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RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/1/2008 6:39:44 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
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it really depends on what you mean by training........... Honestly I could teach someone the basics of floggers, and paddles, and basic bondage in a hour...... it's really not brain surgery, yes a few toys, and some of the more edge play things would take a couple hours not just one, so would many of the complicated bondage or suspension play........being a dominant, male or female is alot more then knowing how to play with toys, it's a state of mind...... it's the ablity to control another human being which tends to be something that can not be tought. Anyone can go through the motions with the toys, and dress in the right fetish wear, not everyone can know how with a look, to evoke the desires and needs of a submissive. It's the ablity to make someone desire your touch above anything else, that they worship, serve and adore you. To get into their head, not just their bed.

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~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

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Post #: 41

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/1/2008 6:40:29 PM

SheWhoSeeks1

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2008
Status: offline

Learning skills for safe BDSM play is paramount, along with knowing the health status of the person with whom you are playing. Many Dommes learn from each other at ClubFem events. When I want to learn something new, I seek out a person in the community who has a great deal of experience in that area, and I work with him/her. There are many areas that require knowledge and practice in order to ensure the safety of the submissive.Even if you are doing basic suspension, you can inadvertently allow someone to fall over if you first unhook the hands, as opposed to the feet, if the feet are restrained. The person could be unable to get his balance because he/she has nothing to hang onto.

Many kinds of play can have hidden dangers unless the Top is knowledgeable about safety issues. Rope bondage, for instance, can be very risky. Any kind of tight restraint affects blood circulation, and there are danger signs that indicate when the extremeties are getting inadequate blood flow.

Most leather groups have demonstrations and educational programs that include information on safety precautions for the kind of play being discussed. Submissives should learn as much as possible about safety because not all Tops take the time to learn about how to reduce the risks - and frequently there are risks - of BDSM play

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 42

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/1/2008 6:51:12 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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I don't identify as a Dominant, but I had a sadistic boyfriend who wanted me to top professionally. He trained me in the technical aspects of different things, and I worked for six months with a Female Dominant who shared her expertise in certain areas. Empathy, however, came to me from life experience, and my own inherent personality.

(in reply to SheWhoSeeks1)

Post #: 43

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/1/2008 10:51:49 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

O.o

The 21 Pro idiot popping her head in.

No 'formal' training, let me know when you see a college, maybe I can get a scholarship for that too. Being young, I never, ever apply former knowledge to current activites, such as medical training, social skills, or general common sense. That would just be too logical for me to attempt.

Stay away from the youngins! They're dangerous!!

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 44

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 12:54:12 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Thats precisely my point. Thank you. Done without due care and attention SM play is dangerous particularly bondage. if someone is too tightly restrained and this can so easily happen , you could be in a ER situation very quickly. its good that there is a mix of viewpoints and i welcome that
kevin

(in reply to SheWhoSeeks1)

Post #: 45

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 1:00:19 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
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now no need to be silly here. all im saying is in the hands of the inexperienced BDSM can be risky but no im not judging you just making an educated guess that people older particularly if they started out young will have a better grasp of how to play safely. But yeah i mean your right there could be someone at 50 and she or he started only a year ago and have very little knowledge obviously and then someone at 28 and they started at 18 so obviously the 28 year old is going to be more clue about things than the 50 year old. i think for people of your age especially doing courses in safety is excellent, they can be done relatively quickly and will likely lessen the likelihood of accidents later on. Even switches and subs this would be instructive to do a course because then at least you know whats safe and not so if someone wants to do something risky or over the top with you, you then know its risky and you can see the red flag and not approach them whereas if you didnt know you wouldnt necessarily realise. Knowledge is power is what im saying really. Thanks for your contribution
kevin

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 46

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 2:01:59 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Good luck in your search Maam. i m a slave myself but not owned at the moment. im not sure i can facilitate you though. i live in ireland You are in Virginia the distance between us is too great and anyway it wouldnt be satisfactory not having a servant that you could engage with on a daily basis and im not just talking emails which you quite rightly think is valueless
kevin

(in reply to SheWhoSeeks1)

Post #: 47

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 4:35:28 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

I have learned all I know from my subs, slaves and players over 9 years.

I have not read a manual, a training website, or any other form of guided, training tripe lol

The best knowledge is "hands on", someone else's training, is not unique and your own accomplished style or your own authentic stamp :)

< Message edited by MistressRouge -- 11/2/2008 4:37:30 AM >

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Post #: 48

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 4:57:47 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Sitting on their mothers and grand mother's knees watching both ladies ruling the respective homes and local church groups...

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 49

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 5:14:17 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

That is a good question, & a valid one, but I think it should be asked of both Dominant men & women. Bdsm can be dangerous. Some things are edgy, some not so much. It might be good to know that the person you are agreeing to allow use you, knows what they are doing. This is also one of the reasons it is good to get to know whomever you are considering, before allowing them to lock, stock & barrel, have their way with you without limits.

I have known male dominants who nearly caused some serious nerve damage due to restraints being pulled too tight in the wrong spots. I have also known some who wanted to give their submissives almost boiling hot enemas without knowing they could give the person some serious internal burns. Knowing the temps needed for types of burns in this case is a good thing to know.

For me, I have attended classes & a few events, or get togethers when I could. Often times, I would research topics to be sure what I was doing, was something that wouldn't cause irreparable harm. Very often, submissives themselves can be a great source of knowledge for their dominant or top. I started as a bottom, then as a submissive for a number of years. Watching and talking to others, asking someone to mentor as one learns a new skill can be a great source of knowledge.

