GoddessLeda
Posts: 1
Joined: 1/21/2008
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There is actually a Kinky College, but I doubt they hand out scholarships! I heard from someone in the local BDSM community that it is terrific!
In reading over these, I am struck by the assumed link between natural dominance and technical skills. There is a host of knowledge that falls outside these two areas. First, safe words are a nice idea, but they only work for subs who are able to stay in touch with their surroundings. Some subs can easily lose the ability to speak if the play is intense; that sub will not use a safe word because she/he cannot. Thus, the Dom is ALWAYS the one who must be concerned and ultimately responsible for the sub's safety and wellbeing. When I started Topping, I didn't naturally know how to detect when a sub was in trouble. A very prominent Master trained me in watching for certain signs to ensure that the sub is okay. A competent Dom(me) will be watching the sub intensely and will detect very minute reactions. Second, I haven't read all the posts, but nobody has mentioned psychological damage. Plenty of subs want humiliation, but it can cause permanent harm. And, so on.
The bottom line here is that there is no way to certify that a Dom(me) is safe and sane. As others have said, the submissive needs to spend time with the Dom(me) and determine a) if the Dom(me) is concerned about safety and has spent time learning about safe play 2) What kind of attitude the Dom(me) has towards the subs with whom she plays when it comes to protecting their health and well-being. In addition, it helps to ask other people in the local community. I have played with subs who beg to be spared from playing with a certain Dom(me) who clearly states that she does not care what happens to a sub or how he feels about what she does.
It can be telling to ask a Dom(me) about her own limits. I certainly hit a wall recently with my own, when someone asked me to Top him using severe metal bondage equipment. I made it clear that I had to understand fully the physical and psychological effects of this equipment - which can hardly be called "toys" before I would use it on someone for an extended period of time.
Some people seem to gloss over safety, but there are risks that we may not be able to anticipate at the moment. Kevin, I think what you need to consider are the combination of the Domme's attitude AND clear evidence that she has invested in learning about safe play - from other Doms, subs/slaves, books, demos/workshops, and personal experience. No submissive should ever be shy about stopping a scene immediately if h/she feels that the Dom(me) is not playing safety or is failing to play close attention to his reactions, both physical and emotional.
< Message edited by GoddessLeda -- 11/6/2008 12:45:03 AM >
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RE: Where do Women get their Domme training - 
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