RE: Thoughts on Rape Play?

RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

windchymes -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:17:25 AM)
I'm into it, I've admitted it many times...in my profile here, and in many conversations, both online and in real life.

Fizzgig168 -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:30:40 AM)
"Consensual non-consent." Possibly one of my favorite phrases ever, lol. I have a force fetish. Not that there aren't joys in acts of willing submission, but a lot of times what I'm thinking, what's really going to get me hot is "Make me!" Rape is absolutely about control and not sex. But in a sexual fantasy... well, then it's about control AND sex. And honestly... what more could you ask for? lol.

marieToo -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:35:11 AM)
GR: I think the word rape causes a lot women to think about being violated non-consentually by a stranger. So while a lot of women may fantasize about being taken in a rough manner, and "forced" etc, by their lover, they may not necessarily view that as "rape play" or a rape fantasy. I had a conversation with a male friend not long ago and we were discussing this desire, in which I described to him a particular way that I would enjoy being fucked. When I got done explaining to him the physical and emotional aspects of it, he said..."Yeah, sounds like you want to be raped". In a million years, I never would have viewed it as a rape fantasy, even though a lot of what I described would also be present in a rape. To lay it out with a different example: If I want to be slapped across the face, grabbed by my hair, pulled down to my knees and then get whipped until I cry, am I having an "assault and battery" fantasy?

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 9:51:41 AM)
Fast Reply to no one in particular.... Just as a matter of relating one topic to another, rape scenes were the genisis for safewords. Scenes that mimick nonconsent often include pleas, demands, commands to stop what is being done. But those articulations are part of the role play... part of the scene... part of what contributes to the sense of "reality"... and do not actually reflect the wishes of the "victim". So what to do when stop doesn't mean stop? Add another term that "really" means stop... a safeword. So that there is no confusion between the reality and the role play. They were never intended to convey any more "control" than plainly spoken communication, or to have the force of "law". They were simply an accomodation for what could, potentially, be a confusing and contradictory situation. Somehow over the years, safewords have migrated into use in many (most?) scenes, whether they have anything to do with mimicking nonconsent or not. And they have often been perceived to be something magical, mystical, powerful... rather than the simple communication tool they are. John

marieToo -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:04:40 AM)
Interesting factoid.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:08:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover Fast Reply to no one in particular.... Just as a matter of relating one topic to another, rape scenes were the Genesis for safe words. Scenes that mimick nonconsent often include pleas, demands, commands to stop what is being done. But those articulations are part of the role play... part of the scene... part of what contributes to the sense of "reality"... and do not actually reflect the wishes of the "victim". So what to do when stop doesn't mean stop? Add another term that "really" means stop... a safeword. So that there is no confusion between the reality and the role play. They were never intended to convey any more "control" than plainly spoken communication, or to have the force of "law". They were simply an accomodation for what could, potentially, be a confusing and contradictory situation. Somehow over the years, safewords have migrated into use in many (most?) scenes, whether they have anything to do with mimicking nonconsent or not. And they have often been perceived to be something magical, mystical, powerful... rather than the simple communication tool they are. John John, I am really glad you posted this. My sub oftens screams out "No!" or "Stop!" and it is not what he means. He has a safe word and he uses it if he needs to. "No" and "Stop" are not anywhere close to his safe word. In our case, No and Stop are words that are commonly used in our play. They enhance, not distract.

Lockit -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:11:30 AM)
It isn't rape until it is a stranger and/or your body is taken in a way you did not wish for. There is no substitution. One can have great forced sex with a partner, surprised and all that... cool...I can even see where the fantasy and desire comes from, even if it isn't about sex and is about control, it can be hot. Until it is real. Even in play scenes, I have seen it go sour though and what one thought they wanted, when they got it, they were shaken to their core. I would think long and hard before I took part in such and would have to know the person well to be assured that something hidden might not crop up. I believe that most do not get treated right after a rape and healing isn't all I feel it should be. Once a victim, it seems always a victim and I can't stand that kind of training, healing or whatever! One can get over rape. They were victimized, but can become a survivor and no longer a victim. Those that are haunted by what happened are not healed and are still victim. I have always advocated for calling this rape fantasy something else. It would be far less offensive to those who feel strongly about minimizing an often times horrific event. Date rape can be bad, but stranger rape, violent rape... far different. When you are going to be taken without consent that is one thing... when your life is in danger, another story altogether. I do believe I would be far more understanding and accepting of rape fantasies and the desires for such if I didn't know the devistating affects upon so many I have worked with. You are going to get some who are upset at the very thought of it or a thread such as this and they may lash out even to a point of being unfair or closed minded. I know in ways I have been against it, but my mind is coming from a place of concern for emotional health and not thinking of the 'hot' it can be. Until we have better protections for those who have been victimized and the word rape is not used for things that really aren't, some are going to be offended and angry when people ask for what they might have gotten without a request.

