy, too. Of course, a woman can't use brute strength to overpower him, so she needs to use a prop, such as knife, to "subdue" him, and . . . and . . . I have to go lie down now. Venatrix, Who says a woman can't use "brute strength"? When I engage in this type of role playing, it is all out "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" style. There are no holds barred. It is, of course, agreed upon, and safe words are firmly in place for both of us, before we even begin. I have never been one to go half way with something I love doing. I feel fortunate that I have had play partners who have the same passion about it as I do. Edited to fix quote Yes, MoGa, you're absolutely right that a woman could use brute strength. I confess that I was thinking in terms of my own experience. I rarely play with men who are smaller than I am, as I'm simply not attracted to them, and even though I lift weights several times a week, a man my size or larger could still inflict a fair amount of damage on me if he inadvertently fought back, and I think the potential for a man to want to struggle physically with an adversary who is approximately the same size or smaller might be high. Using psychological control, such as a knife (dipped in wax to dull the blade, but the dear lad doesn't need to know that), adds, for me, a delightful note of terror to the scene, reducing (I hope) the risk of either one of us sustaining a serious injury. A few scratches or bruises on either side would be fine, but I'd like to avoid breaking anything. Your comments emphasise to me what I enjoy most about BDSM: that there are several ways to approach a scene, depending on what the parties feel comfortable with.

manxcat -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:49:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: manxcat No offense taken, but having been raped and almost murdered, not on my hit list. Before that though it was. The reality took all the fun out of it, even as a perpetrator, in fantasyland. Having been in the same situation, I was surprised that I was eventually able to overcome it and enjoy it again. I never thought that would happen, it just seemed inconceivable to me, and I know for a lot of people, it will never happen. Cali quote: Having helped and supported a very good friend who was brutally raped on Long Island, together with another girl who committed suicide, the perpetrators getting away with it in Court because neither girl had actually said "No. Antipode. I was lucky, the cop who took the report had daughters, and carefully explained that it was a power thing, and really not sexually related. Therefore i had no problems with the enjoyment aspect. He even tried to get the charges changed from rape to attempted murder - something i could actually have won. I did not go through with the trial, as the cop informed me it was unlikely i could win, and that i would be raked through the mud. He said he would not allow his 14 yr old virgin daughter to go through such a trial. There was cocaine in the car the perp was driving, so he (the cop) went after that aspect and at least got the guy locked up for 2 years. I am very sorry that your friend had no such assistance. One main problem is that so many officials, and support groups want to victimize us even further, and never explain the power base that rape really stems from. Here on the rez we have a "Take Back the Night" walk, and we speak there to disabuse anyone of the mistaken idea that a woman has asked for it, or that it is sexual in any way. We recommend getting angy, and getting even - through legal means of course. As a least one poster has said, it is the person one is hot for, being unable to keep his hands off us, that is the real fanasy for most, imo. Without causing real harm or damage, either physical, mental, or emotional. And i have since teased someone into that condition. I can only pray that all women are able to heal that well. manxcat edited for spelling _________________ I would rather be villified for doing the right thing than be praised for doing the wrong thing.

Pseudonomic -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:49:57 AM)
My apologies, I misinterpreted when another person lumped all of your posts and BLgirl's posts together. Although, in my defense, I was in your defense. [8\|]

KatyLied -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:50:45 AM)
I have no research to add to the topic. I think that "subversive" and "hurtful" can be hot, especially when considering the implications of rape play. I've not experienced it, but I am definitely rape-play curious, so count me in those statistics.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:51:28 AM)
" Overall, there are nine reports of the percentage of women who have had rape fantasies, with these estimates ranging from 31% to 57%. Estimates were evenly distributed, with a median of 42%. In addition, these may be underestimates. Claims have been made within the academic and popular cultures that rape fantasies reflect personal and societal pathology (e.g., Brownmiller, 1975). Sentiments such as these suggest that many women may be ashamed of having rape fantasies. For example, research (Gold, Balzano, & Stamey, 1991) has found that women who wrote fantasies of forced sex also rated themselves as more frightened, guilty, and disgusted after writing the fantasy than did women who did not write about forced sex. " http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_1_45/ai_n24383385/pg_4 Since it is just play, enjoy it but in a fantasy the person creating the fantasy is actually in control so I do not see it as "rape".

