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RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:47:12 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Heh...to me that's a compliment.

Although they usually put it more like "those buns are just crying out for a spanking."


< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/1/2008 1:58:50 PM >

(in reply to XaviersXian)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:48:18 PM   
ookamispet


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/2/2008
Status: offline 		If the sub expresses a desire to lose weight or become more healthy (not necessarily the same, btw), then I would hope her Dom would be supportive.

If the Dom has concerns about health rather than weight, I would hope the relationship was such that he could express those concerns.

If either has a body type preference, that should be clearly stated upfront.

IMO and IME.




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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 1:51:00 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I disagree that the attitude should be I am doing it to be the best I can be for YOU.   it should  to do it for themselves first for their health and so they themselves feel better, and being better for Master is a secondary benifit.

And please speak for yourself, I am personally not offended when my man mentions weight loss. He himself wants to loose weight too, and I'd be more than thrilled if he'd pick a regim with me and stick to it. Since he's the one who's a soda and candy junky.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nettle


Saying that, I think it is important for your submissive to have this mindset as well and in that, she should want to lose weight because she wants to be the best for you. If that isn't her mindset then I don't know what to say. But I can tell you that from a chick's stand point (in general) it is very insulting for a man to say "Hey I want you to lose weight". *shrugs*
 
You picked her. Hah.
 
I had a baby 2 years ago and has just now recovered from my Post Partum Depression and has lost 20 LBS!!!! Just to dote (sp?) on myself a little. Hehehe....
 
nettle

(in reply to nettle)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 2:45:47 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WannaSPOON

I'm curious about this. I read a thread earlier about support through weight loss and such and it's really great for people to want to lose weight and seek support and positive ways to do it. What I've been wondering is how does this come up? I have always sort of shied away from this issue as it's always a very sensitive one. Is there a "right" way for a Dom to ask you to lose weight, should that be what he wants, or is it more prudent to just not say anything?


WS,

if your not comfortable with her weight then it is incumbent upon you to not only say so but require her to do something about it.

CP

(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 3:02:15 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say that it is more prudent to not say anything, but this is very delicate territory.  It's not what you say, it is how you say it that matters.  "You seem stressed, you should do your yoga more" is a very diplomatic way of saying "you are getting wobbly parts" in my house.  Engaging me in more physical activity would also be very effective. 

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(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 3:33:12 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat

I wouldn't say that it is more prudent to not say anything, but this is very delicate territory.  It's not what you say, it is how you say it that matters.  "You seem stressed, you should do your yoga more" is a very diplomatic way of saying "you are getting wobbly parts" in my house.  Engaging me in more physical activity would also be very effective. 


Now see to me, that wreaks of dishonesty and I'd see right through it, and it would irritate me greatly. I'd do much better with, "You're gaining weight and it's showing. Lose it." than I would with any sort of beating around the bush or dishonest trickery. I realize we're all different, but that's my personal take on it, for me.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 4:07:40 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

If you're both exercising and eating right, she will eventually shed the weight.  As she starts to tone up, praise her.  Saying "wow, you look fabulous since we started eating right and exercising together" is better than "wow, you need to lose weight." 


actually your wrong, Cals in cals out dont work for everyone, if one diet or one way worked for everyone there wouldnt be 7 thousand different diets out there. If cals in cals out worked... why can i be on a 500 cal liquid diet, for 3 months and gain 30 pounds O.o? Why because Im just special ^_^;;



I'll believe you...as soon as you show me your medical degree and peer reviewed research that disproves years of scientific data that shows a healthy diet and exercise is the only way to lose weight and keep it off.  The fact that there are 7000 unhealthy diets that promise quick weight loss without changing eating or exercise habits is irrelevant.  They don't work because they aren't healthy and promise unrealistic results which, in turn, leads to poor nutrition and frustration when the promised results don't materialize.  You're not going to lose 10 lbs in as many days.  If you lose 1 pound per week, you're doing well. 

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(in reply to hopelessfool)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 4:23:52 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		 
    I'll take the minority view and tell you to be upfront with her. Pussy-footing around the issue may just make her uncomfortable or leave her completely clueless.
    Perhaps she's super-happy with her weight, and proud that she's at a pudgy weight (and at significant health risks 'cause of it). But you know what? You're the fucking master. If you want your girl to lose weight or cut her hair or wear ballet boots every day, it's your perogative.
    While I'm not sure that a sub could lose weight successfully, maintaining her mental well-being, if she was doing it just for her Master. However, pleasing my master is a pretty major driving force in my life, and if he wanted me to lose weight, I probably would suddenly find a desire in myself to be pleasing to him.

  Is there a right way? It depends on your girl. Several masters here advertise that they've helped former girls lose significant weight or that they'll be really into diet control. Some women are very sensitive about their weight and self-image. Some, like me, meh, I'm not happy with my weight but I'm not stressing out about it. If your girl is sensitive, approach carefully (although I still suggest honesty rather than passive-agressive or suggestive bull). If she's not so sensitive, then just tell her!

