Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for you


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for you Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 12:51:11 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I have a history of depression.  I have a history of self harm.  I'm bipolar.  I have a dissociative disorder.  I'm currently being treated in an intensive programme for people with "personality disorders".

There are very, very few times when I am incapable of making sensible, reasoned, informed choices about my actions and well being.  When those times do occur, I'm aware enough to not put myself in situations when I have to make such choices.

I am taking medication.

There are occasions when I am dissociate and consent becomes an interesting issue.  Can I give consent to play whilst in a dissociative state?  Basically, it boils down to, with another personality say "yes" and then when I wake up the next morning, will I freak out.

That is something I tell my partners about, up front, clearly, when we're fully clothed and there are no toys near by.

It's about being sensible, practical, and figuring out how things work best for you.

I do play with people who have mental illnesses, "Sir" is bipolar.  It's a risk assessment/cost benefit analysis type thing.  I have, however, cut people out of my life because I could not cope with how they were dealing with their illnesses and how they were treating me as a result.

All the best people have some degree of mental instability *smiles* from chaos comes the brilliance.

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 12:55:24 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I was responding to Lobodomslavery, because it seems he answers every response with how it relates to him.
I  am DV, this is our couple's profile, I just forget which I have logged in as.
The reason I asked if he was asking for him in general is because the experience varies for everyone. When someone puts that much effort into defending how "well" they are, it usually makes it look even more as if they are not. The one thing I have learned from having bipolar disorder myself is that unless I make a big deal out of it. It is a fact, but nothing more. Some people have hangups about it, because they associate mental issues with what they read in tabloids and not what the real situation tends to be. I tell people it is there, but since it isnt an issue they need to deal with for me, they never see it. I make sure not to tell them how well I have recovered, how great I am doing and any of that. If I sound like I am trying to cinvince them, or me, then that makes it sound like I am not as far along as I would like to be. The less you talk about it, the better others deal with the problems you might bring to the table.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 12:58:33 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm how do i address you. A fascinating individual you are. Again you are spot on it is our faults which make us great.  If we had no faults weaknesses or times of stress we would not be human. As mentioned by an earlier contributor, it is very much the attitude of the person. i have a choice and so do others, we can allow our anxieties to overwhelm or we can work to manage them and live happy fulfilled lives. i strive to do the latter every day
kevin

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:01:20 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah the only reason im so open about it here is because when i told the group about it honestly , it elicited the reaction, he is mentally incapable from a Domme. i suppose what im trying to say is i think is an inaccurate label for someone to place on someone else Domme, sub or vanilla, i think it just reflects ignorance in the community that is there, when it is self evident that a lot of us in the lifestyle are familiar with this
kevin

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:07:50 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		Ivy tends to work *smiles*

I'm no more unique or fascinating than anyone else.  We all have our quirks, difficulties, and issues that we have to overcome to be happy, to have fulfilling relationships etc.

You're right about it being how you respond to your illness that defines how much it affects you.  Aside from the overwhelming despair that I go through occasionally (though more often since I started therapy), I'm pretty much normal, and you'd be hard pushed to find anything obviously "wrong" with me, especially if you ignore the socially clunky behaviour (people confuse the heck out of me).

Like DV, I try not to make a big deal of it, I don't want sympathy, or special dispensation, or anything like that.  Treat me like you would anyone else, expect the same things of me, etc either we're compatible as people or we aren't, my mental ups and downs are a part of me, but a small part, that you can cope with my taste in music is *much* more important!

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:14:06 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i totally agree Ivy. Depression or anxiety or whatever should not define the person. See the person not the illness , that would be my message to those who view us in a rather unflattering light
kevin

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:14:22 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		'Incapacitated' means just that. It doesn't mean someone who has recovered from depression or someone that is dealing with depression. Now if someone were completely isolated and unable to deal with life due to depression then I would not want to be anything other than friends.

If a problem is being dealt with then I usually have little hesitation in being friends or closer. I have to take their personal history into account though, have they a history of dropping medication when they think they feel fine? Are they the type that refuses to get help until crisis?

Legal incompetence in a person would stop me in my tracks and exclude all but friendship.



_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:23:35 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i agree if someone is neglecting themselves they dont deserve anything but support occasionally. however i and others mentioned on the forum do have anxiety but we cope , we take our meds and we are fine with life. Thank you Miss
kevin

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:37:06 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Whoa. I never said people 'don't deserve anything but support occasionally'.

