RE: Thoughts on Rape Play?

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BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 12:12:45 PM)
Wow, I did not expect this response. To think I was afraid that no one would even take the time to read my little post. In any case, I first want to address the percentage of women with this type of fantasy that I suggested in my address to Rover. The only reason that I had any knowledge of the percentage at all, was because my Abnormal Psych. Professor was just lecturing on it a few days ago, and I did say that "I believe" it is 70% (those are 2007 statistics). I do understand the feelings of GirlGenius though, as I said in my original, I have been assaulted as well, and really meant no offense. I suppose it was unavoidable in this situation, there are those that have dealt with, processed, and moved on from their assault and there are those that haven't, it is that simple for me. I have never associated "rape play" or whatever anyone wants to term it, with my actual assault. I am no longer 11years old, 14 years old, 17 years old, 28 years old, or 34 years. I am not being tortured by a family friend, a staff member at a juvenile facility, a man I simply was riding to a horse race with, two male, maximum security inmates that dragged me from the bay into their cell, slamming the cell door behind us (I fought like hell until another inmate ran for help and staff arrived), or a staff member at the prison that decided he would force me into a bathroom in control center and attempt to rape me (I nearly beat the shit out of him, he was not successful). Nor am I the little girl being sexually abused by my uncles and father. I am simply a woman who enjoys laying in bed (or being anywhere really), when a man slinks into (or bursts into) the room and attacks me, grabs me by the hair (or anything he can get hold of) as I struggle to get free. Then having my hands bound (or held), my mouth gagged (or face pressed into anything that will suppress sound), or strangled, as I am physically taken in every way imaginable. Perhaps even being forced to my knees to service this attacker, after being shown what will happen if I bite. Basically, I want to be left exhausted, dripping from every orifice, and floating in a cloud of extacy; hopefully with marks upon me that I will be able to see for the coming days, thus, taking me back to enjoy it all over again. On a more serious note; there have been times in the past that I have been triggered by these power exchanges. For instance, there are a few things that cannot be inflicted upon me, lest I be taken back to a particularly brutal time. My Daddy knows what they are, he learned that they bothered me at the same time that I realized it, so it was a pretty bad situation, but we made it through. He knows me well and watches carefully as we play and I trust that he will not hurt me severely (more severely than I enjoy anyway). My definition may not be everyone's, but that is what makes us individual. If we all liked the same thing/had the same exact fantasies, life would be pretty boring! Thanks to everyone for responding, really! I am glad to know that other people really do enjoy this and think similarly. BLGirl (Angela)

Aynne88 -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 12:17:08 PM)
Ohhhh rape play...hot hot hot. * See my sig line [;)] God I wish Master were here right now. quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 I love rape play!

manxcat -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 12:18:56 PM)
x0x Lockit ;;-)) I would love to see someone (you???) create a model for rape counseling centers.

manxcat -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 12:30:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BLGirl Wow, I did not expect this response. To think I was afraid that no one would even take the time to read my little post. ... Thanks to everyone for responding, really! I am glad to know that other people really do enjoy this and think similarly. BLGirl (Angela) edited for brevity Hey BLGirl ;;-)) You have gone through a lot, and come out the other side relatively intact. I am happy for you. The bottom line is, if you are comfortable with the scene, do it. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or say, beyond the participants. But i do appreciate you starting the thread, as it finally laid to rest for me the tiny niggling doubt (implanted by my mother, tyvm) that i somehow had invited any of it. And yes it would be boring if we were all the same. manxy

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:03:09 PM)
manxcat, I can appreciate your comment on thinking that we had invited this sort of treatment in some way. I often felt that I must have "Fuck With Me" tatooed on my forehead, to get this type of attention. In hindsight, I think that some predators pick up on something from us, while others are just looking for whomever comes along; it is not the victims fault and any way we look at it, it is a crime of opportunity, wrong place/wrong time.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:07:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: ncprincess ...if I'm saying "stop" or "NO", he knows I mean it. Then those are your safewords. John I was going to post that <s> I am in no way, talking about doing a rape scene with someone I don't know. I would never even suggest to someone who I have just met to role play in that manner. I DO know my sub thoroughly. Stop and No are not his safe words.