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(in reply to WannaSPOON)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 7:17:13 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Hi all,

I am really surprised that some are indicating that they would rather be lied even by omission to by their Master or in this case Dom and him telling her he wants her to lose weight because he would find her more pleasing to him at a less weight would indicate to them he wasn't happy with what he chose flabbergasts me.  Perhaps it is more people who are fat and overweight tend to lie to themselves about themselves and want others to lie to them too.  Only each individual really knows the answer to that concept.  I personally think if someone would rather have someone who is in the position of Dom or Master to them pretty much LIE to them, instead of being honest with their wants and desires of that position and the dynamic, makes me again wondering if perhaps the person doesn't want to hear it because it may open their eyes to the fact they have been lying to themselves.

All couples have things they don't like about the other person.  so its not simplicity of you get what you chose, if that is the case the relationship is doomed because all relationships and people change and you have to be able to take that sometimes that change won't be something the other enjoys.   Just because someone choses a fat person because of what does please them doesn't mean that the accept and enjoy a physical aspect of the person that more than likely CAN be changed.     MOST people, especially here in the US, who are overweight are so because of their lifestyle and not because of some uncontrollable issue they have.  The concept of weight gaining and being fat acceptance because of some health issue seem to be a crutch many lean on because many people just are content to be overweight because the alternative may mean taking a good hard look at yourself to get to the bottom of the underlying problem that keeps people from losing weight, be it emotional, be it laziness, be it excuses, etc.

Yes there are medical reasons some people are overweight, but in all actuality i don't think those are the majority.  And i don't think people HAVE to accept that someone in their life wants to remain fat, or else be considered insensitive or wrong.  Sometimes political correctness especially in a relationship does more harm than good in maintaining the relationship because many times politically correct means not expressing what you really think and feel.  And in a relationship that can kill it because trust goes both ways, it means a Man can tell his sub that hey, your weight is becoming an issue for me.  Let's discuss how perhaps we can both work on losing some or getting more active or maybe take some classes in nutritional cooking etc.  (fyi i hear sex burns 350 cals in a 1/2 hour) lol.  Honesty can sometimes open up doors of a relationship you never expected were there.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 11/1/2008 7:19:01 PM >

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(in reply to ExKat)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 7:41:34 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I don't lie to myself, nor do I want anyone to lie to me.  I would hope someone would choose me because they think fat women are hot.  If this is the case, they are not likely to wake up one morning and change their minds, and if they do, it would likely mean the end of the relationship to me.  Why would I want to be with someone who wasn't physically attracted to me the way I am when I could be with someone who was so?

I hope I make this clear in my profile, so it would be clear from the beginning.  This is who I am, take it or leave it. But don't waste your time or mine.


< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/1/2008 7:43:49 PM >

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 8:00:02 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I don't mean this personally. But by the time it is down to the wire - diabetes, joint repair surgery, and flying standby - it may not be hot any more. My secretary, who is an obese African-American woman I love to bits, and have spent time teaching to trade stocks in her 401K, and consolidating her investments, can, in summer, no longer walk with me and my colleague to go to a restaurant that is half a mile from our office.

That would, I think, put a great strain on a relationship in which "fat is hot". And I can compare: I have an immune condition, but I ensure I get treatment for it. Every now and again some of my parts have to be surgically repaired due to this condition, but while recovering, I can still make it to the restaurant, on my crutches.

I could, of course, say "take it or leave it", but had I done that, I would by now have been in a wheelchair.

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 8:08:54 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I climb waterfalls, swim with dolphins, and am contemplating running a triathlon, I run a nonprofit, my joints are fine, and I do not have diabetes.  My fat grandmother did get diabetes at the age of 70 something, but she died of Alzheimers at 84.   I don't fly standby, I know which seats to select to be most comfortable for me...what is this about flying standby?  Most of my female friends are fat and they do not fly standby, so I don't understand this comment.  I would not walk half a mile in summer at noon if I weighed 100 pounds or 1,000, this is Texas and we had 2 months of over 100 degree weather.

There are no guarantees in life, if a thin sub had joint repair surgery, would that make her a worse sub? 

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 9:38:28 PM   
CollaredChicklet


Posts: 146
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		I fit in with the "overweight" category... It's taken a long while for me to accept who I am, but I've finally become content.  I mean, My
Master and I are both fencers (swords!), so we work out on a regular basis.  It's not like I'm not making an attempt to be healthy, it's just what I love to do.  Yet, I am still considered by many to be "obese".  I'll go ahead and say it:  I am 5'4, 170 lbs, and I could probably outrun and outlift you anyday.  :D  Don't judge someone by what's on the outside.  :P

(in reply to XaviersXian)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Weight question - 11/1/2008 9:44:10 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		antipod,
I can actually understand what you say. My only question, i guess, is what do you value?
If you were in a relationship with this woman - and she decided to get healthier, and began a weight loss regimine and, let's say, in three or six months time could easily walk a mile or two in the summer - but could no longer go with you to that favorite resteraunt because, in the course of learning about herself, she identified that that resteraunt was too full of 'trigger foods' for her which she would not be able to resist and would end up over indulging with -
When she says, 'Master, can we go to this other resteraunt, instead, where they have healthier choices with half as much food for twice the price, although the quality is far superior, as you would expect at a national chain....'
Which do you value more? Your relaitonship with a woman you love to bits, or your favorite resteraunt? (where you can of course go without her on other days)

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(in reply to CollaredChicklet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 12:17:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I have to admit I love my partner and how he handles it- he enjoys fatter types which is both good for me and part of why he's attracted to me, but he sincerely sees me as hot and sexy and not overweight enough to worry about.  He will tell me this.  However, I feel too fat and unhealthy and work on it and let him know and he supports me in that as well.  So I think I get the best of it all. 