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pseudonomic My apologies, I misinterpreted when another person lumped all of your posts and BLgirl's posts together. Although, in my defense, I was in your defense. [8\|] It's all good... just an odd way to make your acquaintance. I try very hard not to speak about things I'm not knowledgeable in, or to spew numbers about that I can't substantiate. John

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 8:58:54 AM)
quote: Yes, MoGa, you're absolutely right that a woman could use brute strength. I confess that I was thinking in terms of my own experience. I rarely play with men who are smaller than I am, as I'm simply not attracted to them, and even though I lift weights several times a week, a man my size or larger could still inflict a fair amount of damage on me if he inadvertently fought back, and I think the potential for a man to want to struggle physically with an adversary who is approximately the same size or smaller might be high. Using psychological control, such as a knife (dipped in wax to dull the blade, but the dear lad doesn't need to know that), adds, for me, a delightful note of terror to the scene, reducing (I hope) the risk of either one of us sustaining a serious injury. A few scratches or bruises on either side would be fine, but I'd like to avoid breaking anything. Your comments emphasise to me what I enjoy most about BDSM: that there are several ways to approach a scene, depending on what the parties feel comfortable with. I am a pretty little person when it comes to height, and weight I suppose. I am not thin by any stretch of the imagination, but I am smaller than any submissive or play partner I have had. I love the use of psychological control, and I use it often. Part of the bottom holding back is what I have done to his mind to begin with. It is not that I have scared them half to death, but you would think that this is true. I have always been small for my age, so growing up, I used psychological methods as opposed to physical. I won more battles that way <s> I love the way you think. I have read past comments from you and have had reactions from wincing in pain to laughing my ass off. No doubt you are much more sadistic than I am lol (Although my KoKo may disagree!) [:D]

ncprincess -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:08:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BLGirl I absolutely love rape play. The struggle, pain, and eventual humiliation involved, is fabulous and afterward there is a calm like no other. Does anyone else enjoy this type of play, or am I more of a freak than I realize? (Note: Before anyone that has been sexually assaulted gets offended by the aforementioned, let me say that I too have been sexually assaulted. Therefore, no offense is intended.) BLGirl I've always had the "rape" fantasy. Although, I wouldn't call it "rape". I suppose my viewpoint was somewhat warped by the "romance" novels I always read. You know the type....the girl is kidnapped by the HOT Viking, Pirate, etc....most of the time tied/held down...of course she struggled, but, in the end he overpowered her with the sexual delights he was able to provide. So, not the typical "rape".

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:13:16 AM)
We are all talking about a man raping a woman in the role play, my fantasy is the opposite. It is raping the male. In my opinion, there is nothing like taking what I want from someone who is unwilling to give. It is all about the power and control. The more he says no, the more I want it. [:D] Disclaimer I am speaking of consentual play. I would never play this out in real time with someone who has not agreed before hand.

Barelily -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:14:33 AM)
quote: I believe that rape fantasies constitute the most common sexual fantasy amongst all women. So you have plenty of company. John I get a kick out of stuff like this. Now mind you, I don't care for Rover..although he is intelligent and well spoken I often find that he simply likes to pick on people and tries to draw people into debates. BUT, for the life of me I can't see where he tried to "speak for all women" or even said anything incorrect. His first two words "I believe" give a clear indication it was merely his opinion. Being forced IS the most common of female fantasies. Anyone trying to claim that it's not, especially on a site of this nature is wrong. It would be interesting to know, how many out of the percentages quoted, do fantasize about it but won't admit it [;)] Maybe there are exceptions to this as with anything, but what he said was not wrong nor unfounded. But hey thats just my opinion [sm=smile.gif]

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