Lockit -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:15:08 PM)
I remember when I was young and had been messed with. My step dad said I must have done something to deserve it. I think that was a way of thinking back then and pretty typical. I never blamed myself, but many do to some degree even if it is just that they were stupid to go out or be there or whatever. Thankfully things are changing. One of the things that is taught in self defense for women walking alone is to walk aggressivly and to be very aware. There is a reason for that and you both hit right on that. Who can say what is in the mind of a peditor, as they are different, but there are some very simple things in how to carry yourself that will ward off most. Most don't want a fight. They want you terriffied. An aggressive walker may fight back. I remember walking at night from my sister's place and I had a stick with me. The police stopped me and harassed me for carrying a stick. I looked at them like they were crazy and simply said... I carry a vagina and in this neighborhood and at night I think it stupid to walk unarmed. I see you are armed and you are men, so I am sure you do understand. They laughed and let me go. You just have to be aware and prepared, but not afraid to live. Then there are others who wish to challenge you if you are strong. So there are no real answers... just precautions we can take. I too am glad for this thread. I used to cringe at them. But you know... a lot of things get said and people think about how they feel and what they want and hear a lot of views on it all. Some stop feeling guilty for having the desires too... so no matter how you look at it, communication is a good thing.

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:19:17 PM)
I never say stop or no, I think that Daddy would be dumbfounded to hear it and wouldn't know what to do. He knows things have gone too far when he hears, "Seriously," that is when everything stops and I get the biggest hugs in the world as he makes sure that I am okay. I love that he loves me enough that everything he was doing, enjoying just stops, without any resentment toward me, and without making me feel guilty because he hadn't gotten what he desired. It becomes all about me and my safety. Granted, that doesn't happen very often! "BLGirl grins slyly!"

auburnvixen -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:20:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I remember walking at night from my sister's place and I had a stick with me. The police stopped me and harassed me for carrying a stick. I looked at them like they were crazy and simply said... I carry a vagina and in this neighborhood and at night I think it stupid to walk unarmed. I see you are armed and you are men, so I am sure you do understand. They laughed and let me go. That was a great response to the cops - I'll have to remember that one. I have "rape" fantasies all the time - those are probably my all-time favorite kind. And I have done play rape (with a trusted partner) and it has been fantastic, living up to the fantasies. But does it mean that I desire the real thing? Hell, NO. I can separate fantasy from reality.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:24:21 PM)
quote: I could say them until I was blue in the face with some Doms and would be promptly ignored unless I screamed out what they perceived as their "safeword" *What does their* safe word have to do with your safety? If a sub of mine called out my safe word, I would stop and question as to why he is calling out mine and not his. If he calls out his safe word, I stop. Period. There is no begging and pleading from him as he continues to call out his safe word. I listen for it. I watch his face, his emotions and his body language. If I feel he is gritting his teeth and pushing his limit, I will slow down or pause. I don't want a sub who is incapable of calling out his own safe word. I have pushed him to take more, but I know his limit and I know about how long he can last during any scene, especially one that is very physical. Safe words should be discussed prior to play. It is part of the negotiation process. I can't see myself ever playing with someone, if I didn't know what their safe word is.**

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:33:53 PM)
Lockit, you are absolutely correct, there are no definites on predator behavior or motive. Some want to take you because you look weak and they want to feel strong, others want you because you are strong and they want to take you down a notch. All anyone can do, is the best they can. That is true in the area of self-defense, as well. As in most areas in life, I think a good defense, is a better offense. Meaning, know your surroundings, your abilities, and your avenues of escape. I will say one thing though, I will never give up my life to prevent being assaulted in this way. I was never popular with the male Corrections Officers because of this view, being men, they would rather die than be ass raped. My thought was this, if I am grabbed up, yes I will fight to a point, but if it seems as though I may die in trying to save myself from being raped; I am going home, meaning, that I will do whatever I have to, to survive and if that means allowing someone to manipulate me in this way, then so be it. Chances are, I have been hurt more as a willing participant, than by anything they might do to me. I have children, a husband, and family. My only thought at that time, is getting out alive. Some would say that was weak thinking, most males within law enforcement that I have known certainly do, but I would hope that most women, especially mothers, might agree. I am strong and I can deal with the emotional and psychological pain when it is over. I am glad that this thread has been a positive for some people. Communication, as you said, is always welcome and good. BLGirl (Angela)

auburnvixen -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:51:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BLGirl I am strong and I can deal with the emotional and psychological pain when it is over. Well said, and good for you! I feel the same way. If it happened to me (God forbid), still, it does not define me.