ncprincess -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:13:07 AM)
This is where, IMO, the people involved need to know each other thoroughly. I know myself well, a safeword for me wouldn't really work if I'd reach that moment of panic I can be pushed to....my Dom would be more in tune with my expressions/tone of voice than listening for a specific safeword. I'm the type to grit my teeth and go on with it...if I'm saying "stop" or "NO", he knows I mean it.

NuevaVida -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:27:03 AM)
My personal thoughts: I love rough sex. Like, drag me down and fuck me ruthlessly till I can't take anymore but do, sex. I do not, however, want to be raped, literally. I never used the term "rape play" although I understand why others use it. My sister was raped. I was personally raped. I don't see anything fun about actually being raped. But a trusted partner knocking me down and wreaking havoc on me? Oh yeah. I like what marie said about comparing this to "assault and battery play." When it's part of BDSM/Ds, it's good, whatever we call it. I personally don't prefer to equate what I'm doing to actual violent violating assault, nor do I personally want to. I suppose in role-play cases, rape is what you call it. I haven't role played so it's not something I personally relate to.

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:27:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ncprincess ...if I'm saying "stop" or "NO", he knows I mean it. Then those are your safewords. John

ncprincess -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:37:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: ncprincess ...if I'm saying "stop" or "NO", he knows I mean it. Then those are your safewords. John I'll give you that one. It just seems the majority of others that I speak with wouldn't recognize those specific words as a safeword. I could say them until I was blue in the face with some Doms and would be promptly ignored unless I screamed out what they perceived as their "safeword"....case in point...my best friend's Dom/husband...if I were to scene with him, I could scream "no" and "don't" all I wanted and he would continue...but if he heard "popcorn" we are done.

antipode -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:43:29 AM)
Thanxx. She did have the support, but Long Island is a rough place, it is full of ex-New Yorkers [:(]... So the folks and the cops are fairly jaded, you had some very good advice not to go to trial. My friend is of the stubborn variety, she had good medical and analytical support, but even though she insisted on going to trial, could not bring herself to take medical leave, which under the policies of the company we both worked for she was entitled to. Then there was the huge trauma of having to call me later, to tell me to get checked for HIV and the like. This wasn't a big deal for me, but it cascaded - I had to talk to my then wife, she to her then boyfriend, etc. But I will never forget her sitting in a restaurant, bawling her eyes out, because the HIV thing scared her so much. All I am saying, with too many words, the level of violence - during (I saw the bruises an tears), after, and later - amazed me, I thought I knew about rape, but up close, I really did not. This is why I tend to subject a sub who says she wants rape play to a lenghty Q&A, these days, just to make she knows what she is talking about. Most, actually, want forced sex, they are using the wrong term. Rape is not (as you know) about sex at all - about gender, but not about sex.

antipode -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:46:30 AM)
Hear, hear.

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:52:47 AM)
fast reply Rape play is a hard limit for me; however, I like rough and forceful play, but not rape play. A lot of women like this kind of play though.

JustDarkness -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:53:05 AM)
when does rough sex become rape play? (personally I don't see a difference..besides how you call it)

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 10:53:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ncprincess I'll give you that one. It just seems the majority of others that I speak with wouldn't recognize those specific words as a safeword. That's why some negotiation prior to scening is important. Even with foks that you trust. Just to make sure you understand one another. *quote:* I could say them until I was blue in the face with some Doms and would be promptly ignored unless I screamed out what they perceived as their "safeword" Is it your safeword or theirs? *quote:* ....case in point...my best friend's Dom/husband...if I were to scene with him, I could scream "no" and "don't" all I wanted and he would continue...but if he heard "popcorn" we are done. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but.... John

ncprincess -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 11:15:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: ncprincess I'll give you that one. It just seems the majority of others that I speak with wouldn't recognize those specific words as a safeword. That's why some negotiation prior to scening is important. Even with foks that you trust. Just to make sure you understand one another. *quote:* I could say them until I was blue in the face with some Doms and would be promptly ignored unless I screamed out what they perceived as their "safeword" Is it your safeword or theirs? *quote:* ....case in point...my best friend's Dom/husband...if I were to scene with him, I could scream "no" and "don't" all I wanted and he would continue...but if he heard "popcorn" we are done. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but.... John It's my safeword of course, but, (and this is just my experience) most want to push the limits when the safeword is "stop". As in, do you really want to stop or have me lighten up and try again. As to my best friend's Dom...yes, he's a wonderful man...I love him (and her) to death. The safeword dynamic I mentioned works for them beautifully. Maybe it was a bad comparison on my part. :)

Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 11:23:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustDarkness when does rough sex become rape play? (personally I don't see a difference..besides how you call it) I think for rape play its all about the mental side of it. Thats something I don't like to explore. Theres a thin line between rough play and rape play and I think that thin line is the mental side of things. I dont want to set up a play date where I dont know when it will happen nor the fact that it might or might not be play while I get raped. That does not spell out a good time for me. To each his or her own.

manxcat -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 11:25:55 AM)
Lockit quote: Date rape can be bad, but stranger rape, violent rape... far different. Most of the time i agree with all you say, and appreciate your thoughtful commentary. ;;-)) But... Rape statistics are that most are done by persons known. And date rape is no less violent, or less a violation. The matter of broken trust comes into play, in some cases making it even worse than a stranger or casual acquaintance. I had a 'friend' try to rape me in my own car, which he was returning after i had lent it to him to visit his kids. His excuse? I was giving it away to everyone else, and he wanted his. Doesn't matter that i had a boyfriend who was my only lover at that time, he perceived it differently. I was able to stop that one, but my level of anger was higher, as he was someone i trusted enough to lend my car to. I have actually been raped 4 times. The time i spoke of earlier; gang raped by bikers, at a party i went to with a friend, after being drugged (again lucky to be alive); went with some friends in 2 cars, left from a bar to go to another where there was a band for dancing, and somehow ended up with 3 men who were friends of a man i had once stopped from beating on his girlfriend, and raped. The fourth was multiple rape by my significant other, who did it in every room in the house. His brother told him i was messing around with a gay woman, whose house he had seen me at earlier in the day. I was there to look at a drywall job. This is either termed date rape bythe cops or allowable as would a husband in that we had had consensual sex prior to the rape. Again no less violent, and possibly it was even more, as again, trust was broken. Do not feel sorry for me. I am not sorry for myself. It happened. I got over it. My main point remains as does one of yours, that most women continue to be victimized by well meaning counselors who have no clue. But in all instances there was a connection, perhaps several degrees of separation, but nonetheless, they were persons known to me. The main issue for me was whether or not i would live through it. I like your idea of calling the fantasy something else, as it is something other than the reality. There are no safewords in real life, and presumably we know that in bdsm, there is always that option, and no one is likely to (attempt to) kill you when they are done. I have often wondered why it has happened so often, but there again comes the power issue. Perhaps they saw my power and wanted to strip me of it. I did finally decide it would not ever happen again, and got some training in self defense. I now know how to kill a man with just one finger. Funny thing is, since i made those decisions and plans, i have not had the need for it. Of course i have learned not to leave a drink sitting even on a bar, and then return to drink it. ;;-)) manxy __________________ I would rather be villified for doing the right thing than be praised for doing the wrong thing.

Lockit -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 11:39:06 AM)
Manxcat, I full heartedly agree with you! In my wording, I did make it sound as if it is less. Rape to me is rape and the many emotional and physical things that result in it is no less, but fearing for your life or suffering injuries far past rape I think was more my focus there and it adds more to the situation after the facts of rape. Trying to actually bring up some things, I diminished far too much and I thank you for bringing that up and calling me on it! I was asked to do follow up with the ladies and um's from a domestic abuse shelter before I took on the shelter I worked at. I could not believe one of the counselers didn't know that most abusive men were insecure. I was stunned that someone so lacking in the understanding of all of this was counseling women who had been abused or who called their shelter. I then understood why they were asking me to help. Not that I knew it all, I didn't, but I did know more than many who were working there. It is crazy, but I guess when there is a lack of money and a lack of volunteer's you are going to have this. I have ripped into a few in blue over things like this and one of them ripped into me... but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I have no problem getting graphic on his ass! Let me hide, grab you unaware and take you from behind... you have a nice ass... lets see how manly man you can be under the right circumstances and wouldn't you want a bit of understanding and be angry with an ignorant person 'just doin his job' with attitude. I get very protective of the ladies... or anyone who has been raped. I have just worked with more women, but there are men who have been raped and it is just as bad and more needs to be done in helping them. I am so sorry you went through what you have, but you have come out a survivor and a great advocate! Again, thanks for bringing that up!

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875