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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


I think you're right, Akasha - if the domme in question is that experienced and confident of herself.  You clearly don't fit into that category.  However, if she's shy it can be very awkward to deal with.  Here in the UK I have found more dommes who are in the "shy" category, I'm afraid.   I've found that I've nearly always been asked for my fantasies first.  This, to me, has the subtext of "You open up about your deepest and innermost first, thereby putting yourself in the vulnerable position first".  The only real answer that "works" for both her and me then is something like "to do what you want me to do". 

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

he's really not into it but is 'doing it for me'....
 
To me that's a contradiction.  Sure I have my own turn-ons and I expect they'll get dealt with in some form or another eventually.  But doing it for her, because she wants it,  is what does it for me.  In other words, "I'm into it because she's into it" - that's what for me is what in essence being a sub's about, I suppose, ATJ.  

Beyond that, it's a question of limits.  Carefully worked out and mutually accepted.