quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



My follow up question to submissives and femdoms alike would be this. If you are at the "get to know you" stage with a woman and there is no doubt in your mind, yes, she is a femdom and she has experience, is there any reason, ever, to tell her about your fetishes or fantasies WITHOUT her asking you? Are you afraid she is too shy to ask?  Are you worried she might overlook something?  Is there a reason why you should not just keep it to yourself?[/ 

I think you're right, Akasha - if the domme in question is that experienced and confident of herself.  You clearly don't fit into that category.  However, if she's shy it can be very awkward to deal with.  Here in the UK I have found more dommes who are in the "shy" category, I'm afraid.   I've found that I've nearly always been asked for my fantasies first.  This, to me, has the subtext of "You open up about your deepest and innermost first, thereby putting yourself in the vulnerable position first".  The only real answer that "works" for both her and me then is something like "to do what you want me to do". 

it's disappointing when these talks happen before ones about what it is about domination that *I* enjoy, or about my life or hobbies.

Life and hobbies - easy.  Getting to know the vanilla side of a woman isn't really a problem for myself nor, I think, many men.  It's moving beyond that level of conversation that creates difficulties.  I'm always fascinated to learn.  I hear strangely little about why and how dommes like to dominate; where it all comes from, what it feels like.   I don't like to ask more than very tentatively in case I come across as interrogative; or, it looks like I'm just trying to get an instant, free buzz.

As always, everything, but everything, would be so much easier if only both sub and domme were confident in what they were and what they wanted.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 11/3/2008 11:10:08 AM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to AAkasha)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



My follow up question to submissives and femdoms alike would be this. If you are at the "get to know you" stage with a woman and there is no doubt in your mind, yes, she is a femdom and she has experience, is there any reason, ever, to tell her about your fetishes or fantasies WITHOUT her asking you? Are you afraid she is too shy to ask?  Are you worried she might overlook something?  Is there a reason why you should not just keep it to yourself?

When I get to know submissives, it's very rare that they keep their fantasies to themselves, and usually in a very short time they have volunteered information about what kinks they have, or they've started the topic rather than waiting for me to do it. It's not a dealbreaker, but it's disappointing when these talks happen before ones about what it is about domination that *I* enjoy, or about my life or hobbies.  I think many subs just are nervous and unsure about how to handle it so they slip up, but it removes the opportunity to do the investigative work and questioning on my own.  It doesn't bother me THAT much if I am really digging the guy; if I am on the fence about him, it can make him lose a few points.

Akasha

Guess this one just serves to add even more evidence that each domme is unique!

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave




Interesting question Akasha.  While I totally get your point and generally agree with it, as a counterpoint I've seen women's profiles who ask for information about one's fantasies and fetishes in a letter of introduction, which I personally thought was a bit much to ask for in an "I'd like to get to know you" situation. 
 
Guess this one just serves to add even more evidence that each domme is unique!
 
 - pixel
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Interesting question Akasha.  While I totally get your point and generally agree with it, as a counterpoint I've seen women's profiles who ask for information about one's fantasies and fetishes in a letter of introduction, which I personally thought was a bit much to ask for in an "I'd like to get to know you" situation. 
 
Guess this one just serves to add even more evidence that each domme is unique!
 
 - pixel
 

Did you consider that maybe there were not women, but men pretending to be women, looking for fantasy material?

quote:



And more importantly, if a woman (or someone you assumed to be a woman) asked for what you considered inappropriate personal information about your fetishes up front, why not just pass on her completely? No one is twisting your arm. 

Did I say I provided the information requested in the profile or that I even responded to it?  No Akasha, instead, I only made the observation that there are some who ask those questions up front.  To me, it was simply further evidence that not all femdommes are the same or think alike.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

The difference for me, though maybe not for the person trying to communicate with me, is an inability to chat or converse about anything beyond kinky play.  For some, god forbid you stumble upon something they enjoy in conversation; the conversation immediately becomes all about that.  If I have to continually try to stear the conversation back, I usually think more his agenda than moi the lady, so end it.   M