And yes, I'd much prefer my partner to say "I love you, but this part of you makes me less attracted to you" than anything else, whether we're talking smoking, eating, too much time online, swearing or whatever.  Weight may be an extra sensitive topic, but that doesn't make it any less true.

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(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 12:46:42 AM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		Well, I'm overweight and am not overly concerned about it

If I had a partner that wanted me to lose weight it lies in the way he'd handle it. I was considering a relationship with a dominant named Joe, and when he first brought up my weight there was no problem, I was prepared to be put on a schedule so I could work out every week. But this little thing started becoming an issue. It began coming up at least once in every conversation, even went so far as to poke my stomach and tell me I needed to get rid of it. It was insulting. I mean I GOT the idea the first time it was even mentioned, everything else was unneccesary and nothing could be done about it overnight. Eh. Quite frankly, he loved how submissive I was but saw my weight as a flaw. To cut to the chase, we tried talking about it but we didn't work out soley because of this issue. He tried calling a month later to try to work things out, and though I didnt hold anything against him, Ithe way he went about me losing weight kinda killed my interest in him. I knew there were others that loved me as I was, so why waste my time?

Master's mentioned me going to the gym with him recently and I think its good motivation for me and I like the idea that it is something we can do together. In my own way, I'm kinda looking forward to it ('kinda' because I know I'm going to probably complain on the day I end up having to go lol). Whether it was because he wanted me to lose some, or he was concerned about my health, or whether he just wants me with him - it doesnt really matter. I'm not insecure about it or questioning whether or not my partner finds me attractive (which in turn affects other things). I mean I have my insecurities but I know he loves me, and if I wanted or needed to lose weight he would be supportive and reinforce that if it needed to be.

< Message edited by Daes -- 11/2/2008 12:49:43 AM >

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(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 3:24:15 AM   
Garth


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/23/2006
Status: offline 		so i live with a mean mistress. sadly she dupes me just over half of the time... well i'm a good sport about it anyways. yeah were both tops and one getting the other person to do anything for the greater good is easy. " thats a good idea, you should do it " so i started going to the pool twice a week and she sat andwatched me swim. then she got bored and went to the library and found books instead of bored... so then i started going on sundays haha. after another week i just packed her suit and i didnt swim. i ran the stop watch and paced the rail coaching her on her strokes or getting some of the gagets like flippers or kick boards. now she goes 4 to 7 days a week on her own for between 50 and 125 laps.

we also changed our diet and use social pressue to have everybody eat thier healthy foods. mean misstriss dinner is twice a week thursdays and sundays. i just slug down a big pile of veggies ( i do a good job with them ) and then hand the bowl on meat is the 3rd course and nobody even gets to see it until after the pasta and greens. quite a few people dont over indulge on the meats we talk a while and then serve dessert. gives things a chance to settle or digest and people still get to eat lots of tasty bits.

the hardest part that we have had was the initail resistance to the idea of doing something. once we were over the hump of the inconvience of going and doing dinner and swimming has been pretty easy to maintain.

(in reply to XaviersXian)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 4:57:05 AM   
Barelily


Posts: 96
Joined: 10/8/2008
Status: offline 		Years ago I had a friend who was(still is)a slave. When she started gaining weight her Master flat out told her..."Your gaining too much weight lose it"  but they did work on it together.


Disclaimer: This post was made in response to the post made by WannaSpoon and is based on my opinion and experiences only.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 1:09:52 PM   
LydiaSciKitten


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/16/2008
From: Luxembourg, now in UK
Status: offline 		This issue is much more delicate than some of you seem to understand. Obviously a Master has the right to bluntly say 'Lose some weight', but a sub that is adoring of her Man might take this very heavily. I personally know of a case where a Dom rudely ordered his sub to lose weight, and then they didn't see each other for a while, due to his job. It led to her becoming anorexic, and when he was back, he had to deal with immense guilt about what his words had caused. Yes, as a Master one has the right to ask for pretty much anything, but a bit tact in issues like these, that so directly affect one's self-confidence, can be very much appreciated.

(in reply to Barelily)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Weight question - 11/2/2008 1:18:32 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Was he heavy when you met him? If not, then if he had gained gradually that would have been a good time to mention it before he became just fat.  I guess it depends on how much and how long.  Is he sick? Is it from medication? Is it fat or water weight?  Fat cells don't just jump up and onto a person from some invisible force...it is a process (of bad eating and excercize habits). 

Either be brave and tell him outright or ignore it.  If it disgusts you, tell him or leave. 

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(in reply to LydiaSciKitten)
Profile   Post #: 40
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