But no formal training, as in a Dom school for me. I have learned from the sources listed above, & from life, & the school of hard knocks. When at events, I got to know some of the people attending, & being able to elicit feedback from the submissives themselves has been valuable.

And don't forget that each person is different in what they can take, or what they can't, & that can vary during differing times depending on pysiology or what might be going on with them in their lives. I generally, when playing with someone new, keep things very light & move slowly until I get to a place where I can read them, & where I know they will speak up if they need to. Some speak up too much, & some won't. I think being able to read people is invaluable in this lifestyle, & that takes real life experience.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 50

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 5:56:01 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

O.o

The 21 Pro idiot popping her head in.

No 'formal' training, let me know when you see a college, maybe I can get a scholarship for that too. Being young, I never, ever apply former knowledge to current activites, such as medical training, social skills, or general common sense. That would just be too logical for me to attempt.

Stay away from the youngins! They're dangerous!!

This years session has already passed, but that gives you almost a year to get your scholarship money together.

http://www.kinkykollege.com/

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 51

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 6:34:27 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I used to play with a partner of mine, we both quite drawn to BDSM, we both went to meetings, asked others, I asked to get mentored, it got some very useful help but wanted to learn more, so I actually was seeking out Pro-Dommes, some were quite helpful but most of them didn't have the time to just teach somebody who would take their time and then disappear into life-style play again, so some charged, as a student I couldn't afford to spend a fortune, so I struck a deal with one of them, I would do double sessions with her on weekends and clean the dungeon, sterilize the equipment and help out on weekends and she'd teach me "the ropes" so to speak. It worked out for both of us, quite a few of her clients enjoyed the fact that there was another woman there and I got exposed to a variety of actions I possibly wouldn't have tried in an environment that was purely life-style based and she was very very concerned about safety and health (quite qualified too since she used to be a nurse) and I learned quite a lot.

To be honest, domination is not rocket science, with a bit of a brain the basic things should be obvious (you don't need to be a doctor to know that the spine and the kidneys are areas where you shouldn't hit, a bit of common sense goes a long way), when it comes to intricate rope bondage, a workshop is great, the more complicated and intricate things become the more you have to look into it and possibly need help to do it, but if you enjoy some BDSM things with a partner, you just learn together, I don't think you need a class for footworship, spanking etc. When things get more complicated, ask, seek help and advice, always better to look a bit ignorant than pretending you know it all and causing damages.

Let's put it this way, if somebody wants to do branding, cutting, etc. you better ask where they got their knowledge from, same with shibari and everything invasive, because a trip to the ER is not kinky fun, but I think anybody with 2 braincells to rub together can give a spanking...

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 52

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 6:54:27 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

according to a lot of guys i know, they think that domme's are nothing more than submissives who were abused and got tired of being pushed around, so they took the switch to being a domme; not that i believe that or anything, but come on, most of the doms i know never got trained either, so i don't see the relevancy in the question being attributed to males or females.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 53

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 6:59:47 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

Agree with you that its the more extreme practices that are more dangerous. Disagree that anyone can give a spanking safely. From the number of guys on this site who i have researched that have ended up with black eyes and scarred buttocks , i think its clear that a green Dominant who does not have much awareness of what she is doing is a danger to a guy. Thank you Lady Constanze
kevin

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 54

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:01:25 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

By the way i should clarify for all people here, a male dom who does not know what he is doing same applies, they are a danger, the only reason i mention Females here is because this is a Mistresses forum
kevin

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 55

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:04:06 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

according to a lot of guys i know, they think that domme's are nothing more than submissives who were abused and got tired of being pushed around, so they took the switch to being a domme; not that i believe that or anything, but come on, most of the doms i know never got trained either, so i don't see the relevancy in the question being attributed to males or females.

So in contrast, all female submissives, are really Dominants then lol.

:)

Some men say the funniest things, just like all the Male Doms memoing/emailing me (especially from this site) to Dominate them!

Maybe THEY need lessons lol

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Post #: 56

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:04:06 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

no, this is actually the general bdsm forum; you must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

By the way i should clarify for all people here, a male dom who does not know what he is doing same applies, they are a danger, the only reason i mention Females here is because this is a Mistresses forum
kevin

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 57

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:05:23 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Agree with you that its the more extreme practices that are more dangerous. Disagree that anyone can give a spanking safely. From the number of guys on this site who i have researched that have ended up with black eyes and scarred buttocks , i think its clear that a green Dominant who does not have much awareness of what she is doing is a danger to a guy. Thank you Lady Constanze
kevin

You know people who have gotten black eyes and scarred buttocks from a spanking? I suppose if I grew my nails out long enough, I might be able to scar someone but my guess is, my fingernails would snap before I got to deep. As to the black eyes, I suppose if I hit someone hard enough and they hit their face on something, it's possible, but not probible. Now if I picked up some toys, then I might be able to do more damage, but just spanking, sorry I don't see a lot of training needed for that one.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 58

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:05:59 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Every woman I ever admired and respected in my life, in addition to those that showed me exactly the opposite of what I wanted to be. That is the basis for the woman I am today.

Some of the best "training" I've received has been from some truely remarkable slaves and submissives.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 59

RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 11/2/2008 7:10:40 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Why would women need specific training but not men? I'm confused and slightly insulted perhaps by the initial question here.

Personally, I didn't train to be a dominant. It was a combination of my innate personality and desire matched with finding mentors who could either teach me specific techniques such as flogging or knife play and mentors/community where I could have folks to talk to and be encouraged to do self-reflection.

Everything else is a matter of empathy, self-awareness, and practice, practice, practice with many different bottoms and subs originally with more experience than I in BDSM.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 60

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