I said that I personally won't get involved beyond the level of friendship if they are incompetent or unwilling to take care of themselves.

Please do not read things that I've not written or said, as words originating with me.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:37:49 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

i totally agree Ivy. Depression or anxiety or whatever should not define the person. See the person not the illness , that would be my message to those who view us in a rather unflattering light
kevin



Avoiding the stigma of mental health narrow mindedness
(hope that was stated correctly) has been difficult over the ages/decades but is definately improved through education. 

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:42:03 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		i did not mean to offend Miss. Sorry for the impropriety there, it was not intentional. But i agree with your contention, that it is risky to involve Oneself beyond friendship in a case like that. And i can well understand, after all i was a little prejudicial before i fell ill myself, and im not getting you at here at all, and i think its only when you experience it like You have and i have, you can correct me if im mistaken, that people appreciate what depression is and that the people concerned are not mad and dangerous to know etc. anyway Thank You for Your contribution and once again sincere apologies for my indiscretion
thank you
kevin

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:42:41 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery
Once i told the group that i suffered from depression, i was labelled by a Domme as mentally incapable.


Well that says more about her ignorance and intellectual incapacities than your depression.


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:43:31 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		I think you were both saying the same thing but slightly different depending on semantics.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:44:13 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Good grief. Now you are calling me prejudicial??



_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:47:45 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Realsub. You are right. People are far more aware and compassionate towards people with problems of health, depression and anxiety simply because Society is much more informed about these issues now than it was.  Obviously some people still need to re educate themselves, not your good self, but others who have views which incidentally i had before i became ill, but in time this will come. Who would have thought for example in the 60s that a Female controlled relationship was possible.  You would be laughed.  Yet more and more Women are assuming the Dominant role not only in this lifestyle but in work as well. The number of Female CEOs now as compared to thirty years ago , when let's face it Women were only beginning to get recognised, the marriage rule was dropped at work etc, for the first time, before that Women had to give up their jobs on becoming married but all thats gone now and rightly so. And all of that going illustrates the increasing respect with which Women are held by both men and Women and rightly so as if there were no Women there would be no men either.
kevin

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:49:46 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

'Incapacitated' means just that. It doesn't mean someone who has recovered from depression or someone that is dealing with depression.

Exactly. Incapacitated can include actually being unable to deal, and also being unwilling to deal and quick to blame everything on a disorder. You are not dealing by avoiding, and allowing yourself to act innapropriately then blaming it on the disorders.


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 1:50:29 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		no Miss , You are not prejudicial, some are clearly though. For me the Domme who immediately said i was mentally incapable just because i said i suffered from anxiety, that yes i think is a discriminatory remark. But no that is not you. On the contrary , Your argument is very well balanced and supportive which is the case in most people now thankfully , thanks to the better education and people are more informed about things
i hope this puts your heart at rest
kevin

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:01:32 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Would I take on a slave with some sort of mental problem? Well, that is open to too many variables for me to answer, in all seriousness.

The reality is that I've dealt plenty with various issues, my adult daughter's last diagnosis was bi-polar. It was the last in a long line of them has made my daughter's life a struggle for many years. My mother also suffers something but what, is a good guess. One of my sisters is also a totally unpredicable piece of work that refuses to address her issues. My father is an alchoholic as is my ex-husband who added drugs to his issues.

I am not the most sympathetic human being. I am one that thinks "Okay, what is the problem? Okay, what is the solution? Okay, let's move forward!" I realize that mental health issues are far from being that simplistic. I am a fixer. When a problem cannot be fixed I get VERY frustrated. When I get very frustrated I get pissy. When I get pissy people that are already upset tend to get more upset. That makes me more frustrated and pissy.

Sooooo, I think it is probably best that anyone needing a great deal of egg shell walking would be better off with someone else.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:26:18 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		You are entitled to Your opinion Ms Tigresse. that s what makes this group such eclectic good fun. Thank you
kevin

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for... - 11/3/2008 2:33:41 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		As long as the individual involved is under treatment or working on the issue, I wouldn't have a problem. The only exception I can think of for this is if the individual was still blaming behavior problems on the illness, and trying to use the mental condition to manipulate hir station in our household.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is mental incapacity in a person a deal breaker for you Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109