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 1:54:03 PM)
Nope, we are harder to define than that! Victim, will never define someone so utterly fabulous as you or I! Thanks auburnvixen!

Lockit -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 2:01:23 PM)
I still walk at night. Always have and as long as I can walk, I will! I love the night.. the calm and can sing as I walk or think. No one will rob me of that joy! We can't stop living because there are bad people out there. Just be ready for them when they appear and don't let them stop you if they do appear and you aren't ready or they get the upper hand. One other night this guy was following me and he got up pretty close ready to make a move... I turned around on him which shocked him because he didn't think I knew he was there. "Listen buddy, I am not out here for you, but if you don't go away I am pulling you in!" He ran across the street faster than I had seen anyone run for a long while. One thing I do when I walk.. is never carry a purse. But I have been known to carry other things.

softness -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 2:03:02 PM)
I have engaged in plenty of "rape" play .. which for most men means sex with a degree of violence. Sex with violence is brilliant .. and I always enjoy that when it comes up. It is fully consensual ... and therefore not rape. The best "rape" scene I ever did was actually with a woman (sorry guys) .. and I will always remember that one with a smile .. and a couple of winces. Rape is the brutal invasion of a person's most basic and fundemental area of control, their body, by another party. It usually has almost nothing to do with sexual attraction, it has to do with power and control. Being totally honest with myself .. I am not going to do things for people that I have no desire to do (believe that or not as you like). I may not know exactly who what I seek to be in a relationship, or know who or what I seek in a partner ... but I do know one thing ... I will not flourish in a relationship when things are taken or forced upon me against my will. Consent ... free and willing consent .. is the bottom line for everything for me now. As such .. True Rape ... is never going to happen. If I was with a partner who (even if in a role play this had happened previously) actually raped me ... it would be the last contact they had with me, other than perhaps something painful and humiliating delivered via a male relative. It was one of the on-going concerns I had about a TPE relationship was that I was also consenting to situations of non-consensuality where true rape could have actually happened. A silly and distant fear perhaps, but a real one none the less. Violence with sex however .... never a bad thing!

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 2:06:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness Violence with sex however .... never a bad thing! Well said!

MistressOfGa -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 2:42:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BLGirl I never say stop or no, I think that Daddy would be dumbfounded to hear it and wouldn't know what to do. He knows things have gone too far when he hears, "Seriously," that is when everything stops and I get the biggest hugs in the world as he makes sure that I am okay. I love that he loves me enough that everything he was doing, enjoying just stops, without any resentment toward me, and without making me feel guilty because he hadn't gotten what he desired. It becomes all about me and my safety. Granted, that doesn't happen very often! "BLGirl grins slyly!" BLGirl, Your Dominant sounds like a wise man. Of course any sane, reasonable person would stop if they hear your safe word. He continues with aftercare. As he should. I would never humiliate or begrudge my sub for calling his safe word out, that is just stupid. As I said "No" and "Stop" are used during play for us. We enjoy it and it works for us.

DesFIP -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 5:36:55 PM)
MoGa, some of us aren't able to use safewords. The three basic responses to fear are freeze, flight or fight. For those of us who freeze, the ability to talk disappears, we go rigid, we curl into a ball, we can't use a safeword. Being one of those I can't play with someone who is not a committed partner because only someone I've slowly built up a relationship with is able to read me with any accuracy. He can stop before it's obvious that damage has been done. Anyone waiting for a safeword isn't someone I'm safe with.

Rover -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 5:47:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Anyone waiting for a safeword isn't someone I'm safe with. Two things I'd like to note. First, that anyone relying exclusively on a bottom's safeword as warning that a problem may exist is a very dangerous Top. And second, that familiarity with your partner probably has the greatest impact on mitigating risk. There's no substitute for that. John

BLGirl -> RE: Thoughts on Rape Play? (11/1/2008 6:40:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Anyone waiting for a safeword isn't someone I'm safe with. Two things I'd like to note. First, that anyone relying exclusively on a bottom's safeword as warning that a problem may exist is a very dangerous Top. And second, that familiarity with your partner probably has the greatest impact on mitigating risk. There's no substitute for that. John Rover, I have not read many statements that rang with such truth as this. BLGirl (Angela)

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